I accept
Some good thunder came, felt by everyone in the room, after a covered stick connected with a stand-up life-size drum,
big drum, the gong's husband,
feel that? I malleted the drum over and again until my curious body drained of light.
skull to tailbone, that slope is still harrassed by chronic shivering pain that settles on my head like a crow and shits down my spine, or more tastefully, the weight of an unwanted crown and a carpet-thick robe
ruling in a haze over my colorful city, wet with variety rainbows and signs sticking out of the lawns,
loving the news and the voice of the prez, wanting to roll his sleeves up,
noting and respecting the moments when my normally optimistic mantras sour into something threatening like shaveitoff
long-distance pursuits, change, where the change occurs and what wrecks it
a fear spread like hot jam over my back.
me personally with my Big failures, thousands of dollars, dead people, complete severence
up the ante, protect us o lord, still uncork my throat
i ask questions i ask stupid,
in the downtime, obsessed with what happened and what will happen,
watching others, myself leaning toward a dorky happiness, but still aching and I write and rework this muscle under the scrutiny of foul ghosts,
pruning away at my fingers as I pray for the end of the year,
funny pink pamphlets on anxiety that i read and toss, but not unkindly,
disappointment but/and being who I remember being, not afraid of becoming, trying not to bless anything too bitter,
dodgers, dodge
no mirrors
turn inward and scratch.
until i drop a seed down
wait helplessly and up I come
kicking from the bottom of the pool, just a dark smudge rising until the surface relents around my head,
my fist reopening
now written with deep scratches that deserve to be read gently
but what does deserve mean?
we make all of this up so, i make it up that i can deserve a niceness,
room to grow,
pleasant people,
my voice, exorcising the cork,
people spend their whole lives exorcising.
but my friend says let me take you to dinner. i want to celebrate our friendship.
which i accept. i'm tired of severence pay. truthfully i use it but i'm tired.
big drum, the gong's husband,
feel that? I malleted the drum over and again until my curious body drained of light.
skull to tailbone, that slope is still harrassed by chronic shivering pain that settles on my head like a crow and shits down my spine, or more tastefully, the weight of an unwanted crown and a carpet-thick robe
ruling in a haze over my colorful city, wet with variety rainbows and signs sticking out of the lawns,
loving the news and the voice of the prez, wanting to roll his sleeves up,
noting and respecting the moments when my normally optimistic mantras sour into something threatening like shaveitoff
long-distance pursuits, change, where the change occurs and what wrecks it
a fear spread like hot jam over my back.
me personally with my Big failures, thousands of dollars, dead people, complete severence
up the ante, protect us o lord, still uncork my throat
i ask questions i ask stupid,
in the downtime, obsessed with what happened and what will happen,
watching others, myself leaning toward a dorky happiness, but still aching and I write and rework this muscle under the scrutiny of foul ghosts,
pruning away at my fingers as I pray for the end of the year,
funny pink pamphlets on anxiety that i read and toss, but not unkindly,
disappointment but/and being who I remember being, not afraid of becoming, trying not to bless anything too bitter,
dodgers, dodge
no mirrors
turn inward and scratch.
until i drop a seed down
wait helplessly and up I come
kicking from the bottom of the pool, just a dark smudge rising until the surface relents around my head,
my fist reopening
now written with deep scratches that deserve to be read gently
but what does deserve mean?
we make all of this up so, i make it up that i can deserve a niceness,
room to grow,
pleasant people,
my voice, exorcising the cork,
people spend their whole lives exorcising.
but my friend says let me take you to dinner. i want to celebrate our friendship.
which i accept. i'm tired of severence pay. truthfully i use it but i'm tired.