(9) What about... Manism?
So here's the thing.
Girl's school nearly all my life.
Decision making since 6th grade.
Learning about feminism in some context in nearly everyt subject at some point (women in history, women in mathematics, women in philosophy, women in science...)
We have ALWAYS been taught never to submit to men, never to accept the "man's world", to always stand up for our rights and to speak out when something's not okay with us.
Honestly, the amount of stuff i hear about "feminism" seems completely out of proportion with what i feel are women's issues. But i admit, this is probably BECAUSE i come from such a strongly "girl power" background. Honestly, all the women i meet are strong and independant and take shit from no one. Many girls i know are into guys, but none of them are submissive to them. There is a minority who is, but they are in control.
On the one hand, I KNOW that there is still gender discrimination. I know all about the double standard in relationships, i know about the studies that show that women make only x% of what men earn doing exactly the same jobs, i know that despite significant progress there is still a smaller percentage of women in positions of power and politics than men, i know women are often abused and kept from taking advantage of certain opportunities.
But here's the thing. Even though not everywhere will have as strong a women's education program as i have had the privlage of getting... there is still awareness. When you say the word "feminism", everyone will have certain images that that will call to mind (whether good or bad or scary, whatever). Even basic histroy classes will teach you about women's suffrage (at least i really hope so) and it is just not a subject that is unheard of.
But you know what IS relatively unheard of? What about men's rights? What about dealing with stereotypes against men? Why is there no... MANism? And if there is, why is it left in the shadows?
I realize what some people think. Men have a lot of advantages over women in the workplace and historically and whatever. But i don't think that men are at ALL exempt from stereotyping, and though their problems might not be identical to those facing women, that doesn't mean they don't exist! Granted my actual INTERACTION with men has been greatly capped for various reasons, but i have heard enough through second hand stories, observing society in general and whatever to at least think that i am not so far off here.
Pressure in relationships is just as devsatating with men. Men are EXPECTED to have sex. They grow up with it as part of their culture. Locker room stories and what not. If a man doesn't "score", then he is often socially outcast. Women in general look on it as "oh whatever, when men have sex they are heroes and when women have sex they are whores. the men have it sooo hard" but honestly, the pressure TO have sex is no less important than the pressure NOT to. Maybe that's why men are so confused about how to behave in normal, NOT completely sex-driven relationships (and i am saying this in a general stereotypic way... not all men are emotionally constipated).
Speaking of, what about the whole "real men don't cry" shit? If you think about it, women have it sooo good. We are allowed to have mood swings and break downs and cry during movies and just be emotional in general because "that's just how girls are. they've got hormones and stuff". But what about men? If a man cries during a movie, there is ALWAYS a reaction. Even if it's not negative... even if someone will say "oh man, i think it's really cool that you're comfortable enough to cry during movies", it is always NOTICED. It is immadiately filed under "not normal". Ever wonder why men can't always relate to women? Maybe it's because women expect men to be "MEN". The strong silent type. The one who will support you when you want to cry on their shoulder, but are never allowed to show emotion themselves without being called out on it.
Even outside of relationships... what about the media? Men are always the "heroes". They are not allowed to be the ones in distress. They are always the presidents of the companies or whatever. Either that, or the average joe drunkard who does nothing but watch sports and grill and whatever. Women complain about being forced into domestic duties... but what about men? Men have to be "handy" with tools, have to watch sports, have to "bring home the bacon", have to like doing GUY stuff. If a guy is a nurse or an interior decorator or is in touch with feminine ANYTHING, it is OFTEN people's first instinct to think they're gay, which HEY GUESS WHAT is frowned upon by most society, which is a deterrant for doing it. And even if it doesn't go that far, they are not thought of as "manly", which is a huge self-esteem killer. I am not saying some men don't do it anyway, but the easiest route is often to just conform to "manly" pastimes and do what convention says.
Even something as basic as clothes. Women can wear whatever the hell they want. Women can wear skirts, dresses, pants, shorts and sweatpants, dress up or down, wear whatever colors they want whenever they want. What do men get? PANTS. Suits. Ties. Have you ever gone to a formal party? Women are in all kinds of elaborate dresses with colors and patterns and WOOT. What do men get to wear? Well, once you get out of middle school and stop seeing boys in pastel colored shorts with hawaiian print shirts at mixers, men get to wear suits and ties. Black, brown, or dark blue usually. Or grey. Their shirst are usually pretty similar in color. Where do they get to show a little indivituality? In their TIES. The only color that is seen at a formal event, TYPICALLY, on a man, is maybe a tie with some red or blue, green, yellow... whatever. Men spend just as much on nice TIES as some women spend on dresses. Ties can be over 50 dollars. WAY more in some cases. And that one little piece of cloth is the extent of their individuality. Of their CHOICE. If a man wears a powder blue suit, it's just not right. People will stare. It's not good taste. Another, more RECENT addition to a man's individuality is their underwear. When they wear their pants around their knees and are wearing three different colors of boxers underneath. Ever think maybe these guys are just trying to show a little bit of individuality? Constricted to pants and shirts and hoodies, what else could they do?
And men never get to experience the breezy wonders of skirts. What's up with that?
And more seriously, what about male rape cases? Do you know only some really low... probably single digit number... percentage of men actually report when THEY are sexually assaulted? I know that it PROBABLYT happens more often to women, but don't you think that when it DOES happen, it's just as devastating to men? If not WORSE, because men are supposed to be strong and in control or whatever, and rape of a man is like... ultimate shame to them. There are shelters all over to women who are the victims of sex crimes, or women who are the victims of violence or abuse, and all sorts of education that is available to them... but what about the men?
What about the men?
Honestly. Women are encouraged to get out there and get jobs and be SUPER MOM with a job AND enough time to raise the kids. Women have won the right to vote, the right to question their salaries at work (sometimes), the right to work PERIOD and get educations and to NOT get secually assaulted all sorts of stuff. THings may still happen. Things DO still happen. But there is support. There is education.
Why are there no (or very few) similar support mechanisms for men? If we only treat half the population that needs help, is that really helping at all?
Don't you think it's more valuable to help mankind in general instead of focusing on gender? Fighting stereotypes against women won't be effective unless you're fighting stereotypes against men. Fighting for women's rights may help the women, but will it help society in the end? Why is the world so one sided about these things?
Maybe i am grossly undereducated about the available efforts to fight problems concerning men. But to me it seems highly underlooked.