Might be a quarter life crisis, or just a stirring in my soul.
I had to own up to something I've avoided admitting for most of my life today. My boyfriend stated it correctly when he said "Stop being so bloody indecisive!"
It's true. I'm indecisive. Sometimes I think the image I have of myself is completely different than what I project in reality. The truth is most of the decisions I've made in my life were based on outside influences. Being the youngest of 3 girls had a lot to do with it. All the sports (volleyball, soccer, basketball, track) and activities (photography - I was horrible at it!, ASB) I did were the same ones my sister's did. When I think back, the the things I liked the most were the ones I chose ON MY OWN.
One of the only decisions I've ever been 100% sure about was moving to London. (Both times). And when I lived there I WAS a different person, in a good way. I came into my own. My sister said it herself when she visited me in London "I wish you were the same way at home that you are here, you're so much more confident, so much more sure of yourself. You know exactly what you want and go for it. You seem so unsure of yourself at home." But wait, I've always thought of myself as confident and outgoing!?! In truth is I always look for approval from my family. I'm always trying to impress them. In London I was free from all of the history that exists here in Washington. It's unnerving to me that I have no life plan.
I made a list of all the things that I want to do with my life. The things that popped into my head immediately. It's a turning point. I need to pursue these passions. If I don't I'm afraid I will lose myself even more than I already have.
It's true. I'm indecisive. Sometimes I think the image I have of myself is completely different than what I project in reality. The truth is most of the decisions I've made in my life were based on outside influences. Being the youngest of 3 girls had a lot to do with it. All the sports (volleyball, soccer, basketball, track) and activities (photography - I was horrible at it!, ASB) I did were the same ones my sister's did. When I think back, the the things I liked the most were the ones I chose ON MY OWN.
One of the only decisions I've ever been 100% sure about was moving to London. (Both times). And when I lived there I WAS a different person, in a good way. I came into my own. My sister said it herself when she visited me in London "I wish you were the same way at home that you are here, you're so much more confident, so much more sure of yourself. You know exactly what you want and go for it. You seem so unsure of yourself at home." But wait, I've always thought of myself as confident and outgoing!?! In truth is I always look for approval from my family. I'm always trying to impress them. In London I was free from all of the history that exists here in Washington. It's unnerving to me that I have no life plan.
I made a list of all the things that I want to do with my life. The things that popped into my head immediately. It's a turning point. I need to pursue these passions. If I don't I'm afraid I will lose myself even more than I already have.