Jun 14, 2006 21:54
And here is... Chapter Six!! Mwahaha! I didn't take as long this time! But this chapter is a bit short for my liking... and pretty strange in my opinion o.O;; I dunno. I hope you guys like it!! I was so inspired for the later chapters of this fic, but they're later and... not now so it makes me frustrated. Well, I'll just have to work faster and better to move up to the climactic moment! Which won't happen for a while... --_--;; But it will happen! It has too.
Okay, I will stop with the rambling and get on with the fic ^w^ Enjoy!!
Title: Hand in Hand
Written by armor_of_guilt
Genre: ANGST!! And fluff and stuff... but mainly angst here.
Pairings: One-sided Elricest for the moment
Warnings: Spoilers up to episode 51; AU; language; blood
Rating: PG-13 for now
Story: Ongoing
[..Part VI..]
[Some House-warming…]
The house was so much nicer in person. Ed and I had gone to the house right after we packed up some of our belongings that were still in the military dorms, but I hadn’t anticipated the feeling of excitement that overcame me. Our very own house! Just for me and Brother! I beamed up at the little, but cozy-looking house.
“What do you think, Al?” Ed asked, looking much better than he had the past few days since our return from Resembool.
I nodded enthusiastically, “It looks beautiful, Brother!”
Ed grinned, appearing proud of his efforts to find a house, “It’s great, I know. But this is just the outside! Wait until you see the inside!”
I couldn’t but smile at his enthusiasm, Edward really was excited to have this house too. Grabbing my hand, he dragged me in towards the front door. Suddenly, he stopped and turned around to face me again. I blinked, not sure why he was stopping, so I opened my mouth to ask him. All that came out was a gasp of surprise, since I found myself being lifted into the air and carried into the house bridal style.
“Home sweet home, honey.” he teased me.
I turned bright red, partially from embarrassment and partially from anger, “Put me down, Brother!” I thrashed against him, but his grip was tight, “ED!”
“Aw, but you look so cute, little brother.” Ed really enjoyed this and for reason it made my stomach flutter again. I glared at him, a sharp, continuous glare that got him to back down quickly, “Okay, okay. I’ll put you down.”
When I had told him to put me down, I hadn’t expected to be tossed onto the couch.
“Stupid Brother.”
_______________________________________________________
Once Ed was done laughing at me, and after I shoved a carton of milk into his mouth, we came to a truce and we investigated the rest of the house. The front room was large, but it had to be to allow passage for three rooms. It was mainly the foyer and living room, but the dining room and kitchen were also part of it. The half bathroom, we discovered, was just a sink and toilet at the end of the hall. On the left side of the hall was the master bedroom and the regular bathroom was inside it. And one the right was the other bedroom and what would pass as a study and office for Ed.
The bedroom and office were roughly the same size, both could barely fit a bed, let alone a bookshelf and desk and all the works for an office. I frowned, I knew Ed would need more room than that for all his stuff. I’d assumed that he would complain about it, but he said nothing as he began to unpack one of the boxes containing dishware.
“Brother?” I piped up, helping him unwrap the plates covered in bubble wrap, “Are you sure you’re okay with the office?”
Ed started putting the dishes in the cabinets, “Yeah. Why?”
“Oh, I don’t know.” I replied, handing him another stack of dishes, “Maybe because you’re so messy when it comes to your work and there’s no room in there for you to be messy?”
He just shrugged, taking the dishes from me, “Motivation to be cleaner? I don’t know, Al. You’re always on my case about being unorganized anyway.”
“Yeah, but that’s only to bug you.” I smirked to myself while Ed threw bubble wrap at me for revenge, “Really, Brother, maybe we could combine the office and bedroom together?”
Ed pouted, amusing himself by popping some of the bubbles, “But then where would I sleep? You‘re getting the real bedroom, Al, and I‘m getting the smaller one. If we combine the rooms that‘s one less bedroom.”
“You can sleep with me.” I offered, putting the now empty box on the floor, “That bedroom’s too big for just one person anyway, and I’d feel better if you were in there.”
“You won’t feel that way forever, Al.” he reminded me, still messing with the bubble wrap.
I blinked at him over some other boxes, “What do you mean?”
“You know what I mean,” Ed sighed, tossing the bubble wrap into the trash, “You’re not going to want me in your space forever, Al. Sooner or later you’ll get more independent and won’t want me hanging around you as much. If we share a room it’ll only get frustrating.”
I frowned at this presumption, “How do you know I’ll feel that way?”
“It’s what always happens. Kids grow up and they lose attachments.” he said matter-of-factly, waving his hand as if to signal that it was the end of the conversation. There was no way we were stopping there.
“I’m not a kid.” I glared at my hands, not wanting to look at my brother for the moment, “You know that! And you know that I’d never not want to be with you! If you don’t then you’re stupider than I thought!”
“Al, I-”
“No! You look at me and tell me that you think I hate you.” I was now staring hard at him.
Ed shook his head, “Al! It’s not about that!”
“Then what’s it about?!” I countered angrily, loosing my patience with his weird attitude on this.
A look of frustration crossed his face and he threw up his arms in exasperation, “I don’t know! Just stop yelling at me!”
“I will if you stop yelling at me!” I threw back at him, clenching my fists at my side.
“I’m not yelling at you!”
“You just did!”
“No I didn’t!”
“Yes you did!”
“Oh!” Ed grit his teeth and glared back at me, “Just grow up, Al!”
That did it, all my patience was gone. “Well it’s not my fault I’m like this!”
As soon as the last word left my mouth, my hands were clasping over it. The anger that had been on my brother’s face melted faster than ice cream in an over, leaving a stunned expression. I mirrored the look, I couldn’t believe I had actually said that. Way to go, idiot! You say you don’t blame him for anything and then you throw that at him! What a wonderful little brother you are.
I shook my head, trying to blink away my initial surprise, “B-brother… I… I didn’t-!”
“You don’t have to say anything.” Ed brushed past me and stormed down the hall, slamming a door behind him.
I stood stone still in the kitchen, unable to move let alone go after my brother. My hands clenched on themselves, my fingernails leaving little indents in my palms. I worried my lower lip with my teeth, my entire frame was trembling. I felt myself lowering into a crouching position on the floor, wrapping my arms around my knees and burying my face into them. Some home-warming present… I didn’t cry. I couldn’t cry. But my body rocked back and forth on the kitchen floor as a method of comfort. Just back and forth…
_______________________________________________________
The kitchen was all put together and organized. The living room had it’s furniture in the rightful positions. The dining room was complete with table and four chairs. I was curled up on the couch, one of the only pieces of furniture in there, watching the sun as it began it’s descent. I didn’t dare go down the hall though. The temptation to check on my brother was too great and I didn’t want to make him angrier.
My cheek was pressed against the arm of the sofa, my eyes focused on the window and sun. I’m not sure if I really saw it though, because when I remember blinking it was suddenly pitch black and the only light was from the moon on the other side of the house. It could’ve been minutes or hours; I hadn’t noticed. My mind had been blank, so much like those nights where sleeping was impossible and thoughts got too grotesque for me. When the loneliness became so unbearable it made me want to cry, but I wasn’t even granted that one little relief.
Pushing my heavy, lead-like body up off the couch was a slow process. I didn’t have the energy to move anywhere. I must have spent it all… running around Resembool and Central… Although, I knew that wasn’t true. I padded down the hall, not even watching to make sure I didn’t run into any boxes. Standing in the doorway to the large bedroom, my gaze roamed it half-heartedly. The bed had already been placed in there, Ed had ordered it before we left for Resembool. It was a full-sized bed with royal blue comforters and pale, sky blue sheets with white patterns etched into it. But without any light, it was merely a box-shaped mass of dark.
I stumbled inside what was now my room and went straight for the bed. My foot bumped against the nightstand, along with my hip, but other than that I made it to my room unscathed. The covers were pulled back to reveal the warmth of my bed. I crawled into it’s depths automatically, clad in my jeans and an over-sized t-shirt. However, the bed was still cool from it’s lack of a body. It felt lonely too.
The door had been left open, so I could see into the hallway. Beneath the door to Ed’s office was a thin crack of light. I stared at it for a while, not sure how to react. I could stay in bed, or I could go and apologize for blowing up at him. It wasn’t like me to do something like that. I’d never purposely say something to hurt my brother.
Without another thought on the matter, I was leaning against the office door and knocking softly on it. There was no reply, no sound at all actually. A lump grew in my throat, but I forced it down to keep my voice steady.
“Brother…? Brother, are you there?” I asked quietly, but with enough volume to get through the door.
Still, no answer. I fidgeted uncomfortably, hoping that Ed was just being difficult and not missing from the house. Though he has every right to behave in either of those ways. For a while I waited for him to give me any sign of life. Ed gave no comment, no reassurance… there might’ve not even been an Ed in that room as far as I knew.
“Brother, please…” I tried again, but my attempt was fruitless, “Well, if you won’t answer me… at least… listen to me. I’m really sorry, I- … I can’t even begin to say how sorry I really am. I didn’t mean any of it. Not a word. I was just… I don’t know… I wasn’t thinking clearly. All I know is that I’m really sorry… can you please forgive me?”
I fell silent and listened closely again, trying to detect some sort of life beyond the door. Nothing. An ache grew in my chest; silence was always a bad thing with Ed.
“Will you… think about it? Or… talk to me about it?” I was close to begging or pleading, I don’t know which, “I’ll be here… I’ll listen…”
I waited for something, anything, from on the other side of the door. He doesn’t want to talk to me. Well, I wouldn’t want to talk to me either. Stupid, stupid, Alphonse. My body slumped against the door, sliding downwards until I was slouching on the floor. I’d just wait then. I’d wait all night and all day tomorrow for my brother to come out or answer me. My eyelids were growing heavy, but I was determined…
I don’t remember leaving the door that night, but when I woke up, I was back in my bed and the sun was shining again and I could smell burning bacon…
_______________________________________________________
The silence lasted two days. It was the third when I decided that pacing around the living room and wearing holes in our new carpet would not do either of us any good. I had tried talking to Ed several times, but the words would get stuck in my throat or I’d become intimidated by his silence. It wasn’t exactly how I’d pictured the first few days in our very own house.
Well, we’re brothers. We’re supposed to fight once in a while. “But not like this.” It’s normal for there to be some tension. “No, it isn’t.” It’ll all blow over in a few days, you’ll see. “I hope so…” I sighed, “I’m talking to myself… great, now I’m going crazy too.”
I rubbed at my temples, the oppressing silence was getting to me. Other than the clock ticking or the crumpling of papers behind a closed door or other various sounds, we had been living in silence for almost three days.
I sighed heavily, sprawled out on the couch with the book I’d read twice already on my stomach. It had been one of the ones Winry got for me for my birthday. It was a fictional story about a boy, about seventeen, on a deserted island and had to learn to survive by himself, all the while wondering if his family was okay. They had been on a ship, and it sank in a storm and the family got split up in the life boats and the boy had jumped out of one to rescue his sister. But by the time they got to island, she had drowned and died. The boy was very sad and thought it was his fault for not making sure her life vest was tight enough, but he knew he had to try and live for the rest of his family. So he goes through all these hardships and in the end he finds his other sister, mom, and brother and they get rescued, but the dad ended up dying too. It was a sad book, but had good morals in it. The boy kind of reminded me of Ed, which only made me more depressed over the fact that we still weren’t talking.
Well, I had enjoyed the book nonetheless.
I stretched out on the couch, wondering what to do next. I wasn’t in a reading mood, or an eating mood, or a much of anything mood. I just want my brother… I feel so bad for what I said… can’t he see that? Or is he wallowing in guilt? Or maybe he just hates me… I don’t know what’s worse, him hating me or him leaving.
I yelped when the doorbell rang, leaping off the couch and rolling onto the floor. I had been so engulfed in my thoughts that the sudden sound had startled much more than it should’ve. Shaking my head to clear it, I got up to my wobbly legs and went over to door to answer it. It didn’t seem like Ed was going to anyway.
“Hello?” I opened the door, blinking up at the visitors. It was none other than Roy Mustang and First Lieutenant Hawkeye. “Oh, hi Colonel. Lieutenant Hawkeye. It’s nice to see you again.” I spoke with the tone that I had often heard coming from my armored body. Why am I like this?
Hawkeye cast me a searching look, she was obviously suspicious, but Roy seemed to ignore it for the most part, “It’s nice to see you too, Alphonse. How was your trip to Resembool?”
“Oh, it was good.” I replied honestly, sounding a little more like myself. “Would you like to come in?”
“We’d love to-” he started, but was cut off by Hawkeye, “Thank you for the offer, Alphonse, but we need to get back to Headquarters soon. We’re just here to give this invitation to you and Edward. Is he home?”
I nodded, wondering what the invitation was, “Yes, he is. But he’s working right now.” That sounded so strange to say, “I don’t want to bother him right now. But I could tell him you came by.”
“That would be nice.” she smiled at me, handing me an envelope, “Edward is invited to the promotion ceremony being held for certain military positions. Please consider coming.”
I took the envelope marked with the military’s seal, “Okay, thank you. I’ll tell him.”
“Alright, have a good day, Alphonse.” she told me before heading back towards the car.
Roy sighed heavily, looking less than thrilled to get back to the office, “Well, tell, Fullmetal to get the papers in on time, today.”
“That’s funny coming from you, Colonel.” I replied, grinning a little to myself.
He blinked at me, then relaxed, “I suppose it is. Have a good day.” then he too was walking away.
I waved, clutching the envelope in one hand. Once the military car was out of sight, I felt my forced cheeriness dissolve and I closed the front door. Fingering the envelope gently, I hummed to myself thoughtfully. I’d better go give this to, Brother.
Turning away from the door, I started to walk down the plain hall to where Ed’s office was. I was hesitant to knock, but I figured that giving him the letter wouldn’t cause much of a problem. With a light rap, I paused and waited. And waited. Sighing, I knocked again, a little louder this time, and spoke up so he could answer me.
“Brother? It’s me, can I come in?”
Then I heard the most wonderful sound, something I had heard for the past three days. Ed grunted. I knew it wasn’t much, but it was something! And that something made my heart hammer loudly in my chest. This isn’t the time to be thinking about that! I scolded myself, taking a deep breath and opening the door. My brother was hunched over the tiny desk in the corner of the room, papers scattered everywhere along with books and looking very cramped. Easing my way in, I maneuvered through the piles that I didn’t want to topple over. Messy… I told him this would happen… I felt a little ping of guilt, shaking the thought away as I hopped over one last pile. We’re here not even a week and it’s already like this…
I cleared my throat, looking at Ed’s back, “Brother… Colonel Mustang came. Lieutenant Hawkeye, too. They wanted me to give this to you…” I held the envelope out to him, “They said it was an invitation.”
“…” Ed glanced up at me, then took the letter from my trembling hands. I hadn’t realized they were shaking like that. He stared at my hands for a moment longer than he probably should’ve. Then he looked away, bangs shielding his eyes as he focused back on the paper in front of him. I couldn’t make heads or tails out of it, but I was too distracted by the way he was acting.
“Brother…” I my hands clenched to keep from twitching, “We can’t keep doing this. We need to come to some kind of compromise, or just forgive me so we can forget this ever happened. I don’t like not being able to talk to you, Brother. And I don’t like seeing you do this to yourself… So, can we please just move on?” My gaze was met with the side of his head, my entire body was trembling now, “But… if you don’t want to stay here anymore… I’ll understand.” Quietly and lowering my head, I added, “I wouldn’t want to stay here with me either.”
The stupid ticking of the clock was the only sound again once I finished my piece. I was about ready to smash it into little bits. I noticed a tremor in my brother’s hand. He lifted it up off the desktop and then… waved me away…
I gaped at the gesture. He doesn’t want me here… I backed away slowly, my eyes wide with disbelief, He doesn’t want me anymore! Panic welled up in my chest and I scrambled to get away. All the papers surrounding me made the floor a slippery surface, so my body lurched forward. I heard a loud crack, my head pounding and throbbing like nothing I’d ever felt before. Blinking away the white dots swimming before my eyes, I realized that I hit my head on the corner of the door frame. Pushing myself up off the ground, I darted out of the room. Out the front door. Down the street. I had no idea where I was or where I was going. My head hurt so badly. Why…? I pressed my palm to where I had hit my head. It was wet. Why doesn’t he want me anymore. I pulled my hand back and looked at it. It was covered in blood. That’s right… I can bleed…
Clenching my hand into a fist, I squeezed my eyes shut. Why did I run? Why am I out here?
I kicked at the ground, the blood on my hands was drying quickly, making it all stiff and sticky. “You just had to be an idiot and run out of there! Stupid… stupid! He didn’t mean it that way! You just had to assume that he did!” I let my body flop onto the hard pavement below me, moving myself so that I was in a sitting position.
Grinding my teeth together, I felt a dreary, bitterness settle over me. I just couldn’t do anything right. Why am I so paranoid? With every little thing… I’m afraid he’ll leave me or ask me to leave. I’m so pathetic. I groaned, blood was now getting on my sleeve. My head still hurt, but it wasn’t bleeding very bad. It just looked bad. What do I do now? I didn’t want to stay out here, but I wasn’t looking forward to going back in there. Brother probably thinks I’m weird… when should I go home…?
“Sooner rather than later…” I mumbled, getting up off the ground.
I had left the front door open. Wandering back inside, I started to go towards the bathroom to clean up my head and hair. Which meant I had to pass the office again. The first thing I noticed was a small stain on the door frame, it was reddish. The second thing I noticed, was my brother. He was crying.
_______________________________________________________
“What do you want for dinner, Brother?”
I watched as Ed jumped out of his chair, stumbling over his own legs in the process. He gaped at me, blinking and looking as if I was last person he expected to be standing in the doorway. I was nice a clean now, the shower had made me feel better and got all the dried blood out of my hair and off my hand. Ed’s painkillers, the ones for his auto mail, also helped. They were a really strong dose, but it eased away my headache. I blamed my behavior on little sleep and my rationality flying out the window.
Ed was still standing there, but he was just staring now, his gaze so soft and vulnerable. I wanted to go and hug him, but given the circumstance…
“Are you hungry, Brother?” I asked, tugging on the long sleeves of a sweatshirt I’d pulled on. “I’m making dinner now, I’ll make your favorite if you want.”
The internal argument he was having was reflected on his features. He looked so conflicted. Confused too. I must say, I’ve seen Ed at his worst so nothing could ever really compare to that, but his expression was still heart-wrenching. His golden eyes were gazing right at me, clouded by sadness and guilt. I stared back at him, unsure of where this was going. He hadn’t looked at me like that since we started this pointless silent treatment. I waited, I was going to be patient.
“…” he opened his mouth as if to say something, but was held back by the tears gathering in his eyes, “..A-al…”
I had never been so happy to hear one word, it was even better than hearing him grunt. I grinned, my own eyes tearing up, but with happy tears. I was so… relieved. Relieved and very, very happy.
It just made Ed choke on his tears, “Al… I… I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” I was close to laughing, but I was too busy keeping my voice steady, “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Al…”
“I missed you…” the words felt heavy, but still they spoke the truth.
I could hear the emotion in Ed’s voice too, “I missed you too.”
“I missed you more!” I flung myself into him, catching him by surprise and sending us both into the wall.
I could feel his muscles under his shirt tense, but I just held him tightly. Slowly, so slowly, he relaxed. I felt him lean into me, probably from weariness and worry. “Al…”
I convinced Ed to move into my bedroom on account of nightmares.
Plus, he agreed the office was too small.
Go figure.
_______________________________________________________
“You’re wearing the tux and that’s final!”
I was fumbling with the buttons on my own tux, getting aggravated by Edward. He was refusing to wear the stupid suit. Once I had discovered where the thing was tucked into, I began to look for my socks. Damn, where’d I put them? I got onto my hands and knees and crawled around on the floor looking under our bed. Aha! Tugging them out from between the sheets of the bed with triumph, I set about getting them on while glancing around for my shoes.
“Don’t make me have to go in there and help you change!” I shouted into the hall, my shoes had been in the closet. Along with Ed’s tux. “BROTHER!! We’re going to be late!”
I stormed out of the room with his suit in my arms. I was determined to get this on him, whether or not I’d have to do it all by myself. The figure on the couch was on the receiving end of my glare. Tossing the heap of fancy, rented clothes on top of him, I crossed my arms and waited for him to put them on.
“But A~al!” he whined, pulling the clothes of his head, “I don’t even want to go!”
I shook my head, “Brother, this is important! It’s your promotion ceremony!”
“Like I give a damn!”
“Well, I do!” I stamped my foot on the ground for emphasis, “And I expect to see you go up to the Parliament looking presentable and nice! Lieutenant Hawkeye said this was a formal event in the invitation! So you’re wearing the tux whether you like it or not!”
“Nooo~oo!” Ed threw the clothes back at me with a pout.
The straw that breaks the back. “That’s it! I’m going to have to dress you myself!”
“WHAT?! AL!!”
“What are you? Two?”
“AL!! THAT’S MY SHIRT! NO WAIT-! NOT MY PANTS!!!”
“Sorry, Brother! But I’m keeping your pants-! Oh my…”
“AL!! STOP LOOKING!!!”
_______________________________________________________
“Well, you boys sure sounded lively.” Colonel Mustang, about to become Brigadier General Mustang, was smirking at us from inside the car.
We were both in the back with him, I was squished between him and Ed. And blushing like crazy. Really… you should tell someone when you decide to go commando and they‘re trying to get you dressed. Ed was also blushing madly too, but I’m sure it was for different reasons than me.
“Shut up.” we both muttered in unison.
_______________________________________________________
Well, there was chapter 6. Now... I'm not going to jinx chapter seven at all!! It will happen whenever!!! Luckily, I'm in summer school and I usually get inspiration in school and since I have a million minutes of free time in the class, I'll prolly be able to write stuff there. Yay!
Oh, and a note. The book that Al describes in this chapter? I have no idea if there is a book out there like that. It's just made up for that part! I didn't know what kind of books they would've had other than alchemy books, so I made my own. Sorry if it's weird sounding ^^;; And the invitation formal event stuff will be explained in chapter 7. Originally it was part of this chapter, but it was too quick and abrupt so I changed it. So, if it's confusing-ish, then it'll be explained next time.
Go inspiration!!
fanfiction by genre: au,
fanfiction,
fanfiction by author: armor_of_guilt,
fanfiction by series: hand in hand,
fanfiction by genre: fluff,
fanfiction by genre: angst