Sweet Misery: Chapter Twelve
Title: Sweet Misery (12/17)
Author: Elle's Shadow
Pairing(s): Harry/Draco, Mild Ron/Hermione, Mild Harry/Ginny
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Harry, along with Ron and Hermione, returns to Privet Drive until his birthday, before setting off to find and destroy the horcruxes. Before he can leave, however, he receives an unexpected visit from someone demanding that he find and return Draco Malfoy (who has not been seen since Dumbledore's murder). The two missions quickly morph into one, and Harry's life flips upsidedown.
Warnings: Slash, Minor Character Death (not a major character!), Spoilers for all six books
Thanks To: My betas: Dani, Jane, Scarlette, and, most of all, Ruby.
Notes: This fic is complete! I'll post a new chapter every Sunday. Chapter Thirteen will be up February 25th.
Feedback: Pretty please?
Miss a chapter? Here: http://elle-s-shadow.livejournal.com/11005.html#cutid1
'I was blind
but oh, how you could see.
You saw the beauty in everything,
Everything, and me.'
- “Sweet Misery” Michelle Branch
Chapter 12
Now let's face it - this was never what you wanted
but I know it's fun to pretend
now blank stares and empty threats
are all I have
The next morning, Harry heard Ron's voice from the kitchen, and sat up, which turned out to be a mistake. Draco had been draped across him, and was now hanging off the bed, his head on the floor.
"Ow," he said, seeming stunned.
"Sorry," Harry muttered, helping him back up.
Draco blinked a few times, then snuggled back into the pillow, his eyes closed again. "I hate morning," He growled.
Harry didn't answer, instead climbing out of bed and padding downstairs.
"Hey, mate," He grinned at Ron, who looked up at him and half-smiled.
It was tense for about three seconds, before Harry said, "We really missed you around here. Draco was practically inconsolable."
Ron snorted, and the tension broke. Harry sat down next to him, and Hermione pushed him a plate of eggs.
"Thank you," He said gratefully, digging in.
"So I was just telling Hermione," Ron said to him, "that they really need our help cleaning the castle."
"Cleaning?" Harry asked, thinking of the summer spent at Grimmauld Place.
"Fixing the damage and whatnot," Ron explained, "A few parts of it, especially Ravenclaw territory, were torn up."
"I see no reason not to help them," Harry said.
"Me either," Ron said.
"Harry," Hermione suddenly burst out, "Ron and I have something to talk to you about."
Harry looked at them both, a little taken aback, and a bit worried. "What about?"
"Don't take this the wrong way or anything," She said quickly, "But... are you..."
"Queer," Ron finished her sentence with a slight sneer.
Harry dropped his fork. "What?"
"Are you gay?" Hermione looked at him seriously.
Harry stared at hem, trying to get a grip on the situation. His mind was struggling between 'What the hell is wrong with them?' and 'How do I convince them I'm not without sounding like I'm in denial which will only make this ten times worse'.
"Uh..." He managed.
"Because I know something is going on with you and Malfoy, and now you're sleeping in the same bed-,"
Harry mentally added 'Oh shit, they caught me in bed with Draco' to the list of coherent thoughts he was managing.
Finally he managed to say, "Are you going to give me a fair chance, or are you going to twist everything I say?"
Hermione looked hurt, but Ron stared at his eggs. "We always give you a chance, Harry," Hermione protested.
Harry sighed. "Every night, I have a nightmare. Draco comes down and sits next to me until I calm down. And he usually stays there. So last night he decided we should just stay up there, instead of sitting on the floor all night. It wasn't.... it wasn't anything like that. I'm not gay. I'm not."
"Are you attracted to men?" Hermione asked.
"No," Harry said firmly.
"Really think about it, Harry. Have an open mind. Have you ever found the idea of another man appealing? Ever had thoughts about another man?"
"No," He said just as firmly.
"Ever fantasized about what another man would-,"
"Hermione. No."
"Okay. Let's try this. Do you think Bill is attractive?"
"Bill?"
Ron covered his ears, and began humming.
"Yep," Hermione nodded.
"I've never thought about Bill."
"Think about him now. Think about how toned his stomach is, how strong his hands are, what they'd feel like..."
Harry scrunched up his nose. "Ew."
"Someone less personal then. How about David Beckham? The muggle football player? Think about him, all sweaty after a game, perfect for a go in the shower?"
"Hermione, I think you think about this too much," Harry said, still looking fairly disgusted.
"No? Hmm, maybe you aren't gay."
"I told you so," Harry said.
"What about Malfoy, though?" She asked deviously, "What if it were his stomach, his hands?"
Harry didn't answer, instead shoving a forkful of eggs into his mouth and chewing fiercely, glaring at her.
"So how about that castle-fixing?" Ron said loudly, having returned to the conversation.
*****
Draco entered the kitchen a moment later, after Ron and Hermione had gone off somewhere, plopping down into a chair and grabbing what was left of Harry's eggs.
"I was going to eat those," Harry said sullenly.
"They're cold," Draco pointed out, "You forgot they were even there."
Harry muttered something unintelligible and put his head on his arms.
"Where are Weasley and Granger?" Draco asked conversationally.
"Off being stupid," Harry muttered.
"What are you mad at them for?" Draco asked, still in a conversational tone.
"Hermione was asking me if I were gay," Harry grumbled, eyes narrow.
"What did you tell her?" The corners of Draco's mouth were twitching in his efforts not to laugh.
"I told her I'm not. Which is true, " Harry said defensively, "She even freaking went on asking me about all these men who are apparently fit and I'm not attracted to a single one of them, so she's just being stupid."
"Not a single one?" Draco asked, one eyebrow curved.
"Were you eavesdropping?" Harry retorted.
"Maybe."
"Same answer."
They reached a stalemate, and stared at each other, waiting for the other to crack. Luckily, Ron and Hermione returned, announcing that they could floo from Grimmauld Place straight to Hogwarts.
*****
Hogwarts seemed empty. It was quiet, cold, eerie. Not the place Harry remembered.
The magic seemed gone. It was just a castle... just rocks shaped and stuck together. The security and excitement it had once held for Harry was no more.
"Do you remember," He asked Ron in hushed tones, "I used to fight with Dumbledore, asking him to let me stay here over the summers? So I wouldn't have to stay with Dursleys?"
Ron nodded, rubbing the goosebumps on his arms.
"This was my home," Harry said sadly, wishing for just a whisper of the magic that had once flowed through these walls.
Hermione put her hand on his shoulder. "Oh, Harry," she said sadly, seeming to understand.
He sighed. "I want to visit the office... will you guys go ahead and start? Remus said to go to the North Tower area, and someone would be there to instruct you."
Hermione nodded. "Will you go with him, Draco?" She asked, "I don't think anyone should be wandering around here alone, just in case."
Draco nodded. "Sure."
Harry turned and started walking towards the Headmaster's office, trying to remember taking these steps as a student. Instead of enveloping him with comfort as they once did, the hallways seemed to constrict him.
"Slow down, Potter," Draco called from behind, "I can't keep up when you're racing like that."
"Maybe you should get some decent trainers instead of those prissy shoes, then," Harry snapped, not slowing his pace.
Draco looked shocked for a moment, actually freezing in place, before racing after Harry and standing firmly in front of him, an angry look on his face.
"What?" Draco demanded.
"Move," Harry said flatly, trying to step around him.
"No. What did you say?"
Harry growled in frustration. "I said you need better shoes."
"My shoes are imported. There is nothing wrong with them."
"They're prissy. Now get out of my way."
"They are not prissy," Draco frowned, his hands on his hips, still refusing to let Harry pass.
"You're prissy," Harry said with exasperation, "Now move ."
"Why are you being like this?" Draco demanded.
"Like what?" Harry retorted.
"Like... like how it used to be!" Draco tried to explain, throwing his hands into the air, "Calling names and being a jerk - I thought we were past that! Hell, I thought we were friends! More than friends, if I remember. What exactly am I to you, Potter? Just a little something to take your mind off the pain of war? Just a distraction when things get too tough to handle? Sorry, Potter, but I'm not going to be your fix."
With that Draco stormed off in the other direction.
****
Harry reached the Headmaster's office, and tried to think of what McGonagall would have for a password.
He had been standing there thinking for about five minutes, when she stepped up behind him and said in her clipped voice, "Were you planning on standing here all day?"
He looked at her sheepishly. "Er, no. Just until I magically thought up the password."
She smiled sadly, "There's little magic left here, Mr. Potter."
"You can feel it too?" He asked eagerly.
"It is one of the curses that was placed on the castle. You see, Harry, when the founders built the school, they put so much more than bricks and stone. They gave it life... they gave it magic. This school is not just an institution of magic - it is magic. And now that this dreadful curse has been placed... the magic is gone." She sighed wearily.
"How can it be fixed?" Harry asked, and she muttered the password to the gargoyle and started up the stairs, he behind her.
"Someone," she said, not looking back, "needs to put life into the castle again."
*****
Ron and Hermione had nearly made it to the North Tower, when they heard footsteps running towards them.
Hermione turned around. "Draco?" She asked, "Where's Harry?"
"Hopefully in the bottom of a well," Draco muttered, looking slightly out of breath.
Ron turned to him, eyes narrowed, "What did you do to him?"
"I didn't do anything," Draco reassured him, "He's with McGonagall."
Ron nodded stiffly and turned away, talking to Charlie, who was working on the clean-up. All around them was rubble, and smoke. The school was a mess.
Draco quietly, and with a bit of a blush, explained the fight he'd had with Harry, and she shook her head sympathetically. "He'll come around," she said.
Ron walked back over to them. "Charlie says that we should go help fix the Ravenclaw territory."
"Okay," Hermione nodded, "Let's get to it, then."
*****
McGonagall left him alone in the office. It was much more organized now, seeming very bare. All of the trinkets had disappeared. Above the desk was a rather large portrait of Dumbledore, who was beaming down at Harry.
"Harry, my boy! I had wondered when you would come to see me!" The portrait said.
Harry smiled sadly. "Here I am."
"How is your task going, Harry?" The portrait asked pointedly.
"We killed the snake, and found and destroyed the real locket," Harry responded.
"The real locket?"
"The one you and I retrieved was a fake," Harry explained.
"Ah. Well, so long as you've found the real one, no harm done."
"Right," Harry muttered, suddenly feeling sullen again.
"I hear tell that you've taken up a friendship with the young Malfoy?"
"Something like that," Harry scowled, and Dumbledore chuckled.
"I see it is a sore subject at the present time. How is Mr. Weasley holding up with the news of his sister?" The portrait changed the subject.
"Not so good," Harry admitted, "I'm still pretty upset about it, myself."
"I can imagine," the portrait said kindly, "And how are you doing with everything else?"
Harry sank into a chair behind him, taking a deep breath. "Not good," he confided, "Some days I just feel like giving up." He looked up at the portrait, who just looked back, and so he continued. "I mean, there's one horcrux that we know nothing about, and one that we just need to destroy. I'm so close, yet it seems like I'm going nowhere. I just want to give up."
"But you can't, Harry," said the portrait firmly, "You can't let him win."
"I know," Harry said in exasperation, "But why can't we go back in time and kill him before all of this? Why can't we go back in time and kill him as an infant? Wouldn't that work? He'd be gone, we wouldn't have any of this mess!"
"No, Harry," the portrait leaned forward, his eyes piercing, "Don't you see? If it wasn't Tom Riddle, it would be someone else! You have all the pieces to this puzzle - you just need to put them together. If we went back in time you'd have to start from scratch all over again."
Harry sighed. "You're right."
"Do not give up hope, Harry," The portrait said solemnly.
*****
Ron, Hermione, and Draco were levitating giant rocks away from the rubble that had once been Ravenclaw territory, when a nearby wall, which had been only loosely held together, crumbled.
Ron grabbed Hermione's arm and pulled her away as the rocks crashed down, leaving the three of them coughing and waving away the rising dust.
When it all cleared a moment later, there was a dark, unlit corridor that had obviously not been traveled in a very long time.
"Oh no," Draco said automatically, "we are not going down there. I am not being dragged along on a Golden Trio adventure. No way in hell."
"Shut up and start walking," Ron said.
Next
:D
Author: Elle's Shadow
Pairing(s): Harry/Draco, Mild Ron/Hermione, Mild Harry/Ginny
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Harry, along with Ron and Hermione, returns to Privet Drive until his birthday, before setting off to find and destroy the horcruxes. Before he can leave, however, he receives an unexpected visit from someone demanding that he find and return Draco Malfoy (who has not been seen since Dumbledore's murder). The two missions quickly morph into one, and Harry's life flips upsidedown.
Warnings: Slash, Minor Character Death (not a major character!), Spoilers for all six books
Thanks To: My betas: Dani, Jane, Scarlette, and, most of all, Ruby.
Notes: This fic is complete! I'll post a new chapter every Sunday. Chapter Thirteen will be up February 25th.
Feedback: Pretty please?
Miss a chapter? Here: http://elle-s-shadow.livejournal.com/11005.html#cutid1
'I was blind
but oh, how you could see.
You saw the beauty in everything,
Everything, and me.'
- “Sweet Misery” Michelle Branch
Chapter 12
Now let's face it - this was never what you wanted
but I know it's fun to pretend
now blank stares and empty threats
are all I have
- City and Colour
The next morning, Harry heard Ron's voice from the kitchen, and sat up, which turned out to be a mistake. Draco had been draped across him, and was now hanging off the bed, his head on the floor.
"Ow," he said, seeming stunned.
"Sorry," Harry muttered, helping him back up.
Draco blinked a few times, then snuggled back into the pillow, his eyes closed again. "I hate morning," He growled.
Harry didn't answer, instead climbing out of bed and padding downstairs.
"Hey, mate," He grinned at Ron, who looked up at him and half-smiled.
It was tense for about three seconds, before Harry said, "We really missed you around here. Draco was practically inconsolable."
Ron snorted, and the tension broke. Harry sat down next to him, and Hermione pushed him a plate of eggs.
"Thank you," He said gratefully, digging in.
"So I was just telling Hermione," Ron said to him, "that they really need our help cleaning the castle."
"Cleaning?" Harry asked, thinking of the summer spent at Grimmauld Place.
"Fixing the damage and whatnot," Ron explained, "A few parts of it, especially Ravenclaw territory, were torn up."
"I see no reason not to help them," Harry said.
"Me either," Ron said.
"Harry," Hermione suddenly burst out, "Ron and I have something to talk to you about."
Harry looked at them both, a little taken aback, and a bit worried. "What about?"
"Don't take this the wrong way or anything," She said quickly, "But... are you..."
"Queer," Ron finished her sentence with a slight sneer.
Harry dropped his fork. "What?"
"Are you gay?" Hermione looked at him seriously.
Harry stared at hem, trying to get a grip on the situation. His mind was struggling between 'What the hell is wrong with them?' and 'How do I convince them I'm not without sounding like I'm in denial which will only make this ten times worse'.
"Uh..." He managed.
"Because I know something is going on with you and Malfoy, and now you're sleeping in the same bed-,"
Harry mentally added 'Oh shit, they caught me in bed with Draco' to the list of coherent thoughts he was managing.
Finally he managed to say, "Are you going to give me a fair chance, or are you going to twist everything I say?"
Hermione looked hurt, but Ron stared at his eggs. "We always give you a chance, Harry," Hermione protested.
Harry sighed. "Every night, I have a nightmare. Draco comes down and sits next to me until I calm down. And he usually stays there. So last night he decided we should just stay up there, instead of sitting on the floor all night. It wasn't.... it wasn't anything like that. I'm not gay. I'm not."
"Are you attracted to men?" Hermione asked.
"No," Harry said firmly.
"Really think about it, Harry. Have an open mind. Have you ever found the idea of another man appealing? Ever had thoughts about another man?"
"No," He said just as firmly.
"Ever fantasized about what another man would-,"
"Hermione. No."
"Okay. Let's try this. Do you think Bill is attractive?"
"Bill?"
Ron covered his ears, and began humming.
"Yep," Hermione nodded.
"I've never thought about Bill."
"Think about him now. Think about how toned his stomach is, how strong his hands are, what they'd feel like..."
Harry scrunched up his nose. "Ew."
"Someone less personal then. How about David Beckham? The muggle football player? Think about him, all sweaty after a game, perfect for a go in the shower?"
"Hermione, I think you think about this too much," Harry said, still looking fairly disgusted.
"No? Hmm, maybe you aren't gay."
"I told you so," Harry said.
"What about Malfoy, though?" She asked deviously, "What if it were his stomach, his hands?"
Harry didn't answer, instead shoving a forkful of eggs into his mouth and chewing fiercely, glaring at her.
"So how about that castle-fixing?" Ron said loudly, having returned to the conversation.
*****
Draco entered the kitchen a moment later, after Ron and Hermione had gone off somewhere, plopping down into a chair and grabbing what was left of Harry's eggs.
"I was going to eat those," Harry said sullenly.
"They're cold," Draco pointed out, "You forgot they were even there."
Harry muttered something unintelligible and put his head on his arms.
"Where are Weasley and Granger?" Draco asked conversationally.
"Off being stupid," Harry muttered.
"What are you mad at them for?" Draco asked, still in a conversational tone.
"Hermione was asking me if I were gay," Harry grumbled, eyes narrow.
"What did you tell her?" The corners of Draco's mouth were twitching in his efforts not to laugh.
"I told her I'm not. Which is true, " Harry said defensively, "She even freaking went on asking me about all these men who are apparently fit and I'm not attracted to a single one of them, so she's just being stupid."
"Not a single one?" Draco asked, one eyebrow curved.
"Were you eavesdropping?" Harry retorted.
"Maybe."
"Same answer."
They reached a stalemate, and stared at each other, waiting for the other to crack. Luckily, Ron and Hermione returned, announcing that they could floo from Grimmauld Place straight to Hogwarts.
*****
Hogwarts seemed empty. It was quiet, cold, eerie. Not the place Harry remembered.
The magic seemed gone. It was just a castle... just rocks shaped and stuck together. The security and excitement it had once held for Harry was no more.
"Do you remember," He asked Ron in hushed tones, "I used to fight with Dumbledore, asking him to let me stay here over the summers? So I wouldn't have to stay with Dursleys?"
Ron nodded, rubbing the goosebumps on his arms.
"This was my home," Harry said sadly, wishing for just a whisper of the magic that had once flowed through these walls.
Hermione put her hand on his shoulder. "Oh, Harry," she said sadly, seeming to understand.
He sighed. "I want to visit the office... will you guys go ahead and start? Remus said to go to the North Tower area, and someone would be there to instruct you."
Hermione nodded. "Will you go with him, Draco?" She asked, "I don't think anyone should be wandering around here alone, just in case."
Draco nodded. "Sure."
Harry turned and started walking towards the Headmaster's office, trying to remember taking these steps as a student. Instead of enveloping him with comfort as they once did, the hallways seemed to constrict him.
"Slow down, Potter," Draco called from behind, "I can't keep up when you're racing like that."
"Maybe you should get some decent trainers instead of those prissy shoes, then," Harry snapped, not slowing his pace.
Draco looked shocked for a moment, actually freezing in place, before racing after Harry and standing firmly in front of him, an angry look on his face.
"What?" Draco demanded.
"Move," Harry said flatly, trying to step around him.
"No. What did you say?"
Harry growled in frustration. "I said you need better shoes."
"My shoes are imported. There is nothing wrong with them."
"They're prissy. Now get out of my way."
"They are not prissy," Draco frowned, his hands on his hips, still refusing to let Harry pass.
"You're prissy," Harry said with exasperation, "Now move ."
"Why are you being like this?" Draco demanded.
"Like what?" Harry retorted.
"Like... like how it used to be!" Draco tried to explain, throwing his hands into the air, "Calling names and being a jerk - I thought we were past that! Hell, I thought we were friends! More than friends, if I remember. What exactly am I to you, Potter? Just a little something to take your mind off the pain of war? Just a distraction when things get too tough to handle? Sorry, Potter, but I'm not going to be your fix."
With that Draco stormed off in the other direction.
****
Harry reached the Headmaster's office, and tried to think of what McGonagall would have for a password.
He had been standing there thinking for about five minutes, when she stepped up behind him and said in her clipped voice, "Were you planning on standing here all day?"
He looked at her sheepishly. "Er, no. Just until I magically thought up the password."
She smiled sadly, "There's little magic left here, Mr. Potter."
"You can feel it too?" He asked eagerly.
"It is one of the curses that was placed on the castle. You see, Harry, when the founders built the school, they put so much more than bricks and stone. They gave it life... they gave it magic. This school is not just an institution of magic - it is magic. And now that this dreadful curse has been placed... the magic is gone." She sighed wearily.
"How can it be fixed?" Harry asked, and she muttered the password to the gargoyle and started up the stairs, he behind her.
"Someone," she said, not looking back, "needs to put life into the castle again."
*****
Ron and Hermione had nearly made it to the North Tower, when they heard footsteps running towards them.
Hermione turned around. "Draco?" She asked, "Where's Harry?"
"Hopefully in the bottom of a well," Draco muttered, looking slightly out of breath.
Ron turned to him, eyes narrowed, "What did you do to him?"
"I didn't do anything," Draco reassured him, "He's with McGonagall."
Ron nodded stiffly and turned away, talking to Charlie, who was working on the clean-up. All around them was rubble, and smoke. The school was a mess.
Draco quietly, and with a bit of a blush, explained the fight he'd had with Harry, and she shook her head sympathetically. "He'll come around," she said.
Ron walked back over to them. "Charlie says that we should go help fix the Ravenclaw territory."
"Okay," Hermione nodded, "Let's get to it, then."
*****
McGonagall left him alone in the office. It was much more organized now, seeming very bare. All of the trinkets had disappeared. Above the desk was a rather large portrait of Dumbledore, who was beaming down at Harry.
"Harry, my boy! I had wondered when you would come to see me!" The portrait said.
Harry smiled sadly. "Here I am."
"How is your task going, Harry?" The portrait asked pointedly.
"We killed the snake, and found and destroyed the real locket," Harry responded.
"The real locket?"
"The one you and I retrieved was a fake," Harry explained.
"Ah. Well, so long as you've found the real one, no harm done."
"Right," Harry muttered, suddenly feeling sullen again.
"I hear tell that you've taken up a friendship with the young Malfoy?"
"Something like that," Harry scowled, and Dumbledore chuckled.
"I see it is a sore subject at the present time. How is Mr. Weasley holding up with the news of his sister?" The portrait changed the subject.
"Not so good," Harry admitted, "I'm still pretty upset about it, myself."
"I can imagine," the portrait said kindly, "And how are you doing with everything else?"
Harry sank into a chair behind him, taking a deep breath. "Not good," he confided, "Some days I just feel like giving up." He looked up at the portrait, who just looked back, and so he continued. "I mean, there's one horcrux that we know nothing about, and one that we just need to destroy. I'm so close, yet it seems like I'm going nowhere. I just want to give up."
"But you can't, Harry," said the portrait firmly, "You can't let him win."
"I know," Harry said in exasperation, "But why can't we go back in time and kill him before all of this? Why can't we go back in time and kill him as an infant? Wouldn't that work? He'd be gone, we wouldn't have any of this mess!"
"No, Harry," the portrait leaned forward, his eyes piercing, "Don't you see? If it wasn't Tom Riddle, it would be someone else! You have all the pieces to this puzzle - you just need to put them together. If we went back in time you'd have to start from scratch all over again."
Harry sighed. "You're right."
"Do not give up hope, Harry," The portrait said solemnly.
*****
Ron, Hermione, and Draco were levitating giant rocks away from the rubble that had once been Ravenclaw territory, when a nearby wall, which had been only loosely held together, crumbled.
Ron grabbed Hermione's arm and pulled her away as the rocks crashed down, leaving the three of them coughing and waving away the rising dust.
When it all cleared a moment later, there was a dark, unlit corridor that had obviously not been traveled in a very long time.
"Oh no," Draco said automatically, "we are not going down there. I am not being dragged along on a Golden Trio adventure. No way in hell."
"Shut up and start walking," Ron said.
Next
:D