Sickness
Greetings:
I have a sickness!
Wherein I expound upon this sickness:
March 7th, I had a sore throat and was put out by discomfort. On Saturday, I no longer felt mild discomfort, I was down right
miserable. My lungs ached, raging fever, my eyes were sore, throat rough, nose running, ears full; I was basically a human snot rag.
It was so gross. *snuffles weakly* I've had no appetite since Saturday. It took me a whole hour to eat a yogurt on Sunday. It's been good for avoiding sugar, though, because I'm not hungry, so it's easy to resist!
By Wednesday I was sufficiently recovered to return to work, I thought. Should have stayed at home.
Trying to work was murder. My body was not ready to be up and moving around. I didn't cough a lot at work, but I did draw undue attention by fainting. *is so embarrassed*
I always kind of envied my Aunt Janet who can faint on command. I thought it would be kind of nice to just faint when you wanted to to avoid things or just to scare the crap out of people or whatever.
Kind of romantic and stupid. Let me satisfy the curiosity for anyone who has never passed out in public: it's not romantic at all, it's embarrassing as hell!
Oh sweet fire, I wanted to be unconscious again, just to escape!
While walking back to my desk with a hand full of copies, I was hit with a wave of dizziness. (I've read about that in books, and experienced it a few times, but it really does feel like your riding a wave.) Then sound switched back and forth between muted and fuzzy and loud and sharp. Last, my vision went gray, like a black and white photo and tunneled like I was standing at the end of dark hallway watching everyone in a lit room at the other end. And over I went.
Out before I hit the floor. Last time I fainted, I sort of crumpled in on myself, according to my cousins who were with me. This time, I went over backward. *sigh*
I'm not sure what set me off. I didn't think I'd been that sick. *shrug* Thank goodness they didn't call the ambulance or anything, THAT would have been embarrassing. I'm pretty sure it's policy to call 911 when employees or patrons collapse, but I'm not positive on that point. Maybe because I was only out for about a minute, they didn't think I needed emergency services. *phew*
*Feminine bit* (Skip, if that kind of stuff bugs you. I usually don't write about this kind of thing. I figure nobody has to know those kinds of things about me.)
PLUS on top of all this, my beloved time of the month, moon cycle, monthly, period, whatever the hell you want to call, it started right in the middle of me already feeling like crap. So then I felt like crap with a side of supreme agony.
Great. Just what I wanted to make my week complete. *sigh*
Wherein I explain why being out of touch for half a week sucks:
After being disconnected from the world and my friends for over 72 hours, I was ready to try being normal again. Reality came crashing down on me in weakened state and let me tell you right now it sucked. Let's go from least important to most devastating.
1)
All my hang buddies have left for spring break, and because I have been more or less in a haze of snot since last Friday, they didn't have opportunities to tell me where they were going or anything fun like that. So I felt alone and abandoned. I'm like, the only person in town under thirty who has to work over Spring Break. *pout*
2)
My very favourite co-worker besides Jann is moving to Portland. Demetri is my fav person to work with in the entire office. He's kind, patient and gentle. He understands some of my quirks that others find nutty and he is always willing to talk books with me.
Demetri is an awesome comrade and I will miss him heaps! The only good thing about coming to work on Wednesday was that I was able to tell him goodbye and wish him and his family best of luck!
3)
I ran into a family friend at store on Wednesday morning before I'd even dragged myself to work. She was roommates with my aunt and her half sister and I were childhood playmates. Anyway, she had some hard news for me.
My chum, who I called Rain for most of our childhood, has some kind of lymphoma. That's cancer. I've worked in the medical world long enough to know that.
I was so distraught that I didn't catch what kind of lymphoma it is. She's four years younger than me. Rain's sister says that it's treatable and that everyone is very positive. But my pessimistic brain caught on the word 'treatable'. Again, I've been in the medical world long enough to know that 'treatable' does NOT mean 'curable'. But I won't let my brain bring me down! I'm a firm believer in the positive thought of a person effecting another, so I will think as positively and healthfully as I can in Rain's direction!
4)
Dad called me Wednesday night. His friend James died last week at age thirty five. His wife is lost in grief.
She came over from the Ukraine about twelve years ago and they were married. At the time, he loved her, but she did not love him. In fact, I'm pretty sure that at that time she was crushing on my Dad pretty bad. I was ten or eleven when I met her, and I only met her twice. But I'm afraid that I wasn't exactly friendly because, like I said, she was in love with my dad and I didn't really welcome that. When I try and remember, I can only pull feelings of fear, resentment and sitting a bit like a pit bull next to my daddy.
Anyway, they moved out to Seattle and eventually, she came to love James as deeply as he loved her. They only had a few precious years together like that. Then James became so very ill, and now she's left here alone.
She can't go back to the Ukraine, the only place she has family. When she called her hard-ass mother to tell her what happened, her mom basically told her that 'This is what you deserve for being so greedy and grasping for you own happiness'. *shakes head* I can't and will not understand some cultural things. How can you say that to your own daughter?!
I want to write to her, but I'm not sure if it would be okay. I only met her twice and James a handful of times. I wasn't friendly when I did meet her, and I wanted nothing more than for her to leave Dad alone. So, it's probably a manifestation of my own guilt, rather than a truly pure act of sympathy, but would it still be okay to send her a letter?
What would I say? I'm sorry? I'm sorry that you've lost the person you love the most? I'm sorry that your mom is a heartless bitch who basically threw you out with her neglect and hard words? I'm sorry I was such a brat to you ten years ago, barely said hi and then pretty much ignored you for the rest of the afternoon?
I'm so very sorry.
Take care everyone. Hug someone you love tomorrow!
EllaBeth
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Internal iPod Songs of the Day
Youth Of The Nation by P.O.D.
With You by Linkin Park
Pretty Dress by Rosie Thomas
Just Say It by Sleepthief
Easier To Run Linkin Park