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im gonna rant k? so if you dont want to read what i have to say or care what i have to say stop reading now.
ive been having a really bad past couple of weeks, everything started when my uncle died i think. i loved my uncle he was a cool guy and im going to miss him a lot.. but thing that got me even more than that was that the whole time i was there the only thing i could think about was my grandpa.. it was almost two years ago now that i was there on christmas day sitting around in the family room with my cousins, when my mom and dad and uncles and aunts came home to tell us, that my grandpa had passed a few hours ago... needless to say thats not something i enjoy thinking about all that often. going to georgia that week was the only vacation i got the whole summer.. so that was fun huh?
when i got home from georgia things didnt improve all that much... there seems to be a pattern forming here, noticed? anyway pretty much the whole summer ive liked someone. its been an ongoing thing and there have been more problems with it than ive ever had with this person in the whole time ive known her. i want to tell her i am soo sorry.. i know i hurt her by doing something stupid and wrong and even more stupid. i cant change the fact i hurt her no matter how much i wish i could. that situation is just so retarted right now and im to blame for it. i want you to know that i never mean to place any blame on you and for all the times i have im sorry 500 times over. nothing your fault and you shouldnt feel bad at all.. if you do. i ruin things without thinking some of the time. i know i do. dont tell me different. i just wish things could have worked out differently or you could understand how truly sorry i am.. or something.
well now that we have that in mind... ive been feeling like such crap lately because of this. i feel like i messed up one of the best relationships i could have possibly ever had. no matter how many times i turn it over in my head i come back to thinking about her and how much she means to me no matter what the situation is now or will be in the future. another thing i need to apologize to her for is acting bitter.. im incredibly sorry, but sometimes the things you do, which arent bad, just make me say "ouch" in my head but its not even your fault and im just stupid.
on another note a completely different person has been toying with my mind as of late also. im such a popular person right now huh guys!? the thing with this person is, you cant just tell me something and then not follow through on it, im sorry i couldnt read your mind and know you were going to leave it up to me to do something about it. sorry, i guess its my fault, just like everything else. everything is my fault, everything everything everything everything everything. i cant do anything about anything anymore, im trying, im trying not to screw up anymore but im still not getting anywhere.
no one is going to read all that, and thats just another reason why i know no one cares. at least thats how i feel sometimes and im feeling it especially right now.
your words like knives driven into my sides over and over, until my blood runs thick into a river of pain and sorrows..
^just a little something i thought up, hey sounds a little emo doesnt it guys... imagine that me emo.. who the fuck would have thought huh?^
ive been having a really bad past couple of weeks, everything started when my uncle died i think. i loved my uncle he was a cool guy and im going to miss him a lot.. but thing that got me even more than that was that the whole time i was there the only thing i could think about was my grandpa.. it was almost two years ago now that i was there on christmas day sitting around in the family room with my cousins, when my mom and dad and uncles and aunts came home to tell us, that my grandpa had passed a few hours ago... needless to say thats not something i enjoy thinking about all that often. going to georgia that week was the only vacation i got the whole summer.. so that was fun huh?
when i got home from georgia things didnt improve all that much... there seems to be a pattern forming here, noticed? anyway pretty much the whole summer ive liked someone. its been an ongoing thing and there have been more problems with it than ive ever had with this person in the whole time ive known her. i want to tell her i am soo sorry.. i know i hurt her by doing something stupid and wrong and even more stupid. i cant change the fact i hurt her no matter how much i wish i could. that situation is just so retarted right now and im to blame for it. i want you to know that i never mean to place any blame on you and for all the times i have im sorry 500 times over. nothing your fault and you shouldnt feel bad at all.. if you do. i ruin things without thinking some of the time. i know i do. dont tell me different. i just wish things could have worked out differently or you could understand how truly sorry i am.. or something.
well now that we have that in mind... ive been feeling like such crap lately because of this. i feel like i messed up one of the best relationships i could have possibly ever had. no matter how many times i turn it over in my head i come back to thinking about her and how much she means to me no matter what the situation is now or will be in the future. another thing i need to apologize to her for is acting bitter.. im incredibly sorry, but sometimes the things you do, which arent bad, just make me say "ouch" in my head but its not even your fault and im just stupid.
on another note a completely different person has been toying with my mind as of late also. im such a popular person right now huh guys!? the thing with this person is, you cant just tell me something and then not follow through on it, im sorry i couldnt read your mind and know you were going to leave it up to me to do something about it. sorry, i guess its my fault, just like everything else. everything is my fault, everything everything everything everything everything. i cant do anything about anything anymore, im trying, im trying not to screw up anymore but im still not getting anywhere.
no one is going to read all that, and thats just another reason why i know no one cares. at least thats how i feel sometimes and im feeling it especially right now.
your words like knives driven into my sides over and over, until my blood runs thick into a river of pain and sorrows..
^just a little something i thought up, hey sounds a little emo doesnt it guys... imagine that me emo.. who the fuck would have thought huh?^