Two fics and my mother ♥
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I INHERITED MY IDIOCY FROM MY MOTHER.
Today she managed to lose her slipper. Just one. She wandered into the bathroom and asked:
Mum: Have you seen my slipper? D:
Me: Uh... no?
Mum: Oh. ;___;
Tim: *SRS FACE IN THE CORNER*
Me: Where did you find the other one?
Mum: On my foot.
Me: 8D
Mum: 8D
Tim: >:|
Me and Mum: ROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFL
Tim: D:< I AM THE WORLD'S MOST INEXPLICABLY ANGRY MAN
However, in slightly more sensible news I have prepared for school tomorrow by typing up two fanfics I wrote :D I'm so organised.
As ever, they're up on ff.net as well but if you lot are as lazy as me, it's easier to put them up here too and if/when you find any errors, please point them out?
The first one is for sheeana797 AHAHAHAHAHAHA remember when I said I'd write you one? Well, here it is ♥
Sakura was cold and uncomfortable, various disturbingly well-tied ropes holding her in place and chafing wherever it touched. Not for the first time, she cursed Kakashi-sensei, who had decided that the best way to ensnare a pervert was by using live bait. Live, naked, already-trussed up, female bait to be exact. Only it hadn’t gone according to plan and she was now cold, uncomfortable, live, naked, already-trussed up, female, locked in a cellar, bait.
By the time the cavalry arrived, she was even colder and going numb, but the sight of Naruto’s lecherously grinning face produced a blush of epic proportions, warming her quite effectively. Sasuke had poked his head around the door, caught sight of her in all her glory, went as red as she was and tried to escape. Naruto, bastard that he was, booted him downstairs and bounced down as well. Sasuke tried to hide his embarrassment by punching Naruto and busied himself untying Sakura without looking at her too closely.
“Ne, ne Sakura-chaaaaan! You really ARE a natu-”
“Don’t say it. Usuratonkachi.”
“Nyheee!”
Naruto came to help untie her, copping a feel at the same time and Sakura headbutted him in retaliation before squeaking in surprise when Sasuke’s white yukata enveloped her. He patted her shoulders, slicing the rope keeping her hands together and helping her shrug into the garment. She could feel his fingertips linger on her now-clothed shoulders, pressing gently as if to reassure himself she was really there. She smiled at him,
“Thank you Sasuke-kun. Some of us haven’t the manners we were born with!”
Naruto, busily freeing her ankles, stuck his tongue out playfully,
“You looked nice like that Sakura-chan.” He tickled her foot playfully and ducked out of the way when she kicked at him, pouting in mock distress. Sasuke hoiked her to her feet and as she muttered grouchily at Naruto, he belted his yukata more firmly around her waist. Naruto gave her an affectionate squeeze,
“I’m really glad you’re ok, Sakura-chan. Next time maybe we shouldn’t tie you so tight!”
“There will be no next time Naruto, you hear?” She glared and he grinned.
“Come on,” Sasuke grunted from the door, “Let’s go.”
Once it got too dark to see, Naruto fell over on purpose declaring that he was hungry and watched in resigned amusement as Sasuke stomped past him, half-vanishing into the gloom. Glancing over at Sakura he pointed at Sasuke, grinned and went to fiddle with the fire.
“Sasuke-kun?” Sakura enquired, peering towards his silhouette. “Aren’t you cold?” He shifted slightly but made no reply. “Sasuke-kun?” She echoed his earlier touch to her shoulders and pressed gently, feeling the tension knotted there. He flinched and she sighed. “Sorry, my fingers must be cold.” She turned to go and warm up by the fire when his fingers tangled in hers,
“I’m sorry Sakura. I messed up.” He retracted his fingers and glared at them. Sakura sighed internally; she’d known this was brewing.
“Sasuke-kun, it wasn’t your fault, you know that. Blame sensei, it was all his idea.”
“Yeah,” Naruto chipped in, cheerfully balancing three plates, “All his fault! Sakura’s ok, she’s a natu-”
“Finish that Naruto, I dare you,” Sakura snarled from her perch on Naruto’s head. Sasuke wandered closer and rescued their dinner from the fire. With a final warning tug on Naruto’s yellow hair, Sakura relinquished her seat on Naruto’s head and settled down next to Sasuke, graciously accepting her plate. Noticing that Sasuke was still brooding and listlessly picking at his food, she sighed and put both their plates a safe distance away before pulling him into a hug. He clutched at her convulsively and didn’t even complain when Naruto joined the hug from behind, effectively sandwiching Sasuke between them.
“We’re here now, Sasuke-kun, and we’re not going anywhere.”
“Yeah,” Naruto affirmed, voice slightly muffled by Sasuke’s shoulder, “and neither are you, you bastard. We’ve got you.” Sasuke buried his face further into Sakura’s shoulder and hesitantly laced his chokuto-calloused fingers through Naruto’s,
“D’aaaaaaaaaw,” Naruto chuckled, watching Sakura gently stroke Sasuke’s hair, “I suppose this means you love us too!” His fingers creaked warningly and Sakura’s free hand grabbed his nose as Sasuke hurriedly wriggled free.
“Dinner’s getting cold,” he muttered, self-consciously turning away.
“Naruto doesn’t get any!” Sakura screeched, chilly again.
“Sakura-chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!
“Hm. Idiot.”
“Shut up!” Naruto rolled around in despair, “I’m staaaaaaaaaaaaaaarving!” Sasuke nudged him dispassionately with his foot,
“You’ll set yourself on fire, you great orange moron.”
“What did you-”
Sakura tuned the rest out, smiling fondly at her boys, both now rolling dangerously near the fire. Idiots, the both of them, but she loved them all the same.
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This one I'm not so sure about, but it has been read through in rough by Hatty, so feh. It's the first time I've written Hidan or Kakuzu so I'm not too sure about their voices yet but never mind :)
Hidan remembered his first week of being partnered with Kakuzu, tight-fisted git that he was. He remembered whining that he wanted ice cream, and being completely ignored. He remembered Kakuzu’s flat eyes watching as he got blood, mud and ice cream plastered into his cloak. It was a very long cloak and he wasn’t quite used to it yet. Shut up. He could almost see Kakuzu totting up the dry-cleaning bill in his wrapped up head. He remembered gleefully looking for a bigger puddle to jump in, just to see one of Kakuzu’s eyes twitch in minute annoyance. For Hidan, Kakuzu’s lack of response was maddening.
Although his new partner was blissfully unaware of the fact, Kakuzu was infamous in the Akatsuki for going through partners like water through a sieve. When the killing mists descended, they died and Kakuzu couldn’t see why their leader had decided to put yet another member in harm’s way. This one was even more annoying than the last one, perhaps it was a bizarre revenge plan for killing off so many members, and as far as Kakuzu was concerned, wouldn’t even last the week. He winced as he reviewed a bill from an inn he and Hidan had been forced into by horizontal, torrential rain. Somehow Hidan had managed to soak 9/10 of the room in blood and the irate innkeeper had demanded that Kakuzu part with more money than he was willing to part with. Not that Kakuzu liked to part with any, but that wasn’t the point. Hidan’s god had a strange name he remembered, Jaashin was it? Well, if Hidan didn’t shut up soon, he’d meet this god of his face to face.
Hidan also remembered the second week of his partnership. Vividly. He’d discovered (very slowly, Kisame had remarked later) exactly why he’d been partnered with the Masked Miser. Hidan was immune to violent dismemberment.
Kakuzu also discovered this when the red mists had lifted and a rather irate Hidan had asked him whether he was quite finished.
“NOW WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO, YOU BASTARD?” Hidan’s dismembered head had shrieked at him from across the room, and then carried on in such a disagreeable fashion that Kakuzu had only committed the general gist to memory.
He did remember Hidan’s shocked face when he’d removed his mask to sew Hidan’s body back together. Not everyone could be young and beautiful, he’d thought grimly. However, if violent dismemberment didn’t work, he’d have to sew Hidan’s trap shut and confiscate that damn scythe. He’d grinned down at an unimpressed and slightly freaked out Hidan, who was currently scrabbling around looking for his smallest finger, and silently congratulated their Leader for solving his partner problem. Best of all: there would be no expensive hospital bills! When he’d communicated this wondrous fact with his partner, said partner had called him a tight-fisted git and had he, possibly, by any chance,
“SEEN MY GODDAMN FINGER, YOU GODDAMN SEWN UP BASTARD- AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGH!”
Kakuzu chuckled to himself. Hidan was more useful than he looked.
Today she managed to lose her slipper. Just one. She wandered into the bathroom and asked:
Mum: Have you seen my slipper? D:
Me: Uh... no?
Mum: Oh. ;___;
Tim: *SRS FACE IN THE CORNER*
Me: Where did you find the other one?
Mum: On my foot.
Me: 8D
Mum: 8D
Tim: >:|
Me and Mum: ROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFL
Tim: D:< I AM THE WORLD'S MOST INEXPLICABLY ANGRY MAN
However, in slightly more sensible news I have prepared for school tomorrow by typing up two fanfics I wrote :D I'm so organised.
As ever, they're up on ff.net as well but if you lot are as lazy as me, it's easier to put them up here too and if/when you find any errors, please point them out?
The first one is for sheeana797 AHAHAHAHAHAHA remember when I said I'd write you one? Well, here it is ♥
Sakura was cold and uncomfortable, various disturbingly well-tied ropes holding her in place and chafing wherever it touched. Not for the first time, she cursed Kakashi-sensei, who had decided that the best way to ensnare a pervert was by using live bait. Live, naked, already-trussed up, female bait to be exact. Only it hadn’t gone according to plan and she was now cold, uncomfortable, live, naked, already-trussed up, female, locked in a cellar, bait.
By the time the cavalry arrived, she was even colder and going numb, but the sight of Naruto’s lecherously grinning face produced a blush of epic proportions, warming her quite effectively. Sasuke had poked his head around the door, caught sight of her in all her glory, went as red as she was and tried to escape. Naruto, bastard that he was, booted him downstairs and bounced down as well. Sasuke tried to hide his embarrassment by punching Naruto and busied himself untying Sakura without looking at her too closely.
“Ne, ne Sakura-chaaaaan! You really ARE a natu-”
“Don’t say it. Usuratonkachi.”
“Nyheee!”
Naruto came to help untie her, copping a feel at the same time and Sakura headbutted him in retaliation before squeaking in surprise when Sasuke’s white yukata enveloped her. He patted her shoulders, slicing the rope keeping her hands together and helping her shrug into the garment. She could feel his fingertips linger on her now-clothed shoulders, pressing gently as if to reassure himself she was really there. She smiled at him,
“Thank you Sasuke-kun. Some of us haven’t the manners we were born with!”
Naruto, busily freeing her ankles, stuck his tongue out playfully,
“You looked nice like that Sakura-chan.” He tickled her foot playfully and ducked out of the way when she kicked at him, pouting in mock distress. Sasuke hoiked her to her feet and as she muttered grouchily at Naruto, he belted his yukata more firmly around her waist. Naruto gave her an affectionate squeeze,
“I’m really glad you’re ok, Sakura-chan. Next time maybe we shouldn’t tie you so tight!”
“There will be no next time Naruto, you hear?” She glared and he grinned.
“Come on,” Sasuke grunted from the door, “Let’s go.”
Once it got too dark to see, Naruto fell over on purpose declaring that he was hungry and watched in resigned amusement as Sasuke stomped past him, half-vanishing into the gloom. Glancing over at Sakura he pointed at Sasuke, grinned and went to fiddle with the fire.
“Sasuke-kun?” Sakura enquired, peering towards his silhouette. “Aren’t you cold?” He shifted slightly but made no reply. “Sasuke-kun?” She echoed his earlier touch to her shoulders and pressed gently, feeling the tension knotted there. He flinched and she sighed. “Sorry, my fingers must be cold.” She turned to go and warm up by the fire when his fingers tangled in hers,
“I’m sorry Sakura. I messed up.” He retracted his fingers and glared at them. Sakura sighed internally; she’d known this was brewing.
“Sasuke-kun, it wasn’t your fault, you know that. Blame sensei, it was all his idea.”
“Yeah,” Naruto chipped in, cheerfully balancing three plates, “All his fault! Sakura’s ok, she’s a natu-”
“Finish that Naruto, I dare you,” Sakura snarled from her perch on Naruto’s head. Sasuke wandered closer and rescued their dinner from the fire. With a final warning tug on Naruto’s yellow hair, Sakura relinquished her seat on Naruto’s head and settled down next to Sasuke, graciously accepting her plate. Noticing that Sasuke was still brooding and listlessly picking at his food, she sighed and put both their plates a safe distance away before pulling him into a hug. He clutched at her convulsively and didn’t even complain when Naruto joined the hug from behind, effectively sandwiching Sasuke between them.
“We’re here now, Sasuke-kun, and we’re not going anywhere.”
“Yeah,” Naruto affirmed, voice slightly muffled by Sasuke’s shoulder, “and neither are you, you bastard. We’ve got you.” Sasuke buried his face further into Sakura’s shoulder and hesitantly laced his chokuto-calloused fingers through Naruto’s,
“D’aaaaaaaaaw,” Naruto chuckled, watching Sakura gently stroke Sasuke’s hair, “I suppose this means you love us too!” His fingers creaked warningly and Sakura’s free hand grabbed his nose as Sasuke hurriedly wriggled free.
“Dinner’s getting cold,” he muttered, self-consciously turning away.
“Naruto doesn’t get any!” Sakura screeched, chilly again.
“Sakura-chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!
“Hm. Idiot.”
“Shut up!” Naruto rolled around in despair, “I’m staaaaaaaaaaaaaaarving!” Sasuke nudged him dispassionately with his foot,
“You’ll set yourself on fire, you great orange moron.”
“What did you-”
Sakura tuned the rest out, smiling fondly at her boys, both now rolling dangerously near the fire. Idiots, the both of them, but she loved them all the same.
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This one I'm not so sure about, but it has been read through in rough by Hatty, so feh. It's the first time I've written Hidan or Kakuzu so I'm not too sure about their voices yet but never mind :)
Hidan remembered his first week of being partnered with Kakuzu, tight-fisted git that he was. He remembered whining that he wanted ice cream, and being completely ignored. He remembered Kakuzu’s flat eyes watching as he got blood, mud and ice cream plastered into his cloak. It was a very long cloak and he wasn’t quite used to it yet. Shut up. He could almost see Kakuzu totting up the dry-cleaning bill in his wrapped up head. He remembered gleefully looking for a bigger puddle to jump in, just to see one of Kakuzu’s eyes twitch in minute annoyance. For Hidan, Kakuzu’s lack of response was maddening.
Although his new partner was blissfully unaware of the fact, Kakuzu was infamous in the Akatsuki for going through partners like water through a sieve. When the killing mists descended, they died and Kakuzu couldn’t see why their leader had decided to put yet another member in harm’s way. This one was even more annoying than the last one, perhaps it was a bizarre revenge plan for killing off so many members, and as far as Kakuzu was concerned, wouldn’t even last the week. He winced as he reviewed a bill from an inn he and Hidan had been forced into by horizontal, torrential rain. Somehow Hidan had managed to soak 9/10 of the room in blood and the irate innkeeper had demanded that Kakuzu part with more money than he was willing to part with. Not that Kakuzu liked to part with any, but that wasn’t the point. Hidan’s god had a strange name he remembered, Jaashin was it? Well, if Hidan didn’t shut up soon, he’d meet this god of his face to face.
Hidan also remembered the second week of his partnership. Vividly. He’d discovered (very slowly, Kisame had remarked later) exactly why he’d been partnered with the Masked Miser. Hidan was immune to violent dismemberment.
Kakuzu also discovered this when the red mists had lifted and a rather irate Hidan had asked him whether he was quite finished.
“NOW WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO, YOU BASTARD?” Hidan’s dismembered head had shrieked at him from across the room, and then carried on in such a disagreeable fashion that Kakuzu had only committed the general gist to memory.
He did remember Hidan’s shocked face when he’d removed his mask to sew Hidan’s body back together. Not everyone could be young and beautiful, he’d thought grimly. However, if violent dismemberment didn’t work, he’d have to sew Hidan’s trap shut and confiscate that damn scythe. He’d grinned down at an unimpressed and slightly freaked out Hidan, who was currently scrabbling around looking for his smallest finger, and silently congratulated their Leader for solving his partner problem. Best of all: there would be no expensive hospital bills! When he’d communicated this wondrous fact with his partner, said partner had called him a tight-fisted git and had he, possibly, by any chance,
“SEEN MY GODDAMN FINGER, YOU GODDAMN SEWN UP BASTARD- AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGH!”
Kakuzu chuckled to himself. Hidan was more useful than he looked.