Skyscrapers Commentary
For
lenina20 who wanted a commentary on the last chapter of Ebb & Flow - "Skyscrapers Hide the Heavens". My comments are in blue.
Title: Skyscrapers Hide the Heavens (Bonus ending to Ebb & Flow)
Characters: Kate/Sawyer, ensemble
Rating: PG13
Disclaimer: Lost is not mine. This is what it would look like if it were.
Spoilers: Through the Looking Glass
Summary: Death and disaster is all they had together so it’s not surprising when they meet again at a funeral.
The original chapter can be found here.
x x x
Kate never thinks she’ll shake the feeling of walking into a room and knowing she doesn’t belong. All it took was a flannel shirt draped across the back of a chair and an overflowing ashtray on the coffee table for her space to morph into Wayne’s territory. It’s what occurred each time she reached for the brass doorknob on the front door of Monica and Kevin’s home sweet home. And it’s how she feels now, standing in Rose and Bernard’s cozy living room, surrounded by people who are in some ways her closest friends and in other ways complete strangers.
Kate is far from my favourite character but somehow she ended up co-starring in my first fic. I included her because I believed she was a key part of the post-Looking Glass story but I struggled to characterize her all along. There’s hero!Kate, nature!Kate, selfish!Kate, murderer!Kate, flirty!Kate, sullen!Kate etc. and I found it hard to strike a balance. However, I feel out of all the chapters, I did the best with her here, especially in this opening section.
I didn’t reveal that everyone was there for Rose’s funeral for a while because I wanted the reader to feel as disorientated at Kate and also because this whole series had a habit of starting each chapter by dropping characters immediately into the story rather continuing exactly where the last part had left off.
Maybe the problem is specific to houses; the intimacy of domestic spaces has never served her well. She’s always felt more comfortable in the middle of nowhere, lulled by the easy anonymity found in a truck stop off a highway only identified by a number or hiking through a field where all you can see for miles is grass and sky. This is how the island started out for her, and no matter how many times various forces attempted to purge her presence, she never once felt like a trespasser.
Except you can’t go home again, an expression that had certainly rung true before but now she understands it in a broader sense. Lost things can be found, she and Jack had proven that, but what’s found will be irrevocably changed by the experiences in between. Returning to the island had once seemed impossible but in the end what proved unachievable was not locating its shores but recapturing what she had felt when she was first there. Gone was the one thing that had given her a sense of belonging, an automatic acceptance and a right to be there simply by surviving the crash and all that came after. Her escape had severed the bond to both location and people. She is no longer one of them.
I think this paragraph could apply to the Oceanic 6. Other than Jin and Sun who had a history before the crash, I think it will be a huge challenge for the on and off island people to relate to each other in the future.
It’s partly the math, their extended stay on the island versus her own. She doesn’t mind not getting their new inside jokes (one mention of paprika has Sun giggling hysterically and Sayid shuffling his feet in embarrassment) and she’s relieved to have missed whatever terror causes Claire to go white at the sound of breaking glass. But she had always expected they would all move on once it was over, though to be fair she never assumed she would have a choice. To an extent, that’s what they all did, except three months later, at the first sign of a crisis, they’ve crossed borders and time zones to be together again. Almost of them. Among those who are here, Kate’s sure she’s the only one calculating how long before she can leave without appearing rude.
So much of the two years on the island was not explored in this story but I imagine it was mixture of quiet and scary days. So this brief glimpse into things Kate doesn’t understand was to show that. The paprika was a call back to the chapter where I had Sun and Sayid cooking the Christmas lunch, a task I imagine they handled on a number of special group occasions.
It’s different for Jack. If he feels like an outsider it’s not bothering him. Like her, his motivation to return had not been purely altruistic but his needs had been simpler. Getting everyone back in relatively good shape was all he asked for, and once that was accomplished he was able to relinquish everything the island had thrust upon him. It didn’t hurt that along the way he picked up a new identity. He’s taking being a brother and uncle just as seriously as he did being their leader but his new responsibilities rest easier on his shoulders.
Kate watches him now from across the room where he’s engaged in what appears to be the deepest of conversations with Aaron as they examine one by one Rose’s collection of marble animal figurines. Jack picks up an elephant and holds it in his palm so the little boy can run a finger over its tusks and trunk. She can’t hear what they’re saying but their faces are both awash in awe. When they move onto the giraffe, Jack catches her eye and he beckons her to join them. The offer’s tempting and that’s the problem; she’s played family with Jack before and she’s not sure she can step into that world again, even for a moment. So she taps her mug to indicate she needs a refill and takes off in search of the kitchen.
The scene with Aaron was a strong visual moment for me. Seeing Jack interact so easily with Aaron reminded Kate of how he stood by her side with Ellen. Of course, Kate does not say this to herself explicitly because I think she is good at pushing away painful memories. If anyone noticed, it wasn’t until part ten that Kate actually admitted she had purposely not been thinking of Sawyer all along. I thought I had left enough clues along the way to imply the pair had unfinished business and the timing of what she had with Jack was all wrong. Apparently I did not do this well enough because when I posted this part at fanfiction.net I annoyed the hell out of Kate/Jack fans who saw this as an abrupt turn to Kate/Sawyer at the last minute. That was my first exposure to how crazy this shipper wars could be!
On the way she stops to listen to Hurley hold a crowd of Nadlers captive with the story of how Rose attempted to start a choir on the island. Only Charlie humoured her and their one and only performance consisted entirely of Elvis Presley songs. When asked why they only had one concert, Hurley hesitates to reveal that Charlie died a week later and makes a big joke about them breaking up over artistic differences.
I couldn’t leave Charlie out completely so he and Rose got this little deleted scene. I picked Elvis because I thought he would fit both their tastes.
Kate nearly rethinks her destination when she has to pass through the gauntlet of couples flocked around the dining room table. They’re all discreetly touching, as if to reassure each other of their existence, on today of all days. Jin’s crouched down trying to coax Ki into eating something while Sun’s fingers lazily trail across his neck. Penny and Desmond’s hands are chastely clasped but to Kate they always look like they’re only three steps away from falling into bed. Sayid and Juliet stand hip to hip and eat off each other’s plates, betraying their frequent denials that there’s nothing going on between them. She squeezes by them with a weak smile and pretends she doesn’t hear Sun call her name.
Ah, the gauntlet of couples. Poor Kate! This was one of my favourite sections to write. It was fun to give a glimpse of where everyone else was at and indulge in the happy endings. Although each couple certainly had their own issues, this was not the space to go into them and Kate would have only seen their togetherness. I think Sawyer’s later comment about Ki being a spoiled brat was absolutely true because Sun and Jin would have totally indulged their little miracle. Penny and Des, falling into bed, well, now that they can actually have intercourse without fear I imagine they are indulging in that and all their favourite variations as often as possible. I doubt anyone noticed because it was a throwaway comment but I gave a hint to Sayid/Juliet way back in the chapter where Juliet broke into Ben’s house. I imagine this was something they never flaunted openly but everyone knew about. They thought it would end once they got off the island and in my mind had not seen each other in a while but were apparently slipping back into old habits.
Once in the kitchen, she picks up a towel and joins Rose’s sisters at the sink. They welcome an extra set of hands as much as she welcomes having something to do. They’re all gossiping about Rose’s first husband, Alan, how handsomely he’s aged and how well he’s done. If Kate remembered what he looked liked, she would have found Alan and sat with him because surely he’s the one person who feels equally out of the loop.
Given that Rose mentioned a daughter dying I assumed she was married before Bernard. I felt really bad for Alan and wanted to include a scene with him and Kate where their place as outsiders would not have been pointed out so obviously but the pacing seemed wrong to fit it in so I left it at this comment.
“It was a beautiful service.” Kate doesn’t hear Sun approach until she’s at her side holding a stack of dirty plates.
“It was.”
“In Korea, funerals are a much more sombre affair. This felt like a celebration of Rose’s life.”
I did research at the time about Korean funerals which now I can’t remember.
These are the types of things people say at funerals to make each other feel better but Sun is right, Rose’s was different. The hymns had been lively and light rather than mournful and instead of flowers decorating the church, everyone was given a package of seeds to take home. In his eulogy, Bernard had explained that Rose didn’t originally want a funeral because she felt it would be strange for her family and friends who had already buried her once. However, when he insisted he would need one, Rose had given in and planned it all herself. She had even written a poem to mark the occasion. The last stanza had stuck in Kate’s head:
Skyscrapers hide the heavens; it does not mean they are not there,
Mark your map accordingly and fly there if your dare.
Kate didn’t know much about poetry and wasn’t sure she understood it. Even though Bernard had been the one to read it, she had heard it delivered in Rose’s voice and thought that was the most important thing.
I suck at poetry. I worked forever on that stanza, even stealing the phrase “Skyscrapers Hide the Heavens” from the title of book about First Nations-white settler relations on my bookcase. I did feel the content, if not the flow of the lines, was a good fit and sounded like Rose to me.
“It’s nice how many people were able to come on such short notice,” Sun comments and suddenly her face is flooded with awareness that she’s wandered right into the one topic she hoped to avoid with Kate.
Don’t be so coy, Sun. I’m sure everyone was whispering about Sawyer!
No one’s mentioned Sawyer’s absence, at least not around her. Kate doesn’t know what bothers her more, that for Bernard’s sake he didn’t have the courtesy to show up or everyone thinks they need to tiptoe around her. Out of all the survivors only Sawyer and Locke are missing. No one’s surprised about John; he had vanished from the hospital in Christchurch about a week after they arrived. Kate had half expected the church doors to blow open during the service to reveal him rising from his wheelchair to walk down the aisle. Of course, there was no such dramatic interruption. They had left that world behind.
Sawyer had disappeared around the same time. One afternoon he mentioned he had things to take care of and said he would catch up with her later. She assumed that meant he was going out to run some errands but instead he had checked out of the hotel and left Christchurch without a word to anyone. He could be anywhere, which she gathered was one of a number of points he was trying to make, another obviously being, ‘see how you like it’.
I don’t think he meant it as a conscious snub but rather he needed space from Kate and everyone else. Of course, he knew exactly what he was doing by leaving so abruptly.
In the brief interim between finding him collapsed on the sand, covered in mud and ash, and watching him casually stroll out of the hotel lobby, his moods had fluctuated wildly. There had been moments of playfulness, like when he had held court on the deck of the rescue ship, taking bets, literally, on what had changed in the outside world. At other times, the light seemed too bright for him, even if they were indoors, and he would mumble something about a migraine and retreat to his room for hours. A few times she had caught him scowling at Jack with an intensity she hadn’t seen since the first days after the crash, only to find him minutes later with his arm slung around Jack’s shoulder, all smiles, ribbing him about his beard.
Jack/Sawyer subtext! But seriously, Sawyer would find it easier to fall back into old routines with Jack more so than Kate and he would have plenty of reason to be moody. Between returning to the real world and having to deal with this new but familiar Kate and all their history almost gave me a migraine too.
As for her, after they poured over Ellen’s pictures together he had barely acknowledged her presence, yet he seemed to watch her constantly. If anyone could keep his eyes glued to someone, while simultaneously ignoring that person, Sawyer could. In response she had done nothing, thinking it was right to give him his space but now she worried that had just encouraged him to leave.
I was proud of this description of Sawyer. It seemed right.
The night before he had left, it had come down to just the two of them, sitting across from each other at a table by the pool. Everyone else had gone to bed. After avoiding opportunities that would leave them alone, Sawyer seemed fairly relaxed with the situation. It had prompted her to ask, without really knowing if she was referring to that night or the near future, “Now what?”
In lieu of a smart or suggestive comment, he just reached under the table and picked up her foot, slipped off her sandal and pulled it into his lap. He brushed off some dirt and positioned her heel firmly between his thighs, then began kneading the sole, gently at first, but progressively pressing deeper. She had closed her eyes and scrunched down into her chair as his thumbs worked in tiny circles, then switched to long strokes, down from the toes to the heel, while his fingers caressed the sides and top. Although his hands never strayed higher than her ankle, she had felt them everywhere.
Sexy foot rub! I hope that worked for the readers as much as it did for me.
When he finally stopped, he had chuckled softly when she automatically switched feet. He didn’t touch the second one until she opened one eye and glared at him. He flashed her a crooked smile, then repeated the routine, sending shivers up her spine.
After he had finished, she asked, “Where did you learn to do that?”
“You mean why I didn’t do this before? You never sat still long enough.”
“I’m here now.”
“I know.” The way he had said it, so softly, she thought he had forgiven her for leaving him to go after Jack, for making the deal with Sam and for losing Ellen. Except he had taken off the next day with barely a backward glance.
I think Sawyer still had no idea what to think so this wasn’t about blame or forgiveness but trying to see if there was any connection left to care about.
Sun asks, “How’s your father?” and Kate snaps back to the present. She’s about to respond he’s the same when they’re interrupted by Walt coming to say goodbye. He’s here with both his grandmothers who share custody and coincidently live just blocks away from each other in Brooklyn. She gives him a hug and he warns her not to squeeze so tight because Bernard’s been feeding him all afternoon and he thinks he might burst.
So I had Bernard and Rose living in the Bronx, rather than Buffalo, for two reasons. I wanted the Kate and Sawyer scene to take place in Manhattan that same night. I was also inexplicitly concerned about making the funeral a reasonable trip for Walt’s Brooklyn grandmothers. In my head I justified the Bronx thing as their original house and Bernard’s practice had been sold and they bought in a bigger city so Rose could be close to good doctors or family or something. Again, this is probably a detail no one cares about but me!
When she hears Ki start crying, Sun excuses herself, leaving Kate to decide whether to follow or retreat. She chooses the latter and goes upstairs. In the spare room she finds Alex and her mother sorting through coats on the bed. Kate almost fails to recognize Danielle, who has managed to look both elegant and comfortable in a long black wool dress. She accepts their offer to share a cab into the city. They’ve already said their goodbyes, so Kate slips out with them, having only a slightest twinge of guilt about her hasty exit.
Happy ending for Alex and Danielle! I didn’t realize at the time how important that would be. I struggled with the idea of saying Danielle looking elegant but you know I think she could pull it off for a funeral even if day to day she looked more like her island self.
With Danielle and Alex there’s never any pressure to speak and Kate relaxes in their presence. As they leave the Bronx, Manhattan’s skyline dominates the view and Rose’s poem comes back to her. Skyscrapers hide the heavens; it does not mean they are not there. Was she referring to dying here in New York or was it supposed to be a metaphor for faith? Mark your map accordingly and fly there if your dare. Kate wonders if the last line was an allusion to the island or simply an instruction to live your life to the fullest.
Skyscrapers! Another reason to set the rest in Manhattan!
The cab drops Kate off at her hotel in midtown. Danielle and Alex say goodbye sleepily and she finds herself yawning too, even though it’s only eight o’clock. She crosses the lobby and waits for an elevator, torn between crawling into bed immediately or taking the time for a bath first. Bed, she decides as the elevator doors open with a ding and out steps a group of tourists, followed by Sawyer dressed in a rumpled suit.
How did they run into each other? This wasn’t fate. Bernard gave everyone a list of a few hotels with reasonable rates. Maybe Sawyer left it to chance or maybe he called to see where Ms. Austin was registered. Originally I was going to have Kate find Sawyer outside Bernard's house but then I didn't think he would even make it that far.
He waits for the tourists to go by and then saunters over to her like this is where they planned to meet all along. Suddenly she’s wide awake and angry as hell.
“You missed it.”
“Hello to you too.”
“What are you doing here?”
“Same thing you are, paying my respects.”
“Well, you’re late.”
“My plane was delayed.”
“Your plane from where?”
He swoops in close and she can smell he’s been drinking. “Miss me?”
So Sawyer spent the day in a bar just as worried as Kate was about mingling with the others but for different reasons. He rather risk being known as the asshole than admitting to feeling uncomfortable with seeing everyone again. And because this is Lost, while he was drinking, he probably ran into Ana Lucia’s father.
“No.” She pushes him back. “Sawyer…”
“What?”
“It’s been a long day. I’m going to bed.” She reaches for the elevator button again but he blocks her path.
Part of me wanted to encourage her to run away from this!
“Come have a drink with me.”
“No.”
“Let’s go for a walk.”
“No.”
He seizes her hand. “You can tell me all the gossip. Did Jack cry? Are Romeo and Juliet still denying they’re star crossed lovers?”
Of course Jack cried! But this was not so must a cut at Jack than a test to see if she had gone with him. And see, everyone knew about Sayid and Juliet.
“If you cared so much, you should have shown up.”
“I’m here now.”
So this is what Kate said to him during the foot rub and it would be like Sawyer to have spent the last few months periodically mulling over how he felt about that statement. Kate remembers it too and that’s what mollifies her somewhat.
Those words melt her anger and she allows him to pull her along and back out onto the street. Once they’re outside he turns quiet and releases her hand. They walk for a few blocks not saying anything. She steers them to Central Park because it’s strange enough being with him, let alone seeing him framed against neon, concrete and traffic. When they enter the park, the sounds and lights of the city dissolve and the silence between them crackles in the darkness. She wonders if he lost his nerve for whatever he planned to say and decides the best thing to get him going again is to call him out.
Just like Kate doesn’t fit in houses, I would have a hard time seeing Sawyer in a city. Not that he is awkward in it, but it would be strange.
“Your plane wasn’t delayed, was it?
Instead of riling him, her question has the opposite effect. “I got here yesterday,” he admits.
“Why didn’t you go to the funeral?”
“I’ve been to enough funerals. After the last one, I decided to quit.”
“Charlie’s?” she asks, thinking he couldn’t be talking about the Others who died of the sickness and she doubts they did anything for Ben and then she realizes he means hers and Jack’s funeral.
Penny did see crosses for them at the beach camp graveyard. I always imagined it was purposeful to have a marker for them there rather than Othersville where everyone was living at the time. I also think maybe Sawyer didn’t even go to the ceremony, but maybe showed up later to say his own bit to both of them, (possibly with his first bottle of home made wine in his hand), which started out pretty angry and then turned more sentimental.
“Yeah, Charlie’s,” he says, heavy with sarcasm.
When they come to the pond Kate decides she doesn’t want to walk anymore so she finds a bench. Sawyer follows but doesn’t sit beside her, he just stands with his hands stuffed in his jacket pockets, looking at the water and watching a man struggle to walk two Great Danes.
I later added the bit about the man and his dogs because this is 8 p.m. in NY. Central Park would be far from deserted.
Since he seems to be in a confessing mood, she tries again. “Where have you been?”
“I told you, I had things to take care of.”
“Like?”
“Like getting a haircut.” He points to his head but she hardly notices a difference so she doesn’t know if he’s kidding. “And it’s not the easiest thing in the world to break a cranky paraplegic out of a hospital and baby-sit him for three weeks while you find someone crazy enough to sail him back to whatever’s left of the island.”
Ever since the Brig I imagined Sawyer and John having a special, if awkward, bond.
“You helped Locke?”
“We made a deal, a long time ago. He wouldn’t stop us from leaving but if he was ever forced to go, I would help him get back.”
“Do you think he made it?”
Of course he did!
Sawyer shrugs and joins her on the bench but he only perches on the edge giving the impression he’s poised to leave at any moment. “You and Jack lived together in Los Angeles, right?”
I don’t think he was fishing here, just confirming the facts but Kate is super sensitive to anything related to Jack.
“For a while,” she says, praying this is not going to be all about Jack. “I mainly stayed in San Diego.”
“Did he ever tell you about his patients?”
That was not the follow-up question she expected. “No, not really. Why?”
“Just over a year ago he removed a little girl’s appendix. I knew her mom, Cassidy,” he pauses, searching her face for a reaction but she gives none. “Anyway, I looked up Cass when I got back to the States and found her in the Coffee Creek Correctional Facility in Oregon. She had some interesting stories to tell me.”
Cass was not ever a natural at cons so I imagine she got caught at some point which is why Clem was with her grandparents. This is a real low security women’s prison. I needed something on the West Coast, so as to be close enough to New Mexico for Cass’s parents to visit with Clem.
“An old business associate?”
“Something like that.”
“And the little girl?”
“Clementine. She’s my daughter.”
“How old is she?”
I had Kate asked this question rather than make the “dad” comment right away because I felt she needed time to process the revelation of Sawyer having another lost daughter.
“Six, almost seven.”
“Sawyer, you’re a dad.” It comes out matter-of-factly and free of jealousy. She knows, if he gives himself the chance, he could be a father and do it well.
He studies his hands. “Yeah.”
“Jack never said anything.”
“He couldn’t have known. Cass’s parents have custody of Clem. They’re from Phoenix and were on vacation at Disneyland when she got sick. At the time, none of them knew who I was, let alone that I was on Flight 815, the same as the infamous doc who saved their granddaughter.”
I figured Cass knew Sawyer was on the plane but never told her parents who Clem’s dad was. I also imagine if she had not been in jail she would have pursued Jack and Kate to find out more about their suspicious story.
“Small world.”
“It’s gets smaller. You still don’t know where I’m going with this?”
“No.”
“Cass said she always thought something was suspicious about Flight 815 because when the news broke about the two sole survivors, she knew Kate Austen wasn’t who the newspapers reported, some college grad off to see the world.”
“How...?” she starts, then stops as a series of locations parade through her mind: a gas station, bar and hotel scattered off an interstate in Iowa, settings for confessions about broken hearts and the failures of family and lovers. “Cassidy? What’s she in jail for?”
Several years had passed since she met Cass so I didn’t think it was strange for Kate to only pick up on the connection until now.
“Fraud.”
“My god.”
“You, me, Cassidy, Jack…And don’t get me started on Locke and his daddy issues. I gotta wonder if this is the longest con ever, Kate, and if so, who's pulling the strings, cause it isn’t me.”
This was one of my favourite lines. Although he was not the only one with weird connections, I think he has the most to date. I believe Sawyer would see this all as some sort of personal attack on him.
He appears so wounded by these coincidences that she unconsciously reaches out to stroke the hair that falls across his neck. He stiffens at her touch but she continues to play with it, run her fingers threw it and tug at the roots gently. Finally she feels some of his tension release and he settles back against the bench. Having closely associated touching his hair with touching him elsewhere, it’s a gesture she can't maintain for long, so she lets go and says, “If it’s a con, at least it’s over now and we won.”
“We won?”
“We all won the chance to start over.”
“Not Rose.”
“No,” she agrees. “Maybe it’s not about starting over but making peace with who you are, while you have the chance.”
“And how’s that working out for you?”
Now it’s her turn to study her hands and they seem older than the rest of her. “Some of us have more to make amends for than others.”
I was never all that comfortable which this section of dialogue but I needed them to get to these issues. In hindsight, it came across as too heavy handed. I don’t think Kate felt particularly responsible for leaving the others behind. She and Jack made the best of a bad situation. I also thought maybe she was referring to her pre-island life too. I do think she felt responsible for losing Ellen and always wondered if her daughter would have lived if she had given birth on the island. I should say now I didn’t originally plan to kill Ellen and it still haunts me. But I felt bad for letting the main heroine’s baby live and not Sun’s so I reversed their situations. Plus I felt having Ellen would tie Kate down too much. Also, this would add to Jack’s misery and the whole story was inspired by figuring out how he got so messed up in the Looking Glass. If I was a better writer I could have figured out a way to let Ellen live or would never have made Kate pregnant in the first place.
Sawyer lifts her chin up and holds it so she can’t look away. “I never blamed you for leaving. Well, I did but that was when I thought you had died for Jack. Once Penny and I talked, I realized you did what you had to. And who knows, something even worse might have happened if you had stayed.”
I imagine Penny and Sawyer’s talk was beyond awkward and that Desmond hovered nearby during their conversation because he would not have let her out of his sight on those first few days, weeks, months on the island. But Penny never told Desmond or anyone about the whole Jack/Kate/Ellen thing out of respect for Sawyer’s privacy. Only the four of them know about it.
Kate didn’t think she needed to hear those words from him but they lift some of the weight off her heart she’s been carrying since Ellen died. He releases her chin but they continue to stare at each other. “I wish I could know that for sure. I look at Ki and all I see is his strength.”
“Yeah, but he’s really spoiled and whiny. And have you seen his ears? There’s a reason I call him Dumbo.”
This is Sawyer trying to cut the tension here because he does not want to get into this now or ever. Also, Ki got a nickname on par with Turniphead.
“Sawyer! Is nothing sacred to you?” She slaps him lightly on his thigh but leaves her hand there. “What’s Clementine like?”
“Her ears are regular size, she’s smart as a whip, and entirely suspicious of me.”
“As she should be.”
He laughs but grows serious again. “You know it’s seven hours from Phoenix to San Diego by car but only ninety minutes by plane.” The statement comes out of nowhere but she senses this is what he was here to say all along. Her instinct is to tease him about this knowledge but he’s put himself on the line with this murky invitation and the slightest hint of mockery would have him retract it in a second. She also knows this is not the end of their questions for each other, especially with the new history laid at her feet, but the rest can only be answered with time.
Kate takes a deep breath and holds it longer than normal, so when she exhales, she’s light headed. “I like the desert.”
“Well, you should come out sometime.”
“Maybe I will.”
“Good.” He stretches his arm out, lets it rest lightly across on her shoulders. Kate had forgotten that he was always the tentative one, quick to mark his territory in front of others, but ever so careful, at least at first, when it was just the two of them.
I felt this sentiment was particularly right. Although I’m no expert on this pair, it seemed to me Sawyer was much more cautious with Kate when they were alone and preferred to let her come to him.
She feels it’s her turn to issue an invitation so she shifts closer, runs one hand down his thigh, while the other grasps his jaw, directs his lips to hers. Their foreheads touch and he waits for an eternity to respond, then kisses her softly and all too quickly. She thinks she’s misread his intentions until she feels his lips curl into a smile and realizes it’s not hesitation, he’s teasing her.
“Oh, you can do better than that,” she whispers.
“Sweetheart, this is just the beginning.”
I had those two lines in my head from the start as a way to end this part. I wanted to imply they were not completely in synch (if they ever were) and still had a lot to work out but…but they were willing to give it a try. So things are not resolved but they discovered that spark is still there.
x x x
lenina20 who wanted a commentary on the last chapter of Ebb & Flow - "Skyscrapers Hide the Heavens". My comments are in blue.
Title: Skyscrapers Hide the Heavens (Bonus ending to Ebb & Flow)
Characters: Kate/Sawyer, ensemble
Rating: PG13
Disclaimer: Lost is not mine. This is what it would look like if it were.
Spoilers: Through the Looking Glass
Summary: Death and disaster is all they had together so it’s not surprising when they meet again at a funeral.
The original chapter can be found here.
x x x
Kate never thinks she’ll shake the feeling of walking into a room and knowing she doesn’t belong. All it took was a flannel shirt draped across the back of a chair and an overflowing ashtray on the coffee table for her space to morph into Wayne’s territory. It’s what occurred each time she reached for the brass doorknob on the front door of Monica and Kevin’s home sweet home. And it’s how she feels now, standing in Rose and Bernard’s cozy living room, surrounded by people who are in some ways her closest friends and in other ways complete strangers.
Kate is far from my favourite character but somehow she ended up co-starring in my first fic. I included her because I believed she was a key part of the post-Looking Glass story but I struggled to characterize her all along. There’s hero!Kate, nature!Kate, selfish!Kate, murderer!Kate, flirty!Kate, sullen!Kate etc. and I found it hard to strike a balance. However, I feel out of all the chapters, I did the best with her here, especially in this opening section.
I didn’t reveal that everyone was there for Rose’s funeral for a while because I wanted the reader to feel as disorientated at Kate and also because this whole series had a habit of starting each chapter by dropping characters immediately into the story rather continuing exactly where the last part had left off.
Maybe the problem is specific to houses; the intimacy of domestic spaces has never served her well. She’s always felt more comfortable in the middle of nowhere, lulled by the easy anonymity found in a truck stop off a highway only identified by a number or hiking through a field where all you can see for miles is grass and sky. This is how the island started out for her, and no matter how many times various forces attempted to purge her presence, she never once felt like a trespasser.
Except you can’t go home again, an expression that had certainly rung true before but now she understands it in a broader sense. Lost things can be found, she and Jack had proven that, but what’s found will be irrevocably changed by the experiences in between. Returning to the island had once seemed impossible but in the end what proved unachievable was not locating its shores but recapturing what she had felt when she was first there. Gone was the one thing that had given her a sense of belonging, an automatic acceptance and a right to be there simply by surviving the crash and all that came after. Her escape had severed the bond to both location and people. She is no longer one of them.
I think this paragraph could apply to the Oceanic 6. Other than Jin and Sun who had a history before the crash, I think it will be a huge challenge for the on and off island people to relate to each other in the future.
It’s partly the math, their extended stay on the island versus her own. She doesn’t mind not getting their new inside jokes (one mention of paprika has Sun giggling hysterically and Sayid shuffling his feet in embarrassment) and she’s relieved to have missed whatever terror causes Claire to go white at the sound of breaking glass. But she had always expected they would all move on once it was over, though to be fair she never assumed she would have a choice. To an extent, that’s what they all did, except three months later, at the first sign of a crisis, they’ve crossed borders and time zones to be together again. Almost of them. Among those who are here, Kate’s sure she’s the only one calculating how long before she can leave without appearing rude.
So much of the two years on the island was not explored in this story but I imagine it was mixture of quiet and scary days. So this brief glimpse into things Kate doesn’t understand was to show that. The paprika was a call back to the chapter where I had Sun and Sayid cooking the Christmas lunch, a task I imagine they handled on a number of special group occasions.
It’s different for Jack. If he feels like an outsider it’s not bothering him. Like her, his motivation to return had not been purely altruistic but his needs had been simpler. Getting everyone back in relatively good shape was all he asked for, and once that was accomplished he was able to relinquish everything the island had thrust upon him. It didn’t hurt that along the way he picked up a new identity. He’s taking being a brother and uncle just as seriously as he did being their leader but his new responsibilities rest easier on his shoulders.
Kate watches him now from across the room where he’s engaged in what appears to be the deepest of conversations with Aaron as they examine one by one Rose’s collection of marble animal figurines. Jack picks up an elephant and holds it in his palm so the little boy can run a finger over its tusks and trunk. She can’t hear what they’re saying but their faces are both awash in awe. When they move onto the giraffe, Jack catches her eye and he beckons her to join them. The offer’s tempting and that’s the problem; she’s played family with Jack before and she’s not sure she can step into that world again, even for a moment. So she taps her mug to indicate she needs a refill and takes off in search of the kitchen.
The scene with Aaron was a strong visual moment for me. Seeing Jack interact so easily with Aaron reminded Kate of how he stood by her side with Ellen. Of course, Kate does not say this to herself explicitly because I think she is good at pushing away painful memories. If anyone noticed, it wasn’t until part ten that Kate actually admitted she had purposely not been thinking of Sawyer all along. I thought I had left enough clues along the way to imply the pair had unfinished business and the timing of what she had with Jack was all wrong. Apparently I did not do this well enough because when I posted this part at fanfiction.net I annoyed the hell out of Kate/Jack fans who saw this as an abrupt turn to Kate/Sawyer at the last minute. That was my first exposure to how crazy this shipper wars could be!
On the way she stops to listen to Hurley hold a crowd of Nadlers captive with the story of how Rose attempted to start a choir on the island. Only Charlie humoured her and their one and only performance consisted entirely of Elvis Presley songs. When asked why they only had one concert, Hurley hesitates to reveal that Charlie died a week later and makes a big joke about them breaking up over artistic differences.
I couldn’t leave Charlie out completely so he and Rose got this little deleted scene. I picked Elvis because I thought he would fit both their tastes.
Kate nearly rethinks her destination when she has to pass through the gauntlet of couples flocked around the dining room table. They’re all discreetly touching, as if to reassure each other of their existence, on today of all days. Jin’s crouched down trying to coax Ki into eating something while Sun’s fingers lazily trail across his neck. Penny and Desmond’s hands are chastely clasped but to Kate they always look like they’re only three steps away from falling into bed. Sayid and Juliet stand hip to hip and eat off each other’s plates, betraying their frequent denials that there’s nothing going on between them. She squeezes by them with a weak smile and pretends she doesn’t hear Sun call her name.
Ah, the gauntlet of couples. Poor Kate! This was one of my favourite sections to write. It was fun to give a glimpse of where everyone else was at and indulge in the happy endings. Although each couple certainly had their own issues, this was not the space to go into them and Kate would have only seen their togetherness. I think Sawyer’s later comment about Ki being a spoiled brat was absolutely true because Sun and Jin would have totally indulged their little miracle. Penny and Des, falling into bed, well, now that they can actually have intercourse without fear I imagine they are indulging in that and all their favourite variations as often as possible. I doubt anyone noticed because it was a throwaway comment but I gave a hint to Sayid/Juliet way back in the chapter where Juliet broke into Ben’s house. I imagine this was something they never flaunted openly but everyone knew about. They thought it would end once they got off the island and in my mind had not seen each other in a while but were apparently slipping back into old habits.
Once in the kitchen, she picks up a towel and joins Rose’s sisters at the sink. They welcome an extra set of hands as much as she welcomes having something to do. They’re all gossiping about Rose’s first husband, Alan, how handsomely he’s aged and how well he’s done. If Kate remembered what he looked liked, she would have found Alan and sat with him because surely he’s the one person who feels equally out of the loop.
Given that Rose mentioned a daughter dying I assumed she was married before Bernard. I felt really bad for Alan and wanted to include a scene with him and Kate where their place as outsiders would not have been pointed out so obviously but the pacing seemed wrong to fit it in so I left it at this comment.
“It was a beautiful service.” Kate doesn’t hear Sun approach until she’s at her side holding a stack of dirty plates.
“It was.”
“In Korea, funerals are a much more sombre affair. This felt like a celebration of Rose’s life.”
I did research at the time about Korean funerals which now I can’t remember.
These are the types of things people say at funerals to make each other feel better but Sun is right, Rose’s was different. The hymns had been lively and light rather than mournful and instead of flowers decorating the church, everyone was given a package of seeds to take home. In his eulogy, Bernard had explained that Rose didn’t originally want a funeral because she felt it would be strange for her family and friends who had already buried her once. However, when he insisted he would need one, Rose had given in and planned it all herself. She had even written a poem to mark the occasion. The last stanza had stuck in Kate’s head:
Skyscrapers hide the heavens; it does not mean they are not there,
Mark your map accordingly and fly there if your dare.
Kate didn’t know much about poetry and wasn’t sure she understood it. Even though Bernard had been the one to read it, she had heard it delivered in Rose’s voice and thought that was the most important thing.
I suck at poetry. I worked forever on that stanza, even stealing the phrase “Skyscrapers Hide the Heavens” from the title of book about First Nations-white settler relations on my bookcase. I did feel the content, if not the flow of the lines, was a good fit and sounded like Rose to me.
“It’s nice how many people were able to come on such short notice,” Sun comments and suddenly her face is flooded with awareness that she’s wandered right into the one topic she hoped to avoid with Kate.
Don’t be so coy, Sun. I’m sure everyone was whispering about Sawyer!
No one’s mentioned Sawyer’s absence, at least not around her. Kate doesn’t know what bothers her more, that for Bernard’s sake he didn’t have the courtesy to show up or everyone thinks they need to tiptoe around her. Out of all the survivors only Sawyer and Locke are missing. No one’s surprised about John; he had vanished from the hospital in Christchurch about a week after they arrived. Kate had half expected the church doors to blow open during the service to reveal him rising from his wheelchair to walk down the aisle. Of course, there was no such dramatic interruption. They had left that world behind.
Sawyer had disappeared around the same time. One afternoon he mentioned he had things to take care of and said he would catch up with her later. She assumed that meant he was going out to run some errands but instead he had checked out of the hotel and left Christchurch without a word to anyone. He could be anywhere, which she gathered was one of a number of points he was trying to make, another obviously being, ‘see how you like it’.
I don’t think he meant it as a conscious snub but rather he needed space from Kate and everyone else. Of course, he knew exactly what he was doing by leaving so abruptly.
In the brief interim between finding him collapsed on the sand, covered in mud and ash, and watching him casually stroll out of the hotel lobby, his moods had fluctuated wildly. There had been moments of playfulness, like when he had held court on the deck of the rescue ship, taking bets, literally, on what had changed in the outside world. At other times, the light seemed too bright for him, even if they were indoors, and he would mumble something about a migraine and retreat to his room for hours. A few times she had caught him scowling at Jack with an intensity she hadn’t seen since the first days after the crash, only to find him minutes later with his arm slung around Jack’s shoulder, all smiles, ribbing him about his beard.
Jack/Sawyer subtext! But seriously, Sawyer would find it easier to fall back into old routines with Jack more so than Kate and he would have plenty of reason to be moody. Between returning to the real world and having to deal with this new but familiar Kate and all their history almost gave me a migraine too.
As for her, after they poured over Ellen’s pictures together he had barely acknowledged her presence, yet he seemed to watch her constantly. If anyone could keep his eyes glued to someone, while simultaneously ignoring that person, Sawyer could. In response she had done nothing, thinking it was right to give him his space but now she worried that had just encouraged him to leave.
I was proud of this description of Sawyer. It seemed right.
The night before he had left, it had come down to just the two of them, sitting across from each other at a table by the pool. Everyone else had gone to bed. After avoiding opportunities that would leave them alone, Sawyer seemed fairly relaxed with the situation. It had prompted her to ask, without really knowing if she was referring to that night or the near future, “Now what?”
In lieu of a smart or suggestive comment, he just reached under the table and picked up her foot, slipped off her sandal and pulled it into his lap. He brushed off some dirt and positioned her heel firmly between his thighs, then began kneading the sole, gently at first, but progressively pressing deeper. She had closed her eyes and scrunched down into her chair as his thumbs worked in tiny circles, then switched to long strokes, down from the toes to the heel, while his fingers caressed the sides and top. Although his hands never strayed higher than her ankle, she had felt them everywhere.
Sexy foot rub! I hope that worked for the readers as much as it did for me.
When he finally stopped, he had chuckled softly when she automatically switched feet. He didn’t touch the second one until she opened one eye and glared at him. He flashed her a crooked smile, then repeated the routine, sending shivers up her spine.
After he had finished, she asked, “Where did you learn to do that?”
“You mean why I didn’t do this before? You never sat still long enough.”
“I’m here now.”
“I know.” The way he had said it, so softly, she thought he had forgiven her for leaving him to go after Jack, for making the deal with Sam and for losing Ellen. Except he had taken off the next day with barely a backward glance.
I think Sawyer still had no idea what to think so this wasn’t about blame or forgiveness but trying to see if there was any connection left to care about.
Sun asks, “How’s your father?” and Kate snaps back to the present. She’s about to respond he’s the same when they’re interrupted by Walt coming to say goodbye. He’s here with both his grandmothers who share custody and coincidently live just blocks away from each other in Brooklyn. She gives him a hug and he warns her not to squeeze so tight because Bernard’s been feeding him all afternoon and he thinks he might burst.
So I had Bernard and Rose living in the Bronx, rather than Buffalo, for two reasons. I wanted the Kate and Sawyer scene to take place in Manhattan that same night. I was also inexplicitly concerned about making the funeral a reasonable trip for Walt’s Brooklyn grandmothers. In my head I justified the Bronx thing as their original house and Bernard’s practice had been sold and they bought in a bigger city so Rose could be close to good doctors or family or something. Again, this is probably a detail no one cares about but me!
When she hears Ki start crying, Sun excuses herself, leaving Kate to decide whether to follow or retreat. She chooses the latter and goes upstairs. In the spare room she finds Alex and her mother sorting through coats on the bed. Kate almost fails to recognize Danielle, who has managed to look both elegant and comfortable in a long black wool dress. She accepts their offer to share a cab into the city. They’ve already said their goodbyes, so Kate slips out with them, having only a slightest twinge of guilt about her hasty exit.
Happy ending for Alex and Danielle! I didn’t realize at the time how important that would be. I struggled with the idea of saying Danielle looking elegant but you know I think she could pull it off for a funeral even if day to day she looked more like her island self.
With Danielle and Alex there’s never any pressure to speak and Kate relaxes in their presence. As they leave the Bronx, Manhattan’s skyline dominates the view and Rose’s poem comes back to her. Skyscrapers hide the heavens; it does not mean they are not there. Was she referring to dying here in New York or was it supposed to be a metaphor for faith? Mark your map accordingly and fly there if your dare. Kate wonders if the last line was an allusion to the island or simply an instruction to live your life to the fullest.
Skyscrapers! Another reason to set the rest in Manhattan!
The cab drops Kate off at her hotel in midtown. Danielle and Alex say goodbye sleepily and she finds herself yawning too, even though it’s only eight o’clock. She crosses the lobby and waits for an elevator, torn between crawling into bed immediately or taking the time for a bath first. Bed, she decides as the elevator doors open with a ding and out steps a group of tourists, followed by Sawyer dressed in a rumpled suit.
How did they run into each other? This wasn’t fate. Bernard gave everyone a list of a few hotels with reasonable rates. Maybe Sawyer left it to chance or maybe he called to see where Ms. Austin was registered. Originally I was going to have Kate find Sawyer outside Bernard's house but then I didn't think he would even make it that far.
He waits for the tourists to go by and then saunters over to her like this is where they planned to meet all along. Suddenly she’s wide awake and angry as hell.
“You missed it.”
“Hello to you too.”
“What are you doing here?”
“Same thing you are, paying my respects.”
“Well, you’re late.”
“My plane was delayed.”
“Your plane from where?”
He swoops in close and she can smell he’s been drinking. “Miss me?”
So Sawyer spent the day in a bar just as worried as Kate was about mingling with the others but for different reasons. He rather risk being known as the asshole than admitting to feeling uncomfortable with seeing everyone again. And because this is Lost, while he was drinking, he probably ran into Ana Lucia’s father.
“No.” She pushes him back. “Sawyer…”
“What?”
“It’s been a long day. I’m going to bed.” She reaches for the elevator button again but he blocks her path.
Part of me wanted to encourage her to run away from this!
“Come have a drink with me.”
“No.”
“Let’s go for a walk.”
“No.”
He seizes her hand. “You can tell me all the gossip. Did Jack cry? Are Romeo and Juliet still denying they’re star crossed lovers?”
Of course Jack cried! But this was not so must a cut at Jack than a test to see if she had gone with him. And see, everyone knew about Sayid and Juliet.
“If you cared so much, you should have shown up.”
“I’m here now.”
So this is what Kate said to him during the foot rub and it would be like Sawyer to have spent the last few months periodically mulling over how he felt about that statement. Kate remembers it too and that’s what mollifies her somewhat.
Those words melt her anger and she allows him to pull her along and back out onto the street. Once they’re outside he turns quiet and releases her hand. They walk for a few blocks not saying anything. She steers them to Central Park because it’s strange enough being with him, let alone seeing him framed against neon, concrete and traffic. When they enter the park, the sounds and lights of the city dissolve and the silence between them crackles in the darkness. She wonders if he lost his nerve for whatever he planned to say and decides the best thing to get him going again is to call him out.
Just like Kate doesn’t fit in houses, I would have a hard time seeing Sawyer in a city. Not that he is awkward in it, but it would be strange.
“Your plane wasn’t delayed, was it?
Instead of riling him, her question has the opposite effect. “I got here yesterday,” he admits.
“Why didn’t you go to the funeral?”
“I’ve been to enough funerals. After the last one, I decided to quit.”
“Charlie’s?” she asks, thinking he couldn’t be talking about the Others who died of the sickness and she doubts they did anything for Ben and then she realizes he means hers and Jack’s funeral.
Penny did see crosses for them at the beach camp graveyard. I always imagined it was purposeful to have a marker for them there rather than Othersville where everyone was living at the time. I also think maybe Sawyer didn’t even go to the ceremony, but maybe showed up later to say his own bit to both of them, (possibly with his first bottle of home made wine in his hand), which started out pretty angry and then turned more sentimental.
“Yeah, Charlie’s,” he says, heavy with sarcasm.
When they come to the pond Kate decides she doesn’t want to walk anymore so she finds a bench. Sawyer follows but doesn’t sit beside her, he just stands with his hands stuffed in his jacket pockets, looking at the water and watching a man struggle to walk two Great Danes.
I later added the bit about the man and his dogs because this is 8 p.m. in NY. Central Park would be far from deserted.
Since he seems to be in a confessing mood, she tries again. “Where have you been?”
“I told you, I had things to take care of.”
“Like?”
“Like getting a haircut.” He points to his head but she hardly notices a difference so she doesn’t know if he’s kidding. “And it’s not the easiest thing in the world to break a cranky paraplegic out of a hospital and baby-sit him for three weeks while you find someone crazy enough to sail him back to whatever’s left of the island.”
Ever since the Brig I imagined Sawyer and John having a special, if awkward, bond.
“You helped Locke?”
“We made a deal, a long time ago. He wouldn’t stop us from leaving but if he was ever forced to go, I would help him get back.”
“Do you think he made it?”
Of course he did!
Sawyer shrugs and joins her on the bench but he only perches on the edge giving the impression he’s poised to leave at any moment. “You and Jack lived together in Los Angeles, right?”
I don’t think he was fishing here, just confirming the facts but Kate is super sensitive to anything related to Jack.
“For a while,” she says, praying this is not going to be all about Jack. “I mainly stayed in San Diego.”
“Did he ever tell you about his patients?”
That was not the follow-up question she expected. “No, not really. Why?”
“Just over a year ago he removed a little girl’s appendix. I knew her mom, Cassidy,” he pauses, searching her face for a reaction but she gives none. “Anyway, I looked up Cass when I got back to the States and found her in the Coffee Creek Correctional Facility in Oregon. She had some interesting stories to tell me.”
Cass was not ever a natural at cons so I imagine she got caught at some point which is why Clem was with her grandparents. This is a real low security women’s prison. I needed something on the West Coast, so as to be close enough to New Mexico for Cass’s parents to visit with Clem.
“An old business associate?”
“Something like that.”
“And the little girl?”
“Clementine. She’s my daughter.”
“How old is she?”
I had Kate asked this question rather than make the “dad” comment right away because I felt she needed time to process the revelation of Sawyer having another lost daughter.
“Six, almost seven.”
“Sawyer, you’re a dad.” It comes out matter-of-factly and free of jealousy. She knows, if he gives himself the chance, he could be a father and do it well.
He studies his hands. “Yeah.”
“Jack never said anything.”
“He couldn’t have known. Cass’s parents have custody of Clem. They’re from Phoenix and were on vacation at Disneyland when she got sick. At the time, none of them knew who I was, let alone that I was on Flight 815, the same as the infamous doc who saved their granddaughter.”
I figured Cass knew Sawyer was on the plane but never told her parents who Clem’s dad was. I also imagine if she had not been in jail she would have pursued Jack and Kate to find out more about their suspicious story.
“Small world.”
“It’s gets smaller. You still don’t know where I’m going with this?”
“No.”
“Cass said she always thought something was suspicious about Flight 815 because when the news broke about the two sole survivors, she knew Kate Austen wasn’t who the newspapers reported, some college grad off to see the world.”
“How...?” she starts, then stops as a series of locations parade through her mind: a gas station, bar and hotel scattered off an interstate in Iowa, settings for confessions about broken hearts and the failures of family and lovers. “Cassidy? What’s she in jail for?”
Several years had passed since she met Cass so I didn’t think it was strange for Kate to only pick up on the connection until now.
“Fraud.”
“My god.”
“You, me, Cassidy, Jack…And don’t get me started on Locke and his daddy issues. I gotta wonder if this is the longest con ever, Kate, and if so, who's pulling the strings, cause it isn’t me.”
This was one of my favourite lines. Although he was not the only one with weird connections, I think he has the most to date. I believe Sawyer would see this all as some sort of personal attack on him.
He appears so wounded by these coincidences that she unconsciously reaches out to stroke the hair that falls across his neck. He stiffens at her touch but she continues to play with it, run her fingers threw it and tug at the roots gently. Finally she feels some of his tension release and he settles back against the bench. Having closely associated touching his hair with touching him elsewhere, it’s a gesture she can't maintain for long, so she lets go and says, “If it’s a con, at least it’s over now and we won.”
“We won?”
“We all won the chance to start over.”
“Not Rose.”
“No,” she agrees. “Maybe it’s not about starting over but making peace with who you are, while you have the chance.”
“And how’s that working out for you?”
Now it’s her turn to study her hands and they seem older than the rest of her. “Some of us have more to make amends for than others.”
I was never all that comfortable which this section of dialogue but I needed them to get to these issues. In hindsight, it came across as too heavy handed. I don’t think Kate felt particularly responsible for leaving the others behind. She and Jack made the best of a bad situation. I also thought maybe she was referring to her pre-island life too. I do think she felt responsible for losing Ellen and always wondered if her daughter would have lived if she had given birth on the island. I should say now I didn’t originally plan to kill Ellen and it still haunts me. But I felt bad for letting the main heroine’s baby live and not Sun’s so I reversed their situations. Plus I felt having Ellen would tie Kate down too much. Also, this would add to Jack’s misery and the whole story was inspired by figuring out how he got so messed up in the Looking Glass. If I was a better writer I could have figured out a way to let Ellen live or would never have made Kate pregnant in the first place.
Sawyer lifts her chin up and holds it so she can’t look away. “I never blamed you for leaving. Well, I did but that was when I thought you had died for Jack. Once Penny and I talked, I realized you did what you had to. And who knows, something even worse might have happened if you had stayed.”
I imagine Penny and Sawyer’s talk was beyond awkward and that Desmond hovered nearby during their conversation because he would not have let her out of his sight on those first few days, weeks, months on the island. But Penny never told Desmond or anyone about the whole Jack/Kate/Ellen thing out of respect for Sawyer’s privacy. Only the four of them know about it.
Kate didn’t think she needed to hear those words from him but they lift some of the weight off her heart she’s been carrying since Ellen died. He releases her chin but they continue to stare at each other. “I wish I could know that for sure. I look at Ki and all I see is his strength.”
“Yeah, but he’s really spoiled and whiny. And have you seen his ears? There’s a reason I call him Dumbo.”
This is Sawyer trying to cut the tension here because he does not want to get into this now or ever. Also, Ki got a nickname on par with Turniphead.
“Sawyer! Is nothing sacred to you?” She slaps him lightly on his thigh but leaves her hand there. “What’s Clementine like?”
“Her ears are regular size, she’s smart as a whip, and entirely suspicious of me.”
“As she should be.”
He laughs but grows serious again. “You know it’s seven hours from Phoenix to San Diego by car but only ninety minutes by plane.” The statement comes out of nowhere but she senses this is what he was here to say all along. Her instinct is to tease him about this knowledge but he’s put himself on the line with this murky invitation and the slightest hint of mockery would have him retract it in a second. She also knows this is not the end of their questions for each other, especially with the new history laid at her feet, but the rest can only be answered with time.
Kate takes a deep breath and holds it longer than normal, so when she exhales, she’s light headed. “I like the desert.”
“Well, you should come out sometime.”
“Maybe I will.”
“Good.” He stretches his arm out, lets it rest lightly across on her shoulders. Kate had forgotten that he was always the tentative one, quick to mark his territory in front of others, but ever so careful, at least at first, when it was just the two of them.
I felt this sentiment was particularly right. Although I’m no expert on this pair, it seemed to me Sawyer was much more cautious with Kate when they were alone and preferred to let her come to him.
She feels it’s her turn to issue an invitation so she shifts closer, runs one hand down his thigh, while the other grasps his jaw, directs his lips to hers. Their foreheads touch and he waits for an eternity to respond, then kisses her softly and all too quickly. She thinks she’s misread his intentions until she feels his lips curl into a smile and realizes it’s not hesitation, he’s teasing her.
“Oh, you can do better than that,” she whispers.
“Sweetheart, this is just the beginning.”
I had those two lines in my head from the start as a way to end this part. I wanted to imply they were not completely in synch (if they ever were) and still had a lot to work out but…but they were willing to give it a try. So things are not resolved but they discovered that spark is still there.
x x x