Forgive me, this probably won't make sense. Also, pardon my swearing
Goddamnit.
[[ inhale ]]
I've had such the shittiest day.
I wake up at fucking 3 in the morning with my goddamn gallbladder bullshit again....
-turn the tv on, to distract myself from crying
-wake UP,
-put glasseeees on.
-Try to get comfortable while this pain is eating me....
-CANT
-Deal with it for two hours....
I flipped through the channels...goddamn. there is nothing on at 3 in the morning. There was 9 o'clock news from the previous day. There was some cool classical stuff of PBS. And then at 4, cops was on. Bitches and crack pipes. 4:30 news...wopppdee-mother-effing-doo. I'd say around 5 15ish it subsided, and I fell asleep. To be woken again at 7 to go to fucking work. I debated calling in sick, but I knew another girl had already called in, and I had "senior" at the front desk for my first time today, so I didn't want to look bad. I leave home with a goddamn head ache.
I get to work with a goddam headache.
-all through the morning it just gets worse and worse.
-Taking Tylenol doesn't effing work for shit.
-people are motherfuckers
-the phone wouldn't stop fucking ringing
-there were 2 girls to take rooms, with one doctor, and 3 others waiting
-people are goddamn asshole bitches who can't fucking wait ten fucking minutes, and think that their fucking pet is the fucking queen of the goddamn fucking universe
-fucking bastards
-they sigh all loud and shit, thinking I'll be like, "OHNO! let me BOW to you"
-im the only one up front, and they think I'm not doing anything, and that we're just taking our bloody sweet time with getting them in.
-I THINK FUCKING NOT
-headache gets worse and worse...throat gets worse and worse
-turns out to be 5 rooms in the tray. Both availible girls are already in rooms
-And keep in mind, these girls are like, just barely done with training. which is just bloody fan-fucking-tastic
-oh the perscriptions to fill, and appointments to make, and lab work to be discussed, and bullshit people who are fucking morons who don't know how to have a pet
-LUNCH TIME.
-girl is late getting back...10 minutes actually. So I waited for her to get back....
...Still have a motherfucking headache.
And since I have the bullshit gallbladder shit, I can't eat what I would fucking like to. SO, lunch sucked. Salad bar. yum-yum-eccch!
-cigarette sucked.
my throat is still fucking swollen. I can't enjoy it. >:|
ALL FOR $8.50 an HOUR!
-Whatever. Afternoon at work wasn't too bad. Just more busy.
-Closing went fast.
-Home went fast. All I wanted to do was snuggle up to something and sleep.
-Impossible when you're in the living room.
-Aud wouldn't let me on the fucking computer. Even though she'd been on it for the whole goddamn fucking day. She didn't even have school today.
***DIFFERENT SUBJECT***
And you know, I'm left to fucking wallow in my own shit.
I always get fucked over. I always say, "oh, it's cool." and end up kicking myself for it lateer.
WHY do I always fucking let people walk all the fuck over me?
I always fucking forgive em. Give them the benefit of my doubts..
and it always fucking happens over and over and over again. For YEARS.
And I always go through the same shit with myself. I should fucking stand up for myself.
But if I do, I have no one to crawl back to. So I suck up my emotions, and get the fuck oever it. Cos what the fuck is it worth to be burnt at anyone? All it does is make me feel shitty. And alone. So I just don't give a fuck.
All I wish is that I had someone just fucking be there for me. I mean, is it really that much to ask for? I've been nothing but good to everyone. I deserve the same shit I give out. And have I ever gotten it back? No fucking way. My tiger pirate is LITERALLY the only one. I hope he knows just how fucking much he means to me.
and I don't care how creepy it sounds..but I do seriously believe...we've got some sort of spiritual connection.
and if you tihnk I'm talking about you, I'm really probably not.
***OFF DIFFERENT SUBJECT***
So yeah.
I had a lot of good shit for dinner. Hopefully not too much fat in it..HOPEFULLY.
I get asked to wash the fucking dishes.
Ok. Sure. I'd wash em normally...but considering I used LITERALLY a plate fork and cup, FOR THE WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK, and I clean all fucking day at fucking work after people and their animals, I'm not fucking about to do that shit at home.
I mean, if you worked in an office all day, would YOU wanna come home to file shit? And pass out mail? And deal with customers?? Hell fucking no. ESPECIALLY when you have a goddamn other kid who sat home doing jack-SHIT all day. "oh, she's cleaning the table and counters." Bull-fucking-shit. Make her wash the goddamn dishes. I mean, when I was fucking 11 I was fucking doin my own goddamn laundry.
WHAT-THE FUCK-EVER EVERYONE.
fuck all y'all.
And yes.
I'm a whiney fuckin bitch.
[[ exhale ]]
[[ inhale ]]
I've had such the shittiest day.
I wake up at fucking 3 in the morning with my goddamn gallbladder bullshit again....
-turn the tv on, to distract myself from crying
-wake UP,
-put glasseeees on.
-Try to get comfortable while this pain is eating me....
-CANT
-Deal with it for two hours....
I flipped through the channels...goddamn. there is nothing on at 3 in the morning. There was 9 o'clock news from the previous day. There was some cool classical stuff of PBS. And then at 4, cops was on. Bitches and crack pipes. 4:30 news...wopppdee-mother-effing-doo. I'd say around 5 15ish it subsided, and I fell asleep. To be woken again at 7 to go to fucking work. I debated calling in sick, but I knew another girl had already called in, and I had "senior" at the front desk for my first time today, so I didn't want to look bad. I leave home with a goddamn head ache.
I get to work with a goddam headache.
-all through the morning it just gets worse and worse.
-Taking Tylenol doesn't effing work for shit.
-people are motherfuckers
-the phone wouldn't stop fucking ringing
-there were 2 girls to take rooms, with one doctor, and 3 others waiting
-people are goddamn asshole bitches who can't fucking wait ten fucking minutes, and think that their fucking pet is the fucking queen of the goddamn fucking universe
-fucking bastards
-they sigh all loud and shit, thinking I'll be like, "OHNO! let me BOW to you"
-im the only one up front, and they think I'm not doing anything, and that we're just taking our bloody sweet time with getting them in.
-I THINK FUCKING NOT
-headache gets worse and worse...throat gets worse and worse
-turns out to be 5 rooms in the tray. Both availible girls are already in rooms
-And keep in mind, these girls are like, just barely done with training. which is just bloody fan-fucking-tastic
-oh the perscriptions to fill, and appointments to make, and lab work to be discussed, and bullshit people who are fucking morons who don't know how to have a pet
-LUNCH TIME.
-girl is late getting back...10 minutes actually. So I waited for her to get back....
...Still have a motherfucking headache.
And since I have the bullshit gallbladder shit, I can't eat what I would fucking like to. SO, lunch sucked. Salad bar. yum-yum-eccch!
-cigarette sucked.
my throat is still fucking swollen. I can't enjoy it. >:|
ALL FOR $8.50 an HOUR!
-Whatever. Afternoon at work wasn't too bad. Just more busy.
-Closing went fast.
-Home went fast. All I wanted to do was snuggle up to something and sleep.
-Impossible when you're in the living room.
-Aud wouldn't let me on the fucking computer. Even though she'd been on it for the whole goddamn fucking day. She didn't even have school today.
***DIFFERENT SUBJECT***
And you know, I'm left to fucking wallow in my own shit.
I always get fucked over. I always say, "oh, it's cool." and end up kicking myself for it lateer.
WHY do I always fucking let people walk all the fuck over me?
I always fucking forgive em. Give them the benefit of my doubts..
and it always fucking happens over and over and over again. For YEARS.
And I always go through the same shit with myself. I should fucking stand up for myself.
But if I do, I have no one to crawl back to. So I suck up my emotions, and get the fuck oever it. Cos what the fuck is it worth to be burnt at anyone? All it does is make me feel shitty. And alone. So I just don't give a fuck.
All I wish is that I had someone just fucking be there for me. I mean, is it really that much to ask for? I've been nothing but good to everyone. I deserve the same shit I give out. And have I ever gotten it back? No fucking way. My tiger pirate is LITERALLY the only one. I hope he knows just how fucking much he means to me.
and I don't care how creepy it sounds..but I do seriously believe...we've got some sort of spiritual connection.
and if you tihnk I'm talking about you, I'm really probably not.
***OFF DIFFERENT SUBJECT***
So yeah.
I had a lot of good shit for dinner. Hopefully not too much fat in it..HOPEFULLY.
I get asked to wash the fucking dishes.
Ok. Sure. I'd wash em normally...but considering I used LITERALLY a plate fork and cup, FOR THE WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK, and I clean all fucking day at fucking work after people and their animals, I'm not fucking about to do that shit at home.
I mean, if you worked in an office all day, would YOU wanna come home to file shit? And pass out mail? And deal with customers?? Hell fucking no. ESPECIALLY when you have a goddamn other kid who sat home doing jack-SHIT all day. "oh, she's cleaning the table and counters." Bull-fucking-shit. Make her wash the goddamn dishes. I mean, when I was fucking 11 I was fucking doin my own goddamn laundry.
WHAT-THE FUCK-EVER EVERYONE.
fuck all y'all.
And yes.
I'm a whiney fuckin bitch.
[[ exhale ]]