rambling that i will regret tomorrow morning
sweet how i tell you how i feel, even let
you know it doesn't make mad, it's only
that it bothers me, and you blow up and
tell me to leave?
and you wonder why i don't talk to you?
i wish i could, but you make it impossible.
i truley am happy that you are happy, but
i honestly am at a loss. i don't know what
i'm supposed to say or do. i'm glad you're
ok with the world ending a little more each
day...but i'm not. i've decided i don't
expect anything from either of you.
i can't.
so i wont.
i don't know how to really put my thoughts
into words, and that's my fault. and i'm
sorry.
i feel like i'm almost friends with charline
again minus the drugs, anxiety, and drama. i'm
that friend you use for an hour or 2 here and
there betweenthe times you hang out with your
boy, or when he's busy, or when you're fighting.
when we finally do hang out, an hour goes by and
you're calling him to see if you can go over.
why bother you know? it seems like in the back
of your mind, no matter what, you'd rather be
there, be with him, whatever, so why bother?
i need to get the fuck out of this place.
this living alone thing fucking blows, i'm
miserable and lonely...and all i really want
to do is lock myself up here and not talk to
anyone or develop a drug or alcohol addiction,
but obviously that wouldn't be a logical, or
healthy, solution. haha.
fuck it, right?
i'm definetly going to get over all of this, i'll
go to bed tonight, and wake up and everything will
be ok. now i know that i can't talk to you, you'll
just get angry and tell me to leave.
trial and error.
i'm ok, you know. i'm good at handling my own shit,
i don't expect anyone else to help me. i just want
someone to actually care...not pretend care, but
really mean it.
and who knows...maybe all of this is just because
i'm lonely...and because the 2 most important people
in my life now have eachother and there's no need for
me anymore...maybe if i could find a boyfriend or
even new friends, maybe then i wouldn't care about
any of this...anything. you know?
i just don't know.
i want to just let it all go.
and i will, but i can't just yet.
my mind wont let me.
you know it doesn't make mad, it's only
that it bothers me, and you blow up and
tell me to leave?
and you wonder why i don't talk to you?
i wish i could, but you make it impossible.
i truley am happy that you are happy, but
i honestly am at a loss. i don't know what
i'm supposed to say or do. i'm glad you're
ok with the world ending a little more each
day...but i'm not. i've decided i don't
expect anything from either of you.
i can't.
so i wont.
i don't know how to really put my thoughts
into words, and that's my fault. and i'm
sorry.
i feel like i'm almost friends with charline
again minus the drugs, anxiety, and drama. i'm
that friend you use for an hour or 2 here and
there betweenthe times you hang out with your
boy, or when he's busy, or when you're fighting.
when we finally do hang out, an hour goes by and
you're calling him to see if you can go over.
why bother you know? it seems like in the back
of your mind, no matter what, you'd rather be
there, be with him, whatever, so why bother?
i need to get the fuck out of this place.
this living alone thing fucking blows, i'm
miserable and lonely...and all i really want
to do is lock myself up here and not talk to
anyone or develop a drug or alcohol addiction,
but obviously that wouldn't be a logical, or
healthy, solution. haha.
fuck it, right?
i'm definetly going to get over all of this, i'll
go to bed tonight, and wake up and everything will
be ok. now i know that i can't talk to you, you'll
just get angry and tell me to leave.
trial and error.
i'm ok, you know. i'm good at handling my own shit,
i don't expect anyone else to help me. i just want
someone to actually care...not pretend care, but
really mean it.
and who knows...maybe all of this is just because
i'm lonely...and because the 2 most important people
in my life now have eachother and there's no need for
me anymore...maybe if i could find a boyfriend or
even new friends, maybe then i wouldn't care about
any of this...anything. you know?
i just don't know.
i want to just let it all go.
and i will, but i can't just yet.
my mind wont let me.