118. fic: when they open up your heart (part 1/2).

[ellot]

when they open up your heart.
the social network. mark/eduardo. nc-17. 18700 words.
for this prompt. limited-au, mark and eduardo's relationship over the years in a world where people can get a timer which counts down the time until they meet their soulmate, but only if their soulmate has one too. or: eduardo has a timer, mark doesn't, soulmates

Comments

[vlieger]

so hey, i read this before i had to run off this morning, and had things to say, a ton of which i've forgotten now :p i'm sure they'll come back to me, but for now, the first line:

eduardo doesn't understand what a timer is he receives his. --> appears to be missing a word. i'm presuming 'when'?

and uh, i need to reread, which i will after dinner lolol, because i think i did see one or two other little things. but i do want to say now that i think you managed to do the whole eduardo not realising he likes mark thing really well. it's a hard thing to make convincing, you know, but i like that you included a reference to how things don't really change a lot when mark starts dating erica, which i think helps a lot in making it believable.

also that i love their first meeting. i think it says a lot about their friendship in a very understated way :)

and yay porn!! hahaha.

[ellot]

that would be the missing word, yes. :P it's amazing what your brain is able to gloss over really. have you ever gotten one of those emails where every word is scrambled except for the first and last letter?

i think that a person's ability to deny something right in their face is kind of astounding. :D i'm glad it works really well!

oh dear lord, the porn. seriously. i need to figure out what to write leading up to it so it's not just. OH HAI THERE PERSON! HERE BE PORN! (i still can't believe i wrote that. lol.)

[poemwithnorhyme]

Ohh, just loving this! I think I spotted a typo though..

"he curls up in the seat as if he can protect himself pain." <-- shouldn't this be "as if he can protect himself from the pain"?

"this is what happens when you're foolish enough to trust someone with your heart, he thinks." <-- oh god, this is just perfect. It really got me!

*scurries to next part*

[ellot]

thanks so much for pointing that out. you'd think that after all the times i tried to go over this i would've caught everything. :P but srsly, i keep looking over and finding things wrong. lol. :D

i'm glad you like that line! i think it kind of explains in part why eduardo is so hesitant after berlin. at least to me. eduardo had been so invested in their relationship and believing they were soulmates that when it fell apart, well, it hurt. and then when they start their friendship/relationship up again, even though he loves mark and knows that mark loves him, he's so terrified of that happening again.

anyway, i'll go fix that now. ♥

[xbriyeon]

as much as I find the term "soulmate" quite cheesey, I'm really really liking this fic. \o/

a few grammar mistakes I noticed though..

"it's ten o'clock at night on a friday. we're college students. and you're wearing suit. why?"
should be "wearing a suit", no?

no matter that eduardo sometimes has to bite his lip to keep a soft moan in throat
shouldn't it be "in his throat"?

[ellot]

omg, i know. i tried to avoid using that term until the second part where it mostly felt necessary. but then again, in this universe they're supposed to be a fact of life, i guess.

thanks for pointing those out! god, there are so many little mistakes in this fic, it's amazing. i thought i'd caught most of them before. lol.

Asking for the permission of translation

[dorisgao]

Hi, Ellot. I read this article overnight and was totally attracted by your vivid description and brilliant idea about the timer.

I like this article so mush~~

Would you mind if I translate it into Chinese and post it in a movie fiction forum?

[ellot]

thanks so much! i'm glad you like the fic really. :) and i have to say that the timer was actually from the prompt itself but i'm happy you liked the way it was used.

um, i'm really flattered by the fact that you would want to translate the fic. i'm sorry though. but i like having my fic in just one place where i can keep track of it. so i'd appreciate if you didn't translate and post this fic anywhere. thanks.

[dorisgao]

Ellot,actually it is not an open forum as you think, it is more a private blog of mine and my friends' than a forum. So I can guarantee to you the privacy, no abuse of this article at all, no reproduction and no profit involved. I can give you the link if you want, and you have right to withdraw it anytime.
So I would like to make a plea for your reconsideration about this issue. Please....

[ellot]

i'm sorry. i thought about it for awhile but i do like just having my fic in one place. at least for now. if i do change my mind, i'll let you know. i am really grateful that you liked the fic enough to want to translate it though.

[eosrose]

Any chance you posted a version with capitalization somewhere? *is hopeful* I can't read more than a paragraph with no capitalization without wanting to claw my eyes out, but the story sounds really interesting... I am not above begging, lol. <3

[ellot]

i'm so sorry! i only write in lowercase in fic and on my lj. and i srsly lack the time to go through and try to capitalize all of this. i did try to find some programs online which would convert it for you but they seem to only capitalize the beginning of sentences and words like 'i'. i'm really sorry. D:

[eosrose]

Ah, well. I figured it was worth asking about. :)