(no subject)
Metroland's review of Gi Joe is pretty hilarious. I won't even paraphrase. I'll just direct quote it:
" Duke (Channing Tatum) and Ripcord (Marlon Wayans, in his best role since Requiem for a Dream, which isn’t saying much considering his last two pictures were Norbit and Dance Flick) are a pair of Army dudes taxed with transporting a set of high-security nanotechnology-based warheads created by Scottish weapons guru James McCullen (Christopher Eccleston). Their convoy is attacked by a mysterious team of bandits led by the Baroness (Sienna Miller), who just so happens to be Duke’s ex-fiancee. Tangled webs, and so forth.
Anyhow, an elite team of soldiers rescue the young men and the warheads and they all go back to some mysterious place called the Pit, where they meet up with General Hawk (Dennis Quaid). “Can we be part of your elite team?” the two newbies ask. Hawk says, “Sure you can, but you have to be in our training montage first.” Brendan Fraser shows up on a motorcycle to watch the dudes get beat up. (What?) Everyone runs off, except Hawk, because Quaid seems to have shot all his scenes in one afternoon. There are some cool ninja fights between good guy Snake Eyes (Ray Park) and bad guy Storm Shadow (Lee Byung-hun), and some cooler girl fights between Baroness and Scarlett (Rachel Nichols, last seen as a green-skinned redhead in Star Trek). We meet a “master of disguise” called Zartan (Arnold Vosloo) and a nefarious scientist (Joseph Gordon-Levitt). Paris gets blown to smithereens. "
What I love about it is that Paris is secondary to the plot and Brandon Frasier pops in for no good reason at all.
" Duke (Channing Tatum) and Ripcord (Marlon Wayans, in his best role since Requiem for a Dream, which isn’t saying much considering his last two pictures were Norbit and Dance Flick) are a pair of Army dudes taxed with transporting a set of high-security nanotechnology-based warheads created by Scottish weapons guru James McCullen (Christopher Eccleston). Their convoy is attacked by a mysterious team of bandits led by the Baroness (Sienna Miller), who just so happens to be Duke’s ex-fiancee. Tangled webs, and so forth.
Anyhow, an elite team of soldiers rescue the young men and the warheads and they all go back to some mysterious place called the Pit, where they meet up with General Hawk (Dennis Quaid). “Can we be part of your elite team?” the two newbies ask. Hawk says, “Sure you can, but you have to be in our training montage first.” Brendan Fraser shows up on a motorcycle to watch the dudes get beat up. (What?) Everyone runs off, except Hawk, because Quaid seems to have shot all his scenes in one afternoon. There are some cool ninja fights between good guy Snake Eyes (Ray Park) and bad guy Storm Shadow (Lee Byung-hun), and some cooler girl fights between Baroness and Scarlett (Rachel Nichols, last seen as a green-skinned redhead in Star Trek). We meet a “master of disguise” called Zartan (Arnold Vosloo) and a nefarious scientist (Joseph Gordon-Levitt). Paris gets blown to smithereens. "
What I love about it is that Paris is secondary to the plot and Brandon Frasier pops in for no good reason at all.