[fic] State of Mind - Chapter Four

[elric_ward]

Panting, the Elric leant against a tree further down the river. His leg was aching and he had concluded that this day sucked as well. He wanted to go home and sleep for as long as possible. Huddle up in his den all nice and warm and just doze off, pretend the rest of the world doesn’t exist.

His stomach growled.

Cursing, he glared down

Comments

[deepgreen18]

Oh, this was really, really cute, funny (I loved Ward's noises falling down the hill) and frustrating, because Ward is such an Edward! Argh. I was so rooting for him to get help. Also, hah! I was right about the courting, just not the who. I've not really seen an Alfons before, but I think I like him; your explanation of his origins makes pleasing sense to me.

Don't worry about the conversation, it felt pretty normal to me. Ward is a pushy and abrasive little guy, and you pretty much captured that. I was surprised, a bit, at how pushy he was, but it makes sense. He's completely out of his element, used to being waited on hand and foot, and hadn't met anyone helpful, until now. I cannot wait to see how this goes.

(small note: he rolled head over hills down the hill)

[elric_ward]

Fix'd!

He is a bit spoilt :| He's pretty much his own character and I'm surprised at how long he holds out, myself :P

[deepgreen18]

Ah, damn. That means I get to be MORE frustrated for a while? -pout- I'll forgive you, this once. There will likely be complaining in the future, though.

[elric_ward]

>_> for a...bit more yes. Hopefully everyone else will make up for it. Although I realised the next chapter is a bit of a boring filler, but it was needed for some slight attitude adjustment. Hopefully not too boring. /wince.

I look forward to future complaining and hope that your frustration will be worth it in the end!

[deepgreen18]

I didn't think the chapter was boring (refer to my first comment on how boring I thought it was!). I am just antsy because Ward didn't get (flat out refused) what he so obviously needs. The development of characters is a perfectly valid, if not the most necessary, part of writing. I think you're doing it pretty well here, although that skill is honed with time and lots of writing. Like I said earlier, I am looking forward eagerly to more.