Fanfic: City of Black and White (5/?)
Title: City of Black and White (5/?)
Author: elpmas03
Rating: NC17 (eventually)
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
Summary: This is a short one, but I promise the next update will be long and full of awesomeness.
Callie
I haven’t spoken to Arizona for two whole days and it’s killing me. We check up on our patient separately, making sure to send an intern or a resident in to make sure the other one isn’t there before we go into the room. Despite the fact that I haven’t spoken to her, I know her reasoning behind her recent disappearing act because I’m doing the same thing. I’m afraid that if I’m alone with her, I won’t be able to stop myself from going further than a kiss.
To say I’m confused is a major understatement; I’ve spent the past three nights lying awake, trying to figure this all out and I’m right where I started two days ago. At first I thought maybe I was having these feelings because of my disaster of a marriage. She makes me feel safe, wanted, and confident; she makes me feel like me. And that’s more than I can say for the man I’m married to. I thought the lack of security I have with George is what is driving me to want her.
But then I go back to the feel of her body against mine, the way she was so gentle and loving with me, and the way I literally feel drawn to her. I never had that with George, even before he cheated with Izzie. And that’s another thing…I feel guilty. I feel guilty for kissing someone else behind the back of a man who had sex with his best friend while we were married. That guilt is the only thing keeping me from acting on all of these emotions bottled up inside. And it’s the reason I’m cooking George’s favorite meal right now, waiting for him to get done with his shift.
Because no matter how much I want to run over to her apartment and let go with her, my mind keeps going back to that night in Vegas where I promised to love and cherish him until death do us part. My parents keep popping into my head too-the disappointment on their faces when they hear of me leaving my husband for a woman. I can just see my very Catholic father splashing me with Holy water the minute the words leave my mouth. The sound of the door knob turning causes me to almost drop the plates in my hand. I glance up and see George walk in, his hand held to his ear and his attention directed to his cell phone.
“No, it was insane! He even let me dissect the valve myself!” I smile when I hear the excitement in his voice; I make a mental note to make him tell his mom I said ‘hello’ as soon as there’s a pause in the conversation. “Shut up, I didn’t freeze; I was a rock star, Iz.”
He pauses and sniffs the air, finally noticing the smell of food coming from the kitchen. When he spins around, his eyes widen as soon as they fall onto my frozen body. I’m holding a stick of celery in midair, my eyes are fixed on the counter in front of me, and I can feel my hands start to shake with rage. I hear him quickly hang up and cautiously walk over to the kitchen.
“Smells good,” he whispers weakly, waiting for me to explode.
“Who was that?” my voice is flat and low, but unfaltering.
“Callie-“
“Because it sounded like you were talking to Izzie,” I snap, not waiting for him to finish. “Izzie Stevens. As in the woman you slept with behind my back. The one you promised not to speak to anymore!”
“I’m sorry! She’s my friend, how am I just supposed to stop speaking to her!”
“Oh, I don’t know you seem to do that so well with me!” I yell back, my body shaking with fury. I throw the knife and food I’m holding and don’t want for him to respond. I rush to the door, grabbing my jacket, purse, and keys before walking out and slamming it as loud as I can.
It only takes me a couple of minutes to make it to Joe’s and find an empty stool at the bar. Joe doesn’t ask questions; I’ve become a normal habitant of this place and he knows what’s going on with George and me…he does serve doctors all day, after all. Before I even get comfortable, he slides a shot of tequila down the bar and I scoop it up in one swift motion and throw it back. He complies quickly when I signal to him for two more and shoot them back right away. Just as I’m swallowing the second one, I feel the hot tears start pricking at the edges of my eyes and rush to the bathroom around the corner.
Arizona
Here I am again, drowning my sorrows in the corner of Joe’s bar for the third night in a row. After I left Callie’s a few nights ago, I went straight to Joe’s and thanked God that I wasn’t on-call the next day. It was not a pretty sight, to say the least. I’ve tried…like really tried…to stop thinking about her. But as hard as it was before, knowing how she tastes and feels against me is even worse. I felt more from one kiss with her than I have with anyone else, but I’ve done my best to stay away. It’s hard to be away from her even just as a friend, but I don’t want to push her to do anything she doesn’t want to. And if she does want to, I need her to make the next move to show me that.
I hear the ding of the bell at the door, signaling someone entering the bar and look up immediately. She looks exhausted, but still so beautiful. I watch her tip back three shots of tequila without hesitation and I know she must have had a rough day. As much as I’m screaming at myself to let her go, I feel this intense need to comfort her. Plus, the alcohol infiltrating my decision-making skills isn’t helping.
I follow her to the bathroom and take a few deep breaths before opening the door and peaking inside. She’s standing at the sink with the water running, but it’s just a way to cover up the sniffling. When she reaches up to wipe away a few tears, she catches me in the mirror, closing the door behind me and shoving my hands in the pockets of my jacket. Our eyes meet for a brief moment before she goes back to avoiding my concerned stare.
“Hey,” I almost whisper.
“Hey,” her voice is raspy and frail and so unlike her.
“Callie…” I almost whine her name, taking a few steps forward as she turns off the water.
“Please don’t,” she pleads, her voice cracking with the tears flooding to the brims of her eyes again. “I can’t do this right now, Arizona.”
There is so much pain and confusion blanketing her words and it makes my stomach drop at the thought of her this hurt.
“I just wanted to see if you were okay-“
“Okay?” she laughs and spins around to lean back against the sink with her hands propping her up. “I’m not…okay. I’m not okay because I just found out that my husband has been talking to the woman he cheated on me with. I’m not okay because I know that he’d rather be with her than me and somehow I still end up feeling guilty for what I’ve done. I’m not okay because despite all of that…I cannot stop thinking about you.”
My eyes shoot up from the ground when she says the last sentence. She wipes her eyes and sniffles a few times before giving me a defeated smile and allowing a few tears to run down her cheeks. I shuffle forward until I’m standing almost on top of her. I can hear her breath catch in her throat from our sudden closeness and her heart pounding in her chest. I run the tip of my pointer fingers up the length of the folds on her jacket and tug on the top to pull her toward me. Our noses graze each other as a few more tears slide down her soft, tan skin. We breath in perfect unison; the air from her lungs leaving so it can enter mine. I feel her arm wrap around my waist and pull me impossibly closer, our lips never touching. We’re so close I can see the golden specks sprinkled in with the dark brown color of her eyes. We stay close for what feels like forever, the anticipation becoming almost too much to bear. As I lean forward to press my lips to hers, she pulls away.
“I’m sorry…I can’t,” she whispers and slides out from her spot between me and the sink. I hear a few muffled gasps for air come from behind me before the door closes softly.
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Callie
I’ve been lying awake here for a while now, replaying everything that has happened since she came to Seattle. All of the pain vanishing every time I talk to her; all of the insecurities disappearing when I catch her looking at me so affectionately. The only thing breaking up all of these wonderful thoughts is the snoring coming from the cold body next to me. I feel nauseous thinking about him next to me, sleeping peacefully while I’m staring at the ceiling wondering what could be. Before I have time to think, I’m rushing to slide on a pair of dark jeans and a purple long sleeve shirt. I tie half of my hair back and slip out of the bedroom. Sliding my shoes on, I realize that what I’m about to do could change everything. And for the first time in a while…that doesn’t scare me.