Pain and anger

[elle4truvy]

Last night I was actually referred to as "the pretty young blonde who's impressed by expensive cars" and it wasn't said in a funny way, either. It was said by someone with the capacity to hurt me more more than just about anyone and in the most intentionally hurtful, critical way imaginable. I think I'm hanging it up with being that "make everyone happy no matter what the personal cost" persona. Except where my bitches are concerned. But hopefully, if my bitches heard me called "the pretty young blonde who's impressed by expensive cars" they would laugh at every element of that, given the car I drive, the place I live in, and the person I am and was raised to be. And that's what knowing someone and truly loving them is about ... at least your insults should have some merit and reality behind them. I mean, that's like me telling BL he's too cheap or doesn't drink enough. Yeah, doesn't fit. And seriously, if BL had made the "pretty young blonde ... expensice cars" comment, I would have laughed it off and been like "Fuck you!" because he never really knew me anyway and his hurtful comments seriously slid off my back like a hooker in a snail trail. Anyway, I'm slowly giving up on myself ...

But on the UP side ... *Cabaret* is here! Tomorrow is the big day. I'm so excited for you whores that I feel like I'm in it myself. I have prepared a monologue to recite from the audience (hint: I will be painting my fingernails green!). You guys are going to rock and roll and it's about time for the world to see your hard work and talent come to life!!

Ciao for now. I'm good. A momentary setback because once again I have been naive and have had my heart slammed in the door ... but I bounce back like all things that are fat-coated!! Chocolate will be happening today, if I can eat!!