LAST CHANCE IDOL WEEK 3 -- "We are all in the gutter..."
STRIVING FOR TEN PERCENT
There are times when I ask myself why I even bother trying to write... and as time goes on, it seems I'm asking myself that question more and more frequently.
From comments I've seen in The Green Room and The Work Room, it appears that the aforementioned issue is not unknown to many of my fellow Idolers. Hell, I could make the argument that anyone who claims to have never felt moments of frustration and self-doubt are either lying or not entirely sane. However, I seem to be afflicted worse than most of my fellow Idolers -- for my first two seasons in LJI, my recurring mantra when talking about my writing was "I see the flaws, not the talent". It didn't matter how long I lasted in each Season of LJI or how much positive feedback I got; I kept negating and downplaying the accolades I received.
Perhaps my biggest issue is that the act of writing has always been extremely difficult for me, so it requires a lot of willpower on my part to physically put "ass in chair" and set words to paper (or computer screen). Even when I get over that hurdle, I then agonize over every God-damned line, worrying over the words and phrases I'm using, how repetitive I'm being... and it seems so very seldom that the words I write truly reflect the story in my head. Further, on those rare occasions that I do write something that I feel proud of, my mind always wanders back to all the less-than-stellar pieces I've previously submitted to LJI, some of which make me cringe to read now. Of all the pieces I've written, perhaps 10% of them have been worth the time and work I put into them... and it seems like the rest of my compositions were a waste of effort on my part, and quite possibly a waste of the reader's time. So when I look back on the overall mediocre quality of my work, I find myself sorely tempted to chuck it all and permanently walk away from writing.
Sometimes the only thing that keeps me going is Sturgeon's Revelation.
Theodore "Ted" Sturgeon (1918-1985) was a writer and critic; many of his stories have been classified as Science Fiction, although he also wrote tales that could be classified as belonging to several other genres (Fantasy, Mystery, Westerns, etc). During the early portion of Sturgeon's career, Science Fiction literature was frequently lambasted by mainstream critics, who would make comments like "90% of all Science Fiction is crap!" Such critics would give grudging respect to those few Science Fiction tales of undeniable quality... but these critics would then dismiss all other SF as being "substandard". After hearing this argument for 20 years, Sturgeon had an epiphany which he called his "Revelation", though it has sometimes been referred to as Sturgeon's Law. His "Revelation" was simply this:
Ninety Percent of everything is crap.
Think about it: In every form of human endeavour -- art, music, consumer goods, food -- only 10% of the material produced will be truly exemplary. The remaining 90%, even that which might be considered to be "above average", simply will not stand up to scrutiny when compared to those works of the very highest quality. Therefore, even "very good" stuff will seem like crap when compared to the top 10 percent.
So if I look over the pieces that I've posted for LJI and find that I can only point to about 10% of them with a true sense of pride, and everything else I've written seems to pale in comparison, that's perfectly natural. Frustrating, perhaps... but natural.
And I must confess: Although I find writing to be an odious task, whenever I look upon my best works I feel a spark start to burn within me -- a desire to write something just as good, or perhaps even better. Yes, there are times when I get angry and discouraged with how much "crap" I will doubtless produce before I will write the next piece I can truly take pride in... but there is no other way to achieve that goal. In every sense of the term, this truly is The Human Condition. And there's nothing wrong with being human.
Striving to be the very best we can be is the finest thing any person can do, regardless of what the actual act may entail. The only way to truly fail in this regard is to give up... and I'm not giving up just yet. And if my knowledge of Sturgeon's Revelation will help inspire another struggling writer to keep going in the face of adversity... then that's a good thing too, for them and me. Because helping other people helps me become the best person I can be.
We're all fighting for the same thing... so why shouldn't we work together? It's a whole lot better than the alternatives...
"We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield."
-- Ulysses
---- ALFRED, LORD TENNYSONThis piece is an entry for THE LAST CHANCE IDOL, WEEK 3. It is based on the prompt "We are all in the gutter..." If you enjoyed reading it, please vote for it by clicking here. My check box is eighth from the top.