Happy New Year, You Repugnant Fools: A Kinki Kids Concert Report
Let me take you back to January 1st. V1 and I had just finished rocking the hardest we'd ever rocked in our lives ever. Then we woke up the next day and went... Woah! We still have one more ticket! Ah! Then we went to Tokyo Dome to meet the Kinki Kids. A note before we begin, I claim no accuracy for translation or even the order of the setlist. This is the notes scrawled in my notebook after a three day crazed rock tour, and my Japanese isn't great on a day I'm in sound mind and body. This is what I remember, and that doesn't mean that's what happened.
We made it to Tokyo Dome and had some emergency Mac before the show. We then received a text from my friend in Kobs displaying us clearly on Kohaku. We spent a lot of time geekng out over that outside Tokyo Dome and eating ice cream because that's how we demonstrate our superiority. We also laughed at the line which was really only a little longer than when we came to buy our goods the day before.
Then we entered the dome... very easily. As in, we just handed people our tickets and went into the Dome. Inside, we were greeted by a supplementary goods booth. I was ... confused by this. Goods? Inside the dome? They look like goods but... are they ... purchasable? My previous experiences with Japanese shows were not matching up.
Just past the goods was a little snack cafe. Now most domes have these, of course, but this one was ... classy. There were cafe tables and comfy chairs and a bathroom with no line. We bought some cokes and sat in the comfy chairs, contemplating just what dimension we'd wandered into. At some point, I decided I wouldn't believe the goods booth existed if I didn't buy goods, so I went back and purchased a Koichi photo set which I'd managed to resist the day before. They let me. I felt I was somehow doing something illegal. Then we sat and ate the snacks we'd brought with us (Boysenberry Quadratini because again, we demonstrate superiority via snacks) in the comfy chairs.
Our seats, you see, were in the mezzanine section. Were this a baseball game, the rich people would've been sitting in our spots. We had cushioned chairs and a private tv, all of which caused us to exclaim "We found the rich stuff!" because we'd watched "The Goonies" before leaving on this trip. The seats made up somewhat for being on Tsuyoshi side of the dome. Tokyo Dome itself was smaller than I imagined it. True, it was taller than Nagoya or Fukuoka Dome, but the circumference felt about the same, particularly from my mezzanine vantage point. The other sections all had hard-backed chairs and were cramped into the joint. The stage itself was the same set up used on the JE Countdown: a heart shaped catwalk with a few aisles for carts to roll down the center and 3 main stages. We had a good view and were decently near the Tsuyoshi catwalk, so no complaining about seats.
Complaining about people on the other hand...
I've had good experiences with KK people in the past. Both in the virtual and real world, KK people have been pretty good people. They're fans who've been in it for the long haul. The Tsuyoshi people are a little odd and the Ko-chan people are ... more than a little snarky, but that's all part of the appeal, yes? I was a bit nervous about being around 50,000 Tokyo Dome people, but not too much if they were KK people.
Our problem was, we weren't in the KK section. We were in the M.A.D. section. In our little box of 12, the people in front and beside us all had M.A.D uchiwa (Matsuzaki mostly if I read those right). Now, nothing against M.A.D., but their fans suck. They sat down most of the show, only getting excited when M.A.D. got close at which point the girls next to V1 would erupt in ear-splittingly loud shrieks despite the fact that we were on the second floor in a shadow and there's *no way* he can see you. Grr. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's start the show, shall we?
The show began like one of those sci-fi movies when the alien ship lands and the two leaders exit the ship and walk down a long corridor to the waiting crowds of terrified earthlings. That's the best image I can make, and I apologize for it. They didn't come out singing, just striding to the intro music. They didn't look at the audience or each other, just moved with that perfect, regal, KK superiority across the entire length of the dome all the way to the third stage. They just oozed superiority in their shiny silver suits.
Once they got to the final stage, the intro music turned into Family. Also a set of large balloons (positioned by juniors) popped and showered the place with KK helicopter papers. Sadly, none of them made it to the mezzanine. So they sang "Family" and I was ... well, kinda glad they got that out of the way. Then they did "Swan Song" with that ridiculous dance that Tsuyoshi hates sooooooooooo much... For these two, the focus was on KK on the third stage, and the kept everything pretty much centered there. Then they busted out "Glass no Shounen."
This was one of the coolest numbers I've seen, guys.
I love the song, I love the stupid dance, and I love how at this point, the performance just expanded to the entire dome. For some reason (and I assume that reason is Ko-chan), KK shows always incorporate the back-up smoothly and effectively. In this number, I got the overwhelming impression of a wolf pack. During the final "Staaaaaaaaaaaay wiiiiiiiiiiith meeeeeeeee," KK mounted the stairs on the main stage and the pack of Juniors and dancing girls formed below them in this tight knit ball of energy under sharp red lights, bursting out of it as the chorus returned. Everyone felt dangerous and awesome, even while singing such a ridiculous song. Also, I never lost sight of KK, and they never lost control of the performance. The dancers were just an extension of KK's awesomeness. That's how backup works, folks. "Glass No Shounen" was a damn near ideal KK performance.
However, I've been told that one doesn't attend KK shows for their performance. One attends for their MC's. At this point, we got our first taste of their live MC stylings.
Ko-chan: Akemashita Omedetou. 32sai no Domoto Koichi desu.
Audience: *cheers wild happy birthdays*
Tsuyoshi: Hagemashi... I mean... Akemashite Omedetou. 31sai no Domoto Tsuyoshi desu.
Tsuyoshi did not miss a cue to mock Ko-chan's hair, age, dog, mom, or general Koichi-ness all show. I've been hard on Tsuyoshi in the past, but now I'm starting to really see why his fan base is as large as it is. My loyalties remain unchanged, but 10 points to Tsuyoshi.
Once they'd finished mocking each other, they switched to mocking other Johnny's bands. See, they'd just hosted the JE countdown a few hours before. In the opening MC, they managed to lay the smack down on all the young whipper-snapper groups. They seemed to have a particular fondness for picking on KAT-TUN and HSJ. "Those KAT-TUN kids, always doing that lean over the catwalk thing. They look so dumb. And all the girls go 'Kyah!' People don't really go 'Kyah' for us anymore cuz we're so old now.
Audience: Makes admittedly lame "Kyah" noises.
Ko-chan: No, that's not what you sound like when the HSJ kids are running around. Just try it. One more time. Se no...
Audience: Kyah!
Ko-chan: Nah... guess it's impossible. How about just the guys?
Male Audience: Woo hoo! (Guys can go to KK shows)
Ko-chan: But, do it in a girl's voice. And girls? If they beat you? That's embarrassing. All right, guys, in a girl's voice. Se no!
Male Audience: "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"
KK (collapsing in laughter): You sound like horse jockeys!
Tsuyoshi: Nah, our fans are just too old for this, huh.
Ko-chan: People have gotten married during our career, you know. Who's married here?
Housewife audience: Kyaaaaah!
Ko-chan: So who--
That One Guy Always in the Audience: #$&**MARRIED*(&(*
Ko-chan: You are or you aren't?
That One Guy: I'M NOT MARRIED!
Ko-chan: Ah, you're one of those. Well, Japanese law is pretty strict right now...
See when KK finishes picking on other Johnny's bands, they start picking on their audience. Speaking of which, somewhere in this MC (it's probably entirely out of order and I apologize for that. I'm going off scattered notes and memories from the final of of the New Year's rockout. I wasn't in sound mind), Tsuyoshi turned to Ko-chan and said,
Tsuyoshi: Do you see that fan?
Ko-chan: Where?
Tsuyoshi: Right there
Ko-chan: No, my old eyes can't read that far away.
Tsuyoshi: No, just look. What do you think that says?
Ko-chan: hmmm... Ko... Kon something.
Tsuyoshi: Yeah, Kon something maybe. Cameras? Can we get a shot of that.
*cameras flip to reveal a fan that just has the word "unko" (poo) written on it. The letters were poorly arranged so they looked more like konu than unko.
*idiot fangirl pulls fan down*
Tsuyoshi: No, hold that up. Nice and high so everyone can see.
*idiot fangirl sheepishly obeys*
Tsuyoshi: I'm just imagining what went through this person's head. (*enter into high-pitched fangirl voice*) 'Oh what should I do! I got tickets to the Kinki show! And my seats are so good! Oh I want to make an uchiwa! Oh what should I say? What should I right? I've got it! Unko!"
People, if you don't want Tsuyoshi to take you out, maybe you shouldn't make stupid uchiwa.
Not even Johnny-san himself is safe from the KK mockstravaganza. Tsuyoshi does a rather killer impression of him which he high-lighted as he discussed the current tour.
Tsuyoshi: I bet you all are wondering what kind of show this would be, since we didn't release a single this year. Well, we thought we'd do a real Kinkirashii concert, and focus on the songs we wrote ourselves. And so we have the "Family: Kimi mo Domoto Family" tour. That wasn't my idea. That was Johnny-san's idea. I just wanted to call the tour after the single, but noooooooooooooo. "Dakara ... Kimi mo Domoto Family" he'd say. And I'd say, yes but the single is "Family - hitotsu ni na--" "Yes, dakara, Kimi mo Domoto Family." So that's the tour title. And it was his idea.
Readers might now be noticing this MC was a little long. This was the shortest MC of the day.
Eventually, they decided to sing again and being their "Kinkirashii" set of all songs written by Kinki (and by that I mean Tsuyoshi really...) for money. It was a real strong power medley with some of my faves like like "No Control" and "Suppin' Girl." The boys changed stages a lot here and Ko-chan even favored our side of the catwalk once. The songs were well mixed ... enough that I've forgotten a lot of the ones they used as I mostly just hung out and watched the shiny stuff. The strongest visual I remember is the rainbow juniors because they looked like something out of Up With People.
At some point, there was a costume change. Koichi came out in this great blue suit that was dapper and shiny and pretty much everything I love about Koichi. Tsuyoshi was wearing... one of his things. It was this white, flouncy neck ruff/swathe thing with a matching glove. Just one matching glove. Also a bowler hat with what appeared from my distant view to have felt spikes and a little flower in it. Koichi spent a good portion of one of the MC's questioning him about that ridiculous hat. I guess if you have to stand next to Koichi your entire career, you snap eventually. Tsuyoshi wears his ... things... with pride though, so I guess that's ok for him. I was glad he dressed fairly conservatively for the uchiwa shoot though so I'm not embarrassed to put it on my wall.
Then, I heard this guitar riff, and I got really excited because I realized it was the opening riff to "99% Liberty." Of all the songs in the KK catalog, this was the one I wanted the most, and Ko-chan was heading towards our side of the stage! I made some noises I'm not too proud of at this point. "99% Liberty" is my jam guys. It's one of my karaoke faves and just ... regular faves. The reason for this is largely the part where Ko-chan goes "Suki da suki suki da nante..." I was waiting for this line...
and then Matsuzaki or whatever his name from M.A.D. is came to our half of the stage, and the girls next to us erupted in shrieks that would make a dog cry out in pain. It was the most shrill, overblown, and overextended banshee cry I've ever heard. Right over my favorite part of my favorite song. Now I'm not against screaming for your favorite people but this is not an M.A.D. show and Ko-chan is SINGING!. Also Matsuzaki can't hear or see you. You are two stories up, under a shadowy balcony, and the houselights aren't up. He has no idea you're there and is pandering to the girls in front of him who are permitted to shriek.
I very nearly jumped over Ves's chair and delivered a penlight to the chick's neck. No one would have convicted me.
So yeah, that was embittering. Luckily, the KK then went into another extensive MC which washed most of my homicidal rage away. How is this possible? Because it was Ko-chan's birthday. M.A.D. wheeled out a cake covered in strawberries. Then we all sang Happy Birthday to the tune of a musical candle which Tsuyoshi lit and which played the song a little too fast for the audience to keep up with. Still, we valiantly sang "Happy Birthday to Ko-chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!" and he blew out the candles at which point there was cheering and confetti and a fantastic graphics display of a Ko-chan head sitting in a little F1 car on a strawberry cake with a big "Omedetou!" The exclamation point was even dotted with a chihuahua head. A million points, graphics staff. A million.
Ko-chan expressed a suitably grumpy gratitude for the cake which he said they'd all eat later. Tsuyoshi, however insisted he eat a strawberry now. That's tradition. Tsuyoshi then started to chant in a kind of slow tempo groove rap "Sutoraberri- Taimu." Ko-chan picked up the strawberry "Sutoraberri- Taimu." Ko-chan looked at Tsuyoshi like he was mentally unbalanced "Sutoraberri- Taimu." M.A.D. and friends, seeing a chance to make fun of Ko-chan, immediately jumped on board to back Tsuyoshi up, so the chant went more like, "Strawberry time, uh, yeah, uh huh, strawberry, strawberry time, uh yeah, ichigo, strawberry time. At some point Tsuyoshi disappeared back stage, but he kept on rapping. M.A.D. commented that it was rather creepy when they couldn't see him and just had this booming voice announcing "Strawberry Time" over the speakers.
So Ko-chan, seeing a chance to eat food, began eating strawberries. Tsuyoshi and M.A.D. continued to provide back up like the sparkliest episode of Sesame Street ever. "Strawberry Time, uh yeah, one strawberry... time, 2 2 strawberries, strawberry time, uh yeah, 3 strawberry time." Ko-chan just continued popping strawberries into his mouth while people dared him to get to 32. He made it to 18, announced that this meant he was 18 years old, and then tried vainly to move the show along.
It's hard to move the show along when Tsuyoshi comes out in his Parisian fashionista outfit though. Tsuyoshi announced( while wearing his 3 foot tall plush top hat and oversized sunglasses) in whatever the Japanese interpretation of a French accent is that he was a Parisian fashionista who had brought Ko-chan gifts for his birthday. For example, this lovely sash which he hand designed (*drapes birthday sash over Koichi), and this festive cap (plops cake shaped birthday hat on Ko-chan's head). It was worth all the money I spent on tickets just for this scene, guys. It really brought into perspective the difference between a solo Koichi show and a Kinki Kids show and the reason the KK function so well as a duo: someone has to keep their respective egos in check.
Ko-chan was mostly good-natured about the presents, and Tsuyoshi said there were more, in this bag. He handed Ko-chan the bag. Ko-chan peeked inside, and his eyes got very wide, and he shouted "Dassai!" I just about fell off the mezzanine laughing.
Ko-chan: No, this is way too lame. I am not putting this on camera this is so lame
Tsuyoshi: Really, because I thought we could all share.
*M.A.D. crowds around bag to look in*
M.A.D: Wow! That is dassai!
Tsuyoshi: Well, I also drew you a present.
Ko-chan: *raises eyebrow of suspicion.
Tsuyoshi: You all remember last year, I drew him a picture of his dog, Pan. Here's the one from last year. *pulls out a picture of a very well-drawn slice of bread* (Pan means bread in Japanese). But you didn't seem to like it, so this year I worked really hard, and I made another one. *pulls out picture of a very well drawn loaf of French bread.
Ko-chan: It is very... pan.
Tsuyoshi: You don't like it?
Ko-chan: I can see you worked very hard.
Tsuyoshi: Actually, I made another one in case you didn't like it.
Ko-chan: Really.
Tsuyoshi: *pulls out picture of a horrible overweight man in a chihuahua suit drooling and shouting "Papa"
Ko-chan: OMAE!!!!
(Bandit note: Tsuyoshi hates that dog)
Audience: KOWAI!
Tsuyoshi: I thought it was pretty good... well I did try one more time.
Ko-chan: Really... that's great *wanders over to investigate the mystery bag again.
Tsuyoshi: That's for later
Ko-chan: This is reeeeeeeeeeeeeeallly lame.
Tsuyoshi: *pulls out an absolutely accurate portrait of that chihuahua that I saw at Marine Messe*
Audience: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw
Ko-chan's heart grew three sizes that day. Then immediately shrunk again when Tsuyoshi began making fun of how that dog was with Koichi's mother right now who was probably putting it in some ridiculous outfit like a New Year's kimono. Apparently, Koichi's mom has a tendency to dress the dog up in little costumes like Halloween pumpkins and such. Tsuyoshi is the only person brave enough to insult Koichi's chihuahua and his mom in the same sentence.
At this point, Ko-chan investigated the bag again and how very lame it was. He then again pointed out that they'd been MCing for 40 minutes and we really could move it along to the next song.
Tsuyoshi: But we still have more presents. The back up teams have arranged an art exhibition for you.
Koichi: You are all so lame!
M.A.D. (and the other 2 backup guys whom I always just lump in with M.A.D.) all drew pictures of Ko-chan from his goony junior days. Ko-chan gives hope to goony kids everywhere. The portraits were... less than flattering. One of them made him look like the scary chihuahua guy. One guy had gone out and drawn little happy cartoon faces of all the team around Ko-chan (because the theme is Kimi Mo Domoto Family). We went through all 6 drawings and the subsequent Ko-chan barrage of insults that followed each one. Eventually, Tsuyoshi asked him to choose a winner. He selected the M.A.D. boy who'd drawn the family cartoon and was super jazzed about being honored so by Koichi-sama. They insisted on taking a commemorative photograph in the traditional Japanese style of handshake/Blue Steel eyes at the camera. The audience was beside itself laughing. So was Ko-chan really.
Ko-chan made one more attempt to look inside the bag before reminding everyone that we'd been MCing for an hour and maybe we should, I don't know, sing? Someone brought them guitars and Ko-chan asked, "Do you guys remember what song we played last? Cuz I really don't. No it wasn't 'Secret Code' you idiot!" Once the confusion was cleared up, the boys launched into a really killer acoustic medly.
The song that stands out for me in this medley is "Music of Life." I only wish they'd played more of it. It's such a pretty song and really highlights both members vocal skillz. Also, it's Tsuyoshi's jam. Koichi is less comfortable with acoustic guitar, and you can kinda tell he's dying to bust out the electric and do some "Velvet Rain," but he puts up with these sections to prove he can do that too. Another one was RenRui because I love that stupid song, and I was soooooo happy to hear it. Also in this section, they played a song that might have been "futari" (I'm kind of a bad KK fan...). I don't remember the song that well. What I remember, is Tsuyoshi began his grooving kind of rap, and I was like "You know what? Tsuyoshi can kinda rap. That's kinda neat." Then Ko-chan picked it up and I went "..."
There's something Ko-chan can't do! Having seen him sing, dance, act, play taiko, play guitar, command a small army, and fly, there is something Koichi can't do! Hallelujah!
So they played a lovely acoustic medley which, unfortunately ended on "Family" again. I wondered to myself, "Didn't they open with this one? Did I forget the opening song?" But no, they just... played it again. Huh, I thought.
This was followed by some of the dance stylings of M.A.D. and friends after which Kinki returned to rock the heck out of "Ai no Katamari," "Kanashimi Blue" and "Secret Code" which is pulling up for my 3rd favorite moment of the show. "Secret Code" was sooooooooooooooooooo cool. Kinki were so shiny and silver and the song rocks so very very hard. The used the gondolas for the only time that show, so Tsuyoshi came around to say hi. Sadly, Ko-chan didn't visit my side. Ah well, the numbers were still very fun. They had to settle the audience down with "Snow, Snow, Snow" (making use of the snow bubbles I am now very familiar with) and "Anniversary" as a closer. I was a little sad they didn't add "Harmony to December" to that mix, but I'm given to understand KK didn't write that one, so I'll give it a pass. As "Anniversary" finished, KK descended back inside the stage
The audience, of course, called them back for their encore. They appeared from opposite doors, then walked around the stage to exit through opposite doors, ignoring the audience's "EEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHH???!!!" KK loves messing with their people. Koichi, in particular. He took control of the ending MC, alternating between thanking people and telling them to shut the hell up.
Eventually, we got them to do "Kinki Kids Forever." They did both the English and Japanese versions with Tsuyoshi singing in English and Koichi in Japanese. I got the feeling Tsuyoshi is a real Eigo enthusiast. He just seems to enjoy his non-sensical forays into the language. I sorta respect that. This song is so ridiculous, and so fun to sing along with. I mean... Kinki Kids, forever, guys. *sniffs* We'll always be around. And we're contractually obligated to stay together. You can't stop Kinki. Everybody sing with us. *sniffs*
Koichi also decided it was time the audience earned their keep and they played funking "Family" again. This time, they barely sang and just led the audience along. If you didn't know the words when you got to the show, you sure knew them by this point.
Then they tried to leave, and we made them come back. Koichi announced that since it was the final show here, we could have just one more because he is a benevolent god. They played "Kono Mama Te wo Tsunaide" and "Aisare yori Aishitai."
After the last song, M.A.D. attacked Koichi in their usual mob strategy. Koichi then did a flying attack leap at one of the M.A.D. kids who caught him in a dramatic reverse-dip. Koichi enjoyed this so much he did it again.
Tsuyoshi: What are you doing?
Ko-chan: It's fun!
Tsuyoshi: It's stupid.
Ko-chan: You're stupid. Do it.
Tsuyoshi: No. It's stupid.
Audience: TSUYOSHI! TSUYOSHI!
Tsuyoshi: *dramatic sigh* This is stupid.
He selected the sturdiest M.A.D. drone and did the flying leap. M.A.D. have serious upper body strength and were able to pull it off.
Ko-chan: See! It's fun!
Tsuyoshi: Whatever...
Audience: Again!!!!
So the two of them ran to opposite M.A.D. kids and did a synchronized flying leap.
Tsuyoshi: Are you happy now?
Audience: Kinki! Kinki!
Tsuyoshi/Koichi: MURIMURIMURIMURI!
Tsuyoshi: Seriously, guys, that's only the second time I've ever done that.
Koichi: I'm 32 years old. Someone will get hurt. No.
Kinki is never afraid to tell their audience "no." Also that the audience is repugnant. *hearts*
Ko-chan: We're really happy to be able to--
Audience: KYAAAH!
Ko-chan: Urusai!
Tsuyoshi: You really ought to say "thank you."
Ko-chan: We're really happy to--
Audience: KYAAAH!
Ko-chan: URUSAI!
Tsuyoshi: Okay, well, on "urusai," we'll finish the show.
They mocked the audience a bit more before asking for their support in the new year and announcing they were working on their new single, so look for that. I'm looking forward to it.
We left the show, and realized it was now 9:30 pm. The show started at 5:30. That was a 4 hours show, guys. At least 2 hours were MC, I'm sure, but still. Loooooooooooooooong show. V1 and I hid in a Starbucks while the thousands of fans flooded the trains. We sat and reflected on the show we'd just seen. Honestly, I know if I hadn't seen it mere hours after Masha's New Year Countdown, I would have been more excited about it, but I still had a really good time.
I got really lucky with these tickets. I didn't expect to get any at all because this was the only date I applied for as I couldn't afford to take time off to follow KK anywhere else. It was only because I would already be in Yokohama that I could pull this off at all. I got the tickets for Koichi's birthday show and the first show of the New Year on a tour where they hadn't released a new album so they were playing just the songs they really enjoy playing and have a lot of pride in. And "Family." They played "Family" a lot, if I didn't mention that. I haven't listened to "Family" since the show. I blame Johnny-san.
The moral is that KK are a great stage presence, talented people who manage to work together despite being rather personalities. Tsuyoshi is, for all his weird Tsuyoshi-ness, a really talented artist who loves a live stage. Koichi is an amazing performance who puts mere mortals to shame (unless he's rapping). They play off of each other like the Kansai snarkmaster they are and they are mercilessly honest with their audience. I am so glad I had a chance to see these guys together in this country.
Aaaaaaaaaaaand, I'm almost caught up on the reports! Just Arashi left. And just in time two because yesterday I braved the falling ash to make it to 7-11 and score a couple of tix to Masha's show in Fukuoka in May. Not the best seats but I'll be there on the 3rd and 4th. *happy dance*
We made it to Tokyo Dome and had some emergency Mac before the show. We then received a text from my friend in Kobs displaying us clearly on Kohaku. We spent a lot of time geekng out over that outside Tokyo Dome and eating ice cream because that's how we demonstrate our superiority. We also laughed at the line which was really only a little longer than when we came to buy our goods the day before.
Then we entered the dome... very easily. As in, we just handed people our tickets and went into the Dome. Inside, we were greeted by a supplementary goods booth. I was ... confused by this. Goods? Inside the dome? They look like goods but... are they ... purchasable? My previous experiences with Japanese shows were not matching up.
Just past the goods was a little snack cafe. Now most domes have these, of course, but this one was ... classy. There were cafe tables and comfy chairs and a bathroom with no line. We bought some cokes and sat in the comfy chairs, contemplating just what dimension we'd wandered into. At some point, I decided I wouldn't believe the goods booth existed if I didn't buy goods, so I went back and purchased a Koichi photo set which I'd managed to resist the day before. They let me. I felt I was somehow doing something illegal. Then we sat and ate the snacks we'd brought with us (Boysenberry Quadratini because again, we demonstrate superiority via snacks) in the comfy chairs.
Our seats, you see, were in the mezzanine section. Were this a baseball game, the rich people would've been sitting in our spots. We had cushioned chairs and a private tv, all of which caused us to exclaim "We found the rich stuff!" because we'd watched "The Goonies" before leaving on this trip. The seats made up somewhat for being on Tsuyoshi side of the dome. Tokyo Dome itself was smaller than I imagined it. True, it was taller than Nagoya or Fukuoka Dome, but the circumference felt about the same, particularly from my mezzanine vantage point. The other sections all had hard-backed chairs and were cramped into the joint. The stage itself was the same set up used on the JE Countdown: a heart shaped catwalk with a few aisles for carts to roll down the center and 3 main stages. We had a good view and were decently near the Tsuyoshi catwalk, so no complaining about seats.
Complaining about people on the other hand...
I've had good experiences with KK people in the past. Both in the virtual and real world, KK people have been pretty good people. They're fans who've been in it for the long haul. The Tsuyoshi people are a little odd and the Ko-chan people are ... more than a little snarky, but that's all part of the appeal, yes? I was a bit nervous about being around 50,000 Tokyo Dome people, but not too much if they were KK people.
Our problem was, we weren't in the KK section. We were in the M.A.D. section. In our little box of 12, the people in front and beside us all had M.A.D uchiwa (Matsuzaki mostly if I read those right). Now, nothing against M.A.D., but their fans suck. They sat down most of the show, only getting excited when M.A.D. got close at which point the girls next to V1 would erupt in ear-splittingly loud shrieks despite the fact that we were on the second floor in a shadow and there's *no way* he can see you. Grr. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's start the show, shall we?
The show began like one of those sci-fi movies when the alien ship lands and the two leaders exit the ship and walk down a long corridor to the waiting crowds of terrified earthlings. That's the best image I can make, and I apologize for it. They didn't come out singing, just striding to the intro music. They didn't look at the audience or each other, just moved with that perfect, regal, KK superiority across the entire length of the dome all the way to the third stage. They just oozed superiority in their shiny silver suits.
Once they got to the final stage, the intro music turned into Family. Also a set of large balloons (positioned by juniors) popped and showered the place with KK helicopter papers. Sadly, none of them made it to the mezzanine. So they sang "Family" and I was ... well, kinda glad they got that out of the way. Then they did "Swan Song" with that ridiculous dance that Tsuyoshi hates sooooooooooo much... For these two, the focus was on KK on the third stage, and the kept everything pretty much centered there. Then they busted out "Glass no Shounen."
This was one of the coolest numbers I've seen, guys.
I love the song, I love the stupid dance, and I love how at this point, the performance just expanded to the entire dome. For some reason (and I assume that reason is Ko-chan), KK shows always incorporate the back-up smoothly and effectively. In this number, I got the overwhelming impression of a wolf pack. During the final "Staaaaaaaaaaaay wiiiiiiiiiiith meeeeeeeee," KK mounted the stairs on the main stage and the pack of Juniors and dancing girls formed below them in this tight knit ball of energy under sharp red lights, bursting out of it as the chorus returned. Everyone felt dangerous and awesome, even while singing such a ridiculous song. Also, I never lost sight of KK, and they never lost control of the performance. The dancers were just an extension of KK's awesomeness. That's how backup works, folks. "Glass No Shounen" was a damn near ideal KK performance.
However, I've been told that one doesn't attend KK shows for their performance. One attends for their MC's. At this point, we got our first taste of their live MC stylings.
Ko-chan: Akemashita Omedetou. 32sai no Domoto Koichi desu.
Audience: *cheers wild happy birthdays*
Tsuyoshi: Hagemashi... I mean... Akemashite Omedetou. 31sai no Domoto Tsuyoshi desu.
Tsuyoshi did not miss a cue to mock Ko-chan's hair, age, dog, mom, or general Koichi-ness all show. I've been hard on Tsuyoshi in the past, but now I'm starting to really see why his fan base is as large as it is. My loyalties remain unchanged, but 10 points to Tsuyoshi.
Once they'd finished mocking each other, they switched to mocking other Johnny's bands. See, they'd just hosted the JE countdown a few hours before. In the opening MC, they managed to lay the smack down on all the young whipper-snapper groups. They seemed to have a particular fondness for picking on KAT-TUN and HSJ. "Those KAT-TUN kids, always doing that lean over the catwalk thing. They look so dumb. And all the girls go 'Kyah!' People don't really go 'Kyah' for us anymore cuz we're so old now.
Audience: Makes admittedly lame "Kyah" noises.
Ko-chan: No, that's not what you sound like when the HSJ kids are running around. Just try it. One more time. Se no...
Audience: Kyah!
Ko-chan: Nah... guess it's impossible. How about just the guys?
Male Audience: Woo hoo! (Guys can go to KK shows)
Ko-chan: But, do it in a girl's voice. And girls? If they beat you? That's embarrassing. All right, guys, in a girl's voice. Se no!
Male Audience: "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"
KK (collapsing in laughter): You sound like horse jockeys!
Tsuyoshi: Nah, our fans are just too old for this, huh.
Ko-chan: People have gotten married during our career, you know. Who's married here?
Housewife audience: Kyaaaaah!
Ko-chan: So who--
That One Guy Always in the Audience: #$&**MARRIED*(&(*
Ko-chan: You are or you aren't?
That One Guy: I'M NOT MARRIED!
Ko-chan: Ah, you're one of those. Well, Japanese law is pretty strict right now...
See when KK finishes picking on other Johnny's bands, they start picking on their audience. Speaking of which, somewhere in this MC (it's probably entirely out of order and I apologize for that. I'm going off scattered notes and memories from the final of of the New Year's rockout. I wasn't in sound mind), Tsuyoshi turned to Ko-chan and said,
Tsuyoshi: Do you see that fan?
Ko-chan: Where?
Tsuyoshi: Right there
Ko-chan: No, my old eyes can't read that far away.
Tsuyoshi: No, just look. What do you think that says?
Ko-chan: hmmm... Ko... Kon something.
Tsuyoshi: Yeah, Kon something maybe. Cameras? Can we get a shot of that.
*cameras flip to reveal a fan that just has the word "unko" (poo) written on it. The letters were poorly arranged so they looked more like konu than unko.
*idiot fangirl pulls fan down*
Tsuyoshi: No, hold that up. Nice and high so everyone can see.
*idiot fangirl sheepishly obeys*
Tsuyoshi: I'm just imagining what went through this person's head. (*enter into high-pitched fangirl voice*) 'Oh what should I do! I got tickets to the Kinki show! And my seats are so good! Oh I want to make an uchiwa! Oh what should I say? What should I right? I've got it! Unko!"
People, if you don't want Tsuyoshi to take you out, maybe you shouldn't make stupid uchiwa.
Not even Johnny-san himself is safe from the KK mockstravaganza. Tsuyoshi does a rather killer impression of him which he high-lighted as he discussed the current tour.
Tsuyoshi: I bet you all are wondering what kind of show this would be, since we didn't release a single this year. Well, we thought we'd do a real Kinkirashii concert, and focus on the songs we wrote ourselves. And so we have the "Family: Kimi mo Domoto Family" tour. That wasn't my idea. That was Johnny-san's idea. I just wanted to call the tour after the single, but noooooooooooooo. "Dakara ... Kimi mo Domoto Family" he'd say. And I'd say, yes but the single is "Family - hitotsu ni na--" "Yes, dakara, Kimi mo Domoto Family." So that's the tour title. And it was his idea.
Readers might now be noticing this MC was a little long. This was the shortest MC of the day.
Eventually, they decided to sing again and being their "Kinkirashii" set of all songs written by Kinki (and by that I mean Tsuyoshi really...) for money. It was a real strong power medley with some of my faves like like "No Control" and "Suppin' Girl." The boys changed stages a lot here and Ko-chan even favored our side of the catwalk once. The songs were well mixed ... enough that I've forgotten a lot of the ones they used as I mostly just hung out and watched the shiny stuff. The strongest visual I remember is the rainbow juniors because they looked like something out of Up With People.
At some point, there was a costume change. Koichi came out in this great blue suit that was dapper and shiny and pretty much everything I love about Koichi. Tsuyoshi was wearing... one of his things. It was this white, flouncy neck ruff/swathe thing with a matching glove. Just one matching glove. Also a bowler hat with what appeared from my distant view to have felt spikes and a little flower in it. Koichi spent a good portion of one of the MC's questioning him about that ridiculous hat. I guess if you have to stand next to Koichi your entire career, you snap eventually. Tsuyoshi wears his ... things... with pride though, so I guess that's ok for him. I was glad he dressed fairly conservatively for the uchiwa shoot though so I'm not embarrassed to put it on my wall.
Then, I heard this guitar riff, and I got really excited because I realized it was the opening riff to "99% Liberty." Of all the songs in the KK catalog, this was the one I wanted the most, and Ko-chan was heading towards our side of the stage! I made some noises I'm not too proud of at this point. "99% Liberty" is my jam guys. It's one of my karaoke faves and just ... regular faves. The reason for this is largely the part where Ko-chan goes "Suki da suki suki da nante..." I was waiting for this line...
and then Matsuzaki or whatever his name from M.A.D. is came to our half of the stage, and the girls next to us erupted in shrieks that would make a dog cry out in pain. It was the most shrill, overblown, and overextended banshee cry I've ever heard. Right over my favorite part of my favorite song. Now I'm not against screaming for your favorite people but this is not an M.A.D. show and Ko-chan is SINGING!. Also Matsuzaki can't hear or see you. You are two stories up, under a shadowy balcony, and the houselights aren't up. He has no idea you're there and is pandering to the girls in front of him who are permitted to shriek.
I very nearly jumped over Ves's chair and delivered a penlight to the chick's neck. No one would have convicted me.
So yeah, that was embittering. Luckily, the KK then went into another extensive MC which washed most of my homicidal rage away. How is this possible? Because it was Ko-chan's birthday. M.A.D. wheeled out a cake covered in strawberries. Then we all sang Happy Birthday to the tune of a musical candle which Tsuyoshi lit and which played the song a little too fast for the audience to keep up with. Still, we valiantly sang "Happy Birthday to Ko-chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!" and he blew out the candles at which point there was cheering and confetti and a fantastic graphics display of a Ko-chan head sitting in a little F1 car on a strawberry cake with a big "Omedetou!" The exclamation point was even dotted with a chihuahua head. A million points, graphics staff. A million.
Ko-chan expressed a suitably grumpy gratitude for the cake which he said they'd all eat later. Tsuyoshi, however insisted he eat a strawberry now. That's tradition. Tsuyoshi then started to chant in a kind of slow tempo groove rap "Sutoraberri- Taimu." Ko-chan picked up the strawberry "Sutoraberri- Taimu." Ko-chan looked at Tsuyoshi like he was mentally unbalanced "Sutoraberri- Taimu." M.A.D. and friends, seeing a chance to make fun of Ko-chan, immediately jumped on board to back Tsuyoshi up, so the chant went more like, "Strawberry time, uh, yeah, uh huh, strawberry, strawberry time, uh yeah, ichigo, strawberry time. At some point Tsuyoshi disappeared back stage, but he kept on rapping. M.A.D. commented that it was rather creepy when they couldn't see him and just had this booming voice announcing "Strawberry Time" over the speakers.
So Ko-chan, seeing a chance to eat food, began eating strawberries. Tsuyoshi and M.A.D. continued to provide back up like the sparkliest episode of Sesame Street ever. "Strawberry Time, uh yeah, one strawberry... time, 2 2 strawberries, strawberry time, uh yeah, 3 strawberry time." Ko-chan just continued popping strawberries into his mouth while people dared him to get to 32. He made it to 18, announced that this meant he was 18 years old, and then tried vainly to move the show along.
It's hard to move the show along when Tsuyoshi comes out in his Parisian fashionista outfit though. Tsuyoshi announced( while wearing his 3 foot tall plush top hat and oversized sunglasses) in whatever the Japanese interpretation of a French accent is that he was a Parisian fashionista who had brought Ko-chan gifts for his birthday. For example, this lovely sash which he hand designed (*drapes birthday sash over Koichi), and this festive cap (plops cake shaped birthday hat on Ko-chan's head). It was worth all the money I spent on tickets just for this scene, guys. It really brought into perspective the difference between a solo Koichi show and a Kinki Kids show and the reason the KK function so well as a duo: someone has to keep their respective egos in check.
Ko-chan was mostly good-natured about the presents, and Tsuyoshi said there were more, in this bag. He handed Ko-chan the bag. Ko-chan peeked inside, and his eyes got very wide, and he shouted "Dassai!" I just about fell off the mezzanine laughing.
Ko-chan: No, this is way too lame. I am not putting this on camera this is so lame
Tsuyoshi: Really, because I thought we could all share.
*M.A.D. crowds around bag to look in*
M.A.D: Wow! That is dassai!
Tsuyoshi: Well, I also drew you a present.
Ko-chan: *raises eyebrow of suspicion.
Tsuyoshi: You all remember last year, I drew him a picture of his dog, Pan. Here's the one from last year. *pulls out a picture of a very well-drawn slice of bread* (Pan means bread in Japanese). But you didn't seem to like it, so this year I worked really hard, and I made another one. *pulls out picture of a very well drawn loaf of French bread.
Ko-chan: It is very... pan.
Tsuyoshi: You don't like it?
Ko-chan: I can see you worked very hard.
Tsuyoshi: Actually, I made another one in case you didn't like it.
Ko-chan: Really.
Tsuyoshi: *pulls out picture of a horrible overweight man in a chihuahua suit drooling and shouting "Papa"
Ko-chan: OMAE!!!!
(Bandit note: Tsuyoshi hates that dog)
Audience: KOWAI!
Tsuyoshi: I thought it was pretty good... well I did try one more time.
Ko-chan: Really... that's great *wanders over to investigate the mystery bag again.
Tsuyoshi: That's for later
Ko-chan: This is reeeeeeeeeeeeeeallly lame.
Tsuyoshi: *pulls out an absolutely accurate portrait of that chihuahua that I saw at Marine Messe*
Audience: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw
Ko-chan's heart grew three sizes that day. Then immediately shrunk again when Tsuyoshi began making fun of how that dog was with Koichi's mother right now who was probably putting it in some ridiculous outfit like a New Year's kimono. Apparently, Koichi's mom has a tendency to dress the dog up in little costumes like Halloween pumpkins and such. Tsuyoshi is the only person brave enough to insult Koichi's chihuahua and his mom in the same sentence.
At this point, Ko-chan investigated the bag again and how very lame it was. He then again pointed out that they'd been MCing for 40 minutes and we really could move it along to the next song.
Tsuyoshi: But we still have more presents. The back up teams have arranged an art exhibition for you.
Koichi: You are all so lame!
M.A.D. (and the other 2 backup guys whom I always just lump in with M.A.D.) all drew pictures of Ko-chan from his goony junior days. Ko-chan gives hope to goony kids everywhere. The portraits were... less than flattering. One of them made him look like the scary chihuahua guy. One guy had gone out and drawn little happy cartoon faces of all the team around Ko-chan (because the theme is Kimi Mo Domoto Family). We went through all 6 drawings and the subsequent Ko-chan barrage of insults that followed each one. Eventually, Tsuyoshi asked him to choose a winner. He selected the M.A.D. boy who'd drawn the family cartoon and was super jazzed about being honored so by Koichi-sama. They insisted on taking a commemorative photograph in the traditional Japanese style of handshake/Blue Steel eyes at the camera. The audience was beside itself laughing. So was Ko-chan really.
Ko-chan made one more attempt to look inside the bag before reminding everyone that we'd been MCing for an hour and maybe we should, I don't know, sing? Someone brought them guitars and Ko-chan asked, "Do you guys remember what song we played last? Cuz I really don't. No it wasn't 'Secret Code' you idiot!" Once the confusion was cleared up, the boys launched into a really killer acoustic medly.
The song that stands out for me in this medley is "Music of Life." I only wish they'd played more of it. It's such a pretty song and really highlights both members vocal skillz. Also, it's Tsuyoshi's jam. Koichi is less comfortable with acoustic guitar, and you can kinda tell he's dying to bust out the electric and do some "Velvet Rain," but he puts up with these sections to prove he can do that too. Another one was RenRui because I love that stupid song, and I was soooooo happy to hear it. Also in this section, they played a song that might have been "futari" (I'm kind of a bad KK fan...). I don't remember the song that well. What I remember, is Tsuyoshi began his grooving kind of rap, and I was like "You know what? Tsuyoshi can kinda rap. That's kinda neat." Then Ko-chan picked it up and I went "..."
There's something Ko-chan can't do! Having seen him sing, dance, act, play taiko, play guitar, command a small army, and fly, there is something Koichi can't do! Hallelujah!
So they played a lovely acoustic medley which, unfortunately ended on "Family" again. I wondered to myself, "Didn't they open with this one? Did I forget the opening song?" But no, they just... played it again. Huh, I thought.
This was followed by some of the dance stylings of M.A.D. and friends after which Kinki returned to rock the heck out of "Ai no Katamari," "Kanashimi Blue" and "Secret Code" which is pulling up for my 3rd favorite moment of the show. "Secret Code" was sooooooooooooooooooo cool. Kinki were so shiny and silver and the song rocks so very very hard. The used the gondolas for the only time that show, so Tsuyoshi came around to say hi. Sadly, Ko-chan didn't visit my side. Ah well, the numbers were still very fun. They had to settle the audience down with "Snow, Snow, Snow" (making use of the snow bubbles I am now very familiar with) and "Anniversary" as a closer. I was a little sad they didn't add "Harmony to December" to that mix, but I'm given to understand KK didn't write that one, so I'll give it a pass. As "Anniversary" finished, KK descended back inside the stage
The audience, of course, called them back for their encore. They appeared from opposite doors, then walked around the stage to exit through opposite doors, ignoring the audience's "EEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHH???!!!" KK loves messing with their people. Koichi, in particular. He took control of the ending MC, alternating between thanking people and telling them to shut the hell up.
Eventually, we got them to do "Kinki Kids Forever." They did both the English and Japanese versions with Tsuyoshi singing in English and Koichi in Japanese. I got the feeling Tsuyoshi is a real Eigo enthusiast. He just seems to enjoy his non-sensical forays into the language. I sorta respect that. This song is so ridiculous, and so fun to sing along with. I mean... Kinki Kids, forever, guys. *sniffs* We'll always be around. And we're contractually obligated to stay together. You can't stop Kinki. Everybody sing with us. *sniffs*
Koichi also decided it was time the audience earned their keep and they played funking "Family" again. This time, they barely sang and just led the audience along. If you didn't know the words when you got to the show, you sure knew them by this point.
Then they tried to leave, and we made them come back. Koichi announced that since it was the final show here, we could have just one more because he is a benevolent god. They played "Kono Mama Te wo Tsunaide" and "Aisare yori Aishitai."
After the last song, M.A.D. attacked Koichi in their usual mob strategy. Koichi then did a flying attack leap at one of the M.A.D. kids who caught him in a dramatic reverse-dip. Koichi enjoyed this so much he did it again.
Tsuyoshi: What are you doing?
Ko-chan: It's fun!
Tsuyoshi: It's stupid.
Ko-chan: You're stupid. Do it.
Tsuyoshi: No. It's stupid.
Audience: TSUYOSHI! TSUYOSHI!
Tsuyoshi: *dramatic sigh* This is stupid.
He selected the sturdiest M.A.D. drone and did the flying leap. M.A.D. have serious upper body strength and were able to pull it off.
Ko-chan: See! It's fun!
Tsuyoshi: Whatever...
Audience: Again!!!!
So the two of them ran to opposite M.A.D. kids and did a synchronized flying leap.
Tsuyoshi: Are you happy now?
Audience: Kinki! Kinki!
Tsuyoshi/Koichi: MURIMURIMURIMURI!
Tsuyoshi: Seriously, guys, that's only the second time I've ever done that.
Koichi: I'm 32 years old. Someone will get hurt. No.
Kinki is never afraid to tell their audience "no." Also that the audience is repugnant. *hearts*
Ko-chan: We're really happy to be able to--
Audience: KYAAAH!
Ko-chan: Urusai!
Tsuyoshi: You really ought to say "thank you."
Ko-chan: We're really happy to--
Audience: KYAAAH!
Ko-chan: URUSAI!
Tsuyoshi: Okay, well, on "urusai," we'll finish the show.
They mocked the audience a bit more before asking for their support in the new year and announcing they were working on their new single, so look for that. I'm looking forward to it.
We left the show, and realized it was now 9:30 pm. The show started at 5:30. That was a 4 hours show, guys. At least 2 hours were MC, I'm sure, but still. Loooooooooooooooong show. V1 and I hid in a Starbucks while the thousands of fans flooded the trains. We sat and reflected on the show we'd just seen. Honestly, I know if I hadn't seen it mere hours after Masha's New Year Countdown, I would have been more excited about it, but I still had a really good time.
I got really lucky with these tickets. I didn't expect to get any at all because this was the only date I applied for as I couldn't afford to take time off to follow KK anywhere else. It was only because I would already be in Yokohama that I could pull this off at all. I got the tickets for Koichi's birthday show and the first show of the New Year on a tour where they hadn't released a new album so they were playing just the songs they really enjoy playing and have a lot of pride in. And "Family." They played "Family" a lot, if I didn't mention that. I haven't listened to "Family" since the show. I blame Johnny-san.
The moral is that KK are a great stage presence, talented people who manage to work together despite being rather personalities. Tsuyoshi is, for all his weird Tsuyoshi-ness, a really talented artist who loves a live stage. Koichi is an amazing performance who puts mere mortals to shame (unless he's rapping). They play off of each other like the Kansai snarkmaster they are and they are mercilessly honest with their audience. I am so glad I had a chance to see these guys together in this country.
Aaaaaaaaaaaand, I'm almost caught up on the reports! Just Arashi left. And just in time two because yesterday I braved the falling ash to make it to 7-11 and score a couple of tix to Masha's show in Fukuoka in May. Not the best seats but I'll be there on the 3rd and 4th. *happy dance*