THE REAL LIVEJOURNAL IDOL SEASON 10, WEEK 7: "Where I’m From"
CAN OF WORMS
How did everything begin? Where do we come from?
They’re arguably the greatest questions that humanity has ever asked; philosophers, priests and scientists have tried to resolve them, each with varying degrees of success, and the answers can become extraordinarily tangled and confused… as I know all too well.
I have been working on an extended fantasy saga since my early childhood. Over the years I have posted multiple chapters and fragments of the tale here on LJI, and I have received many compliments regarding my talent as a world-builder, especially when it comes to the richness and detail of the backstory of my characters. More than once I have been asked "Where do you come up with your story ideas?", and I have tried to be completely honest in my answers. However, I don’t think anyone, including myself, has ever explored how tangled the issue truly is. So let’s explore the matter now, focusing on just two characters from my saga: The chief villain and the lead protagonist.
The first of these two beings claims that it comes from the universe that existed prior to the one where the story takes place... and therefore it is (supposedly) literally older than time itself. However, this creature is known to be a liar, and is arguably insane.
By contrast, when we first meet our main hero he is a young boy living in an orphanage. Over time we watch him grow to adulthood until he becomes the greatest wizard in history. However, despite all the knowledge and power he acquires, until the very end of the saga he is unaware of his true origins... and though pieces of the truth are revealed to him along the way, it is only when he reaches full maturity that he learns a shattering secret: He is not human... and his true form is monstrous to behold.
At first glance, these two characters seem to be polar opposites; each exists apparently only to wage war against the other, and will never rest until their counterpart is utterly destroyed. Other than the fact that their respective origins are mysterious and uncertain, they have absolutely nothing in common.
This is, of course, a pack of lies.
Come with me, now, as these characters are forced to confront the truth about themselves, and learn where they really come from…
The Neutral Space is a perfectly grey formless void, apparently stretching infinitely in all directions... though since there is nothing else in sight to lend perspective, it is impossible to judge its true dimensions. The space's color is the exact midpoint between pure white and absolute black. It is best not to focus upon the endless colorless vista, as it will likely give you vertigo.
Suddenly, two entities materialize in this empty space simultaneously: One appears to be a blond man in his late 20s, dressed in a white wizard’s robe and carrying a large crystal staff that somehow burns with a white flame yet is never consumed... while the other being presents itself as an enormous cloud of darkness that has no discernable surface; light just falls into it and vanishes without trace. Both seem surprised to find themselves in this strange place, and each moves slightly away from the other.
“YOU!” The Darkness shouts with a voice as deep as thunder, yet with an undertone like shattering glass. “HOW DID YOU BRING ME HERE, AND WHY?”
“Me?!” The wizard known as Corey raises the crystal staff in front of himself in a defensive pose. “I have no idea how we got here... but I'm sure you're responsible somehow! Don’t try to deny it!”
The Darkness roils like an angry storm cloud. "WHY YOU INSOLENT--" and It lunges toward the wizard... but is immediately stopped by an invisible barrier.
A third voice rings out: "There will be no fighting. Not today." Another being materializes between the other two: a bald, 50-ish human male in modern American dress with glasses and a stooped posture. He glances at the wizard and The Darkness in turn, and speaks again. "Instead, there will be talk, discussion... and secrets will be revealed."
Corey's mouth briefly drops open in surprise when he sees his author appear before him... but the wizard quickly bows his head in a gesture of obedience. "I shall do as you command, my creator."
In contrast, The Darkness begins shouting again. "YOU CAN'T COMMAND ME! I AM BEYOND YOUR CONTROL, AND ALWAYS SHALL BE! WILL YOU NEVER LEARN THAT--" At this point, the author nods his head, and the gesture somehow reduces the volume of The Darkness' voice to something like quiet mumbling; the creature can still be heard, but the listener must strain to catch the precise words.
"Much better." The bald man turns to the wizard first. "As always, it's good to meet with you again, my old friend... but I feel I must correct you on an important point." He smiles nervously and blushes slightly. "I may be your author, Corey... but upon reflection, I doubt I can truly be called your creator."
The wizard frowns in confusion. "But... you imagined the stories that describe my life! I may only exist as ideas in your mind... but they're ideas you created!"
"Ahhh... and therein lies the conundrum." The bald man looks Corey straight in the eyes. "When I began dreaming up those grandiose tales in my early youth, I never intended to share them with anyone. For the most part, they were private, wish-fulfillment fantasies that I came up with to pass the lonely hours, as I had so few real friends... but the stories were also a coping mechanism; a way for me to deal with the various forms of trauma I experienced in my formative years. Indeed, in the early days my saga was nothing more than childish daydreams, where I envisioned myself living out the adventures of the various heroes in the saga... including you." The author gives a wan smile as Corey blushes from the compliment. "Over time I polished those tales, turned them from 'Marty Stu' style fantasies into something worth reading... but in the beginning, those stories were just a way for me to comfort myself and lick my wounds, so to speak." The bald man shrugs. "So... did I create those stories, or were they purely the product of my traumatic childhood?"
The wizard has no answer... but The Darkness' voice becomes clearly audible once more: "NOTHING CREATED ME! I AM ETERNAL; I HAVE ALWAYS EXISTED, AND ALWAYS SHALL--"
The bald man interrupts: "That's a half-truth at best." He turns to face The Darkness. "I can't deny that you're the oldest character in my saga; the tale is generational in nature and has a succession of heroic protagonists, with Corey here being a somewhat later creation... but you have always represented the main villain, even in those stories where you do not appear directly. And in all that time, your aspect has changed very little: you have always been a chaotic, destructive force, lashing out apparently at random without a care as to who or what gets destroyed in the process." The author grits his teeth. "But in the end, you were just a reflection of my own deep emotional turmoil. You were the voice in the back of my head which endlessly criticized every minor mistake I made, and harped upon all my supposed flaws--"
"AS I SAID!" The Darkness crows triumphantly. "YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER ME! I AM ETERNAL! UNSTOPPABLE!"
"Oh, please!" The author shakes his head. "You're not eternal... and once I figured out your origin, I gained quite a bit of control over you." The bald man makes a quick gesture with one hand, and The Darkness dissolves into thin air... revealing a weeping 9-year-old boy, who is obviously shocked at having his disguise removed so easily. The author bends down and speaks to the child directly: "You're just the accumulation of the rage and frustration I acquired during the my traumatic childhood... and you only truly took shape after I was forced to share a hotel room with a pedophile on an overnight trip. I had been molested by that same bastard years before... but because my parents trusted that monster, they refused to believe my accusations, and I couldn't figure out a way to avoid going on that damned trip--"
"BUT YOU DID FIGURE OUT A WAY!" The child shouts at the bald man. "YOU CAME UP WITH A PLAN TO PRETEND TO BE TOO ILL TO TRAVEL... BUT YOU FALTERED AND NEVER WENT THROUGH WITH IT!" The boy practically screams at the author: "YOU COULD HAVE AVOIDED BEING MOLESTED AGAIN IF YOU HAD JUST STUCK TO YOUR PLAN!"
The author looks the child straight in the eyes, and says very gently: "I understand why you're upset over that... but if I had followed my plan, my parents would have just sent one of my siblings on that trip instead... and they would have been molested in my place... and I would have felt responsible."
The boy looks shocked, as if he had never considered this before... and then sputters "That's... that's not fair!"
The author nods sadly in agreement. "Nothing about that situation was fair... but it wasn't my fault that I was put in that dilemma. You have every right to be angry about what happened... but you have no right to be angry at me. You have every right to be furious at our molestor, and at our parents for not believing me when I told them what had happened... but you have no right to punish me for things that I had no control over." The child is stunned into silence by these words... and the author is able to continue speaking without interruption.
"So, to summarize: My saga was inspired by and reflections of the emotional trauma I experienced in my youth... so I had very little conscious control over how major aspects of the tale developed... especially when it came to the principal characters. Furthermore, as I just indicated, you--" gesturing to the traumatized child "-- represent the primal, instinctual emotions of my childhood... while you--" gesturing toward Corey the wizard "-- represent the idealized heroic paragon that I aspired to become. After some consideration, I recently realized that between us, we represent the three parts of the human psyche as defined by Freud:
"The Id..." -- The author gestures to the forsaken child/Darkness.
"... The Ego..." -- The author gestures toward himself.
"... And the Super-Ego." -- The author gestures towards Corey the wizard.
"That all being said..." the author briefly glances in turn at the child and the wizard, "... there is one other possibility which should be considered: Since each of you represent subconscious desires and forces which made me become the man I am today, perhaps the real question is this: Did I create you... or are you responsible for creating me?"
Both the child and the wizard appear stunned by this final statement... and then all three entities turn to face the reader to await their opinion and feedback.This post is a submission for THE REAL LIVEJOURNAL IDOL(therealljidol), and is based on the prompt "Where I'm From". To read all the stories submitted this week and vote for the ones you like, please Click Here.