How SixTONES became the source of my strength during my last year of high school
"Looking back to a past I can't return to
Stopping the flow of time
My friend, one day we'll reach it
To a world of dreams."
Those lyrics from SixTONES' debut single "Imitation Rain" speak to me on many levels- perhaps now more than ever before. You might be wondering what I mean about that. Well, since writing my feelings down has helped me to process painful events that have happened to me (especially during my time in high school), I decided to share my own story with you and for that, we truly have to take a look back into the past.
You must know that high school has been a really painful time for me. It was a time full of self-doubts, struggles and fears. The first was year already straining for me- not only was I often mocked by my classmates for fangirling about a certain singer at this time, but also did I struggle to keep up with maths and a few other subjects I had troubles with, e.g. informatics. The teasing kept going, by the way... My classmates were laughing about me and even made up a new nickname for me that I didn't want to have since I felt ridiculed by it. It was terrible, especially because it reminded me of the time in middle school when I was marginalized as well.
Anyways, maths had always been a struggle for me... Ever since elementary school, I had to deal with this shit. Yes, it really was a pile of shit and I'm not gonna apologize for my swearing. You know why? Because it kept getting on my nerves through all of these years. I had to put up with it for so damn long (in fact, the whole years I was in school) and my often changing private tutors were at their wits end as well. Or rather, they didn't want to teach me anymore because nearly all of them, one by one, eventually lost their patience with me. That was probably my fault, though- being unable to comprehend the subject was what caused me to despise it in the first place. That resulted in me refusing to practice maths, or rather, not even trying to understand it. You must know that I'm the kind of person who doesn't want to deal with things that I'm not interested in, especially when I'm bad at doing them. Guess what? This was exactly the case with maths. It frustrated me so much all the time and yet I had to force myself to keep on practising it. No wonder that my first year of high school didn't go as well as I had anticipated... After all, I was so bad at it that I failed the school year and had to take a resit exam in Autumn in order to be able to pass.
I actually managed to pass the resit exam- just barely, though. Now I was in my second year of high school and things got so much worse. That was due to the fact that another subject was added in this school year, and it was... Physics. Don't get me wrong, physics is- in contrast to maths- actually interesting. Or it would have been... If we hadn't gotten this infamous professor as our teacher that was feared by all students for his teaching methods (e.g. having to learn everything by heart, word for word, according to his own definitions) and tall statue that made him look intimidating. With this prof, I was doomed. I couldn't cope with maths and physics at the same time, especially not with these profs in charge. Maths didn't become easier for me, either, because my maths prof was quite bad at explaining it well enough for me. Moreover, my social anxiety worsened thanks to all the teasing I had to go through. At least I had a friend by my side who told these idiots to stop calling me by this new nickname that I mentioned earlier. Thanks to her, my school year was so much easier to bare. It was inevitable, though, that this wasn't enough to save me from my lethargy. It couldn't pull me out of my desperation, either. Well, I must admit that I was very lazy as well and lacked quite lots of motivation that I would have needed for studying... So yeah, my struggle continued, but in the end, I failed. Trust me, I felt so hopeless and desperate when I failed this school year in maths AND physics. It was unquestionable that I had to revise the whole school year because two resit exams would've been too much to handle. At one point I even considered revising the school year by transferring to another school, but I didn't find anything that truly appealed to me. Since there were no alternatives, I decided to stay after all. I mean, what should I've done instead? I literally had no idea of what I wanted to do in the future (after high school). So for me, there was no other choice but to continue.
By revising the second year of high school, I ended up in a new class. You might think that I must have been relieved now that I wasn't teased anymore and basically could start anew with getting new classmates and new teachers. If only! I mean, yes, I was relieved that I had new classmates who didn't mock me this time, but I was so shy and introverted that I barely spoke to anyone due to the bad experiences I had made in the past. It haunted me and made me feel afraid of opening up to others. Because of that, the only person I had genuine conversations with was a girl from my previous class that had to revise the school year as well because she failed it, too. I wasn't all alone after all, but that's how I felt. In fact, I was so lonely and felt so out of place that it made me quite depressed. My social anxiety prevented me from getting close to other people because of the fear of getting hurt again and it was so bad that I barely even managed to put up my hand during lessons. There was a time when I was even at such a low point that I thought to myself: "Can somebody please kill me? Please kill me right now" every single school day for a few months. It was scary, in a way, especially because I felt so hollow inside- to the point where my heart felt stony and achy the whole time. You see, it's not that easy to describe... But what helped me very much during this time was that I got into anime and thus J-Pop as well. Especially the discovery of Keyakizaka46 helped me very much. I fell for the J-Pop group's center, Yurina Hirate a.k.a Techi. At that time, she was the most relatable person to me- not only because we were born in the same year, but also because of the struggles that she had to go through. Getting to know her fighting spirit encouraged me to keep on fighting as well. Also, Keyakizaka46's lyrics have been so relatable to me, too. Recognizing myself in these lyrics was painful, but I was also amazed and touched by their profoundness. At that time, they gave me the hope that I needed to get up again. It seemed to have worked because I finally managed to pass the school year without having to take any resit exams.
Next came my third (actually fourth) year of high school. Again, I was scared of not making it, especially because maths didn't get any easier for me. This year was also full of strong self-doubts and the usual worries. There wasn't really anything else that was memorable, though. Nothing really changed- neither for the positive nor for the negative. Unsurprisingly, I had to take a resit exam in Autumn after this school year as well because maths was just so difficult for me, but luckily, I passed it.
Finally, I reached my final year of high school- my supposedly fourth year that had turned into my fifth year. At the beginning of this year, I was very content that I made it this far. This is understandable considering of what I had gone through. However, my happiness didn't last that long because I failed my first maths exam. And the second one as well- which basically ruined my birthday. You must know that this was shortly before semester's end, so I had no other choice but to take an oral exam in order to improve my grade. How unfortunate that my birthday was during this time. It was infuriating, in a way, how my birthday practically only consisted of practicing maths and a half-assed celebration with my parents. I can tell you, the frustration and the anger was real. The school year had started out so promising with me getting to the final year. Even so, the thought of being able to graduate seemed to disappear more as time progressed. I felt like I couldn't make it and that I'd have to revise this school year another time for sure. What made me feel even more down was the fact that Techi (Yurina Hirate) decided to withdraw from Keyakizaka46 this year in January. And even though I can comprehend why she decided to do it, it was hard to accept for me nevertheless. At least I managed to pass the oral maths exam I had practised for, though my performance wasn't good enough to improve my grade.
You probably ask yourself now what SixTONES has to do with all of this. Well, I had already come across SixTONES last year. Back then, I had watched their music video of "JAPONICA STYLE" and had added it to my J-Pop playlist. However, I hadn't been interested in getting to know them more or even becoming their fan. That changed when I found out in late February/early March this year that Yoshiki of X Japan (a J-Rock group that surely must be the most legendary one out there) was the composer of SixTONES' debut single "Imitation Rain." I found out about it through Twitter and it intrigued me, so I decided to check the music video out. I watched it and even though the music style of "Imitation Rain" wasn't really my cup of tea back then, I was amazed by it. It was impressing, in a way, so I decided to leave a comment and subscribe to their Youtube channel since I was (and still am) curious about what kind of music they would put out next. And that's where it started. One click, one decision that changed my life. Subscribing to SixTONES' official Youtube channel was some kind of turning point in my life. I don't really remember how, but soon I encountered the lovely international community of SixTONES on Twitter. They were very welcoming and I immediately felt like I fit in- unlike my high school class in which I was too timid to open up to the others. Anyways, I remember that one of the first conversations I engaged in on Twitter was one about Hokuje. When I learned about this ship, I immediately jumped on it (not literally, thoughxD). To this day, it has remained one of my two OTPs of SixTONES, the second one being Kyomojuri. Anyways, one of the next things I did was watching all of SixTONES' Youtube videos on the Johnny's Junior Channel. I'm quite grateful that all of them have English subs, because thanks to them I became a fan and part of team SixTONES. Moreover, they helped me to get through quarantine time. You must know that the quarantine time in my country started relatively early- in late March until April. Of course, schools were closed at that time and all of us had to stay at home. While I was glad that the government reacted this fast and that I didn't have to get up so early for school anymore, my mental health was suffering from it. Due to the stay at home period, I felt like a bird in a cage more than ever before when I still went to school- lonely and miserable. It was terrible because not only did I give up on my hope that I would ever be able to improve my maths grade, get to the A-levels exams and graduate from high school, but also did the tasks I still had to do for several school subjects make matters worse. My sleep schedule was messed up (I went to bed around 4 a.m. and got up in the early afternoon), so I felt lethargic and unproductive the whole time. I procrastinated so much and just wanted to get out of this, but I couldn't. The only thing that helped me to get through this tough time was SixTONES' Youtube videos. They were entertaining and funny and helped me to get my mind off my worries. Through those videos, I fell in love with the members and all of their quirks and charms. And as time progressed, I got to know more about SixTONES' history and painful past as well. I learned about what they had to go through and how long they had to wait for their debut.
One fact from their history had a great impact on me. It was the fact that SixTONES was formed in 2015 and debuted in 2020. That means that the members had to wait for 5 years for their debut ever since the group's formation. I know that they technically had to wait even longer if you consider the Bakaleya era and everything after it as well, but still... 5 years. 5 years did they have to pull through ever since their formation. And then it occured to me. It occured to me that this was the exact same amount of time that my high school years lasted because of my revised school year. When I had this sudden realization, everything changed. From then on, I got a sudden boost of energy and motivation. Now I was determined to finish high school and graduate no matter what. I knew I could do it- I just had to work harder and give it my best shot. SixTONES opened my eyes to new possibilities and inflamed my hope again. I then did something I never really had done before- I started practising maths diligently. I practised at least three hours a day and two other hours to call my private tutor in order to discuss the tasks I had practised. In the back of my mind there was always SixTONES and those 5 years that connected us. I knew that hard work could pay off in order to succeed, so all I had to do now was to overcome every obstacle that was in my way. The biggest challenge was to master maths- since I technically failed my school year, I had to take another resit examination in order to be able to get to the A-levels exams. The A-levels exams were my ultimate goal, so I knew I had to do everything possible to pass this dreaded resit exam. I practised really hard for it and it actually payed off- I passed it with flying colours! I was so happy and glad about it, but I knew that this was just the beginning. I managed to finish my last year of high school, so all that was left now was the A-levels. The A-levels that I never thought I would even reach to because of strong self-doubts and struggles. And yet, I had come this far... I couldn't really believe it, but I didn't have time to take a break and think about it again. I prepared myself for the A-levels instead and again, I was practising hard. I was determined enough to pull through so I would finally be able to graduate.
The anticipated day came. I had already had the final exams in my other main subjects the days before, so maths was my last one. I was so nervous and tense, but I knew I could make it if I believed in myself. I had practised so hard for this day, so I was sure I could pass it. The A-levels exam was quite long- it lasted for about 6 hours. There were breaks in between to go to the toilet, but all of us had to wear masks whenever we went outside of the classroom. It was tough and I had a hard time focusing because I was still kinda tired and exhausted from the previous days. Maybe this was part of the reason why I made these stupid mistakes that caused me to fail the A-levels exam in the end. Yes, you read that correctly- I failed it. I failed the exam because of 1.5 points that I was missing. When I got my results and found out about my failure, I was utterly disappointed and frustrated with myself. And yet, I didn't give up yet. I didn't give up because SixTONES had shown me that it was still possible to succeed despite of every obstacle that stood in your way.
Because I failed the written A-levels exam, I had to take another one. This time it was a shorter one, the first half written and the second one oral. I knew I could make it if I really wanted to, so what I did was continue to practise maths. Finally, the day came. As you can imagine, I was incredibly nervous. But when it was my turn, I gave my best. I don't really know how I should describe it, but despite of getting worked up, I somehow managed to keep my cool and get the written one done. When it was my turn for the written exam, I had to present my results and explain the way I calculated. I did- and I actually reached enough points to pass it. When the results came, I was already confident I had succeeded. And yes, I was right. I had now passed my A-levels in maths and thus the A-levels as a whole. I was so relieved that I broke out in tears. All of the struggles, all of the difficulties I had to go through- I overcame them. SixTONES had made me realize that hard work really payed off. And those 5 years that both me and SixTONES had to go through hadn't been in vain since we never gave up. Thanks to SixTONES, I had become strong enough to push through and overcome the obstacles that I never thought I could master. I never thought I could make it- in fact, I thought about quitting many times and also was afraid that I might drop out because of my bad grades. And yet, I somehow did it. I outdid myself and all of it was worth it in the end. And who knows, maybe those challenges made me stronger. I surely hope so.
Isn't it crazy how much of an impact a single idol group can have? I'll be forever grateful to SixTONES and the way they inspired me. The fact that they became the source of my strength during this last year of high school. That is, I should. Because without them, I probably would have failed and would have had to revise my last year. I would have gotten new classmates and new teachers and the nightmare would have continued. Don't get me wrong, not everything was bad in high school. I also made some positive experiences there. The majority of teachers was really nice and we often had fun with them. However, I'll never consider my high school time a positive experience overall. There were too many things that wore me down and drove me to despair. Also, the good things I experienced there can't really make up for the bad things. That's why I'd rather call my time in high school a challenge instead- a challenge I had willingly taken from the start and pushed through until the very end. Thus, I don't regret going there. I just regret that I barely did anything to get better as a person. I was really lucky to make it through this time and I don't think I've already become self-confident enough to step outside into the world and live my life. I think that I still rely too much on other people to get things done. Thus, I hope that I'll become more independent in the future.
And lastly, I want to thank SixTONES- Juri, Jesse, Hokuto, Shin-chan, Kochi and Taiga- and every single person who has introduced me to their works. I hope I'll have many interactions on Twitter with you guys in the future as well🤗
We are SixTONES💎💪🏼😘💙❤🖤💚💛💖
Stopping the flow of time
My friend, one day we'll reach it
To a world of dreams."
Those lyrics from SixTONES' debut single "Imitation Rain" speak to me on many levels- perhaps now more than ever before. You might be wondering what I mean about that. Well, since writing my feelings down has helped me to process painful events that have happened to me (especially during my time in high school), I decided to share my own story with you and for that, we truly have to take a look back into the past.
You must know that high school has been a really painful time for me. It was a time full of self-doubts, struggles and fears. The first was year already straining for me- not only was I often mocked by my classmates for fangirling about a certain singer at this time, but also did I struggle to keep up with maths and a few other subjects I had troubles with, e.g. informatics. The teasing kept going, by the way... My classmates were laughing about me and even made up a new nickname for me that I didn't want to have since I felt ridiculed by it. It was terrible, especially because it reminded me of the time in middle school when I was marginalized as well.
Anyways, maths had always been a struggle for me... Ever since elementary school, I had to deal with this shit. Yes, it really was a pile of shit and I'm not gonna apologize for my swearing. You know why? Because it kept getting on my nerves through all of these years. I had to put up with it for so damn long (in fact, the whole years I was in school) and my often changing private tutors were at their wits end as well. Or rather, they didn't want to teach me anymore because nearly all of them, one by one, eventually lost their patience with me. That was probably my fault, though- being unable to comprehend the subject was what caused me to despise it in the first place. That resulted in me refusing to practice maths, or rather, not even trying to understand it. You must know that I'm the kind of person who doesn't want to deal with things that I'm not interested in, especially when I'm bad at doing them. Guess what? This was exactly the case with maths. It frustrated me so much all the time and yet I had to force myself to keep on practising it. No wonder that my first year of high school didn't go as well as I had anticipated... After all, I was so bad at it that I failed the school year and had to take a resit exam in Autumn in order to be able to pass.
I actually managed to pass the resit exam- just barely, though. Now I was in my second year of high school and things got so much worse. That was due to the fact that another subject was added in this school year, and it was... Physics. Don't get me wrong, physics is- in contrast to maths- actually interesting. Or it would have been... If we hadn't gotten this infamous professor as our teacher that was feared by all students for his teaching methods (e.g. having to learn everything by heart, word for word, according to his own definitions) and tall statue that made him look intimidating. With this prof, I was doomed. I couldn't cope with maths and physics at the same time, especially not with these profs in charge. Maths didn't become easier for me, either, because my maths prof was quite bad at explaining it well enough for me. Moreover, my social anxiety worsened thanks to all the teasing I had to go through. At least I had a friend by my side who told these idiots to stop calling me by this new nickname that I mentioned earlier. Thanks to her, my school year was so much easier to bare. It was inevitable, though, that this wasn't enough to save me from my lethargy. It couldn't pull me out of my desperation, either. Well, I must admit that I was very lazy as well and lacked quite lots of motivation that I would have needed for studying... So yeah, my struggle continued, but in the end, I failed. Trust me, I felt so hopeless and desperate when I failed this school year in maths AND physics. It was unquestionable that I had to revise the whole school year because two resit exams would've been too much to handle. At one point I even considered revising the school year by transferring to another school, but I didn't find anything that truly appealed to me. Since there were no alternatives, I decided to stay after all. I mean, what should I've done instead? I literally had no idea of what I wanted to do in the future (after high school). So for me, there was no other choice but to continue.
By revising the second year of high school, I ended up in a new class. You might think that I must have been relieved now that I wasn't teased anymore and basically could start anew with getting new classmates and new teachers. If only! I mean, yes, I was relieved that I had new classmates who didn't mock me this time, but I was so shy and introverted that I barely spoke to anyone due to the bad experiences I had made in the past. It haunted me and made me feel afraid of opening up to others. Because of that, the only person I had genuine conversations with was a girl from my previous class that had to revise the school year as well because she failed it, too. I wasn't all alone after all, but that's how I felt. In fact, I was so lonely and felt so out of place that it made me quite depressed. My social anxiety prevented me from getting close to other people because of the fear of getting hurt again and it was so bad that I barely even managed to put up my hand during lessons. There was a time when I was even at such a low point that I thought to myself: "Can somebody please kill me? Please kill me right now" every single school day for a few months. It was scary, in a way, especially because I felt so hollow inside- to the point where my heart felt stony and achy the whole time. You see, it's not that easy to describe... But what helped me very much during this time was that I got into anime and thus J-Pop as well. Especially the discovery of Keyakizaka46 helped me very much. I fell for the J-Pop group's center, Yurina Hirate a.k.a Techi. At that time, she was the most relatable person to me- not only because we were born in the same year, but also because of the struggles that she had to go through. Getting to know her fighting spirit encouraged me to keep on fighting as well. Also, Keyakizaka46's lyrics have been so relatable to me, too. Recognizing myself in these lyrics was painful, but I was also amazed and touched by their profoundness. At that time, they gave me the hope that I needed to get up again. It seemed to have worked because I finally managed to pass the school year without having to take any resit exams.
Next came my third (actually fourth) year of high school. Again, I was scared of not making it, especially because maths didn't get any easier for me. This year was also full of strong self-doubts and the usual worries. There wasn't really anything else that was memorable, though. Nothing really changed- neither for the positive nor for the negative. Unsurprisingly, I had to take a resit exam in Autumn after this school year as well because maths was just so difficult for me, but luckily, I passed it.
Finally, I reached my final year of high school- my supposedly fourth year that had turned into my fifth year. At the beginning of this year, I was very content that I made it this far. This is understandable considering of what I had gone through. However, my happiness didn't last that long because I failed my first maths exam. And the second one as well- which basically ruined my birthday. You must know that this was shortly before semester's end, so I had no other choice but to take an oral exam in order to improve my grade. How unfortunate that my birthday was during this time. It was infuriating, in a way, how my birthday practically only consisted of practicing maths and a half-assed celebration with my parents. I can tell you, the frustration and the anger was real. The school year had started out so promising with me getting to the final year. Even so, the thought of being able to graduate seemed to disappear more as time progressed. I felt like I couldn't make it and that I'd have to revise this school year another time for sure. What made me feel even more down was the fact that Techi (Yurina Hirate) decided to withdraw from Keyakizaka46 this year in January. And even though I can comprehend why she decided to do it, it was hard to accept for me nevertheless. At least I managed to pass the oral maths exam I had practised for, though my performance wasn't good enough to improve my grade.
You probably ask yourself now what SixTONES has to do with all of this. Well, I had already come across SixTONES last year. Back then, I had watched their music video of "JAPONICA STYLE" and had added it to my J-Pop playlist. However, I hadn't been interested in getting to know them more or even becoming their fan. That changed when I found out in late February/early March this year that Yoshiki of X Japan (a J-Rock group that surely must be the most legendary one out there) was the composer of SixTONES' debut single "Imitation Rain." I found out about it through Twitter and it intrigued me, so I decided to check the music video out. I watched it and even though the music style of "Imitation Rain" wasn't really my cup of tea back then, I was amazed by it. It was impressing, in a way, so I decided to leave a comment and subscribe to their Youtube channel since I was (and still am) curious about what kind of music they would put out next. And that's where it started. One click, one decision that changed my life. Subscribing to SixTONES' official Youtube channel was some kind of turning point in my life. I don't really remember how, but soon I encountered the lovely international community of SixTONES on Twitter. They were very welcoming and I immediately felt like I fit in- unlike my high school class in which I was too timid to open up to the others. Anyways, I remember that one of the first conversations I engaged in on Twitter was one about Hokuje. When I learned about this ship, I immediately jumped on it (not literally, thoughxD). To this day, it has remained one of my two OTPs of SixTONES, the second one being Kyomojuri. Anyways, one of the next things I did was watching all of SixTONES' Youtube videos on the Johnny's Junior Channel. I'm quite grateful that all of them have English subs, because thanks to them I became a fan and part of team SixTONES. Moreover, they helped me to get through quarantine time. You must know that the quarantine time in my country started relatively early- in late March until April. Of course, schools were closed at that time and all of us had to stay at home. While I was glad that the government reacted this fast and that I didn't have to get up so early for school anymore, my mental health was suffering from it. Due to the stay at home period, I felt like a bird in a cage more than ever before when I still went to school- lonely and miserable. It was terrible because not only did I give up on my hope that I would ever be able to improve my maths grade, get to the A-levels exams and graduate from high school, but also did the tasks I still had to do for several school subjects make matters worse. My sleep schedule was messed up (I went to bed around 4 a.m. and got up in the early afternoon), so I felt lethargic and unproductive the whole time. I procrastinated so much and just wanted to get out of this, but I couldn't. The only thing that helped me to get through this tough time was SixTONES' Youtube videos. They were entertaining and funny and helped me to get my mind off my worries. Through those videos, I fell in love with the members and all of their quirks and charms. And as time progressed, I got to know more about SixTONES' history and painful past as well. I learned about what they had to go through and how long they had to wait for their debut.
One fact from their history had a great impact on me. It was the fact that SixTONES was formed in 2015 and debuted in 2020. That means that the members had to wait for 5 years for their debut ever since the group's formation. I know that they technically had to wait even longer if you consider the Bakaleya era and everything after it as well, but still... 5 years. 5 years did they have to pull through ever since their formation. And then it occured to me. It occured to me that this was the exact same amount of time that my high school years lasted because of my revised school year. When I had this sudden realization, everything changed. From then on, I got a sudden boost of energy and motivation. Now I was determined to finish high school and graduate no matter what. I knew I could do it- I just had to work harder and give it my best shot. SixTONES opened my eyes to new possibilities and inflamed my hope again. I then did something I never really had done before- I started practising maths diligently. I practised at least three hours a day and two other hours to call my private tutor in order to discuss the tasks I had practised. In the back of my mind there was always SixTONES and those 5 years that connected us. I knew that hard work could pay off in order to succeed, so all I had to do now was to overcome every obstacle that was in my way. The biggest challenge was to master maths- since I technically failed my school year, I had to take another resit examination in order to be able to get to the A-levels exams. The A-levels exams were my ultimate goal, so I knew I had to do everything possible to pass this dreaded resit exam. I practised really hard for it and it actually payed off- I passed it with flying colours! I was so happy and glad about it, but I knew that this was just the beginning. I managed to finish my last year of high school, so all that was left now was the A-levels. The A-levels that I never thought I would even reach to because of strong self-doubts and struggles. And yet, I had come this far... I couldn't really believe it, but I didn't have time to take a break and think about it again. I prepared myself for the A-levels instead and again, I was practising hard. I was determined enough to pull through so I would finally be able to graduate.
The anticipated day came. I had already had the final exams in my other main subjects the days before, so maths was my last one. I was so nervous and tense, but I knew I could make it if I believed in myself. I had practised so hard for this day, so I was sure I could pass it. The A-levels exam was quite long- it lasted for about 6 hours. There were breaks in between to go to the toilet, but all of us had to wear masks whenever we went outside of the classroom. It was tough and I had a hard time focusing because I was still kinda tired and exhausted from the previous days. Maybe this was part of the reason why I made these stupid mistakes that caused me to fail the A-levels exam in the end. Yes, you read that correctly- I failed it. I failed the exam because of 1.5 points that I was missing. When I got my results and found out about my failure, I was utterly disappointed and frustrated with myself. And yet, I didn't give up yet. I didn't give up because SixTONES had shown me that it was still possible to succeed despite of every obstacle that stood in your way.
Because I failed the written A-levels exam, I had to take another one. This time it was a shorter one, the first half written and the second one oral. I knew I could make it if I really wanted to, so what I did was continue to practise maths. Finally, the day came. As you can imagine, I was incredibly nervous. But when it was my turn, I gave my best. I don't really know how I should describe it, but despite of getting worked up, I somehow managed to keep my cool and get the written one done. When it was my turn for the written exam, I had to present my results and explain the way I calculated. I did- and I actually reached enough points to pass it. When the results came, I was already confident I had succeeded. And yes, I was right. I had now passed my A-levels in maths and thus the A-levels as a whole. I was so relieved that I broke out in tears. All of the struggles, all of the difficulties I had to go through- I overcame them. SixTONES had made me realize that hard work really payed off. And those 5 years that both me and SixTONES had to go through hadn't been in vain since we never gave up. Thanks to SixTONES, I had become strong enough to push through and overcome the obstacles that I never thought I could master. I never thought I could make it- in fact, I thought about quitting many times and also was afraid that I might drop out because of my bad grades. And yet, I somehow did it. I outdid myself and all of it was worth it in the end. And who knows, maybe those challenges made me stronger. I surely hope so.
Isn't it crazy how much of an impact a single idol group can have? I'll be forever grateful to SixTONES and the way they inspired me. The fact that they became the source of my strength during this last year of high school. That is, I should. Because without them, I probably would have failed and would have had to revise my last year. I would have gotten new classmates and new teachers and the nightmare would have continued. Don't get me wrong, not everything was bad in high school. I also made some positive experiences there. The majority of teachers was really nice and we often had fun with them. However, I'll never consider my high school time a positive experience overall. There were too many things that wore me down and drove me to despair. Also, the good things I experienced there can't really make up for the bad things. That's why I'd rather call my time in high school a challenge instead- a challenge I had willingly taken from the start and pushed through until the very end. Thus, I don't regret going there. I just regret that I barely did anything to get better as a person. I was really lucky to make it through this time and I don't think I've already become self-confident enough to step outside into the world and live my life. I think that I still rely too much on other people to get things done. Thus, I hope that I'll become more independent in the future.
And lastly, I want to thank SixTONES- Juri, Jesse, Hokuto, Shin-chan, Kochi and Taiga- and every single person who has introduced me to their works. I hope I'll have many interactions on Twitter with you guys in the future as well🤗
We are SixTONES💎💪🏼😘💙❤🖤💚💛💖