(Untitled)

[ellehina]

So earlier this week this guy I've had a crush on for several years now asked me out for tonight. I was rather excited and I told him I didn't have the time or energy for anything serious, this would HAVE to be a casual thing. But I also had some concerns about people he was involved with. I told him he had to talk to them before we went out. It

Comments

[lancegoodthrust]

I guess everyone should have expected it to go badly. I mean we all know the feelings of the parties involved. I also remember a conversation that happened in which it was said that it would be wrong to go after said guy because "that just isn't what friends do". So yeah the freight train was there to be seen and unfortunately I think there was a nasty wreck and the train derailed and hopefully the crews can get the mess cleaned up before too long. :(

[dileedally]

I do have to argue against the statement "that just isn't what friends do". Though I can see having it in a monogomous relationships, I don't feel it's much of a hard rule for polyamourous relationships necessarily. Many poly people I know end up in relationships with people that started out being friends of both the person and one of their so's or just their so's. I do see more of a case for it though if it comes about through termination of relationships for the acquisition of others (don't know if that makes since but basically dumping one person to be with their friend), but when it's simply adding relationships I see it different. Although, no matter what happens, feelings can still get hurt.

I hope that wreck can get cleaned up soon too.

[lastunicorn1981]

it's a conversation carey& I had a couple weeks ago about how she wouldn't think about doing anything w/u bc she knew it would upset me& she was too good of a friend to do that. Not a generalized idea.

[lancegoodthrust]

Just to point out those were not my words but the words of another person that was involved. Also I think it is less about friends having additional relationships and more about someone having unrequited feelings and feeling pushed out. In this case I don't think Poly or not has anything to do with it really.

[gryphon_s]

I agree with everything you said here.

I mean, I don't have all the facts, and it's none of my business to have all the facts (except for the fact that I'm handfasted to one of the parties involved in the situation.)

And I think Carey handled the situation quite the right way personally. Guy asks her out, there's issues between guy and her friend. She tells Guy he has to discuss it with friend before she'll go out with him.

This way it's the GUY that bring the situation up to the friend, and it's not her having to rat the guy out for asking her on a date. That, and the guy and the friend can talk about the situation with THEIR relationship and how dating Carey would affect said relationship.

It's a pretty logical way to handle it.

[trippywalnut]

except that wasn't really how it happened. Carey& I had discussed it as a hypothetical only 2weeks before this. And it wasn't an "ask her", it was a "tell her" that they had also tried to push off onto Vernon.

Though, after having a similar question brought up to me by "the guy" a year before, I knew no matter what i said, it would happen& I was more being given a suck it up& deal, maybe we'll still hang out occasionally.