Forgive my rambling
This was a poem I wrote yesterday on the bus in a faded black pen (cause pens are so damned unreliable!) I wrote it at the start of the story of my life. A life story....I'm losing more sleep now and it gets harder and harder to get up every morning. I reckon in the space of a week I've only had 10hrs sleep. Is it insomnia? Or is it just my sickening fear which I feel?
Either way, I know it has to stop. I have to go and see a councellor. I know I keep saying this and never do it...but there's nothing else I can do. I've never felt so alone. And that's a horrible feeling when you're surrounded by people who love you. Because nobody understands and it shits me to tears.
I don't expect anyone to understand but it gets so hard to be alone. To know that there are other people there...but they're not really there. I hate that feeling. Like I said, it has to stop. I've lost the second story card but I'll look them up in the phone book and call to make an appointment.
I have my family, and they don't want to listen...I have my friends and they just...don't know what to say. Why do I even bother sometimes...I just have no idea. If there's nothing keeping me going then why am I still here? Because I am loved I can't deny that. I won't say that there is noone who cares about me because that would be a lie.
I don't want to lie anymore. I don't want to say that I'm happy when I'm not...you know. I don't really fit in anywhere. I'm not in any category, that makes me so fuckin depressed. Even people who are depressed have a place. I have no place. I don't fit in anywhere.
To walk towards the glass
My white limbs are still trembling
Again I had to ask
The flames about me embering
The hate in which I feel
Flows straight into my heart
The skies grown hard of steel
My melodies of art
The chill upon my flesh
Never can compare
To death my soul would mesh
and the lonliness I found there
The sun would never rise
The night would show its teeth
Until my sweet demise
My blood will go unsheathed
Either way, I know it has to stop. I have to go and see a councellor. I know I keep saying this and never do it...but there's nothing else I can do. I've never felt so alone. And that's a horrible feeling when you're surrounded by people who love you. Because nobody understands and it shits me to tears.
I don't expect anyone to understand but it gets so hard to be alone. To know that there are other people there...but they're not really there. I hate that feeling. Like I said, it has to stop. I've lost the second story card but I'll look them up in the phone book and call to make an appointment.
I have my family, and they don't want to listen...I have my friends and they just...don't know what to say. Why do I even bother sometimes...I just have no idea. If there's nothing keeping me going then why am I still here? Because I am loved I can't deny that. I won't say that there is noone who cares about me because that would be a lie.
I don't want to lie anymore. I don't want to say that I'm happy when I'm not...you know. I don't really fit in anywhere. I'm not in any category, that makes me so fuckin depressed. Even people who are depressed have a place. I have no place. I don't fit in anywhere.
To walk towards the glass
My white limbs are still trembling
Again I had to ask
The flames about me embering
The hate in which I feel
Flows straight into my heart
The skies grown hard of steel
My melodies of art
The chill upon my flesh
Never can compare
To death my soul would mesh
and the lonliness I found there
The sun would never rise
The night would show its teeth
Until my sweet demise
My blood will go unsheathed