today..oh today
well, today was one of those days where everything seems fine, except that a few bad things happen. but you see, these bad things, are really bad, and just make your day hell. im just going to vent right here and now honestly. im not saying this for sympathy or whatnot, i just have no where else to say these things, so might as well type them out here.
the day just ended bad. at band practice i was kinda reminding people to guide ya know- im not perfect but i remind other people and expect them to tell point me out the many times that i am wrong. howard says "i only need to hear captains talking" i knew that was directed at me. so after fundementals howard calls me over "elise, you are not a captain" yes mr.howard i know.
that got me down, because, ever since howard told me that i couldnt be good at both my instruments and ya da ya...its made me so mad that i was to be good and stive for w/e. it has also made me extrememly self conscious around mr.H. i feel that i have to do everything right and awesome when he is looking. and when he points me out on stuff and gets mad, it just kills me.
then i have just been getting sick of people getting on my case. ill say something or do something and some person out there will have something to say about it. even if its sarcastic i snap back at ppl. i dont like to be that way, but it just bothers me. not totally sure why it does so much. so i had a little 'altercation' or whatnot with someone, so i was all..grr
then i get home, the progress reports.. oh no damnit. i hate the first progress reports because its only like 5 grades, and if you make so much as a B or C- there you go, your average is screwed. so i made a D on a math test, and forgot to to a chem assigment. one thing you have to know about me, if you care, is that the first 3 wks of school or bad for my brain. it takes a couple wks for me to get into the routine, remember everything and do everything right. but of course my parents think that is bs. and dont evev give me a chance to redeem myself, bc its thier responsibility to help me succeed in school. and i cant do it by myself. and of course they dont think that as soon as i see a D i think "ok elise, that cant happen again, work hard good grades" i do think that an dont plan on getting any more bad grades. but w/e
so now- i cant do anything this weekend, i have to go over the test with my dad this weekiend, they might emial my teacher, and they are giong to start checking my hw. (like they did in second grade)
im so fucking mad. so much pressure, parents who yes have been thru school, but forgotten- and the typical teenage answer. they dont understand. i could do fine wthout all this parent stuff. i mean i could pull my grade so easy. i understand that they are trying to help and do the best for me. they just triggered one of my biggest pet peeves, not believing me and assuming the worst.
i know its gonna be fine, and im proby exxagerating it. but right now, i feel that i cant do it.
~*elise*~
the day just ended bad. at band practice i was kinda reminding people to guide ya know- im not perfect but i remind other people and expect them to tell point me out the many times that i am wrong. howard says "i only need to hear captains talking" i knew that was directed at me. so after fundementals howard calls me over "elise, you are not a captain" yes mr.howard i know.
that got me down, because, ever since howard told me that i couldnt be good at both my instruments and ya da ya...its made me so mad that i was to be good and stive for w/e. it has also made me extrememly self conscious around mr.H. i feel that i have to do everything right and awesome when he is looking. and when he points me out on stuff and gets mad, it just kills me.
then i have just been getting sick of people getting on my case. ill say something or do something and some person out there will have something to say about it. even if its sarcastic i snap back at ppl. i dont like to be that way, but it just bothers me. not totally sure why it does so much. so i had a little 'altercation' or whatnot with someone, so i was all..grr
then i get home, the progress reports.. oh no damnit. i hate the first progress reports because its only like 5 grades, and if you make so much as a B or C- there you go, your average is screwed. so i made a D on a math test, and forgot to to a chem assigment. one thing you have to know about me, if you care, is that the first 3 wks of school or bad for my brain. it takes a couple wks for me to get into the routine, remember everything and do everything right. but of course my parents think that is bs. and dont evev give me a chance to redeem myself, bc its thier responsibility to help me succeed in school. and i cant do it by myself. and of course they dont think that as soon as i see a D i think "ok elise, that cant happen again, work hard good grades" i do think that an dont plan on getting any more bad grades. but w/e
so now- i cant do anything this weekend, i have to go over the test with my dad this weekiend, they might emial my teacher, and they are giong to start checking my hw. (like they did in second grade)
im so fucking mad. so much pressure, parents who yes have been thru school, but forgotten- and the typical teenage answer. they dont understand. i could do fine wthout all this parent stuff. i mean i could pull my grade so easy. i understand that they are trying to help and do the best for me. they just triggered one of my biggest pet peeves, not believing me and assuming the worst.
i know its gonna be fine, and im proby exxagerating it. but right now, i feel that i cant do it.
~*elise*~