THE REAL LIVEJOURNAL EXHIBIT B WEEK THREE -- Oh, Lord, we're not talking ______ again, are we?
HOT AND BOTHERED
I have no one to blame but myself. I knew I should have taken my medication before going to Hurricane Harbor with my girlfriend because the problem had happened before...
“Hurry up!” Claudia grabbed my hand and started running, her long auburn hair trailing behind her like a bright red pennant. It was a scalding hot August day, and we both had been looking forward to revisiting the water park. However, the place was absolutely packed with people -- We had finally gotten through the main gate and were rushing through the crowd to head for our favorite water slide… but there were so many people in front of us that it we had to wait nearly half-an-hour before we could take our turn.
“Let’s try the log flume next!” I grinned at the suggestion; though Claudia insists that she loves that ride, she screams in terror every time we took a big drop… and hugs me tightly like a teddy bear whenever we go down together. But we had to wait in line for 45 minutes before we could hop aboard, and the queue got much longer during that period. Things only got worse from then on; we next had to wait what seemed like forever just to take a ten-minute ride on the Lazy River… and by the time we got off it was just after noon, the hottest part of the day.
“So… what now?” Claudia purred at me with a gleam in her eye. “The lines for the rides are all insanely long! We’ll just *BAKE* to death in this heat before we’ll be able to get back in the water. What to *DO*, what to *DO*, what to *DO*?” She arched her eyebrows provocatively… and I immediately knew what she wanted.
I grinned wickedly. “Wait here; I’ll be right back with what you need.” I ran up to the nearest souvenir stand... and came back fully loaded. Claudia saw what I was carrying and shrieked “Don’t you *DARE* use that thing on me!” But her enormous smile said that she was very much looking forward to the experience, just like all the previous times I had bought one of these items for her:
In my hands was a huge piece of rubber tubing, over three feet long and several inches in diameter… and it was extremely stiff because it was completely filled with cold water. For all intents and purposes it was a high-capacity, long-range water pistol, but using a very simple design: it was made from a durable elastic and had a mushroom-shaped valve on one end. “Here it comes!” I shouted as I took careful aim and opened up. The rubber naturally contracted and forced the contents of the tube out with a fair amount of speed, soaking Claudia in the process.
“Ahhh! Stop it, you bad, bad boy!” But Claudia’s tone indicated she really loved what I was doing to her, and she was only playing ‘hard-to-hit’. I got one of these tubes each time the park became too crowded; it was a marvelously fun way to pass the time. I chased her for the next few minutes, squirting her with the cool water all the while. Soon she gave up all pretense of resistance, and was softly moaning things like “More, I need it!” I did my best to please her… but as before I released far too much, far too quickly.
“Come on! Give it to me!” But I had nothing left to give; the tube was utterly spent, and dangled limp and impotent in my hands. Claudia’s words now took on a strident, demanding tone. “I’m right here, why aren’t you doing anything?”
And so once again I found myself miserably admitting the last thing any man wants to find himself saying to a hot woman who is literally begging for it:
“I’m sorry, honey... but I’m suffering from projectile dysfunction again."
“Why-oh-why didn't I take the BLUE pill?”
-- CYPHER
---- THE MATRIX
This post is an entry for The Real LiveJournal Idol Exhibit B. This week I am performing "The Matrix Intersection" with neverletyoupart. Her post, based on the prompt "I wake up strange", can be found here.