Between you and me... I'm not okay.
Yes, I know I've been away for a long time. I am sorry. I'm moving into my dorm soon... for those interested my new email is ldgssln@mta.ca. Email and love me, please.
Now, on with this.. thing.
Today, Jenny lost her baby. I don't know what I'm supposed to do in such circumstances, and as a result didn't really have much of a reaction at all. I wish I could hug her and my brother.
I hate how we say she "lost" the baby, like it were a set of keys or an old sock. I wish we could just out and say "the baby is dead." Because they are. My little neice or nephew - I don't even know, how FUCKED is that? - will never take a first step. I'll never get to introduce him or her to the joys of music. I'll never get to be "the cool aunt" to them. They'll never even open their eyes because they're dead and suddenly I don't care about what anyone thinks. Life is fragile.
I don't care if people don't like me or my politics or my music FUCK THEM ALL because my neice or nephew is dead and I can't mourn them. I can't mourn someone who never had a name or a face, now can I? That's what we give people happy pills for. I never thought I cared this much. Poor Jenny... I can't even imagine how she's feeling. I hope she's okay... or... as okay as she can be. I hope she can just... get it out and think of a way to grieve so she doesn't hold all this in. I hope my brother's okay. Fuck, what am I a wreck for? Of everyone, I have the least reason to be upset, this is probably some stupid selfish disappointment. I'm not the one in real pain. The Mum, Dad, Grandparents... they can ache and cry and swear and scream. Me? I'm just an aunt. My pain is so... irrelevent right now. I love my family so much... I hope they're all okay.
Do miscarriages go to heaven? Is a miscarried baby the same as an aborted baby? I want comfort. But more than anything... I just want to know that my sister(in-law) is okay.
Now, on with this.. thing.
Today, Jenny lost her baby. I don't know what I'm supposed to do in such circumstances, and as a result didn't really have much of a reaction at all. I wish I could hug her and my brother.
I hate how we say she "lost" the baby, like it were a set of keys or an old sock. I wish we could just out and say "the baby is dead." Because they are. My little neice or nephew - I don't even know, how FUCKED is that? - will never take a first step. I'll never get to introduce him or her to the joys of music. I'll never get to be "the cool aunt" to them. They'll never even open their eyes because they're dead and suddenly I don't care about what anyone thinks. Life is fragile.
I don't care if people don't like me or my politics or my music FUCK THEM ALL because my neice or nephew is dead and I can't mourn them. I can't mourn someone who never had a name or a face, now can I? That's what we give people happy pills for. I never thought I cared this much. Poor Jenny... I can't even imagine how she's feeling. I hope she's okay... or... as okay as she can be. I hope she can just... get it out and think of a way to grieve so she doesn't hold all this in. I hope my brother's okay. Fuck, what am I a wreck for? Of everyone, I have the least reason to be upset, this is probably some stupid selfish disappointment. I'm not the one in real pain. The Mum, Dad, Grandparents... they can ache and cry and swear and scream. Me? I'm just an aunt. My pain is so... irrelevent right now. I love my family so much... I hope they're all okay.
Do miscarriages go to heaven? Is a miscarried baby the same as an aborted baby? I want comfort. But more than anything... I just want to know that my sister(in-law) is okay.