life/death
i've probably said this before--i know i have because i'm like an 8-track tape and am on continuous loop--but i'm fascinated how life can be surreal at times. i'm fascinated how event he most exotic situations can become mundane, that with enough exposure, contempt can bred of anyone or anything.
it came to mind as we were doing an apnea test*. what a way to start the day: hanging out with a dead body, trying to prove that it is, in fact, dead. the test takes some time, so we engaged in small talk while we waited. what did you do this weekend? i heard you got a new car. man, i heard it was supposed to get cool again. you ever seen one of these tests before? well, people have to meet certain criteria before they can be declared dead...yeah so we take a baseline reading...what is it? shit. it had a long way to go, which may have complicated things, if they didn't perfectly meet criteria. we had a way to go so we kept chatting which to me was surreal, seeing as there was corpse in the room. who does that? morticians? pathologists? psychopaths? how many of them do that with their corpse's heart still beating? don't answer that.
i was excited, not because of the spectacle or the eventual phone call to the family, but because brazenhussey was in town and contacted me about going out after work. it looked as if the good week would steam on and in good fashion. no death would stop me from savoring life, not this time.
it couldn't last though, all this fun. indeed my diary of activities has cleared up. it looks like it's back to reality, back to ennui, back to makin' the donuts. for a week, however, i felt what it was like to have a life again. i felt like being back in the know. i felt "in". i felt what it might be like to be claudelemonde.
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* the apnea test is one way to determine brain death/brainstem function while a patient is on the ventilator. one disconnects the ventilator and observes the patient for spontaneous breathing. a blood gas analysis is done at baseline and after a few minutes to evaluate for respirations, if any.
it came to mind as we were doing an apnea test*. what a way to start the day: hanging out with a dead body, trying to prove that it is, in fact, dead. the test takes some time, so we engaged in small talk while we waited. what did you do this weekend? i heard you got a new car. man, i heard it was supposed to get cool again. you ever seen one of these tests before? well, people have to meet certain criteria before they can be declared dead...yeah so we take a baseline reading...what is it? shit. it had a long way to go, which may have complicated things, if they didn't perfectly meet criteria. we had a way to go so we kept chatting which to me was surreal, seeing as there was corpse in the room. who does that? morticians? pathologists? psychopaths? how many of them do that with their corpse's heart still beating? don't answer that.
i was excited, not because of the spectacle or the eventual phone call to the family, but because brazenhussey was in town and contacted me about going out after work. it looked as if the good week would steam on and in good fashion. no death would stop me from savoring life, not this time.
it couldn't last though, all this fun. indeed my diary of activities has cleared up. it looks like it's back to reality, back to ennui, back to makin' the donuts. for a week, however, i felt what it was like to have a life again. i felt like being back in the know. i felt "in". i felt what it might be like to be claudelemonde.
----
* the apnea test is one way to determine brain death/brainstem function while a patient is on the ventilator. one disconnects the ventilator and observes the patient for spontaneous breathing. a blood gas analysis is done at baseline and after a few minutes to evaluate for respirations, if any.