newbie
Well, now i have a lj like everyone else in the world. gosh i don't want everyone reading about my life, i have way too many secrets. blah well last time i had one of these it was 9th grade and i was still all gaga about two of the biggest milestones if my relationship history, but now their just full of bad memories. hmm so this past year has been kind of meaningless, nothing really spectacular has happened. in the beginning i just started going out with random chicks to make a certain person jealous, and it worked but it became tiersome and i didnt really care what that person thought anymore, and after that crystal happened.. and that was sort of fun, but i hated the fact that everything had to be a secret and she was a really bad influence on me. she made me fell good about myself though, and i miss her at times but she's not in control of her own life and i can't have that. after and sort of during crystal i started talking with laura and that was cool, but she had a gf in tenn. but that wasn't really a problem for me, just a minor set back on my plan to get with her. and then i did and everything was going pretty good, and i don't know whats happened, but there is absolutely no communication between us and i can't be with someone like that. i guess i still love her but it dosn't hurt when i face the fact, so i'm not sure, maybe it was just a matter of me not wanting to be alone. it just felt like i was trying way too hard, and i never got anything in return, i could never be sure if everything was ok, because we never talk, and i never see her, it sucks... but everything sucks so im used to it. as for whats going to happen now, i don't know... i really think i know who my perfect match could be but i guess it's not meant to be cus it's not going to happen, and it would be a miracle if it did... and no it's not erica lol shes my straight girl crush, ive come to that conclusion. but my mind set is based on the fact that somone better always comes along, hopefully.. ive had alot of trouble sleeping lately, i stayed up all night last night talking to scott, he's a really good listener and friend. but i'm going to need to start taking something like tylenol to make me sleep because i'm starting work at the youth center on monday and those kids are going to tire me out. my sister has graduated from college and is working there now as a sign language interpreter for one of the deaf kids in red group. jessica's there too, but crystal wants to keep me close to her and in her group and away from gladys because... she's a pedifile.. and cat's back this summer which is causing a bit of contreversy. but w/e oscar tells me that she had a gf but well see what happens as summer progresses. i wont deny that shes cute, and oscar aggrees with me. too bad i would get gladys' sloppy seconds iwwww... lol but anyways i sort of want to be in green group because me and glady's would have sooo much shit to talk about and at the same time cat's in red so... i'm doing absolutely no work since crystal's there, i can't seem to be firm with children with my sister over my shoulder, it's just wierd. well, i'm sure summer at the youth center will be nothing short of drama city like always, but the ride should be fun. i need something to keep me occupied and off this damn computer. my parents are being bitches about letting me go out, it's like i have to stay home 2 days for me to go out 1... its crazy.. it's summer! hello! i went out last night with scott and kat and t to vi-kay's house and that was fun.. but i couldn't even stay late, so therefore tonight which is gay prom i wont be able to attend.. for another year. gosh it sucks not being 18 yet. or not having a carro. w/e my mind is growning up faster than my body... i think thats it for now.. typing is overrated