Fires of Pompeii blow-by-blow
Blow-by-blow reaction to Fires of Pompeii, in a style shamefully stolen from ionlylurkhere's immortal Ghost Light redux. But with rather fewer screencaps and far less entertainment value. Squee, grump, and capslock lurk behind the cut: Abandon all grammar, ye who enter here.
•Attack of the Cybermen approach to scoring: For the fail.
•Comedy City of Death reference: For the WIN!
•OTT Sibyline: Rather for the fail, I'm afraid. Please, please make them shut up. Donna, you could do that for me, couldn't you? Just… scream real loud, or something?
•Donna/Doctor banter: V. good thing, mostly. Tennant's Doc is wearing thin for me; he's low on Docishness. Be more peculiar, damnit.
•Schitck from City of Death reference: Getting a bit, now, thanks-oh hai, here comes Comedy Misunderstanding to help out! And Donna. Donna helps.
•UNEXPECTED!SIBLING RELATIONSHIP iz kinda liek Her Final Flight
•…Damn. Donna actually DOES call him on his crap. And they manage to do that thing where they're both right, to a point. Are they re-hashing The Aztecs, precisely as predicted? Why, yes. Yes, they are. AND I DO NOT MIND.
•Whoops, time out on Effective Hartnell Recycling for Ambiguously Comedic/Portentous Portent Monger.
•Ambiguously Comedic/Portentous Portent Monger has Comedy Retinue! Look!
•Aw, damn. They are not going to exploit the comedic value of Comedy Retinue. They are going to go to Rant Land, instead. That's okay; Rant Land has comedic value.
•Except when it doesn't.
•Behold! What we have always known is now confirmed canon: The Doctor can bullshit any place, any time, any tongue, any belief system.
•UNEXPECTED!GALLIFREY ANGST.
•EVEN MORE UNEXPECTED FUCKING PROPHESY ABOUT ROSE. At least, most signs point to Rose. Bet you five bucks that's RTD's subtle attempt at Teh Season Arc. Dear Team Cardiff: Please prove me wrong and make this crap about whatever Doc!daughter we've got coming, because if it's about either Rose OR Martha, there's no conceivable fucking reason for Ambiguously Comedic/Portentous and Really Kind of Foul-Tempered Portent Monger to GIVE A DAMN. Seriously, if this is about any companion short of one lost in the Time War, i.e., Susan or Romana, take a big fat FAIL for believability. Actually, even then I'd have a hard time seeing why Portent Monger should care.
In conclusion, Epic Sweep: You Just Plain Suck At It.
•EXPECTED!GALLIFREY ANGST OF UNEXPECTED!DURATION.
…
…
…
•Sorry, I clocked out there for a bit, and even though I watched this stuff, I've forgotten what happened. Oh! Right, okay, we have Sullen Roman Teenager, whom I quite like, I think, and Donna wearing an awful lot of purple. As is Sullen Roman Teenager. I don't know why that particular detail is annoying me so much, but for the record: Purple dye is hard to get a hold of. Unless Pompeii had an alternate source? If so, pls to be correcting me; I'd honestly like to know. But generally speaking, you just don't walk around the Roman Empire wearing all purple any more than you walk into your college cafeteria wearing a fishtail gown in gold lamé. Unless you feel like dying in the senate.
Anyway, Donna gets to Be Compassionate, but she manages not to be teary or obnoxious in doing so, and for that she has my everlasting love. Woozy Prophetess Girl is sort of a non-entity, but that's okay; more attention for me to spend on Donna.
•The Doctor is breaking into a house! Good. Sullen Roman Teenager is throwing in his lot and breaking in after him! Excellent.
•ZOMG STONE CIRCUIT BOARD. Except, without, y'know, actual semiconductors, isn't that just a circuitry diagram? Oh, well, my hardware-fu is quite scanty, anyway.
•LOLZ CGI.
•LOLZ TENNANT'S COMEDY!SHOCKED FACE.
•LOLZ BALROG LOLZ TRANSFORMER!
•Annnnnd the Doctor? Stands up for the Surly Roman Teenager in his moment of awesomeness. Thereby do you borrow some awesomeness of your own, Doctor. Thank you for that.
•Does anybody-anybody-cope better with getting tied up and menaced with a sacrificial knife than Donna, I ask you, including Romana II? I THINK NOT. And that, fellow, fen, is saying a lot. *STAMP OF APPROVAL*
•Argh, I do wish v. 10.0 would stop speechifying so damned often.
•"I like the toga." "And the ropes?" I CAN HAS TEN/DONNA BONDAGE!PR0N, PLS?
•ZOMG STONE PRIESTESS.
•The Doc's face when Stone Priestess says "the voices" makes up for a lot in the way of speechifying. A LOT. But not quite all of it.
•EXPECTED!LAST OF THE TIME LORDS WANGST.
•Cult of Vulcan! In monks' robes! Carting around great whacking stone circuit boards! Okay, who wanted a Holy Grail sketch right here?
•Another Balrog Transformer! OMG!
•I dunno. I think in the Land of Campness and Green Bubblewrap, i.e., all things prior to the TVM, I would have adored that little yellow water pistol. Here, though, the comedy feels too concocted and self-conscious. Woe. ;_; BAD PUN FTW, THO. I am perpetually amused by how often glossy!Nu!Who manages to remind me of the Colin Baker era.
•Ambiguously Comedic/Portentous Portent Monger: "I, for one, welcome our new Pyrovilian overlords!" Srsly. I love how there's always a human villain in selfless league with the alien invaders, just itching to help wipe out his own planet. Whatever happened to villains who like to save their own skins?
•Donna: "Could we be any more trapped?" Me: "Donna, will you marry me?"
•"That's the choice, Donna. It's Pompeii or the world…. It's not just history. It's me. I make it happen."
Okay. Two things.
i. You were doing so well with recycling The Aztecs. Why on Earth did y'all want to go and throw that out the window by taking all the dilemma out of it?
ii. I cannot believe you just co-opted 20,000 deaths just to pile on Ten's angst.
I shall be taking a break to mourn that, now.
•All right, back. Let's see what happens once the script lets poor Mr. Tennant get out of Angst mode.
•Whoops, sorry, not there yet. Because first, Donna has to be awesome.
And she pushes the lever with him. I'm not saying that there haven't been other companions who would do the same, but not many have had the opportunity. Good on you, Donna.
•…
…
…
…
What the hell?
Yes. He can't save the whole town. I get that. But he's made a habit for centuries of saving stragglers from the battlefield-the ones that history won't miss, the ones that he can. Exhibit A:
If he's going to have a change of heart, okay, but there'll have to be background clues as to why, or it doesn't convince. I had a vague sense that the bit about Gallifrey was meant to do just that, but it wasn't quite getting there-e.g., back in The Doctor Dances, it looked like that tragedy had made him keener than ever to save life where he could. And it made sense, that. But this felt very Pastede On Yey to give Donna a chance to plead with him. (Speaking of, oh, God, I hope they're not heading for a Lady of Mercy set-up. Discipleship was already quite unkind enough to Martha.)
Which she did very, very well. But it wasn't as effective as it could have been, because the Doctor's behavior wasn't convincing. I'm all for his having faults; it's just that it'll be far more dramatic if they, you know, feel real. That's all I'm asking for.
Anyway, moving on:
•Oh, wait. Not moving on. WHY THE HELL DO THEY HAVE THE DOCTOR SHOWING UP IN A BLAZE OF HOLY LIGHT? The TARDIS interior isn't even that color, FFS.
•Epilogue Tiem!
-Nonentity Prophetess Girl? Not so much with the Vestal Virgin thing. (Talking to Donna has opened her mind to her right to choice in her life or summat zomg)
-Money-Grubbing Marble Merchant is still grubbing. For money. Which is realistic enough, I suppose.
-Sullen Roman Teenager has become-Model Son! HORROR. BUT, he is also studying to become a DOCTOR. WIN. I shall now ship Martha/Quintus, and also Martha/Quintus/Harry Sullivan. Because I can.
-AND THE DOCTOR AND DONNA HAVE BECOME THEIR FUCKING PENATES. WHY AM I NOT SURPRISED.
THE END.
NEXT TIME, ON DOCTOR WHO (courtesy of Wikipedia):The Doctor and Donna land on an ice planet called the Ood-Sphere, and The Doctor discovers what drove the Ood to become a servant race.
What are the chances this will end well?
And now, let us play Fantasy TARDIS Team. Not because what I just watched was awful-it wasn't! Rather, because that is what an LJ is for, and because I can.
FANTASY ELEVEN:
Look, she has a wacky coat, and everything. She's all set. And quite frankly, she could hand every single actor to play the Doctor thus far, with the possible exception of Troughton, his ass on a plate. A polite, demure, hand-knit doilyed plate. She can even make the Miss Marple scripts look good; that's almost as hard as making Voyage of the Damned watchable. Go on, hire her. You know you want to.
FANTASY SCRIPT EDITOR:
I think the advantages of this are obvious.
FANTASY COMPANION:
Come on, you know it would be the best Doctor/Companion relationship yet. BUT NO HEROIC DEATHS. Heroic deaths not allowed in such a case.
•Attack of the Cybermen approach to scoring: For the fail.
•Comedy City of Death reference: For the WIN!
•OTT Sibyline: Rather for the fail, I'm afraid. Please, please make them shut up. Donna, you could do that for me, couldn't you? Just… scream real loud, or something?
•Donna/Doctor banter: V. good thing, mostly. Tennant's Doc is wearing thin for me; he's low on Docishness. Be more peculiar, damnit.
•Schitck from City of Death reference: Getting a bit, now, thanks-oh hai, here comes Comedy Misunderstanding to help out! And Donna. Donna helps.
•UNEXPECTED!SIBLING RELATIONSHIP iz kinda liek Her Final Flight
•…Damn. Donna actually DOES call him on his crap. And they manage to do that thing where they're both right, to a point. Are they re-hashing The Aztecs, precisely as predicted? Why, yes. Yes, they are. AND I DO NOT MIND.
•Whoops, time out on Effective Hartnell Recycling for Ambiguously Comedic/Portentous Portent Monger.
•Ambiguously Comedic/Portentous Portent Monger has Comedy Retinue! Look!
•Aw, damn. They are not going to exploit the comedic value of Comedy Retinue. They are going to go to Rant Land, instead. That's okay; Rant Land has comedic value.
•Except when it doesn't.
•Behold! What we have always known is now confirmed canon: The Doctor can bullshit any place, any time, any tongue, any belief system.
•UNEXPECTED!GALLIFREY ANGST.
•EVEN MORE UNEXPECTED FUCKING PROPHESY ABOUT ROSE. At least, most signs point to Rose. Bet you five bucks that's RTD's subtle attempt at Teh Season Arc. Dear Team Cardiff: Please prove me wrong and make this crap about whatever Doc!daughter we've got coming, because if it's about either Rose OR Martha, there's no conceivable fucking reason for Ambiguously Comedic/Portentous and Really Kind of Foul-Tempered Portent Monger to GIVE A DAMN. Seriously, if this is about any companion short of one lost in the Time War, i.e., Susan or Romana, take a big fat FAIL for believability. Actually, even then I'd have a hard time seeing why Portent Monger should care.
In conclusion, Epic Sweep: You Just Plain Suck At It.
•EXPECTED!GALLIFREY ANGST OF UNEXPECTED!DURATION.
…
…
…
•Sorry, I clocked out there for a bit, and even though I watched this stuff, I've forgotten what happened. Oh! Right, okay, we have Sullen Roman Teenager, whom I quite like, I think, and Donna wearing an awful lot of purple. As is Sullen Roman Teenager. I don't know why that particular detail is annoying me so much, but for the record: Purple dye is hard to get a hold of. Unless Pompeii had an alternate source? If so, pls to be correcting me; I'd honestly like to know. But generally speaking, you just don't walk around the Roman Empire wearing all purple any more than you walk into your college cafeteria wearing a fishtail gown in gold lamé. Unless you feel like dying in the senate.
Anyway, Donna gets to Be Compassionate, but she manages not to be teary or obnoxious in doing so, and for that she has my everlasting love. Woozy Prophetess Girl is sort of a non-entity, but that's okay; more attention for me to spend on Donna.
•The Doctor is breaking into a house! Good. Sullen Roman Teenager is throwing in his lot and breaking in after him! Excellent.
•ZOMG STONE CIRCUIT BOARD. Except, without, y'know, actual semiconductors, isn't that just a circuitry diagram? Oh, well, my hardware-fu is quite scanty, anyway.
•LOLZ CGI.
•LOLZ TENNANT'S COMEDY!SHOCKED FACE.
•LOLZ BALROG LOLZ TRANSFORMER!
•Annnnnd the Doctor? Stands up for the Surly Roman Teenager in his moment of awesomeness. Thereby do you borrow some awesomeness of your own, Doctor. Thank you for that.
•Does anybody-anybody-cope better with getting tied up and menaced with a sacrificial knife than Donna, I ask you, including Romana II? I THINK NOT. And that, fellow, fen, is saying a lot. *STAMP OF APPROVAL*
•Argh, I do wish v. 10.0 would stop speechifying so damned often.
•"I like the toga." "And the ropes?" I CAN HAS TEN/DONNA BONDAGE!PR0N, PLS?
•ZOMG STONE PRIESTESS.
•The Doc's face when Stone Priestess says "the voices" makes up for a lot in the way of speechifying. A LOT. But not quite all of it.
•EXPECTED!LAST OF THE TIME LORDS WANGST.
•Cult of Vulcan! In monks' robes! Carting around great whacking stone circuit boards! Okay, who wanted a Holy Grail sketch right here?
•Another Balrog Transformer! OMG!
•I dunno. I think in the Land of Campness and Green Bubblewrap, i.e., all things prior to the TVM, I would have adored that little yellow water pistol. Here, though, the comedy feels too concocted and self-conscious. Woe. ;_; BAD PUN FTW, THO. I am perpetually amused by how often glossy!Nu!Who manages to remind me of the Colin Baker era.
•Ambiguously Comedic/Portentous Portent Monger: "I, for one, welcome our new Pyrovilian overlords!" Srsly. I love how there's always a human villain in selfless league with the alien invaders, just itching to help wipe out his own planet. Whatever happened to villains who like to save their own skins?
•Donna: "Could we be any more trapped?" Me: "Donna, will you marry me?"
•"That's the choice, Donna. It's Pompeii or the world…. It's not just history. It's me. I make it happen."
Okay. Two things.
i. You were doing so well with recycling The Aztecs. Why on Earth did y'all want to go and throw that out the window by taking all the dilemma out of it?
ii. I cannot believe you just co-opted 20,000 deaths just to pile on Ten's angst.
I shall be taking a break to mourn that, now.
•All right, back. Let's see what happens once the script lets poor Mr. Tennant get out of Angst mode.
•Whoops, sorry, not there yet. Because first, Donna has to be awesome.
And she pushes the lever with him. I'm not saying that there haven't been other companions who would do the same, but not many have had the opportunity. Good on you, Donna.
•…
…
…
…
What the hell?
Yes. He can't save the whole town. I get that. But he's made a habit for centuries of saving stragglers from the battlefield-the ones that history won't miss, the ones that he can. Exhibit A:
If he's going to have a change of heart, okay, but there'll have to be background clues as to why, or it doesn't convince. I had a vague sense that the bit about Gallifrey was meant to do just that, but it wasn't quite getting there-e.g., back in The Doctor Dances, it looked like that tragedy had made him keener than ever to save life where he could. And it made sense, that. But this felt very Pastede On Yey to give Donna a chance to plead with him. (Speaking of, oh, God, I hope they're not heading for a Lady of Mercy set-up. Discipleship was already quite unkind enough to Martha.)
Which she did very, very well. But it wasn't as effective as it could have been, because the Doctor's behavior wasn't convincing. I'm all for his having faults; it's just that it'll be far more dramatic if they, you know, feel real. That's all I'm asking for.
Anyway, moving on:
•Oh, wait. Not moving on. WHY THE HELL DO THEY HAVE THE DOCTOR SHOWING UP IN A BLAZE OF HOLY LIGHT? The TARDIS interior isn't even that color, FFS.
•Epilogue Tiem!
-Nonentity Prophetess Girl? Not so much with the Vestal Virgin thing. (Talking to Donna has opened her mind to her right to choice in her life or summat zomg)
-Money-Grubbing Marble Merchant is still grubbing. For money. Which is realistic enough, I suppose.
-Sullen Roman Teenager has become-Model Son! HORROR. BUT, he is also studying to become a DOCTOR. WIN. I shall now ship Martha/Quintus, and also Martha/Quintus/Harry Sullivan. Because I can.
-AND THE DOCTOR AND DONNA HAVE BECOME THEIR FUCKING PENATES. WHY AM I NOT SURPRISED.
THE END.
NEXT TIME, ON DOCTOR WHO (courtesy of Wikipedia):The Doctor and Donna land on an ice planet called the Ood-Sphere, and The Doctor discovers what drove the Ood to become a servant race.
What are the chances this will end well?
And now, let us play Fantasy TARDIS Team. Not because what I just watched was awful-it wasn't! Rather, because that is what an LJ is for, and because I can.
FANTASY ELEVEN:
Look, she has a wacky coat, and everything. She's all set. And quite frankly, she could hand every single actor to play the Doctor thus far, with the possible exception of Troughton, his ass on a plate. A polite, demure, hand-knit doilyed plate. She can even make the Miss Marple scripts look good; that's almost as hard as making Voyage of the Damned watchable. Go on, hire her. You know you want to.
FANTASY SCRIPT EDITOR:
I think the advantages of this are obvious.
FANTASY COMPANION:
Come on, you know it would be the best Doctor/Companion relationship yet. BUT NO HEROIC DEATHS. Heroic deaths not allowed in such a case.