Not good bye, just see ya later.
So, this is it. She is leaving. My best friend is moving and right now I don't know how to feel. I keep crying on and off and I keep thinking about every single thing I have experienced with her. My entire life I never really had a best friend, they always came and went with the seasons. When I met her I never thought that one day we would be in the position we are in today. I never thought she would be the half that made me whole, my Patti Brown, my best friend. I remember the day I met her. She was 15 years old and had short blonde hair and a bandanna in her hair. I offered to pick her up the next day from Woodhaven to hang out. I never really liked girls much but something inside me knew that she would be a keeper. The next day I did pick her up, we picked up my cat Blunt and from then on she spent weekends with me in my house just laying around and doing nothing. I moved to Colorado shortly after and I said good bye to my sweet little Patti. I hugged her little body and told her I would see her later. Just like I had told her, I saw her again. I moved home from Colorado after my husband had left for Iraq, 8 months after he left he was divorcing me and I was falling to pieces. I moved in with Patti, she picked me up when I was crumbling to pieces, she stitched up my heart every time it tore and kissed my head and gave me advice that I never took. I spent the next couple of years waking up with her, laying around with hangovers watching every episode of Law and Order and countless Lifetime Movies. We laughed and cried and sat on her back patio swatting mosquitos and making memories that will last forever. I'll never forget any time we just layed together not saying a word just watching television but being content just knowing we were doing it together. I'll never forget the Summers we spent driving god knows where blasting Ted Leo's "Timorous Me" and singing at the top of our lungs, just sweating and smoking cigarettes. I'll never forget what she has done for me and how she has influenced my life. I wouldn't be the person I am today if I didn't have her here cheering me on and telling me every time I was being a horrible bitch. It's time to say 'see ya later' again and just let her go. I watched her grow into the beautiful women she is today and I am so proud of who she has become. I need to stop being mad at what she is doing and smile for my best friend, cheer her on like she always did for me. I will let her make mistakes and grow and experience new things. I will let her be happy and I will sit here and wait for her, I will be here if she comes home because things didn't work out and I will hold her and kiss her and pick up her crumbling body from the floor. I will try my hardest to stitch her up and remind her that every thing will be okay, because that is what she has always done for me, that is what best friends are for. It's time to let her be happy, it's time i quit being selfish and let her live without me for once. So, heres to you, Patricia Elise Brown, heres to your happiness. One day I'll call you when I'm going into labor and you'll be right there next to me telling me every thing will be okay. No good byes, right? It's just I'll see ya later. I promise to love you for always.
[27 Mar 2006|12:10am]
[ music | Kind Of Like Spitting ]
Last night I got to go over to the trailor to see Rene one last time before she left. I saw Josh and sure enough, he hasn't changed a bit. Good ol Pede always and forever. I watched her pack her things, I watched her stumble around to make sure she didn't leave anything behind, but it just didn't register that she was leaving. When it came time for her to leave the emotion between Rene and Carmela just melted my heart. Those two have a connection that I would die to share with someone else. I wanted to cry but I didn't even tear up, but all the times I didn't want to cry about it I have. After she left Carmela and I sat in the kitchen just looking around and it was so quiet I thought I could hear my cells multiply. The air quality was different, even the lighting. We instantly made ourselves busy moving things and cleaning. We are slowly but surely giving the trailor new life, the changes we made last night alone look amazing. With every ending comes a new beggining.
Rene I may not have known you for a long time but you've really touched my heart. The first day I met you, you offered to come pick me up in Woodhaven the next day and I was shocked. I didn't really think you wanted to be my friend and just that simple offer made all the difference. No goodbyes because I know you'll be back.
I love you, thanks for being my friend.