Wild monkey? No sir! Thats Rape Ape!
I take back what I said about Mondays. I might hate Tuesdays more. Tuesday is a tease. One day later into the week, but no closer to the weekend.
Usually I can trick myself into not remembering what day it is, making it easier to deal with whatever happens during the day.
"What day is it? I don't know, but the weekend is right around the corner!"
I'm sure if I had a hobby of some sort or friends that I saw more than one every two months, I'd look forward to every tomorrow. I guess I'll just have to stick to hating things instead! Because, lets face it, I do suck.
I'd like to find the most vile heavy metal band name ever. Theres a fine line, I believe, between "Ooh yeah, thats fuckin' hard" and "Ooh yeah, thats fuckin' retarded". I sure as hell didn't find it on Headbanger's Ball this past weekend. I'm really surprised they brought that show back, what with "hick hop" coming up in the charts. Just like I predicted, no less. I didn't blacks and the KKK were going to be getting together so soon to make music, but they did. Or maybe its just white hicks rapping? I wouldn't venture to check any of it out because I have taste in music.
Ah-HA! I'm kidding, I have no taste in anything, I can just smell a cluster fuck a mile away.
Oh no, wait, John is making fun of me for spelling something wrong.
...
All better. Anyway, cluster fucks. I love the internet because it is one. Really, any situation that is more than two people becomes one. But the internet is better because A) anonymity and B) everyone can read my dumb opinion. Three popular options after reading it all are : 1) making fun of the spelling 2) telling the author they aren't funny ( even if they weren't trying) and 3) calling them a fag. You'll notice that "Be supportive" is not very popular.
Personally I love to read things and then comment on them here because I am a bitter man. If I was asked to put together a top ten list of things I read that I like to make fun of in my spare time, I couldn't do it. Its ALL number one in my heart.
I love reading bitter teenagers' views on politics and religion. I love reading particularly snobby reviews of movies and music who are well-versed in all sorts of big words used in the "biz". I love reading journals of people REALLY into religion. I also appreciate English as a Second Language, as well as people who have horrible grammar.
Maked. Lightening. Any word thats in the wrong tense or has an extra "e" added to it. I'd never correct them, because I am not the ever popular "internet grammar nazi". Because everyone who enforces or is strict about something is a nazi. I enjoy typos. I savor Freudian Slips. I'd wait an hour to download a 30 page document that contained an entire paragraph comparing Romeo and Juliet's love to flashlights.
Thats how passionate I am about hating things.
But I really love reading politcal and religious views by people that maybe ought to not be publishing another five-page essay on how President Bush looks like a monkey and how hes ruining the government. Yeah, I know hes dumb. I got it. I think we've ALL got it. I know I got it day one because I didn't vote for him. But is it really so bad right now? We're not revoking the First Amendment yet, are we? What if the next president did? You'd be praying that Bush would be back so you could make some more monkey jokes or tell every one about the religious right coming into power. Because you were the one who saw it first?
The younger the author, the better the whole thing comes off. If you're 50 and saying this, your nutty. And nutty is okay for alittle bit. You're the Snickers bar of my diet. If you're 14 or 19 and dispensing a diatribe on how your "Judeo-Christian god (note the lower-case) is dead", I'm waiting in line to read everything you have to say. Thats my meat and potatos. An angst-ridden MySpace post about how you hate your life and junior high, and your plans to kill yourself while listening to ICP? Consider me sold!
I also have a special place in my heart for people trying to change my conceptions about something via art. Usually a photgraph of some woman in a leather corset dominating another woman wearing a strap-on with the word "slave" Photoshoped right on top in Comic-Sans. A part of me, the part thats still really all serious about getting an art degree says:
"Please stop doing this. The entire series of images you've just shown me is so cliched that its become a parody of itself. Skulls? Hearts? Oh! Theres a penis on that woman!"
The rest of me only wants to see more. I'll dig through an entire 100 Mb folder of crap just to see that one golden image where the naked woman with the strap-on is crying bloody tears, with the word "property" once again Photoshoped onto her cheek in something classy. Like Papyrus.
Sometimes its hard to tell if I'm a glutton for punishment or I'm bored. We all already know I'm a big jerk, though!
Usually I can trick myself into not remembering what day it is, making it easier to deal with whatever happens during the day.
"What day is it? I don't know, but the weekend is right around the corner!"
I'm sure if I had a hobby of some sort or friends that I saw more than one every two months, I'd look forward to every tomorrow. I guess I'll just have to stick to hating things instead! Because, lets face it, I do suck.
I'd like to find the most vile heavy metal band name ever. Theres a fine line, I believe, between "Ooh yeah, thats fuckin' hard" and "Ooh yeah, thats fuckin' retarded". I sure as hell didn't find it on Headbanger's Ball this past weekend. I'm really surprised they brought that show back, what with "hick hop" coming up in the charts. Just like I predicted, no less. I didn't blacks and the KKK were going to be getting together so soon to make music, but they did. Or maybe its just white hicks rapping? I wouldn't venture to check any of it out because I have taste in music.
Ah-HA! I'm kidding, I have no taste in anything, I can just smell a cluster fuck a mile away.
Oh no, wait, John is making fun of me for spelling something wrong.
...
All better. Anyway, cluster fucks. I love the internet because it is one. Really, any situation that is more than two people becomes one. But the internet is better because A) anonymity and B) everyone can read my dumb opinion. Three popular options after reading it all are : 1) making fun of the spelling 2) telling the author they aren't funny ( even if they weren't trying) and 3) calling them a fag. You'll notice that "Be supportive" is not very popular.
Personally I love to read things and then comment on them here because I am a bitter man. If I was asked to put together a top ten list of things I read that I like to make fun of in my spare time, I couldn't do it. Its ALL number one in my heart.
I love reading bitter teenagers' views on politics and religion. I love reading particularly snobby reviews of movies and music who are well-versed in all sorts of big words used in the "biz". I love reading journals of people REALLY into religion. I also appreciate English as a Second Language, as well as people who have horrible grammar.
Maked. Lightening. Any word thats in the wrong tense or has an extra "e" added to it. I'd never correct them, because I am not the ever popular "internet grammar nazi". Because everyone who enforces or is strict about something is a nazi. I enjoy typos. I savor Freudian Slips. I'd wait an hour to download a 30 page document that contained an entire paragraph comparing Romeo and Juliet's love to flashlights.
Thats how passionate I am about hating things.
But I really love reading politcal and religious views by people that maybe ought to not be publishing another five-page essay on how President Bush looks like a monkey and how hes ruining the government. Yeah, I know hes dumb. I got it. I think we've ALL got it. I know I got it day one because I didn't vote for him. But is it really so bad right now? We're not revoking the First Amendment yet, are we? What if the next president did? You'd be praying that Bush would be back so you could make some more monkey jokes or tell every one about the religious right coming into power. Because you were the one who saw it first?
The younger the author, the better the whole thing comes off. If you're 50 and saying this, your nutty. And nutty is okay for alittle bit. You're the Snickers bar of my diet. If you're 14 or 19 and dispensing a diatribe on how your "Judeo-Christian god (note the lower-case) is dead", I'm waiting in line to read everything you have to say. Thats my meat and potatos. An angst-ridden MySpace post about how you hate your life and junior high, and your plans to kill yourself while listening to ICP? Consider me sold!
I also have a special place in my heart for people trying to change my conceptions about something via art. Usually a photgraph of some woman in a leather corset dominating another woman wearing a strap-on with the word "slave" Photoshoped right on top in Comic-Sans. A part of me, the part thats still really all serious about getting an art degree says:
"Please stop doing this. The entire series of images you've just shown me is so cliched that its become a parody of itself. Skulls? Hearts? Oh! Theres a penis on that woman!"
The rest of me only wants to see more. I'll dig through an entire 100 Mb folder of crap just to see that one golden image where the naked woman with the strap-on is crying bloody tears, with the word "property" once again Photoshoped onto her cheek in something classy. Like Papyrus.
Sometimes its hard to tell if I'm a glutton for punishment or I'm bored. We all already know I'm a big jerk, though!