Betwixt and between...
"It's not having what you want; it's wanting what you've got."
-- Sheryl Crow
--- "Soak Up The Sun"
---- C'mon C'mon
Tonight I find myself confronting an existential dilemma.
I was raised believing that it's wrong to want things. Oh, it's OK to want the bare necessities of life -- food, water, shelter. But I was taught to view having anything beyond that as a "blessing". As such, I was already feeling guilty about wanting to return to my home. Right now I have a roof over my head, a place to sleep, three square meals a day prepared for me by people who care about me... and I've been reminded that there are quite a few people in the GNYC area who are in far worse shape than I. Never mind the fact that my employer has been paying me my full wage even though the office has been closed for the past week.
And yet... isn't it human nature to want more than what we already have? I could make the argument that most (if not all) human progress occurs because people decide they want to improve a given situation, either just for themselves or for a larger group? This has been true throughout history.
For most of my life and career, I told myself I should be content with what I had. That's part of the reason why I never seriously pursued various options that were available to me. Granted, my own self-doubts convinced me that I'd fail at most of these endeavors... but I consoled myself by thinking that I was already relatively well-off, and therefore I should be content with my lot.
Except I'm not content. But I'm debating with myself whether it's "good" or "bad" for me to feel this level of discontent, when so many people I know would happily give up their eye-teeth to be in my circumstances right now.
I have no answers yet. I don't know whether there are any "clear" or "right" answers to this issue...
-- Sheryl Crow
--- "Soak Up The Sun"
---- C'mon C'mon
Tonight I find myself confronting an existential dilemma.
I was raised believing that it's wrong to want things. Oh, it's OK to want the bare necessities of life -- food, water, shelter. But I was taught to view having anything beyond that as a "blessing". As such, I was already feeling guilty about wanting to return to my home. Right now I have a roof over my head, a place to sleep, three square meals a day prepared for me by people who care about me... and I've been reminded that there are quite a few people in the GNYC area who are in far worse shape than I. Never mind the fact that my employer has been paying me my full wage even though the office has been closed for the past week.
And yet... isn't it human nature to want more than what we already have? I could make the argument that most (if not all) human progress occurs because people decide they want to improve a given situation, either just for themselves or for a larger group? This has been true throughout history.
For most of my life and career, I told myself I should be content with what I had. That's part of the reason why I never seriously pursued various options that were available to me. Granted, my own self-doubts convinced me that I'd fail at most of these endeavors... but I consoled myself by thinking that I was already relatively well-off, and therefore I should be content with my lot.
Except I'm not content. But I'm debating with myself whether it's "good" or "bad" for me to feel this level of discontent, when so many people I know would happily give up their eye-teeth to be in my circumstances right now.
I have no answers yet. I don't know whether there are any "clear" or "right" answers to this issue...