(no subject)
hello everyone, so am posting after a time long of not posting, lol. so how was everyone's christmas, and new years? for me... my christmas... well it SUCKED!!! it was just a bad day, in my last post i was all happy, and 2 hours later it just was bad. for lunch we had da been lo, or hot pot, and that was fun, good food, and lots of people. my sisters friends came, emily, danny and his wife. danny came an hour late, which was funny, and some more poeple were there too. then me, and my sisters, kelly, jody, laurie, and leslie went to see the family stone, at 7pm, and then we were all like "oh my gosh what are we gonna eat for dinner". so when we got home we saw our parents leaving to go and hang out with thier frineds, and we were following them in there car cause we wanted to know what was for dinner, and they totally didn't notice us, until we finally decided to call them on the cell phone, and then we switched cars, and went back home, my parents are clueless @_@. so then i got all weird and moody cause christmas was getting to be really bad, and this year we decided not to have a party, cause its really expensive, and for the first time in like 15 years, we did not put up a christmas tree, we always put up the same fake christmas tree, but no not this year, so i really wanted to have turkey, cause we didn't eat it for thanksgiving, and we didn't eat turkey. so i was in my room at like 9:30 crying by myself for about 1 or 2 hours, just thinking about really shitty stuff, cause everything sucks and we basically don't celebrate christmas anymore, and i know i sound like a cry baby but to me christmas is a special day but today was just like another day. so for dinner we had rice, and i wasn't even called down for dinner, so i went downstairs at like 11:30pm and made a sandwich and ate by myself in the kitchen, very lonely. and on top of that it was raining on christmas, i live in canada, and it rains on christmas, our world is coming to an end, if i knew that christmas was gonna be like another same sucky boring day, i would of gone to work, instead of staying at home doing nothing.
sorry for all the emo right now, but i need to vent. on the 27th me and my sister went to see memoirs of a geisha, and that movie was so-so. and so lately i have been getting yelled at by my sisters and mum and grandma, saying i don't have the marks, my life is going no where, my room is a mess, all i do is go out, shit like that cause applications for universities are due by jan 11, and i haven't started, i have been putting it off cause to me i hate school, i don't have the motivation to do it, and i just don't really want to pursue school, cause its a waste of time and money, but next year i am going to go cause my family will disown me if i don't, ok i know that a bit exagerating, but they will be ashamed of me, even though they already are.
so what else has been happening, umm... i bought a skirt for a really cheap price, been working a lot, seen a lot of my old class mates around town, when i look at my old classmates, from high school and public school, i think to myself about how my life has gone nowhere, and for them they are doing things they like, meeting new people, enjoying everything, and i am stuck in this shit hole, doing nothing, working at the same job like i have for the past 4 years. so the ones from my highschool, i haven't hung out with, cause i know that they don't want to, and i know that i don't want to, even the ones that have returned to highschool with me for another year, i don't talk to them anymore, cause i always made the effort to hang out with them, and i put so much energy into it that i got nothing in return, they never called to ask to hang out, or ask how my family was doing, all of my friends know that they can rely on me anyhing, but they just choose not too, and for me it seems like i can't rely on them for anything, so i can't really have a serious conversation with them. but i guess thats what time does to a person.
and onto NEW YEARS, every year i sit at home and watch the ball drop, and its really depressing, cause people say "the way you spend new years, is the way you spend the rest of the year" and its so true, and so this year it was gonna be different. i had made plans with a friend to go out to dinner and then maybe go out to a club later. so she said ya thats cool, and for new years i really wanted to look good, so i was planing it in my head, and we deicided to eat at this one restaurant, and i made the reservations. also to get into the clubs you have to be 19 or older and my friend knows one of the bouncers that work there and he could get us in, but if we don't go to the club and just dinner i was fine with that, so we hung out on thursday and said that we will talk online, or call each other. so its new years eve, and i have been trying to call or talk to her on msn for a few days now, but she isn't replying, and so on new years eve, i called her at like 3pm then at 7pm and left a message on her cellphone. so minutes and hours pass by and i am watching the dick clark, and the new york time square count down, my sisters come home from work at 11:30pm and we watch the ball drop, how exciting... not, i am so pissed off, she fucking bailed, the year 2005 just sucked for me, i nearly failed school, rugby sucked, friends suck, my health sucks, every holiday sucked, the only good thing was the japanese focus program, and well that was kinda bogus, only some of the people i have truely become friends with.
i feel so empty inside, the only thing i really look forward to is johnny's stuff, and doramas. i know how sad am i. again sorry for the emo.
sorry for all the emo right now, but i need to vent. on the 27th me and my sister went to see memoirs of a geisha, and that movie was so-so. and so lately i have been getting yelled at by my sisters and mum and grandma, saying i don't have the marks, my life is going no where, my room is a mess, all i do is go out, shit like that cause applications for universities are due by jan 11, and i haven't started, i have been putting it off cause to me i hate school, i don't have the motivation to do it, and i just don't really want to pursue school, cause its a waste of time and money, but next year i am going to go cause my family will disown me if i don't, ok i know that a bit exagerating, but they will be ashamed of me, even though they already are.
so what else has been happening, umm... i bought a skirt for a really cheap price, been working a lot, seen a lot of my old class mates around town, when i look at my old classmates, from high school and public school, i think to myself about how my life has gone nowhere, and for them they are doing things they like, meeting new people, enjoying everything, and i am stuck in this shit hole, doing nothing, working at the same job like i have for the past 4 years. so the ones from my highschool, i haven't hung out with, cause i know that they don't want to, and i know that i don't want to, even the ones that have returned to highschool with me for another year, i don't talk to them anymore, cause i always made the effort to hang out with them, and i put so much energy into it that i got nothing in return, they never called to ask to hang out, or ask how my family was doing, all of my friends know that they can rely on me anyhing, but they just choose not too, and for me it seems like i can't rely on them for anything, so i can't really have a serious conversation with them. but i guess thats what time does to a person.
and onto NEW YEARS, every year i sit at home and watch the ball drop, and its really depressing, cause people say "the way you spend new years, is the way you spend the rest of the year" and its so true, and so this year it was gonna be different. i had made plans with a friend to go out to dinner and then maybe go out to a club later. so she said ya thats cool, and for new years i really wanted to look good, so i was planing it in my head, and we deicided to eat at this one restaurant, and i made the reservations. also to get into the clubs you have to be 19 or older and my friend knows one of the bouncers that work there and he could get us in, but if we don't go to the club and just dinner i was fine with that, so we hung out on thursday and said that we will talk online, or call each other. so its new years eve, and i have been trying to call or talk to her on msn for a few days now, but she isn't replying, and so on new years eve, i called her at like 3pm then at 7pm and left a message on her cellphone. so minutes and hours pass by and i am watching the dick clark, and the new york time square count down, my sisters come home from work at 11:30pm and we watch the ball drop, how exciting... not, i am so pissed off, she fucking bailed, the year 2005 just sucked for me, i nearly failed school, rugby sucked, friends suck, my health sucks, every holiday sucked, the only good thing was the japanese focus program, and well that was kinda bogus, only some of the people i have truely become friends with.
i feel so empty inside, the only thing i really look forward to is johnny's stuff, and doramas. i know how sad am i. again sorry for the emo.