Un. Employed.
Well, folks, I'm unemployed.
I quit my job. That's right, the one that I just got two weeks ago.
The one that I thought would change my life, well, to be fair--it just did!
Yesterday I sort of lost my mind, and I felt less hinged, more unhinged, than I've ever felt before. Probably.
It's hard to keep track, and after all, it only happened 24 hours ago.
But anyway. It was a rough day. And now it's going to be a rough month.
I didn't make pro & con lists. Well, I did. In my crazy head.
I decided that going into that office, with it's peach colored paneling, would make me crazier than to not go in.
And I knew very well that everyone would be mad at me. And I did it anyway.
And I think that I made the right choice? Maybe.
Maybe not?
Anyway, there. It feels good to write it down.
I. quit. my. job.
fordmadoxfraud is mad at me. And I understand that.
But I also think that I can fix it. So I am becoming less horrified that he will just tire of helping me, or just stop loving me altogether. He's always known that I am a crazy mess, but I think I owe it to him to get better.
Last night he told me, basically, that I have PMS.
Which is true, of course I have fuckin' PMS!
And my gut reaction was to yell at him & walk away.
And then I bit my lip. And I thought about it. And I realized--that, yea, that's pretty much what it is.
But instead of just minor moodswings, and instead of feeling anxious/upset, my body sort of just tangles up & I go sort of crazy. And sometimes it feels good. The way that when you drink too much & lose your inhibitions it is sort of awesome. And the next morning you're like 'Shit! I totally made out with that guy! Go drunk me!' Because you'd never do that otherwise. And you totally wanted to makeout with that guy all along. It's totally amazing. BUT then there are the times when you drunk-dial your boss and tell them to shove it.
And that is more like what I did. Which is less empowering. And less...amazing
Part of me still wants to say 'fuck off! I'll do whatever I want'
But then I realize--that i just quit my job.
And so I guess I have to fix this now.
It's just a matter of figuring out how. It's alright. I've got three things to try out first: counseling, birth control, working out.
I quit my job. That's right, the one that I just got two weeks ago.
The one that I thought would change my life, well, to be fair--it just did!
Yesterday I sort of lost my mind, and I felt less hinged, more unhinged, than I've ever felt before. Probably.
It's hard to keep track, and after all, it only happened 24 hours ago.
But anyway. It was a rough day. And now it's going to be a rough month.
I didn't make pro & con lists. Well, I did. In my crazy head.
I decided that going into that office, with it's peach colored paneling, would make me crazier than to not go in.
And I knew very well that everyone would be mad at me. And I did it anyway.
And I think that I made the right choice? Maybe.
Maybe not?
Anyway, there. It feels good to write it down.
I. quit. my. job.
fordmadoxfraud is mad at me. And I understand that.
But I also think that I can fix it. So I am becoming less horrified that he will just tire of helping me, or just stop loving me altogether. He's always known that I am a crazy mess, but I think I owe it to him to get better.
Last night he told me, basically, that I have PMS.
Which is true, of course I have fuckin' PMS!
And my gut reaction was to yell at him & walk away.
And then I bit my lip. And I thought about it. And I realized--that, yea, that's pretty much what it is.
But instead of just minor moodswings, and instead of feeling anxious/upset, my body sort of just tangles up & I go sort of crazy. And sometimes it feels good. The way that when you drink too much & lose your inhibitions it is sort of awesome. And the next morning you're like 'Shit! I totally made out with that guy! Go drunk me!' Because you'd never do that otherwise. And you totally wanted to makeout with that guy all along. It's totally amazing. BUT then there are the times when you drunk-dial your boss and tell them to shove it.
And that is more like what I did. Which is less empowering. And less...amazing
Part of me still wants to say 'fuck off! I'll do whatever I want'
But then I realize--that i just quit my job.
And so I guess I have to fix this now.
It's just a matter of figuring out how. It's alright. I've got three things to try out first: counseling, birth control, working out.