Tribute to Natalie Feist
After performing at the 2006 Wi_Fi Body Contemporary Dance Festival, I was onstage taking my curtain call when, after I had bowed to an audience of exclusively professionals and dancers, I looked up and saw her. Our eyes met and I was taken by surprise, because after two or more years of disrupted communication, there she was. She nudged her friend and whispered loudly, "Hey... I know her!" and smiled at me.
After five years of solid companionship and daily doses of the normal tween sleepovers, swims, dinners, and casual visits to each other's houses, I'd forgotten exactly how much fun it was to be in her presence for hours on end. She always made me laugh. She'd also always get me in trouble. One day, though, a friend of hers broke us apart and allowed us to see hate in the other where there was none (scrupulous conscience, mind you), and after the bitter feuds, we didn't speak again.
When I heard that she'd passed away, I shook and tried desparately to allow myself to cry. Surprisingly, there were no tears where there should've been plenty. I was mad at myself for not having taken the initiative to say "I'm sorry", and it showed me just how painful regret feels, especially after numerous opportunities of forgiveness that I never took. But after finally being able to allow the tears to overcome me, I had a sudden flashback to that very day when I took to the stage and saw her sitting in front of me, smiling.
That, in itself, was closure... and a sign that she wanted me to know that she'd forgiven me, too.
We love you, Natalie Feist
Rest in peace.