time to pick up the pieces i ripped apart
well i know not everyone i want to see this will but i just need to get some things off my chest, and while everyone else is sitting watching the superbowl on the tv that belongs in my room i figure what else do i have to do....
so choosing housing for the next year doesn't sound as though it should be the most difficult situation in the world does it?
well yeah thats the problem. it shouldn't be. and it wasn't until i thought that I should change the "original plan". what right did i have to do that? none. and i had no right to involve all my best friends in the decision making process that would inevitable hurt someone or someone(s).
Getting close to Alicia, Alicia and Megan last semester was the best thing that could have happened to me. They made my semester great and I owe it all to them. I owe me feeling better about myself, my grades, and my overall attitude towards some things to them and I wouldn't change it for the world!
Ashley has been there through thick and thin...and everything frustrating through academic stuff.
Priya, Amanda, and Catherine have been there since day 1 basically. College would never ever be the same without these girls. Being without Priya and Catherine last semester was rough, but I made it though and now they're back.
Life was good.
So the original plan was that Catherine, me, Priya, and Amanda would be living together next year, and then Alicia, Alicia, Ashley and (unknown) would live together. Sounds simple enough. and I should have left well enough alone. Instead I was stupid and thought it might be fun for me and Catherine to live with Alicia and Alicia. Leaving Priya, Amanda and Ashley to have to find a "home". That was bitch move number 1. Then after telling alicia this she got excited at the prospect because her and Cath have always been really close. So Catherine and I told Priya and Amanda. I felt TERRIBLE. still pretty much do. but that made them annoyed and frustrated...with every right to be...
After that I felt so guilty. I felt like I had made a mistake in changing my mind...meanwhile Catherine left for the weekend so I couldn't explain this to her. Ashley told me that Amanda asked her to live with them and she agreed. So i started feeling eh, a little betterish. but still couldn't get it out of my head. So I had a talk with Ashley. She basically said....in other words...that i probably made a mistake if i was feeling this way. Then *jokingly* we made a chart of how many different living possibilites we all had. (basically we put the 8 (including unknown) people in a list and made random combinations). I guess it wasnt so great because it was one more aggrevating factor to anyone other than ashley and i. So things between Alicia and I blew up. and if i'm not all to blame then I'm at least 75% to blame. because the flipfloping and mind changing was all my doing.
So I took a ride with Priya. She helped me out. made me feel better. and told me that I had a place to live. (comforting because alicia basically said i wasn't living with them). we talked and got my mind of things for awhile. but then i came back...
and whats the key factor i had forgotten?... theres a superbowl party occuring in the lounge right now. one that I helped encourage. including the use of the tv that belongs in my room (like i said before).
So now Alicia is PISSED at me. and when I say shes PISSED i mean truly truly full out angry with me. and i can't say that i blame her for that. Catherine is frustrated because i messed things up and she doesn't want to have to go between alicia and i...also can't blame her for feeling like that. Ashley is upset at how things went down, and for good reason because she still doesn't know where she'll be next year. and me? well i'm here. hoping that everyone will eventually forgive me. especially alicia. i love that girl dearly and the last thing i ever wanted to do was make her this mad at me.
Therefore...this is my apology. My apology for being one of those girls i often cant handle, who created completely unnecessary drama. for being a people pleaser...wanting everyone to be happy but knowing deep down that someone wouldn't be in the easiest situation no matter what. for flip floping my decision back and forth so many times. for trying to pull guilt trips on people because i was feeling guilty. and basically for just creating a mess. i'm truly sorry.
and there it is. i'm saying what i mean.
so choosing housing for the next year doesn't sound as though it should be the most difficult situation in the world does it?
well yeah thats the problem. it shouldn't be. and it wasn't until i thought that I should change the "original plan". what right did i have to do that? none. and i had no right to involve all my best friends in the decision making process that would inevitable hurt someone or someone(s).
Getting close to Alicia, Alicia and Megan last semester was the best thing that could have happened to me. They made my semester great and I owe it all to them. I owe me feeling better about myself, my grades, and my overall attitude towards some things to them and I wouldn't change it for the world!
Ashley has been there through thick and thin...and everything frustrating through academic stuff.
Priya, Amanda, and Catherine have been there since day 1 basically. College would never ever be the same without these girls. Being without Priya and Catherine last semester was rough, but I made it though and now they're back.
Life was good.
So the original plan was that Catherine, me, Priya, and Amanda would be living together next year, and then Alicia, Alicia, Ashley and (unknown) would live together. Sounds simple enough. and I should have left well enough alone. Instead I was stupid and thought it might be fun for me and Catherine to live with Alicia and Alicia. Leaving Priya, Amanda and Ashley to have to find a "home". That was bitch move number 1. Then after telling alicia this she got excited at the prospect because her and Cath have always been really close. So Catherine and I told Priya and Amanda. I felt TERRIBLE. still pretty much do. but that made them annoyed and frustrated...with every right to be...
After that I felt so guilty. I felt like I had made a mistake in changing my mind...meanwhile Catherine left for the weekend so I couldn't explain this to her. Ashley told me that Amanda asked her to live with them and she agreed. So i started feeling eh, a little betterish. but still couldn't get it out of my head. So I had a talk with Ashley. She basically said....in other words...that i probably made a mistake if i was feeling this way. Then *jokingly* we made a chart of how many different living possibilites we all had. (basically we put the 8 (including unknown) people in a list and made random combinations). I guess it wasnt so great because it was one more aggrevating factor to anyone other than ashley and i. So things between Alicia and I blew up. and if i'm not all to blame then I'm at least 75% to blame. because the flipfloping and mind changing was all my doing.
So I took a ride with Priya. She helped me out. made me feel better. and told me that I had a place to live. (comforting because alicia basically said i wasn't living with them). we talked and got my mind of things for awhile. but then i came back...
and whats the key factor i had forgotten?... theres a superbowl party occuring in the lounge right now. one that I helped encourage. including the use of the tv that belongs in my room (like i said before).
So now Alicia is PISSED at me. and when I say shes PISSED i mean truly truly full out angry with me. and i can't say that i blame her for that. Catherine is frustrated because i messed things up and she doesn't want to have to go between alicia and i...also can't blame her for feeling like that. Ashley is upset at how things went down, and for good reason because she still doesn't know where she'll be next year. and me? well i'm here. hoping that everyone will eventually forgive me. especially alicia. i love that girl dearly and the last thing i ever wanted to do was make her this mad at me.
Therefore...this is my apology. My apology for being one of those girls i often cant handle, who created completely unnecessary drama. for being a people pleaser...wanting everyone to be happy but knowing deep down that someone wouldn't be in the easiest situation no matter what. for flip floping my decision back and forth so many times. for trying to pull guilt trips on people because i was feeling guilty. and basically for just creating a mess. i'm truly sorry.
and there it is. i'm saying what i mean.