Fanfic: Made For You (2/?)
Title: Made For You (2/?)
Author: elpmas03
Rating: R (NC17 for future chapters)
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
Summary: Some fighting and realization. P.S. Callie and Mark DO NOT sleep together…just wanted to clear that up from the last part.
Callie
“Why did you do it?”
I stop where I am in my kitchen and spin on my heels; something about the fear blanketing his question and his timid voice make me uneasy.
“Why did I do…what?” I question, almost certain I know the answer.
Mark shuffles forward and takes a seat on one of the kitchen bar stools, playing absentmindedly with a random magazine. I can tell he’s avoiding my confused stare and maybe even regretting he spoke up in the first place. He takes a deep breath and looks up to find my waiting eyes.
“Cheat on her…why did you cheat on her?”
Despite the fact that I already had a feeling what he was asking, hearing it out loud doesn’t make the knot in the pit of my stomach any less present.
“Mark…” I stutter, not entirely sure how to answer this or why he’s asking me this now…after this long. Before I can utter anymore words he cuts me off.
“I just…don’t get it. I mean I know with everything that happened with your dad and you were sad and she wasn’t exactly there, but…I just don’t get it,” he pauses and brings his eyes back down to focus on the magazine his fingers are toying with.
“Why are you asking me this? Now, I mean,” I mumble, feeling the anger that he’s rehashing this build up inside of me.
“Because…I don’t. Get it,” he replies and looks back up into my eyes. For the first time since Lexie and Sloan left him, I see a hint of emotion in his eyes and it makes the knot in me tighter; as much as I’ve been hurting, I know he’s been feeling the same and for longer.
“You had everything you wanted from George and from Erica and it didn’t even compare to them. Do you know how many people look for that? For what you two had?” I know he’s referring to himself and his question is dripping with venom and anger that I can tell he’s been holding in for a long time. “I saw the way you looked at her tonight, at Joe’s, and the reason obviously wasn’t because you didn’t love her anymore, so…I’m asking…why did you do it?”
I don’t know what to say; how to explain myself and my actions because I don’t even know why I did it. I mean, sure, I have ideas, but they aren’t excuses…nothing is an excuse for cheating and I, of all people, should know that.
“I was…sad…and I felt alone and she was doing her clinical trial and always being paged away-“
“No, I’m not asking for you to list the same excuses as usual,” he spits out, standing up and struggling to keep his cool. “I want to know why you really did it. Because I’ve been trying to figure it out since the day you told me and I, for the life of me, can’t figure out how someone could be so selfish and…stupid!”
“Okay, Mark, you made your point-“
“No, I didn’t because clearly you don’t hear me or else you wouldn’t be lying to me about it,” he interrupts me and I’ve never seen him so angry at me. “I had everything too, Callie. I had the girl and she left me. Yes, there were other circumstances with Sloan, but in the end, Lexie left me and there was nothing I could do about it. Do you know how that feels? To have something taken away from you and feeling so helpless that you can’t do anything about it-“
“Do I know how that feels?” I shout back and I’m in so much shock that he could even ask me that question. “Really, Mark? Do I know-of course I know how that feels! I was cheated on, too and left in a freaking parking lot and I couldn’t do anything about that, could I?”
“It’s not the same,” he mutters and I can tell he instantly regrets the way it came out.
He stares at me when I let out a loud chuckle in disbelief and try to make myself busy pouring a glass of wine.
“You’re right, it’s not the same at all…I was just married and ready to start a family with someone…and you were shacking up with a child who you knew was not at the same point as you were when it came to commitment and starting a family,” I finish my statement by taking a sip of wine and wait for him to respond.
He stays quiet and it takes all the control I can gather to take a few deep breaths and say what I want to.
“You think I don’t know how stupid I was? You think I don’t get that I ruined the only good thing that happened to me and there’s nothing I can do to take it back? Because, I know, Mark. Trust me, because the minute I forget and let an ounce of happiness back inside, I see her walking around the hall with Caitlin beside her…or I find an old t-shirt hidden in my closet…or I spend the night crying and praying that it never happened. I know…and just because you don’t get why I did it, doesn’t mean you get to judge me for it. You don’t know what I was feeling after my dad died or-“
“That’s not my fault,” he whispers, almost too low for me to hear. When I squint my eyes at him and wait for him to elaborate he mimics my moves from earlier and takes a few deep breaths to prepare himself.
“You shut down, Callie. You didn’t let anyone in after what happened and for a while, that was okay, but…” he pauses and searches for the right way to say what he wants to. “…you shut me out and I was okay with that because I assumed you would let her in and you’d be okay. But you didn’t. You lost her long before you cheated and that?…That was your fault.”
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Arizona
Our tangled bodies tumble through my bedroom door and drop in a heap on my bed, causing the blue sheets to float in the air for a split second and then fall back down underneath us. Shirts are being pulled, pants are being unzipped, and shoes are being slipped off in a rush to get naked as quickly as possible. Her hands are skimming up and down my stomach and her lips are kissing every inch of my neck she can find. I let out a quiet giggle when they hit a certain spot under my jaw near my ear that always tickles and sends shivers down my body. She pulls back and smiles at the reaction she gets out of me; when I reach up to pull her lips back to mine she doesn’t let me. Her brown eyes are staring at me with such intensity that I don’t know how to read the expression in them or how to react. Instead, I play with the ends of her brown hair and wait for her to tell me what’s going through her head.
She seems to know what I’m doing and takes her time soaking up my smile and affectionate gestures.
“I love you,” she whispers and I instantly feel my voice catch in my throat and my stomach drop. “I know…I know, it’s only been about a month and believe me, I’m not the type of girl to confess my love for someone after a month, but…I do…love you and it’s okay if you don’t say it back. I don’t expect you to, but I…thought you should know.”
I know my eyes are wide with shock and my open mouth is making me look like an idiot, but it’s the only way I can react. Because she’s right…I can’t say it back and to be honest, I don’t want to. Because the minute I do say it back is the minute that everything behind me ends and something new begins.
“Caitlin…” I mumble in surprise at how open she is being about this and the fact that she even said it at all. It’s only been a month! The only time I’ve ever known that I loved someone after a month was…
I suddenly find myself staring back into brown eyes, but not the same pair that I’ve been dating for the past month. I bring my hand up to push away a strand of long jet black hair and stare into the adoring smile that makes my stomach flutter every time.
‘No,’ I tell myself, shaking the image of Callie out of my head and squeezing my eyes shut for a few seconds to get a grip on things.
“It’s okay,” Caitlin’s voice breaks my thoughts and I open my eyes to see her before me again. “You don’t have to say it.”
I take the opportunity of the silence that follows her confession to kiss her and distract her from my lack of response. When her lips move down my body and play with the hem of my panties, I feel the tears welling up at the corners of my eyes and I have to bite on my lip to stop them from overflowing.
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Callie
It’s been a week of eating lunch in an empty on-call room so I don’t have to deal with Mark. I feel like the loser in high school who doesn’t have any friends, so she sets up camp in an empty bathroom stall and eats her lunch alone. I laugh to myself when I realize I totally just stole that image from the movie Mean Girls. The feeling of my lips forming a smile isn’t one I’ve experienced a whole lot in the past months and I have to actually reach up to make sure it’s real.
I take the last bite of my chocolate pudding and flop down on the bed I’ve been sitting on for the past ten minutes. For the first time in a while, I feel peaceful and calm enough to actually sleep for more than ten minutes at a time. As soon as my eyes drift shut and my breathing starts to slow down, I hear the door creaking open in a rush and the tumbling of bodies break through it. They’re giggling and panting and I cringe internally, knowing that they’re not looking for sleep in here.
When I look up to see who the interruption is, I instantly feel that calm, peaceful moment replaced by nausea and sharp, throbbing pain. They don’t notice me for a few seconds until one slams the other into the back of the closed door and blue eyes open to find me. She immediately pushes the brunette away and gasps in horror at what is happening.
“Callie,” Arizona gulps and tries to catch her breath at the same time.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to form words or move anything; it feels like my body is tied to this bed by some imaginary ropes that I can’t escape from. I glance over to see an embarrassed and apologetic Caitlin, trying to find anything else to stare at other than me. The awkward silence that hangs in the air is heart breaking and painful, but it lingers for what feels like hours until the sound of my pager beeping snaps me back to reality.
There have been many moments in my life where my pager has let me down (particularly in moments that involve a bed and nakedness), but at this very moment I couldn’t love the little black object more. I glance down at the message, not really reading it, but making it look like I’m normal again. I don’t say anything or look at anyone as I shuffle toward the door and keep my eyes forward. Arizona steps aside and lets me pass by; I can see the apology in her eyes out of the corner of my own and it makes my heart break all over again.