Fanfic: Made For You (5/?)

[elpmas03]

Title:  Made For You (5/?)

Author: elpmas03

Rating: R (NC17 for future chapters)

Pairing: Callie/Arizona

Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

Summary: I usually don’t like to start a fic unless I know I can post daily because I hate when I really get into a story and I have to wait weeks for the next part, so I apologize if my entries become a little more spread out with my joyous finals approaching. This part is a little shorter than the previous ones, but just as full of deliciousness. Ready away!


Arizona

What did I get myself into? The last thing I imagined myself doing tonight was sitting at a table in the middle of Joe’s next to my girlfriend and across from Callie and Mark Sloan. On top of the awkwardness there’s the alcohol…and I’m pretty sure I’ve already knocked back at least 4 shots…wait, no…5? Oh, whatever. What do numbers really mean, anyway?

“So, how do you two know each other?” Caitlin directs her question to Mark and Callie who both look caught off guard by the sudden arrival of an actual conversation. “I mean…was it just through work, or…”

“Oh, Callie and I go way back,” Mark jokes and stretches his arm around her shoulders while she looks up to the sky as if she’s praying and gulps down another shot; I can feel the jealous knot in my stomach tightening from Mark’s actions. “We used to be a, uh…a thing.”

Callie rolls her eyes and snorts at his comment.

“Ouch,” Caitlin jokes and slides her hand up my leg; I think it’s about time for that 5th shot…no wait…6th…damn it.

“We were never a thing,” Callie explains and glares at Mark. “We were just friends with…um…”

“Benefits?” I finish her sentence for her and our eyes meet briefly and a mutual look of unnoticed desire passes despite how uncomfortable this all is.

Callie

Our discussion about “friends with benefits” and random hospital gossip doesn’t help my strong need for alcohol right now. It’s mostly Mark and Caitlin talking with Arizona and I piping in every now and then, but for the most part we’re just exchanging stolen glances and trying not to make it too obvious. When the conversation comes to a pause and we all sit back in a quiet lull, I watch as Caitlin moves her arm that’s underneath the table and Arizona’s eyes widen suddenly. Oh. My.  God. This can’t be happening. Caitlin smirks, Arizona straightens her expression, and I gulp, unable to bring my eyes away from the top of the table where the scene playing out is just out of reach of my vision. My eyes are wide with horror and jealousy and anger and when I look up I’m met with guilty, apologetic blue ones.

“Mark,” my voice squeaks his name like a dejected, teenage boy. “Let’s play darts.”

I don’t wait for him to object, grabbing his hand, throwing back another shot, and dragging him over to the unoccupied dartboard.

“What are you doing? My plan was totally working, she was looking at you the whole time,” Mark complains as I send one dart spiraling into the board.

“I told you I didn’t want to do this,” I hiss angrily and spin around to face him. “Maybe I don’t want her to be jealous, did you ever think of that?”

“Why wouldn’t you want her to be jealous?” he asks and before I can answer his eyes widen in horror. “Oh my god…Callie…”

My only response is to throw my second dart at the board and ignore his questioning gaze.

“Please tell me…” he says so just I can hear him. “…you two aren’t sleeping together.”

I hesitate for a split second and throw my last dart into the board. Bullseye. I give him my best pitiful look, but he knows me too well for that; he shakes his head in bewilderment and walks forward to remove my darts from the board.

“When?” he asks simply, not making eye contact as he throws his first dart.

“Last night,” I mumble. “And…today.”

“You did it more than once?” he exclaims and finally turns to face me.

“Actually…” I glance up to the ceiling and count in my head. “It was more than once last night…way more than once. And then once today.”

“So, that’s what lunch was about,” I can almost see the gears in his head clicking into place. “Wow…”

The fact that he doesn’t know how to react at all is more painful than if he were to yell at me or…congratulate me, you never know with Mark.

“Look, I know, okay? I know, it’s…awful, but I can’t help it,” I whimper and glance back at the table we left; her blue eyes connect with mine and I know she knows what we’re talking about. “I know it sounds stupid and cheesy, but it’s like a drug and I just…I can’t stop…and I don’t want to stop.”

He scoffs at my confession and throws another dart.

“You’re saying you wouldn’t do the same thing if Lexie came back to you?”

“Lexie isn’t in a relationship-“

“Like that’s every stopped you before.”

At first I feel sorry for saying it, but I realize that it is true; he can’t judge me for this because as much as he hates to admit it, he has been the other guy before.

“Seriously, Mark, if she was with someone and came to you, can you honestly tell me you would say no?” I ask and make it known it’s not a rhetorical question.

He throws his last dart and stays silent.

“That’s what I thought,” I say triumphantly and he rolls his eyes.

“I’m not saying I wouldn’t, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t know it’s wrong. Think about how you felt when George cheated on you…that’s how Caitlin’s going to feel when she finds out,” he tries to reason with me. “And think about how guilty Arizona must feel…like how you did.”

“It’s not the same,” I mumble and take the darts from his hands.

“And how is it not the same exactly?”

“Because it’s me. And it’s Arizona. It’s not some random person looking to screw someone just for kicks,” I narrow my eyes to aim my throw. “I’m not saying that makes it any more…right, but it’s just…different.”

I can see him smirking at me out of the corner of my eye as I quickly throw two darts in succession.

“Look, you know I think you two belong together…and as much as I give her a hard time, I do like Blondie…a lot…but…” he struggles for the right way to say what he wants. “…think of all the pain this is going to cause. Not just for Caitlin, but what happens if Arizona has to choose and she…makes the wrong choice?”

I gulp back the lump in my throat at the truth in his words; what if she doesn’t pick me?

“I just think you need to think about this and not let your feelings take over. I know you want her and you love her, but it’s not just about you two.”

He takes the last dart out of my hand and throws it at the board where it lands dead center.

Arizona

Despite the fact that I want Callie to be next to me, I’m grateful when she pulls Mark to the dartboard and leaves Caitlin and I alone. It’s strange, but I somehow feel guiltier for what was going on under the table across from Callie than I do for the looks we’ve been hiding from Caitlin. Don’t get me wrong, my stomach is feeling just as queasy from the fact that I want nothing more than to drag Callie to the bathroom and have my way with her while my girlfriends sits beside me, but it feels just as wrong for me to be touched so intimately by Caitlin and have Callie know what’s going on.

“Are you okay? You seem a little…out of it tonight. Was it not okay for me to ask them to come with us? I was just trying to be nice,” Caitlin starts to ramble and I giggle at how similar we are.

“No, no, I’m fine, it’s just…kind of weird, that’s all. And uncomfortable.  No thanks to Mark, but still…” she laughs at the truth in my last sentence.

“I just…thought you wanted to be friends with her,” she shrugs her shoulders and rests her head on her elbow that’s planted on the table. “Maybe we should just go?”

As much as I want to stay with Callie, it’s killing me inside to have to sit in between the two of them and know what I’ve done.

“Yeah,” I whisper. “Maybe we should.”

We grab our coats and walk toward the two of them who appear to be deep in conversation.

“Hey, guys, sorry we’re gonna get going,” Caitlin grabs their attention just as Callie throws a dart.

“I have to be at work early tomorrow,” I lie, knowing I have the day off.

“No problem,” Mark jumps in when he sees the blank look on Callie’s face.

“Yeah,” Callie suddenly utters when Mark gives her a little shove in the back. “I guess we’ll see you later.”

Caitlin grabs my hand and walks me past the two of them; my free arm just brushes against Callie’s and I can’t help it when my hand reaches out behind me and gives her fingers a tight squeeze just out of everyone’s sight. She squeezes back quickly and lets go just as we start getting farther apart; what am I doing?

*************************************************************

Callie

Waking up next to a mess of blond curls and the light murmur of her breathing is breathtaking; she’s lying on her stomach facing me with her arm draped over my waist protectively and her legs tangled in mine, my bed sheet just covering her lower body leaving her naked back exposed, and her chest rising and falling to the beat of her heart. It’s 1 o’clock in the afternoon and the sun is shining brightly through my bedroom windows, illuminating the golden tint of her hair and making her pale skin sparkle underneath my fingertips.

I let out a deep sigh and smile when I see her lips curl into an amused grin.

“That tickles,” she mumbles into the pillow and pulls me tighter.

“I know,” I reply, continuing my motions so that she’ll wake up, not entirely for the reason I know she’s expecting.

Ever since my talk with Mark the night before I’ve been repeating his words over and over in my head; I had the joyous opportunity of laying in bed by myself last night, over thinking as usual. What if she doesn’t choose me? I guess I never thought about it thoroughly because I just assumed she would pick me, but…what if she doesn’t? She said it herself, she thinks she loves Caitlin and I know there’s some truth in that; Arizona doesn’t just hand out those words without really feeling them.

She suddenly opens her eyes and crawls on top of me right away, kissing me hungrily on the lips first, then starting a trail down my neck.

“Wait, wait,” I pant, grabbing her hands that are sliding down my stomach and pulling her back up to me. “Can we talk first?”

I have a feeling she knows what’s coming and although she looks like she’s dreading it, she can’t say no. She kisses my lips once more before laying back down next to me on her back; I sit up on my side and prop my head on my arm so I can see her better.

“What?” she whispers in amusement when I continue to stare at her in a daze for a few silent moments.

“Nothing,” I say, snapping out of my gaze and shaking my head lightly before continuing. “I told Mark last night…about us…”

She nods in encouragement for me to continue and smiles affectionately at my flustered expression, but I’m starting to get distracted by her fingers grazing my lower back softly.

“Aaaand?” she nudges my words forward.

“He said he thinks we should stop. He thinks it’s going to cause a lot of problems for Caitlin,” our eyes lose contact at the sound of her girlfriend’s name. “And…for you and me, too.”

“Well, it is Mark…he’s not exactly the advice guru,” she jokes and waits for me to join in with her laughter, but I keep my face calm and straight.

“He thinks you might not pick me,” I mumble almost too low to hear, as though if I don’t have to hear it it can’t be true.

Her smile fades as I finish talking and her fingers freeze against my skin; it amazes me how quickly the light in her eyes fades to fear and panic.

“Callie-“

“But you would pick me, right? Because…I don’t-” it’s getting harder and harder for me to not break down right now. “-you will pick me…right?”

“It’s not that easy,” she exhales and sits up in the bed, holding the bed sheet against her body so she’s covered up.

“You’re going to have to make a decision, eventually, Arizona…you do know that, right?” I’m starting to get impatient and I know she can hear it in my voice.

“Of course, I know that, Calliope, it’s just…it’s not like I’m trying to pick between two pairs of jeans or something. It’s not that simple,” she huffs her response and swings her legs over the side of the bed, grabbing her shirt and underwear that are lying on the floor and getting dressed.

“How is it not simple? You either want one more than the other or you don’t!” she spins on her heels at the change in volume of my voice.

I let out an exasperated laugh and sit up, keeping myself covered in the process.

“So, what was this?” I emphasize the last word with a wave of my hand between the two of us. “You just got bored and decided to give me another spin?”

“You know that’s not it-“

“You’re going to pick her, aren’t you?” my voice switches from angry and hurt to defeated all in a matter of milliseconds.

“I don’t…I don’t know what I’m going to do,” she mumbles in shame and looks up into my eyes again. “I care about Caitlin…a lot and she doesn’t deserve to be treated like this, but…I can’t not be with you.”

The pressure in my throat eases up a little when I hear and see the sincerity in her words. She steps forward and crawls onto the bed again, sitting down in front of me and playing with the sheet that’s covering me still.

“I love you,” she whispers, begging me to look her in the eyes; when I do I’m met with sparkling blue surrounded by glossy tears. “I just don’t want anyone to get hurt…I just need to think about things. And until then…maybe we shouldn’t do this anymore…”

I know she’s right, but it doesn’t stop a few tears from escaping; her fingers quickly reach up to wipe them away and she pulls me into a gentle, delicate kiss that I can’t help fearing could be our last.