you had me at blood and semen pt. 2 (reading between the lines gets nothing but your hopes up)
Well this is it.
The last ever post from 2008.
EVER.
I'm still crazy and angry a lot.
I'm working on it.
My family is even more crazy.
I'm working on getting an apartment with Mary in February.
I've danced around a lot of emotions and feelings this year.
I've learned who I was, who I am, and what I am not.
I'm still working on who I will be.
Last night as I was driving home the snow felt so weird to me.
It was so thick and coming down so weirdly that it looked like
I was a fish in the deep ocean and the only light that there was
was the one that I provided.
I was so nervous driving home I just wanted to be safe in my bed.
When I finally made that left turn on to School St that feeling
of familiarity set in even if it was snowing heavily.
I could make that drive in my sleep.
The gradual S turn and then the straightway and then the left into my driveway
I digress though
I didn't realize but I spent the entire drive in silence.
I never ever do that.
I just thought about everything and everyone.
I wondered about what Jake was doing and how excited I will be when he gets home cas he is honestly my brother
and I know I can tell him everything and how much he's changed for the better and he apologizes when he makes me mad
and he always lets me get one pinch in on his face even though he hates it he's grown up so much so much and i didn't ever think I would see that
I wondered what it would be just to take a turn onto the Mass Pike and drive to New York and see what would await.
Familiarity.
I miss that.
I miss being comfortable just being quiet and listening.
I know that there are very few people that have met the timid Anita.
But it's honestly the situations left me at my most uneasy and most comfortable.
I think about the past alot.
I wonder how and if it's gonna shape my future.
I think way too much.
I just wonder how things are gonna be.
I wonder if the universe that keeps bringing us in circles
is willing to give us a chance again
cas I know I am
I just wish that my inner me would have shined
and I said how I feel
but at the same time
it's over and done with
and I can replay so many things in my mind
about how the way things were
but simply
it was that
the way things were
As far as my new years resolutions go,
I resolve to travel more places
take more pictures
think more
definetly write more
open my heart and let someone in
for some reason
when I wake up in the morning
and the sun is in my face
i wonder and hope and pray
that i'm going to wake up in a certain moment
that i wished would have never ended
and how different i could have made things
but when i grasp around for something concrete to cement my assurity
and feel that nothing is around except for pillows and that cold wall
that familiarity just kills me but it allows me to remember that i am the only that can
shape my life
but you know what
it's a new year
so i say to you friends
drink laugh love and be merry
i can't be miserable
it's too nice of a life.