ALO!!
In Prison. Sept. 28th, 2004
After much thought I have decided to start a journal/diary. Everything you read here is completely unfictional(unfortunately, at times...)
First I must start off by saying that I'm 18 and on July 19th 2004 I left my home in Toronto, Ontario to study Equine Science (Horse Stuff!!) at the University of Parma, Italy. It's hard to explain what it's like... I knew University was going to take me far away from my friends and family but I sort of 'leaped before I looked'. I really didn't think of how much I would miss my old life, as I call it. Talking on the phone and on MSN doesn't come close to make up for me not seeing my friends and family as often as I am, or rather, was used to. It is the most exciting thing that has ever happened to me (so far in my life, obviously), but at the same time it is also the worst thing that has ever happened to me and right now it is worst part of the worst. Although my family said they all had a blast at University, I have yet to have said blast. Michelle suggests to give it 5 weeks after school starts but it doesn't matter becasue whether I like it or not, I have to finish this course. That's my personal choice/goal. I also worked really hard for this admission exam (I even learned physics)!! To give away something like that is just stupid.
Anyway...
The place I am currently residing in is what I call prison, I didn't actually end up in jail, though. I was assigned this dorm and aside from being plain and rather Spartan, it is also quite small. Kind of like a jail cell, except that I haven't been raped. This is my cell and I am in it. It has a balcony and a washroom, all together it is about the size of a floor tile. A kitchen floor tile, though, not a school floor tile, that would be too spacious...
In a burst of Georgia Nicolsonism, I have decided to list 6 things that suck about my life:
1. I am a bazillion kms from home and I can't go back until June 29th 2005, also, the phonecards I use don't accept my friends' phone numbers.
2. I am too shy to talk to anyone around here let alone hot guys so I am boyfriendless.
3. I've been here barely two months but it feels like I have been here for ages and I forgot English and haven't completely gotten Italian so I now speak no language.
4. I am younger than everyone by at least a year (usually more) and I am also the only foreigner at the school.
5. I let myself go so I am currently in a state of absolute hideousness.
6. They eat too much meat here, I stick out like a sore thumb with morals and a conscience...
I can't help it, I'm really whiny and annoying. Well, annoying when I'm whiny. If there is someone who is reading this but doesn't know me personally, I have a pretty sardonic outlook on life but since I don't have the gift of being a good writer, it comes out sounding like I am always complaining. Things are usually not as bad as I describe them, though. Usually.
Now 6 things that are cool about my life...
1. I can swear in school and not get in trouble. Fucking amazing! That was totally not me. I actually sat here for a minute thinking if I should add it... Then I thought 'hey! I like The Darkness! I can write whatever I want!"
2. I ranked highest on the admission exam, 60/60... 100%! Not bad, eh?
3. I could drink or smoke if I so wished ("I don't need a tray to kill you, but I could kill you with a tray if. I. so. wished" Eddie Izzard, but of course!).
4. A North American accent is considered sexy by most here.
5. There is no adult supervision in these dorms so we can do what we want, I don't know in what way I mean 'we can do whatever we want', and we don't, but still, the couldbedone potential is there
6. Corbie, my little black lab, is going to be flown here in December!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You're almost caught up!
Basically, up until now I lived in our summer house in a small town in the countryside called Vico Barone ( kind of like in Lives of the Saints except there was never a scandal and that whole thing about snakes is nonexistent). Other than the mutant bugs, scorpions and cats, I love it there. I have the largest room with two walk in closests and almost all my LOTR posters (highlight of my room, logically) . We are surrounded by old stucco style houses and rows of grape vines as far as the eye can see. It is exactly what you imagine when you think of the Italian countryside. I have only a couple (exactly two) friends there, and a busy day is a long walk and 4 hours of Uno (a card game). I saw my first drunk person in that town (well, other than my twin, Ayler, of course...). That was quite an experience, I had wanted to see a real live drunk person for quite a while. I got this wicked keyboard so I have stopped complaing about not having a piano. There's this little orange cat that comes to eat at our house and other than looking, scratching and having the intellect of a cat (ie. few clowns short of a circus, not the brightest colour in the box, not the sharpest knife in the drawer...) this animal is a dog! He rolls over, follows me around and he howls! Gioachino (pr. Jo-a-keeno) is his name, and I have adopted him. I saw my friend who I've known forever minus 12 days (because she is 12 days younger than me). I also faced my fear and swam in a lake. Here's the thing, I love swimming, but I am afraid of fish and things with pincers (lobsters and shrimp, etc...). There may even have been stergeons in this lake. Big fish with bony scales and feet that it uses to walk on the bottom of lakes! It can be 6 ft and live up to 45 years! A dinosaur!... Or so I've heard. I know I'm brave...! Later that night, we went for dinner with my mom's friend's family. They have a son (19) and a daughter (22) both of which I've known my whole life. Anyway I don't know how this happened but basically he (the son) fed me a piece of chocolate cake with a spoon! I was all red because everyone was looking! No-one said anything so maybe it was normal, but I was embarassed, mostly because I have to admit, he is pretty cute and not single. My aunt's sataninsheepsclothing cat, Alfredo, crapped in my room when I was sleeping, my aunt said it was because it was his room and I usurped it! I couldn't believe it! Cat's are too dumb to reason that way, plus: I let him sleep in that room, even on my bed! I didn't usurp anything. The corner he pooed in has now been dubbed Kaka Corner, luckily it is the farthest corner from my bed because to be quite honest, the smell still hasn't completely left the carpet... The other sataninsheepsclothing, Penny, is pretty cute when she isn't trying to tear Gioachino to shreds. I learned how to sew and I must admit it is ins't bad... I am also becoming Amish. No joke. I collected snail shells and I made a wind chime out of them, due to a simple miscalculation, it is a silent wind chime. I also found "amber" (ie. tree sap) and I made a bracelet out of it. They are both part of a thing (for lack of a better term) I am launching: Things I Made From Things I Found On The Ground(C). To be quite honest though, I didn't find the tree sap on the ground, but believe it or not, on a tree. Don't worry about the snails. I only took the shell if there was no snail inside. Ever heard 'Amish Paradise' by Weird Al (to the beat of Gangsta Paradise)? fits me almost perfectly except for the fact that in Vico Barone, they have never met anyone other than other Catholics... "...I churned butter once or twice, living in an Amish Paradise..." I've never actually churned butter, I should try. You know what I'll never try? Driving in Italty! Never. I would rather be dead, though if I drove I woud be dead soon afterwards in anycase... The line, "I may not be able to turn right at a red light, but I can go right through it" has never applied more so than it does here. Everyone just sort of drives where there is road. There are dividers dividing the street into two lanes, but there are 3 or 4 cars side-by-side! c'est ne pas possible! The streets are impossibly difficult to navigate through and everyone honking and yelling, and for every intersection there are a bazillion lights, you never know which one is yours! I have fallen in love with a car though, at home it is the Toyota Matrix, but here it is the Nissan Micra Jive. So pretty and nice. The older Micra looks a little like a Mini, but the Jive is puffier and more 'high style'. I started looking at the Micras when I heard they were one of the only automatic cars in Europe (over here they have the standard stickshift problem, making it additionally difficult to drive) other than the Mercedez Smart which is a two seater and also very ugly. A week before my admission exam, I spent 5 days in Parma in this place run by a nun (well, more than one, but it sounded better when it rhymed). I had a room all to myself until this other girl was assigned the same room, it turns out she is from England! I was being all stupid asking her if she liked Orlando Bloom and Eddie Izzard but I couldn't help it! I was being the type of person I hate (When I go to the States people ask me if I like Alanis Morrisette... grrr!) ANYWAY... Her and her friend went to an Eddie Izzard gig and her friend got up on stage and kissed him! I know someone who knows someone who kissed Eddie Izzard! I just sat there and was like "..." At the nun-place, I, along with another 12 girls, was/were locked out of our rooms becasue we came home too late and there were only two accessible rooms so we had to split up 6 to a room and sleep on the floor (there were 2 beds to a room). Whilst looking for things to sleep on (clothes, kleenexes, etc...) we 'stumbled' upon a drawer; in this drawer, much to the horror to the people who ate tomato sauce with their pasta, there was literally 200 bottles of tomato paste pate`. I had the best laugh (I hate tomato sauce) while everyone started to suddenly feel a little sick! I still laugh when I look at the pictures I took of the bottles.
I went grocery shopping for the first time! Also, I met loads of people despite my accent and lack of a will to speak. One girl, Giulia, had to do the laundry at what I called the Nunnery ("get thee to a nunnery!" I was actually Ophelia when Hamlet said that in our English class...) and so she asked one of the girls who lives there how to do it and she told her "put everything in at 30 degrees", so she did and all her clothes came out green! We died laughing! When we (the group of girls at the nunnery who were studying at the faculty of Vet. Med.) went out to dinner that night, Her shirt was green, as were her pants (originally white and blue, respectively), her socks were red and green (instead of white and green)! I (obviously) was the one who laughed the longest about this. Then I got a banana milk shake. I almost died, it was sooooooooooooooooooo GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! It was so good, in fact, that I have to write about it. I also met a couple of guys, or rather, I was hit on by a couple of guys (despite my state of absolute ugliness) and yeah, it's a little awkward becasue aside from being hit on by guys at least 21 years old (thus far) I also don't even look 18! everyone (5 people so far...) have asked "so how old are you? 16?"; it's always 16 for some reason. So yeah, I am a little confused as to what to do becasue they ask me out to lunch and dinner and stuff and I don't want to be flirty but I think I accidentally am sometimes. I also can't refuse because it's obvious I have nothing else to do so I can't make up an excuse (I'm washing my hair...!) There are two protagonist guys, one is 22 and the other is at least 24 but I think he's older(They are both studying Med.!) What am I supposed to do? I always told myself that it was okay to date guys max. 5 yrs older but now that it comes to it, I think 3 is a better limit...
Anyway, so that's what's happened up until now, if I remember something else, I'll be sure to write it in. Thought you should know. Oh yeah!! The doorsperson has a daughter who is vegetarian and she says in her whole life (granted she is 2 years old), she (the daughter) has never farted. SHUT DOWN!! I told everyone being a vegetarian gives you such powers! Now do you believe me?!
Bye!
PS. If anyone is reading this (ie my friends) leave me a message telling me how life is going in old country, Okay? I heard through the grape vine that Slaphead got a cell phone... Vraiment?! Don't tell me you've also learned how to make your bed... Or your lunch?! MONDIEU! They grow up so fast! Rendered speechless. Probably for the best. Sorry, I had to get a JJ (JohannaJoke) in there somewhere...
In Prison. Sept. 29th, 2004
Today I had to complete some papers so I went to the University. On my way there, an old man asked me if I had been a Velina. For all you non-Italians, Veline (pl. of Velina) is this show where thousands of girls try out and only 10 make it and on this show they (the 10 who made it) are judged on a short dance routine, their look and how they present themselves. The winner gets Idon'tknowwhat. So yeah, it's sort of like someone asking you if you're a model. First of all, this man was like 108! Second of all, he was way too forward, it's a nice compliment but end it there. He told me now a days all the Veline had a nice 'seno' (ie. Rivendell, ie. Valley of the Elves, ie. chest!), and then he asked me if they were real. Now, a normal person would ignore them and walk away, but I am not normal, so stupified but these questions, I had no choice but to answer. And truthfully! He also asked me something about a pin, and this pin being pointy or having a head, I couldn't really understand (aside from the bus being really noisy, he is an old man and we know that old people make no sense)... This was after he asked me if things were alright with my boyfriend. I didn't even want to know what he was trying to say! Ugh! All the while, his eyes were locked on my Rivendell. He asked me where I lived and at that point I said, "Canada", and got off the bus. Go me!
Okay, day two of my gettingtoknowpeople journey. I just got home from grocery shopping (AHAHA) with Mr. 22 and before that I had gone out to lunch with Mr. Atleast24. I didn't really need anything but it's rude to decline so I went and bought water and cookies; second groceryshop of my life! Convincing enough. There was a little bit of an odd moment when I was telling Mr. 22 about how Mr. AL24 bought me lunch and he smiled and said, 'in the three years I've known him, Mr. AL24 has never bought me anything'. I really had no idea what to say.
Just got off the phone with Mr. AL24. He invited me to get something to drink, I declined, saying I was studying. I hope during lunch I didn't accidentally let slip that I have no books with me! Lunch was acceptable but 2 'dates' (for lack of a better term!) in a day is too much, mais c'est seulment ma opinion. They both know my phone number because here the phone number is the room number and I am 'The Canadian', everyone knows my room number not becasue they've ever been in my room (!) but becasue they hear my accent and ask me what room I'm in. Now that I think about it, all the people I've met here are guys, except one of the doorspeople, who is, in fact, a woman. She smiles 'knowingly' every time she sees me leave the apartment with either Mr. 22 or Mr. AL24. Mr. AL24's younger borther, Mr. AL23, is the janitor of the complex, he likes to kill animals. He told me all these terrible stories! He put glue in a chick's (baby chicken) eyes, killed a bird, a sheep and a whole bunch of other animals. He doesn't think it's wrong to kill animals! My type of guy exactly. He is also studying Med, but acts slighty like Ben (Michele's cousin, whom I've heard so much about yet never met)! ie a 6 yr old with ADD. He doesn't understand the connection between killing an animal and hurting it. I didn't want to introduce 'humans are animals, too', too foreign a concept, I suppose.
Just got off the phone with Mr. 22! He asked me if I wanted to go to a bar this evening. I used the same 'I'm studying' line but he was persistent, he said 'not now, later' and I was like 'ummmm... well...' and he said, 'fine, if you're studying, study...'
They're not competing, are they? Goodness I hope not. It's not that I can't decide which one, it's that they are both too old for me... 21 or under... or Elijah... Or Orlando... Or Craig... And Johnny! K, that's it!!
Au secours and Aidez-moi! There must be something wrong with me, but not wrong with me as in that time I kept hearing whistling noises all day, wrong with me as in, if I want a boyfriend why am I being so picky? There is also this guy with the most gorgeous blue eyes ever in the history of ever. He has a beard though...He isn't old, max. a couple of years older than me, but still, the beard is present. And unwanted.
Moses, it sucks being 6 hours ahead of the rest of my life. I hate this. What I wouldn't give to be able to phone my friends right now.
Now I just keep writing cuz I have nothing to do. Nothing nothing nothing nothing. Write, write, write, all day long, write, write, write as I sing this song...
In Prison. Sept. 30th, 2004.
Last day in prison until school... No! UNIVERSITY starts (Monday the 4th). I am a 10 year old trapped in an 18 year old's body... Or a really immature 18 year old trapped in a normal 18 year old's body... In anycase, the maturity level is low.
There's a dorm reunion tonight at 9. Maybe I'll grace everyone with my appearance. For now I am going to go to the Internet Cafe and talk to people.
Home from the Internet Cafe. I got a little teary eyed talking to Michelle, I really don't realize how much I miss my friends until I talk to them... Don't cry! Don't cry!!!!!!!!!!
Cried.
Graced everyone with my appearance. Wasn't too exciting, I saw Mr. AmazingBlueEyes. He talked to me about something internety. Mr. 22 was there... He went on about the lunch with Mr. AL24... Is he making a joke or is he offended that Mr. AL24 bought me lunch and not him?.. He then introduced me to other people whose names I can't remember. I am a little suspicious of his sexual preference if he is offended that Mr. AL24 bought me lunch and not him. In anycase, it would be cool having a gay guy friend.
At Home. Oct. 1st, 2004
Went horseback riding. Orlando Bloom's shorter, slighty chubbier identical twin wasn't there as he somtimes is. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. Well except for the fact that today I gallopped in 3 point as opposed to 2 point (the usual). I'm guessing only Vivy will understand. Have you started jumping yet? With a horse, I mean.
Speaking of identical twins... I think Italy is Canada's parallel universe! There is a Tonya twin, an Amy (the blonde Faywood one) twin, an Amanda (Bove) twin and a Francesca twin whose name is Francesca!
At Home. Oct. 2nd, 2004
I am no longer the person I used to be. I actually bought an Avril Lavigne CD, The Darkness, too!! I went from being a Hilary Duff and Usher fan to being an Avril and The Darkness fan. Well, not that The Darkness is really dark, or anything, but still... I also bought the Hidalgo DVD (back to being the old me). It's a really good movie! Besides being a movie full to the brim of horses and Viggo, it was really moving. I got teary eyed at times. You don't even have to have owned a horse to connect with what's going on. I really did love it. I know it's corny, but it was sort of like what's happening with me, I am the only foreigner, really out of my league in an impossible 'race', only not a physical one and not across the Arabian desert... Shut up if you're making fun of me!
That's all that has really happened today.
"ping pong on Wednesday"
"needlework on Thursday"
"dancing on a Friday night"
"with you. oo oo oo oo oo oo"
BTW... Ayler, do you mind if I name my fridge Friggo Mortenson, too? Oddly enough, that is how you say 'fridge' in Italian (just Friggo, though, not Mortenson)... Is it Mortenson or Mortensen??
In Prison. Oct. 4th, 2004
Today was my first day of school! First day of University in my whole entire life. It went from 9-12:30 (only for today, unfortunately) It was only economy (they call it zooeconomny because it is based on economical aspect of animal production). I know it will be a very important part of my life in the future (UNLIKE MATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) but it's still pretty, no, really boring (very much LIKE MATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). Tomorrow I have a day of Chemistry. Yipee.
Since I had to wake up at 5:45 this morning (when I had gone to bed at 12:30), I was really tired and so when I got back to prison, I went straight to sleep. Up until now, really. In a perfect world, I would sleep all night, but now I am jet lagged (!?) and so I will be up all night and tomorrow I'll be in a coma in class.
Mr. 22 and Mr. AL24 haven't phoned. Good thing, too. One thing though... Elena's (one of my new friends here) boyfriend is 24 and she is 19. Is it irrational to only look for a boyfriend max. 3 years older than me (for now, anyway, when I'm 40, I may even accept a guy who is 50, should I be unfortunate enough to not be married yet)? Maybe four years older is acceptable... But not Mr. 22. He smokes. I'm going to pretend that is my only reason.
The only thing that makes this day exciting is that it is my first day of University. Otherwise it was pretty bland.
As has become the norm in this dorm, the internet has been once again delayed until tomorrow... If it doesn't work tomorrow, I am going to be angry. I might just have to go talk to Mr. AmazingBlueEyes. Hell might just have to freeze over first, though.
In Prison. Oct. 5th, 2004
Today I had Chemistry. Yuck.
On the bright side, I went out all day long so I didn't have to face Stronzo (which is Italian for 'little shit'). This guy really gets on my nerves. He thinks he knows everything becasue he studied Vet. Med. If he is so great, why isn't he is a vet?! He is simply the doorsman who sits there waiting for me to come home so that he can tell me how good horse meat is. Mr. Stronzo made himself look like a total moron. If there is someone you shouldn't argue with about horses... It's probably Ludger Beerbaum, but you shouldn't argue with me either! I have a horse for Moses' sake!! We were talking (which was really glaring at eachother and getting every possible insult in) over breeds of horses and it came to the oldest breed of horse... The oldest breed of horse without a doubt is the absolutely gorgeous Arabian. Its blood has been used to improve many, many breeds. It is really basic horse knowledge. Mr. Stronzo thought it was the Ahkal-Teke!! A Russian breed which looks very similar to the Arabian becasue it was created mixing Arabians with the local horses!!!! Ahhh... Stupid man. I couldn't believe he had just said that. That is like fighting with someone and them continually punching themselves. But the shock doesn't end there! He also asked me why I ate eggs if they were made from an animal. The logical answer is that the chicken makes eggs without or without human help. It makes eggs as a natural by-product; sorry, but it's basically the chicken's period. I know, but it's true... He then told me that I wasn't killing the chicken, but the chick inside. I couldn't believe a man who studied Vet. Med. had just told me such a thing. It doesn't even take a Vet to know that it takes a female and male (in all bird species) to create a baby. Egg producing chickens go their whole life without even ever having seen a rooster!
Ahh.. Stupid man.
After much thought I have decided to start a journal/diary. Everything you read here is completely unfictional(unfortunately, at times...)
First I must start off by saying that I'm 18 and on July 19th 2004 I left my home in Toronto, Ontario to study Equine Science (Horse Stuff!!) at the University of Parma, Italy. It's hard to explain what it's like... I knew University was going to take me far away from my friends and family but I sort of 'leaped before I looked'. I really didn't think of how much I would miss my old life, as I call it. Talking on the phone and on MSN doesn't come close to make up for me not seeing my friends and family as often as I am, or rather, was used to. It is the most exciting thing that has ever happened to me (so far in my life, obviously), but at the same time it is also the worst thing that has ever happened to me and right now it is worst part of the worst. Although my family said they all had a blast at University, I have yet to have said blast. Michelle suggests to give it 5 weeks after school starts but it doesn't matter becasue whether I like it or not, I have to finish this course. That's my personal choice/goal. I also worked really hard for this admission exam (I even learned physics)!! To give away something like that is just stupid.
Anyway...
The place I am currently residing in is what I call prison, I didn't actually end up in jail, though. I was assigned this dorm and aside from being plain and rather Spartan, it is also quite small. Kind of like a jail cell, except that I haven't been raped. This is my cell and I am in it. It has a balcony and a washroom, all together it is about the size of a floor tile. A kitchen floor tile, though, not a school floor tile, that would be too spacious...
In a burst of Georgia Nicolsonism, I have decided to list 6 things that suck about my life:
1. I am a bazillion kms from home and I can't go back until June 29th 2005, also, the phonecards I use don't accept my friends' phone numbers.
2. I am too shy to talk to anyone around here let alone hot guys so I am boyfriendless.
3. I've been here barely two months but it feels like I have been here for ages and I forgot English and haven't completely gotten Italian so I now speak no language.
4. I am younger than everyone by at least a year (usually more) and I am also the only foreigner at the school.
5. I let myself go so I am currently in a state of absolute hideousness.
6. They eat too much meat here, I stick out like a sore thumb with morals and a conscience...
I can't help it, I'm really whiny and annoying. Well, annoying when I'm whiny. If there is someone who is reading this but doesn't know me personally, I have a pretty sardonic outlook on life but since I don't have the gift of being a good writer, it comes out sounding like I am always complaining. Things are usually not as bad as I describe them, though. Usually.
Now 6 things that are cool about my life...
1. I can swear in school and not get in trouble. Fucking amazing! That was totally not me. I actually sat here for a minute thinking if I should add it... Then I thought 'hey! I like The Darkness! I can write whatever I want!"
2. I ranked highest on the admission exam, 60/60... 100%! Not bad, eh?
3. I could drink or smoke if I so wished ("I don't need a tray to kill you, but I could kill you with a tray if. I. so. wished" Eddie Izzard, but of course!).
4. A North American accent is considered sexy by most here.
5. There is no adult supervision in these dorms so we can do what we want, I don't know in what way I mean 'we can do whatever we want', and we don't, but still, the couldbedone potential is there
6. Corbie, my little black lab, is going to be flown here in December!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You're almost caught up!
Basically, up until now I lived in our summer house in a small town in the countryside called Vico Barone ( kind of like in Lives of the Saints except there was never a scandal and that whole thing about snakes is nonexistent). Other than the mutant bugs, scorpions and cats, I love it there. I have the largest room with two walk in closests and almost all my LOTR posters (highlight of my room, logically) . We are surrounded by old stucco style houses and rows of grape vines as far as the eye can see. It is exactly what you imagine when you think of the Italian countryside. I have only a couple (exactly two) friends there, and a busy day is a long walk and 4 hours of Uno (a card game). I saw my first drunk person in that town (well, other than my twin, Ayler, of course...). That was quite an experience, I had wanted to see a real live drunk person for quite a while. I got this wicked keyboard so I have stopped complaing about not having a piano. There's this little orange cat that comes to eat at our house and other than looking, scratching and having the intellect of a cat (ie. few clowns short of a circus, not the brightest colour in the box, not the sharpest knife in the drawer...) this animal is a dog! He rolls over, follows me around and he howls! Gioachino (pr. Jo-a-keeno) is his name, and I have adopted him. I saw my friend who I've known forever minus 12 days (because she is 12 days younger than me). I also faced my fear and swam in a lake. Here's the thing, I love swimming, but I am afraid of fish and things with pincers (lobsters and shrimp, etc...). There may even have been stergeons in this lake. Big fish with bony scales and feet that it uses to walk on the bottom of lakes! It can be 6 ft and live up to 45 years! A dinosaur!... Or so I've heard. I know I'm brave...! Later that night, we went for dinner with my mom's friend's family. They have a son (19) and a daughter (22) both of which I've known my whole life. Anyway I don't know how this happened but basically he (the son) fed me a piece of chocolate cake with a spoon! I was all red because everyone was looking! No-one said anything so maybe it was normal, but I was embarassed, mostly because I have to admit, he is pretty cute and not single. My aunt's sataninsheepsclothing cat, Alfredo, crapped in my room when I was sleeping, my aunt said it was because it was his room and I usurped it! I couldn't believe it! Cat's are too dumb to reason that way, plus: I let him sleep in that room, even on my bed! I didn't usurp anything. The corner he pooed in has now been dubbed Kaka Corner, luckily it is the farthest corner from my bed because to be quite honest, the smell still hasn't completely left the carpet... The other sataninsheepsclothing, Penny, is pretty cute when she isn't trying to tear Gioachino to shreds. I learned how to sew and I must admit it is ins't bad... I am also becoming Amish. No joke. I collected snail shells and I made a wind chime out of them, due to a simple miscalculation, it is a silent wind chime. I also found "amber" (ie. tree sap) and I made a bracelet out of it. They are both part of a thing (for lack of a better term) I am launching: Things I Made From Things I Found On The Ground(C). To be quite honest though, I didn't find the tree sap on the ground, but believe it or not, on a tree. Don't worry about the snails. I only took the shell if there was no snail inside. Ever heard 'Amish Paradise' by Weird Al (to the beat of Gangsta Paradise)? fits me almost perfectly except for the fact that in Vico Barone, they have never met anyone other than other Catholics... "...I churned butter once or twice, living in an Amish Paradise..." I've never actually churned butter, I should try. You know what I'll never try? Driving in Italty! Never. I would rather be dead, though if I drove I woud be dead soon afterwards in anycase... The line, "I may not be able to turn right at a red light, but I can go right through it" has never applied more so than it does here. Everyone just sort of drives where there is road. There are dividers dividing the street into two lanes, but there are 3 or 4 cars side-by-side! c'est ne pas possible! The streets are impossibly difficult to navigate through and everyone honking and yelling, and for every intersection there are a bazillion lights, you never know which one is yours! I have fallen in love with a car though, at home it is the Toyota Matrix, but here it is the Nissan Micra Jive. So pretty and nice. The older Micra looks a little like a Mini, but the Jive is puffier and more 'high style'. I started looking at the Micras when I heard they were one of the only automatic cars in Europe (over here they have the standard stickshift problem, making it additionally difficult to drive) other than the Mercedez Smart which is a two seater and also very ugly. A week before my admission exam, I spent 5 days in Parma in this place run by a nun (well, more than one, but it sounded better when it rhymed). I had a room all to myself until this other girl was assigned the same room, it turns out she is from England! I was being all stupid asking her if she liked Orlando Bloom and Eddie Izzard but I couldn't help it! I was being the type of person I hate (When I go to the States people ask me if I like Alanis Morrisette... grrr!) ANYWAY... Her and her friend went to an Eddie Izzard gig and her friend got up on stage and kissed him! I know someone who knows someone who kissed Eddie Izzard! I just sat there and was like "..." At the nun-place, I, along with another 12 girls, was/were locked out of our rooms becasue we came home too late and there were only two accessible rooms so we had to split up 6 to a room and sleep on the floor (there were 2 beds to a room). Whilst looking for things to sleep on (clothes, kleenexes, etc...) we 'stumbled' upon a drawer; in this drawer, much to the horror to the people who ate tomato sauce with their pasta, there was literally 200 bottles of tomato paste pate`. I had the best laugh (I hate tomato sauce) while everyone started to suddenly feel a little sick! I still laugh when I look at the pictures I took of the bottles.
I went grocery shopping for the first time! Also, I met loads of people despite my accent and lack of a will to speak. One girl, Giulia, had to do the laundry at what I called the Nunnery ("get thee to a nunnery!" I was actually Ophelia when Hamlet said that in our English class...) and so she asked one of the girls who lives there how to do it and she told her "put everything in at 30 degrees", so she did and all her clothes came out green! We died laughing! When we (the group of girls at the nunnery who were studying at the faculty of Vet. Med.) went out to dinner that night, Her shirt was green, as were her pants (originally white and blue, respectively), her socks were red and green (instead of white and green)! I (obviously) was the one who laughed the longest about this. Then I got a banana milk shake. I almost died, it was sooooooooooooooooooo GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! It was so good, in fact, that I have to write about it. I also met a couple of guys, or rather, I was hit on by a couple of guys (despite my state of absolute ugliness) and yeah, it's a little awkward becasue aside from being hit on by guys at least 21 years old (thus far) I also don't even look 18! everyone (5 people so far...) have asked "so how old are you? 16?"; it's always 16 for some reason. So yeah, I am a little confused as to what to do becasue they ask me out to lunch and dinner and stuff and I don't want to be flirty but I think I accidentally am sometimes. I also can't refuse because it's obvious I have nothing else to do so I can't make up an excuse (I'm washing my hair...!) There are two protagonist guys, one is 22 and the other is at least 24 but I think he's older(They are both studying Med.!) What am I supposed to do? I always told myself that it was okay to date guys max. 5 yrs older but now that it comes to it, I think 3 is a better limit...
Anyway, so that's what's happened up until now, if I remember something else, I'll be sure to write it in. Thought you should know. Oh yeah!! The doorsperson has a daughter who is vegetarian and she says in her whole life (granted she is 2 years old), she (the daughter) has never farted. SHUT DOWN!! I told everyone being a vegetarian gives you such powers! Now do you believe me?!
Bye!
PS. If anyone is reading this (ie my friends) leave me a message telling me how life is going in old country, Okay? I heard through the grape vine that Slaphead got a cell phone... Vraiment?! Don't tell me you've also learned how to make your bed... Or your lunch?! MONDIEU! They grow up so fast! Rendered speechless. Probably for the best. Sorry, I had to get a JJ (JohannaJoke) in there somewhere...
In Prison. Sept. 29th, 2004
Today I had to complete some papers so I went to the University. On my way there, an old man asked me if I had been a Velina. For all you non-Italians, Veline (pl. of Velina) is this show where thousands of girls try out and only 10 make it and on this show they (the 10 who made it) are judged on a short dance routine, their look and how they present themselves. The winner gets Idon'tknowwhat. So yeah, it's sort of like someone asking you if you're a model. First of all, this man was like 108! Second of all, he was way too forward, it's a nice compliment but end it there. He told me now a days all the Veline had a nice 'seno' (ie. Rivendell, ie. Valley of the Elves, ie. chest!), and then he asked me if they were real. Now, a normal person would ignore them and walk away, but I am not normal, so stupified but these questions, I had no choice but to answer. And truthfully! He also asked me something about a pin, and this pin being pointy or having a head, I couldn't really understand (aside from the bus being really noisy, he is an old man and we know that old people make no sense)... This was after he asked me if things were alright with my boyfriend. I didn't even want to know what he was trying to say! Ugh! All the while, his eyes were locked on my Rivendell. He asked me where I lived and at that point I said, "Canada", and got off the bus. Go me!
Okay, day two of my gettingtoknowpeople journey. I just got home from grocery shopping (AHAHA) with Mr. 22 and before that I had gone out to lunch with Mr. Atleast24. I didn't really need anything but it's rude to decline so I went and bought water and cookies; second groceryshop of my life! Convincing enough. There was a little bit of an odd moment when I was telling Mr. 22 about how Mr. AL24 bought me lunch and he smiled and said, 'in the three years I've known him, Mr. AL24 has never bought me anything'. I really had no idea what to say.
Just got off the phone with Mr. AL24. He invited me to get something to drink, I declined, saying I was studying. I hope during lunch I didn't accidentally let slip that I have no books with me! Lunch was acceptable but 2 'dates' (for lack of a better term!) in a day is too much, mais c'est seulment ma opinion. They both know my phone number because here the phone number is the room number and I am 'The Canadian', everyone knows my room number not becasue they've ever been in my room (!) but becasue they hear my accent and ask me what room I'm in. Now that I think about it, all the people I've met here are guys, except one of the doorspeople, who is, in fact, a woman. She smiles 'knowingly' every time she sees me leave the apartment with either Mr. 22 or Mr. AL24. Mr. AL24's younger borther, Mr. AL23, is the janitor of the complex, he likes to kill animals. He told me all these terrible stories! He put glue in a chick's (baby chicken) eyes, killed a bird, a sheep and a whole bunch of other animals. He doesn't think it's wrong to kill animals! My type of guy exactly. He is also studying Med, but acts slighty like Ben (Michele's cousin, whom I've heard so much about yet never met)! ie a 6 yr old with ADD. He doesn't understand the connection between killing an animal and hurting it. I didn't want to introduce 'humans are animals, too', too foreign a concept, I suppose.
Just got off the phone with Mr. 22! He asked me if I wanted to go to a bar this evening. I used the same 'I'm studying' line but he was persistent, he said 'not now, later' and I was like 'ummmm... well...' and he said, 'fine, if you're studying, study...'
They're not competing, are they? Goodness I hope not. It's not that I can't decide which one, it's that they are both too old for me... 21 or under... or Elijah... Or Orlando... Or Craig... And Johnny! K, that's it!!
Au secours and Aidez-moi! There must be something wrong with me, but not wrong with me as in that time I kept hearing whistling noises all day, wrong with me as in, if I want a boyfriend why am I being so picky? There is also this guy with the most gorgeous blue eyes ever in the history of ever. He has a beard though...He isn't old, max. a couple of years older than me, but still, the beard is present. And unwanted.
Moses, it sucks being 6 hours ahead of the rest of my life. I hate this. What I wouldn't give to be able to phone my friends right now.
Now I just keep writing cuz I have nothing to do. Nothing nothing nothing nothing. Write, write, write, all day long, write, write, write as I sing this song...
In Prison. Sept. 30th, 2004.
Last day in prison until school... No! UNIVERSITY starts (Monday the 4th). I am a 10 year old trapped in an 18 year old's body... Or a really immature 18 year old trapped in a normal 18 year old's body... In anycase, the maturity level is low.
There's a dorm reunion tonight at 9. Maybe I'll grace everyone with my appearance. For now I am going to go to the Internet Cafe and talk to people.
Home from the Internet Cafe. I got a little teary eyed talking to Michelle, I really don't realize how much I miss my friends until I talk to them... Don't cry! Don't cry!!!!!!!!!!
Cried.
Graced everyone with my appearance. Wasn't too exciting, I saw Mr. AmazingBlueEyes. He talked to me about something internety. Mr. 22 was there... He went on about the lunch with Mr. AL24... Is he making a joke or is he offended that Mr. AL24 bought me lunch and not him?.. He then introduced me to other people whose names I can't remember. I am a little suspicious of his sexual preference if he is offended that Mr. AL24 bought me lunch and not him. In anycase, it would be cool having a gay guy friend.
At Home. Oct. 1st, 2004
Went horseback riding. Orlando Bloom's shorter, slighty chubbier identical twin wasn't there as he somtimes is. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. Well except for the fact that today I gallopped in 3 point as opposed to 2 point (the usual). I'm guessing only Vivy will understand. Have you started jumping yet? With a horse, I mean.
Speaking of identical twins... I think Italy is Canada's parallel universe! There is a Tonya twin, an Amy (the blonde Faywood one) twin, an Amanda (Bove) twin and a Francesca twin whose name is Francesca!
At Home. Oct. 2nd, 2004
I am no longer the person I used to be. I actually bought an Avril Lavigne CD, The Darkness, too!! I went from being a Hilary Duff and Usher fan to being an Avril and The Darkness fan. Well, not that The Darkness is really dark, or anything, but still... I also bought the Hidalgo DVD (back to being the old me). It's a really good movie! Besides being a movie full to the brim of horses and Viggo, it was really moving. I got teary eyed at times. You don't even have to have owned a horse to connect with what's going on. I really did love it. I know it's corny, but it was sort of like what's happening with me, I am the only foreigner, really out of my league in an impossible 'race', only not a physical one and not across the Arabian desert... Shut up if you're making fun of me!
That's all that has really happened today.
"ping pong on Wednesday"
"needlework on Thursday"
"dancing on a Friday night"
"with you. oo oo oo oo oo oo"
BTW... Ayler, do you mind if I name my fridge Friggo Mortenson, too? Oddly enough, that is how you say 'fridge' in Italian (just Friggo, though, not Mortenson)... Is it Mortenson or Mortensen??
In Prison. Oct. 4th, 2004
Today was my first day of school! First day of University in my whole entire life. It went from 9-12:30 (only for today, unfortunately) It was only economy (they call it zooeconomny because it is based on economical aspect of animal production). I know it will be a very important part of my life in the future (UNLIKE MATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) but it's still pretty, no, really boring (very much LIKE MATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). Tomorrow I have a day of Chemistry. Yipee.
Since I had to wake up at 5:45 this morning (when I had gone to bed at 12:30), I was really tired and so when I got back to prison, I went straight to sleep. Up until now, really. In a perfect world, I would sleep all night, but now I am jet lagged (!?) and so I will be up all night and tomorrow I'll be in a coma in class.
Mr. 22 and Mr. AL24 haven't phoned. Good thing, too. One thing though... Elena's (one of my new friends here) boyfriend is 24 and she is 19. Is it irrational to only look for a boyfriend max. 3 years older than me (for now, anyway, when I'm 40, I may even accept a guy who is 50, should I be unfortunate enough to not be married yet)? Maybe four years older is acceptable... But not Mr. 22. He smokes. I'm going to pretend that is my only reason.
The only thing that makes this day exciting is that it is my first day of University. Otherwise it was pretty bland.
As has become the norm in this dorm, the internet has been once again delayed until tomorrow... If it doesn't work tomorrow, I am going to be angry. I might just have to go talk to Mr. AmazingBlueEyes. Hell might just have to freeze over first, though.
In Prison. Oct. 5th, 2004
Today I had Chemistry. Yuck.
On the bright side, I went out all day long so I didn't have to face Stronzo (which is Italian for 'little shit'). This guy really gets on my nerves. He thinks he knows everything becasue he studied Vet. Med. If he is so great, why isn't he is a vet?! He is simply the doorsman who sits there waiting for me to come home so that he can tell me how good horse meat is. Mr. Stronzo made himself look like a total moron. If there is someone you shouldn't argue with about horses... It's probably Ludger Beerbaum, but you shouldn't argue with me either! I have a horse for Moses' sake!! We were talking (which was really glaring at eachother and getting every possible insult in) over breeds of horses and it came to the oldest breed of horse... The oldest breed of horse without a doubt is the absolutely gorgeous Arabian. Its blood has been used to improve many, many breeds. It is really basic horse knowledge. Mr. Stronzo thought it was the Ahkal-Teke!! A Russian breed which looks very similar to the Arabian becasue it was created mixing Arabians with the local horses!!!! Ahhh... Stupid man. I couldn't believe he had just said that. That is like fighting with someone and them continually punching themselves. But the shock doesn't end there! He also asked me why I ate eggs if they were made from an animal. The logical answer is that the chicken makes eggs without or without human help. It makes eggs as a natural by-product; sorry, but it's basically the chicken's period. I know, but it's true... He then told me that I wasn't killing the chicken, but the chick inside. I couldn't believe a man who studied Vet. Med. had just told me such a thing. It doesn't even take a Vet to know that it takes a female and male (in all bird species) to create a baby. Egg producing chickens go their whole life without even ever having seen a rooster!
Ahh.. Stupid man.