Killing Gary (For Nathalie)
Gary Dreslinski smiled at his audience like the cat that had swallowed the canary. "So, once again, this week's prompt is the word 'Antidisestablishmentarianism'. Everyone needs to submit their entry no later than 8 PM Eastern Time on Thursday. You may use this space as your 'Work Room' until then. I will now throw the forum open for comments." He stepped away from the podium... but before anyone in the assembly could say a word, Dreslinski did the unthinkable:
At the top of his lungs, Gary shouted "*FRIST*!"
The crowd emitted gasps of astonishment, and one weak-hearted Idoler fainted dead away. For Ellakite himself was seated in the very front row of the auditorium, and all eyes turned toward him. 'El' was notorious for reacting violently when other people used his ideas without his explicit permission... and he was extremely proud of originating the "FRIST!" meme. And yet the seconds slowly dragged by while Ellakite continued scribbling down notes for his latest story. He seemed oblivious to what had just occurred.
Gary was befuddled by Ellakite's passiveness, and he slowly stepped to the edge of the stage. "Uh, 'El'? Did you hear what I said?"
Without pausing in his writing, Ellakite nodded. "Yeah, I heard you, Gary."
Dreslinski cocked his head. "So, aren't you going to declare that I'm 'dead to you' now?"
Ellakite continued writing, and nonchalantly asked, "Why would I want to do a thing like that?"
A stunned silence filled the hall. When Gary was able to gather his wits, he frowned down at the unusually quiescent author. "Isn't that how you usually react when someone uses your 'FRIST!' meme without your permission?"
A wry smile came to El's lips. "But you *HAVE* my permission to use my 'FRIST!' meme, Gary. You always did."
The throng started murmuring again. Gary blinked in shock for a few seconds, before asking "I did?"
Ellakite nodded again. "Absolutely. The way I figure it, I was only able to develop that meme through my participation in The Real Livejournal Idol... and since that was entirely your brainchild, I would not have come up with that particular meme if not for you. Ergo, you have my explicit permission to use that particular meme." El glanced up and winked. "You're going to have to find another way to become 'dead to me' to earn those cookies, Gary." With that, Ellakite started scribbling again.
Dreslinski appeared to be completely flummoxed by this turn of events. Obviously disappointed, he started walking over to Stage Right, while he loudly exclaimed "I don't Frampton believe this!"
"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!?" Ellakite's angry roar made the walls shake. The air around him literally crackled with power, and he gave Gary a withering glare. "DID YOU JUST USE THE NAME 'FRAMPTON' AS A EUPHEMISM FOR THE F-BOMB???"
Gary was startled, but he replied in an even tone. "Yes, I did. I mean, I know that's another meme of yours, but you just said--"
"I SAID YOU HAD PERMISSION TO USE MY 'FRIST' MEME!" Ellakite started foaming at the mouth. "I CAME UP WITH THE 'FRAMPTON' MEME *LONG* BEFORE I CAME TO THE REAL LIVEJOURNAL IDOL! YOU HAVE *NO* RIGHT TO USE THE 'FRAMPTON' MEME!!!"
Gary smirked at Ellakite. "Oh, yeah? Well, what the 'Frampton' are you going to do about it?"
Ellakite's eyes bulged hugely... then he stuck two fingers in his mouth, and emitted a high-pitched whistle. A moment later, an 18-wheel tractor-trailer rig burst through the wall from Stage Right, rolling over Gary and completely crushing his body flat. The vehicle came to a sudden stop, and then it somehow up-ended the trailer container like a dump truck, causing its contents to completely bury Dreslinski's flattened form... and the truck contained no less than 3 tons of Keebler Tollhouse cookies.
After the truck completed its task and rolled off Stage Left, Ellakite climbed up and slapped a Post-It note on the pile of cookies, that simply read 'You're dead, Gary!" After grabbing one cookie to snack on later, Ellakite went back to his seat and continued working on his latest story...