What an excellent idea! And what an excellent developing. Wow. I'm kind of stunned. Mh, okay, in order.
Kate: I loved this section, regardless of my issues with her. I loved the whole take on the imprisonment, how she thought about Mars while being in the place where he wanted her to be and how you showed the way the island changed her (seemingly) for the better, since she's earned her toughness. Loved also the detail about Sawyer looking guilty of even falling asleep.
Ben: I loved this one! Ben is as creepy as he should be and I love how the conversation between him and Jack goes. He had some good observation about Jack being a jailer, I liked how he tries to mindfuck Jack already without being that much able to do it (because the ending doesn't seem like he managed to, at least not that much) and the slips about his true self were chilling. Also, best title paragraph ever.
Sawyer: great setting, I loved how you dealt with his time in prison. It's exactly as I though he would behave, and it's nice to see that he got the same role he was going to have on island.
The work is menial and the library is as pathetic as the company.
And I totally love this sentence, for some reason.
Desmond: not surprisingly, my favorite. I absolutely loved how you fleshed it out, with one part as his POV, one from an external observer who actually makes observation and one from whoever watched them. The first one shows that the monk had some good understanding of people, the second just broke me because one knows that Penny isn't ever going to read the letter and the irony of him taking the computer course is a very good touch. The last part was even creepier than Ben's, but an awesome kind of creepy, also because it notes down everything, even the smallest things. It feels very 1984, if I make sense. Especially the Chopin-masturbating parts (he listens to Chopin! I love him even more now).
K.I. and D.H. debate who would be a better lover, Margaret Thatcher or Princess Diana. No conclusion is reached.
Though this is the part that scares me more.
Hurley: Loved the Twilight Zone reference! Because the Island is kinda a twilight zone, thinking about it. The last paragraph was terrific, however, especially in him seeing himself as the bad guy.
Juliet: this may be my second favorite after Des. I love how you fleshed her out, how she always feels Ben watching her and the reasons she goes to the deck. You also feel for how the poor woman can't seem to get a thing right at what she should do best. Great ending, too (I sincerely hope she gets to see it).
Thanks so much for the thoughtful and detailed comment. I really appreciate the time you took to go through each section. So, forgive me when I ramble back at you!
Kate: I think we have similar feelings about Kate. I really find her hard to like most of the time, and not in the way unlikeable people can be fascinating characters. I haven't written her at all since Ebb and Flow but I felt she had to be a part of this. So I'm glad this section worked for you. Sleeping Sawyer was a nice image to plant.
Ben: Originally I planned this section to be with Locke but then Jack keep sneaking in and showing me he could be a player. I think he realized there was more to Henry's speech than a simple story and refused to get pulled into it a mindfuck. Unfortunately he did not have the option when the roles were reversed a week later.
Sawyer: I feel this is the weakest section and nearly cut it. I so wanted to think of an original prison con for Sawyer but I couldn't see any of the classic cons set-ups working and was stumped at something original. But I kept it in because you can't do a story about prison and not include him. (Of course the same can be said about Sayid but I was too worn out by the end to fit him in properly.)
Des: I’m so glad this worked for you. I thought the style was a bit risky. I discovered how seriously boring Desmond's days would have been in the hatch. It was hard enough for me to fill his hours; I can't imagine how challenging it would be to live my version. The Chopin section...well, at that point in the other side of the story, a woman named Janie broke into the Pearl and told Mikhail to take a break...
Hurley: This is my favourite section. I just wanted to give him a hug.
Juliet: After tackling Kate, I figured I owed it to Juliet to do her too!
Rambling is good! And yeah, with such a theme you have to have Kate and Sawyer ;)
The Chopin section...well, at that point in the other side of the story, a woman named Janie broke into the Pearl and told Mikhail to take a break...
And soon after, while Mikhail was distracted by said woman's father who came with her and is a complete chess fanatic, KI found himself alone and Darlton had another time travel issue to explain...
Watch Mr. Tangerine, that Mikhail is a tricky sucker. Hmmmm...Wouldn't it be better to time travel Des? I mean he could briefly visit present day Rome/Toronto and then we could deposit him gently in London?
He'll have fun. Chess are to him what Desmond is to me, or maybe I should say what the combination of Des, Boone and Sayid is to me. I guess they'll have a good time together.
And I agree to the time travel. I'll send him to you in the utmost proper conditions and I'm sure Penny won't mind, she knows we ultimately root for her.
Kate: I loved this section, regardless of my issues with her. I loved the whole take on the imprisonment, how she thought about Mars while being in the place where he wanted her to be and how you showed the way the island changed her (seemingly) for the better, since she's earned her toughness. Loved also the detail about Sawyer looking guilty of even falling asleep.
Ben: I loved this one! Ben is as creepy as he should be and I love how the conversation between him and Jack goes. He had some good observation about Jack being a jailer, I liked how he tries to mindfuck Jack already without being that much able to do it (because the ending doesn't seem like he managed to, at least not that much) and the slips about his true self were chilling. Also, best title paragraph ever.
Sawyer: great setting, I loved how you dealt with his time in prison. It's exactly as I though he would behave, and it's nice to see that he got the same role he was going to have on island.
The work is menial and the library is as pathetic as the company.
And I totally love this sentence, for some reason.
Desmond: not surprisingly, my favorite. I absolutely loved how you fleshed it out, with one part as his POV, one from an external observer who actually makes observation and one from whoever watched them. The first one shows that the monk had some good understanding of people, the second just broke me because one knows that Penny isn't ever going to read the letter and the irony of him taking the computer course is a very good touch. The last part was even creepier than Ben's, but an awesome kind of creepy, also because it notes down everything, even the smallest things. It feels very 1984, if I make sense. Especially the Chopin-masturbating parts (he listens to Chopin! I love him even more now).
K.I. and D.H. debate who would be a better lover, Margaret Thatcher or Princess Diana. No conclusion is reached.
Though this is the part that scares me more.
Hurley: Loved the Twilight Zone reference! Because the Island is kinda a twilight zone, thinking about it. The last paragraph was terrific, however, especially in him seeing himself as the bad guy.
Juliet: this may be my second favorite after Des. I love how you fleshed her out, how she always feels Ben watching her and the reasons she goes to the deck. You also feel for how the poor woman can't seem to get a thing right at what she should do best. Great ending, too (I sincerely hope she gets to see it).
Uhm, I rambled, I'm afraid... ;)
Reply
Kate: I think we have similar feelings about Kate. I really find her hard to like most of the time, and not in the way unlikeable people can be fascinating characters. I haven't written her at all since Ebb and Flow but I felt she had to be a part of this. So I'm glad this section worked for you. Sleeping Sawyer was a nice image to plant.
Ben: Originally I planned this section to be with Locke but then Jack keep sneaking in and showing me he could be a player. I think he realized there was more to Henry's speech than a simple story and refused to get pulled into it a mindfuck. Unfortunately he did not have the option when the roles were reversed a week later.
Sawyer: I feel this is the weakest section and nearly cut it. I so wanted to think of an original prison con for Sawyer but I couldn't see any of the classic cons set-ups working and was stumped at something original. But I kept it in because you can't do a story about prison and not include him. (Of course the same can be said about Sayid but I was too worn out by the end to fit him in properly.)
Des: I’m so glad this worked for you. I thought the style was a bit risky. I discovered how seriously boring Desmond's days would have been in the hatch. It was hard enough for me to fill his hours; I can't imagine how challenging it would be to live my version. The Chopin section...well, at that point in the other side of the story, a woman named Janie broke into the Pearl and told Mikhail to take a break...
Hurley: This is my favourite section. I just wanted to give him a hug.
Juliet: After tackling Kate, I figured I owed it to Juliet to do her too!
Thanks for reading. I'm glad you liked it!
Reply
The Chopin section...well, at that point in the other side of the story, a woman named Janie broke into the Pearl and told Mikhail to take a break...
And soon after, while Mikhail was distracted by said woman's father who came with her and is a complete chess fanatic, KI found himself alone and Darlton had another time travel issue to explain...
Reply
Reply
And I agree to the time travel. I'll send him to you in the utmost proper conditions and I'm sure Penny won't mind, she knows we ultimately root for her.
Reply
Leave a comment