[fic] State of Mind - Chapter Two

[elric_ward]

Title: State of Mind
Author: elric_ward
Rating: PG
Genre: Survival. Slow burning plotfic
Word count: 1,371
Summary: Ward never liked the world, but he was content. Then life decided to turn things around and make it difficult for him.
Author Notes: Poor bugger just doesn’t know the right tricks. Hopefully things will look up soon?
I’m really getting into this

Comments

[deepgreen18]

Umm...I didn't mean to imply I was insulted or anything. I agree, the comm is dead, long live the comm. I was just being overly reassuring.

It's amazing, I read the chapter again today and this time it was funny! Sleep makes all the difference. My favorite lines were:

Apples! There were three big apples just sitting a few metres from his den. His stomach growled at him to go eat those apples.
Yes! Stomachs tell you what to do with the noises they make. But who left them there? Are they lulling him into a false sense of security before pouncing, or is he being courted? That would be really awesome, an Al (or a Mustang, but I'm biased) courting an Edward. I don't think anyone's done that before.

<‘Fucking shit hole,’> he muttered as he poked a stick around. <‘No fucking idea what to do.’> The bird in the tree tweeted at him as he eyed it balefully. <‘I wonder if birds are edible?’> He snarled back. It tweeted again before flying off.
That bird is mocking him! He should show it who's boss and eat it.

And last, but certainly not least:
<‘Great,’> came the disgusted reply from the den as the forest went dark and the stars glimmered.

Ward is an awesome point-of-view character. I love the grumpy ones. His cursing surprised me, but perhaps it shouldn't have. I would certainly be cursing if I was abandoned in the woods. That last scene was just so classic, too. You did it really well.

I'm rather impressed by Ward at the moment. He is clearly unhappy, but he's trying to make it work. Also, he's grumpy but not unrelatable, that feels important to me. Maybe that's the beauty of zoo-fic. We can write and talk about characters that are animals, which leads to some interesting issues: conservation, abuse, etc., but they're also human enough to really get into the story the way you couldn't if we were talking about a plain old bear.

[elric_ward]

Biiiiig comment is love! <3 Lots of love! <3

I'm glad it was funny! There must be elements of funny.

The apples are a secret, but shall be answered in Chapter 4 ;) Chapter 3 on the otherhand...I hope I wrote it right for you:D

Ward is a foul-mouthed brat :| Hopefully someone will teach him some manners later on ;) But I am hoping he warms up a little because really, who can stay angry?

I'm glad you're enjoying it! My writing feels a bit stilted at times but I don't want the story to seem like it is trying too hard.

(I had a nice reply and the computer ate it.)

[deepgreen18]

Darn computers. It seems like the more work you put into a comment, the more likely it is to get eaten. -shakes fist at the sky-