Fic: I'm A Little Bit Lost Without You [1/5]
Title: I'm A Little Bit Lost Without You
Rating: K+
Disclaimer: Only OCs and the situation are mine!
Summary: When Harry gets into a long term relationship, Nikki realises that there might be more to her feelings for him than she had always thought, but it's too little too late for them.
A/N: Rubbish summary (again), sorry! Thanks to gem_pinkeh for the prompt. The fic wondered away from it, but I think it still works as a title! Thanks to pixiemind for beta-ing!
Chapter One
Nikki placed the phone down onto the hook, her hand shaking and a tear running down her face; she never thought that she would have to do this, but it was too much, and things had gone too far.
She hadn't really been bothered by his girlfriends in the past, they had seemed almost irrelevant, but she hadn't imagined him in a long term relationship. Nikki and Harry just didn't do long term relationships; in the entire time that she'd been working there his longest relationship had lasted just over a month and hers just less than, but this was different; she had watched what she had thought would be another one of his two-weeks-maximum flings grow into something somewhat more substantial and serious.
She had rung Harry at a time when she knew he would be out; she couldn't tell him this personally because she just knew that she would burst into tears at his reaction. She knew that just leaving a message on his answering machine was cowardly, but it was all that she could manage, "Harry…It's me Nikki…I just wanted to let you know that I'll be moving away in a couple of days…I've been offered a brilliant job in South Africa and they want me there right away, so I won't be working out my notice…sorry. I know you'll be happy. I know that you and Hilary are already happy, and I am so happy for you. Right, I'm going to stop saying 'happy' now…bye Harry."
She poured herself a large glass of red wine and flopped down on the sofa in front of the television, wallowing in self pity and guilt for leaving such a crappy message, "How did it come to this Nikki?" She asked herself aloud taking a large gulp of the rather cheap yet intoxicating wine, "Why couldn't you just realise sooner?"
"Right, I'm going to stop saying 'happy' now…bye Harry." He nearly dropped the phone as he listened to the message, "Shit."
He sat down at the kitchen table with his head in his hands, wondering what he was going to do. He knew that he couldn't just simply ask her to stay; that things had somehow without him even noticing gone beyond that. She wouldn't just leave like that, not without a real reason. He realised that he must have done something wrong, though he couldn't think what.
What she had said dawned on him; she hadn't meant a word, she wasn't happy and she didn't truly wish for him and Hilary to be happy, she couldn't. With anyone else he would have called it selfishness, an 'If-I-can't-have-you-no-one-can' type thing, but this was Nikki. He didn't understand, was she jealous of Hilary? He had been jealous of her past boyfriends, not that he would admit it. He had just wanted to protect her from getting hurt, and maybe she was trying to do the same, but anyone could see that Hilary would never hurt Harry; she was too in love with him to do that.
He kept going over it in his head, wondering why Nikki was doing this, what she had against Hilary. Was it hard for her, seeing her best friend in a relationship whilst she remained single? Neither of them had been particularly good with relationships in the past, but she had always seemed more than okay with it; they had joked about it and he was sure that over time she and Hilary would become friends.
He dialled Nikki's number and raised the phone to his ear. When he got no answer, he pictured her spread out on her sofa, trying to ignore the ringing. When it clicked onto her answering machine, he left the simple message, "Don't leave."
Did he know? Had he realised? A large part of her wished to God that he had. Forget self respect and any fears of seeming desperate. She wanted him, her thoughts had all suddenly become full of him and her body ached for him, but she could never admit it, not whilst he was with her, because she couldn't do that to another person, no matter how much she wanted to. Why did she have to realise that she loved him? Why couldn't she remain blissfully unaware of her feelings, happily thinking that her feelings for him were purely platonic?
The days when Hilary popped in at lunchtimes to see him or had joined them for after-work drinks had often left her in tears, feeling pathetic and ridiculous. It was just a matter of time before they got married; two weeks earlier she had seen him browsing jewellers' websites, and it was at that point she knew that she just couldn't stand it any longer. She would force herself to their wedding, she would do that for Harry, but she couldn't put herself through the pain of watching him slowly grow away from her as she remained alone, forever unable to move on, and that was why she had to leave.