Thoughts
I thought for a long time that had some sort of learning disability growing up. I’ve done research over a long period of time, and I now realise that I had inattentive ADD. And it makes sense of a lot of things! I was quiet and a daydreamer, which made some of my teachers think I was slow and incompetent.
It was particularly bad in middle school/high school. One teacher used to yell at me in class for being for daydreaming or being forgetful. I’d feel so humiliated and hurt that I’d burst into tears in the middle of class. The teacher always ignored me then. My dad went up to the school and talked her about behaviour. She wasn’t the only teacher he spoke to. Quite a few teachers humiliated me in class. I developed an anxiety disorder and first began suffering from depression during this time.
I was also bullied a lot by kids for being the quiet one in class. They flung insults at me a lot. One boy even walked up behind me in class when the teacher was and tried to set my hair on fire with a cigarette lighter. I turned around at the last second, and saw that nearly the entire class had gathered behind him, and were quietly cheering him. They made disappointed groans when he failed to set my hair alight. I think I ran out of class then and told school councilor about it. She told me it was just a joke, and they wouldn’t have actually done anything. She made me feel like I was overreacting to what happened. I later realised she was trying to brush of what happened because she didn’t want my parents taking legal action. For all these reasons, I felt isolated at school, and only really felt happy and secure at home. I used to think the bullying had to be my fault in some way. Generally, I know that they had no right to do that now. But sometimes I’ll start the self blame when I’m feeling particularly anxious, or if I have a flashback to those times.
It was particularly bad in middle school/high school. One teacher used to yell at me in class for being for daydreaming or being forgetful. I’d feel so humiliated and hurt that I’d burst into tears in the middle of class. The teacher always ignored me then. My dad went up to the school and talked her about behaviour. She wasn’t the only teacher he spoke to. Quite a few teachers humiliated me in class. I developed an anxiety disorder and first began suffering from depression during this time.
I was also bullied a lot by kids for being the quiet one in class. They flung insults at me a lot. One boy even walked up behind me in class when the teacher was and tried to set my hair on fire with a cigarette lighter. I turned around at the last second, and saw that nearly the entire class had gathered behind him, and were quietly cheering him. They made disappointed groans when he failed to set my hair alight. I think I ran out of class then and told school councilor about it. She told me it was just a joke, and they wouldn’t have actually done anything. She made me feel like I was overreacting to what happened. I later realised she was trying to brush of what happened because she didn’t want my parents taking legal action. For all these reasons, I felt isolated at school, and only really felt happy and secure at home. I used to think the bullying had to be my fault in some way. Generally, I know that they had no right to do that now. But sometimes I’ll start the self blame when I’m feeling particularly anxious, or if I have a flashback to those times.