(no subject)
Titration woes. I'm up to 25mg every day and should have one more week on it. Unfortunately psych is on holiday so I have 2 more weeks of 25mg. Unfortunately at this dose it is common to be pretty depressed- even more than usual, and certainly experience much more rapid cycling. It feels like an awkward stage with my brain not quite knowing what I'm doing to it yet. Goal dose of 200mg seems very far away (about 2-3months) and in the mean time my arms have again become pin cushions. I'm glad I have lorazepam. I'm not happy that I feel as though I'm floating through life entirely unconnected. I suppose I've always felt like I am in a Gondry film, where reality melts into imagination. I'm in the slight disconnect between the two worlds, an outsider observing my own life. It's a physically uncomfortable way to live.
I have to remind myself every day that the little things I can get up and do are important. Feeding my cats is important, watering my plants is important, feeding myself is less important.
I'm tired of being like this and being in pain all the time. Maybe one day things will get better.
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