MNIC - Ch. 17: A Flower Glowing in the Dark
Title: My Name Is Castiel
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Word Count: 4800 (Running Total: 62600)
Summary: After escaping from Death's clutches yet again, Cas jumps right into the fight against the Leviathans. Post-7x10. "I am an angel of the Lord. Let me tell you my story. Let me tell you everything."
Chapter 17 - A Flower Glowing in the Dark
A door opens.
“No-it’s too soon. Far too soon,” a familiar female voice protests. I identify it as belonging to Eleanor Visyak.
“What do you mean, too soon?” a deep voice rasps. “We’ve been waiting for billions of years. The Spider has weaved it into her web. If we move now, we will get our freedom.”
“I thought the Spider had already stopped her work.”
“She couldn’t. Said she couldn’t just leave things unwoven. Said it was the hardest thing she’d ever done. I don’t think she’ll be stopping again anytime soon.”
The creature that just emerged from the door is in human shape, and I recognize him from 1995 as Richard Griech. Except that this is taking place in late November of 1940, and it appears that he has not aged a day. So he is definitely from Purgatory.
Visyak sighs. “Tell me, then. How do we start?”
“Locate the Winchester bloodline. Some years from now, we will need them.”
“You won’t give me anything else to work with?”
Griech shakes his head. “The Spider advised me to tell you only what is necessary for each individual task. Find them, and report back to me.”
Visyak nods and leaves the room. Griech then turns and looks directly at me, even though I’m cloaked.
“I know you’re there, angel,” he says. “You might as well show yourself.”
I shift into the plane, and he smiles.
“Wow, it’s an honor. Which archangel are you? And what year are you from?”
I ignore his first question and answer, “2012.”
His eyes widen. “Then it’s true. We’ve succeeded.”
I watch him warily. “Succeeded in what?”
“Winning our freedom,” he says gleefully. “They wouldn’t have sent you back here to find me if we hadn’t gotten free. Now, which are you? Gabriel?”
“Who is the Spider?” I ask.
“Sorry, can’t tell you that. It’s confidential.”
I can’t tell what type of creature Griech is, only that he’s from Purgatory. And that he is far older than me. Possibly even older than Michael. He could very well be a Leviathan.
“So, how are the angels doing now? Losing miserably? Or are you still ostriches, sticking your heads in the sand and hoping we’ll just go away?”
In one flap of wings, I’m across the room, hand wrapped around his throat. He resists, but he’s surprisingly weak. Not a Leviathan, then.
“Kill me if you want to,” he says. “But before you do it, think about what the consequences could be to your future.”
I narrow my eyes. “What kind of consequences?”
“Ones that will keep the righteous man from being born.” He smirks. “I may not be able to identify you specifically, but I can see you clear enough to know you’re in love.” When I don’t respond, he continues, “It was foretold that our freedom would be brought about by an angel in love. In love with the righteous man.”
“The Spider said this?”
Griech smiles. “Is it true, then? I suppose I owe thanks to you, then.”
“Not too fast,” I say. “I will make sure I am also the one to shut you back in.”
Griech grins. “Our freedom will be eternal. It will last until the end of time, the Spider says.”
“Well I live to break prophecies. Did the Spider tell you that, too?”
“The Spider is never wrong. All that she spins comes true.”
I fix him with a hard stare. “I don’t care what you believe,” I say. “But know this, for it is fact. You will not live to see the freedom of your people. In my present you’re already dead.”
His expression tightens considerably, and he says, “You’re bluffing.”
“Oh, did the Spider neglect to mention that unfortunate detail?”
Griech glares at me. “If you’re finished, angel, let me go. I know that you won’t kill me. You wouldn’t risk losing your beloved human.”
“You’re right. I won’t kill you. Because you’re already dead.”
Before Griech can say anything else, I take off for the present.
Who is this Spider? A psychic in Purgatory? They referred to it as a “she.” I wonder whether or not she’s still around now. She made an apt prediction about seventy years into her future-this would require great power. I must investigate. It can’t be right that we’ve never even heard of this creature before.
Today the autistic man sits on a lawn chair, looking up at the sky. I follow his line of sight and wonder what it’d be like to be unaware of everything around me, unconcerned by anything outside of math, and the color of the sky. I imagine time would pass slowly.
I wonder if there’s another way to get into Purgatory. But if I’m going to do anything this time, it’ll have to pass through the Winchesters first. I’ll have to search carefully before bringing this to them…
****************************************
“Aw, ain’t he a little angel?”
I sense that someone is speaking about me, and I realize with a jolt that I am awakening again. The sensation of rising awareness is still foreign to me, something to which I have not grown accustomed.
“Angels don’t sleep,” Sam responds to Dean.
We’re still in the car. When did I drift off? I dislike the need for sleep that has started recently. I feel tired, too tired to even open my eyes. But if I keep them closed, unconsciousness could sneak in again. I find that thought extremely disconcerting.
“Sam, I got a bad feeling about this,” Dean says, and the tone of his voice makes me wonder if I should stay “asleep,” to give him a chance to talk. It seems wrong to eavesdrop on their conversation like this, but we do not have much time left, and the world is ending anyway. It is more important to allow them to have their last words, share all that’s left to be said in at least the illusion of privacy.
“Well, you’d be nuts to have a good feeling about it,” is Sam’s reply.
“You know what I mean. Detroit. He always said he’d jump your bones in Detroit. Here we are. Maybe this is him rolling out the red carpet, you know? Maybe he knows something that we don’t.”
“Dean, I’m sure he knows a buttload we don’t,” Sam says-and he’s right, of course. Lucifer’s older than all creations of this realm, excluding Michael. “We just gotta hope he doesn’t know about the rings.” There’s a short pause, and then Sam speaks again. “Hey-um… on the subject, there’s something I gotta talk to you about.”
“What?”
“This thing goes our way and I… Triple Lindy into that box… you know I’m not coming back.”
“Yeah, I’m aware,” Dean says calmly, but I can feel the undercurrent of pain in him, around him, emanating from his soul in waves. I wish for a way to soothe it.
“So you gotta promise me something.”
“Okay, yeah. Anything.”
“You gotta promise not to try to bring me back.”
“What? No, I didn’t sign up for that.”
“Dean-”
“Your Hell is gonna make my tour look like Graceland,” Dean interrupts heatedly. “Y-you want me to just sit by and do nothing?”
“Once the cage is shut, you can’t go poking at it, Dean. It’s too risky.”
“No, no, no, no, no. As if I’m just gonna let you rot in there.”
“Yeah, you are,” Sam says firmly. “You don’t have a choice.”
“You can’t ask me to do this.”
“I’m sorry, Dean. You have to.”
Silence.
I suppose it was a good idea for me not to interrupt. They needed to have this conversation, even though it would have been better for them had I not been present to overhear it.
And then Dean asks, “So then what am I supposed to do?”
“You go find Lisa,” Sam says. Dean scoffs, but Sam continues, “You pray to God she’s dumb enough to take you in, and you… you have barbecues, and go to football games. You go live some normal, apple-pie life, Dean.”
I barely manage to stop myself from wincing at the pain in my chest. I don’t know what exactly this “apple-pie life” entails, but I’m sure it won’t include angels dropping in.
“Promise me.”
Dean’s silent, but it’s already decided, even if Dean hasn’t admitted it to himself yet. He won’t deny Sam this-he can’t. And Sam knows this-that’s why he’s doing it.
In all likelihood, we won’t make it out of this alive. But if we do… I’ll miss Dean.
****************************************
The flapping of wings alerts me to a brother’s arrival, and when I realize that I recognize his wing beats, I feel disbelief. It’s hardly been two weeks since my resurrection. How could Michael have finished that quickly?
“Hey, bro.”
He sounds just like he did the last time we spoke.
“That’s a fancy set of wings you got there. I hear Michael was feeling generous when he raised you. Although I figure he was just lonely.”
I turn around. “Hello, Gabriel.”
He smiles. “I’m still trying to decide whether or not I should be jealous that he brought you back first, before me.”
I don’t know what to say. But Gabriel continues to speak, so my input becomes unnecessary.
“His excuse is that he needed to make sure that he could even make an archangel successfully before trying to revive me, that you were basically just an experiment.” He eyes me for a moment, but I just watch him, waiting for him to make up his mind. “That isn’t quite the truth though, is it?” he asks.
I only hesitate for a moment before responding. “No,” I say. “At least, that wasn’t the way I heard it.”
Gabriel tilts his head to the side. “And what did he tell you?”
“That he wanted me back to get rid of the Leviathans, and that he wanted to thank me for giving him the opportunity to escape from the cage.”
“The cage? Oh right, he was in the cage with Lucifer. He did tell me that much.” Gabriel then mulls over the possibilities that I’ve listed. He shrugs. “Okay, not jealous. So, how are the two muttonheads?”
“Well.”
“Oh Castiel, you’re so boring all the time, aren’t you?”
“I don’t know how to be any other way. This is me.”
Gabriel laughs at this. I fail to see any humor in the situation, or in my words.
“You take everything so seriously,” Gabriel says. “Lighten up, eh?”
I just stare at him and wait for him to tell me the reason for his arrival.
“All right then, we’ll get straight to business,” he says with a sigh. “Just know that all work and no play makes Cas a very dull boy.”
I frown. “What do you want, Gabriel?”
“What do I want? Oh no, today is much more about what you want. One-time offer. You want my help? You’ve got it.”
“But… why?”
“Because I’ve been dead for too long and I wanna kill something that needs killing. And really, you’re asking me why? Just accept already.”
I regard him seriously before nodding. “Very well. You saved my life right before you went and got yourself killed. And you protected Sam and Dean. That is enough for me.”
“Aw Cas, you’re making me blush.”
“That was not my intention.”
Gabriel nearly rolls his eyes. “Now, how can I help you?”
“I… Have you heard of a creature called ‘the Spider’?”
“No.”
I frown at the rapidity of his response. “You don’t need to think about that at all?”
“Nope. Never heard of it. What about it?”
I shake my head. “If you don’t know anything about it, I don’t see how it’ll help to give you extra information. I will contact you when I need your help.”
“Castiel, wait.”
I watch him closely. “You know the Spider,” I say. He doesn’t deny it. “You lied. I don’t know why you did it, only that you did. I will not force you to give up your secret, but if you are unwilling to help, just tell me. Do not lie.”
“Ah, no nonsense with you, I see,” Gabriel says. “All right, so I might have met her before. What do you want with her?”
“I just want to speak with her.”
“I don’t know how to find her.”
I can’t tell whether or not he’s being honest. “Fine,” I say. “I have no favors to ask from you at present, then.”
“Excellent,” Gabriel says. “I’m going to drop in on the Winchesters now, if you’ll clue me in on their location at the moment.”
“I don’t trust you enough yet, I’m afraid.”
“Now that’s not really fair, is it?”
“I’m accepting your help. That is already a stretch,” I say.
“I wanted to drop by, surprise them.”
“Trick them, you mean.”
Gabriel smirks. “I was a Trickster, for a very long time.”
“Very well. I will take you to them and stay out of their sight, but I will not leave you alone with them.”
He rolls his eyes. “You’re such an over-protective mother hen, aren’t you?”
“Insult me again, and I’ll do everything in my power to ensure that you never see the Winchesters again,” I threaten.
Gabriel’s on the verge of speaking but seems to think better of it. “Let’s go, then. I can’t wait to see the look on their faces,” he says, instead of whatever mutinous thoughts were turning within him.
I shut my eyes and focus on thoughts of Dean.
“What are you doing?” Gabriel asks.
“Testing a theory,” I answer.
Sure enough, after an extra moment of concentration, Dean’s location is revealed to me-he hasn’t left the motel. So our bond has grown strong enough to overcome the protective sigils I placed on his ribs. I tap Gabriel’s wing with one of my own before taking off, and he follows me down to Earth. The trip passes quickly, and it feels refreshing to be shadowed by one whose wings are slightly larger than mine.
We land outside the warded motel room, and Gabriel frowns.
“Those sigils-”
“Crowley,” I say. “It’s a long story.”
“Hmm. How did you know the boys were here, if this place is so heavily warded?” Gabriel asks.
“I was here before.”
“And you knew they were still here because…?” he prods, squinting at me.
“Just go to the door. Don’t you wish to speak to them?”
“You’ve activated a bond recently, brother,” Gabriel says, and I hate the fact that he can read that from my Grace-there’s nothing I can do about it. He’s an archangel, slightly more powerful than I, and I can’t hide this from him. “No,” he breathes. “Is it possible? With a human?”
“There’s a reason why it hasn’t been completed,” I say shortly. “Now go. Or I’ll fight you before I let you near them.”
“Well hey, there’s no reason to be so defensive. I can try to help.”
“What can you do to help? Michael said there was nothing to be done. Even Death had nothing to offer.”
“Hmm, let’s see. Well, it’s true that there’s nothing that’ll fix this permanently. But if you and Dean are bonded… I’d advise staying in the same area as much as possible, but avoiding all direct physical contact. This means no touching, at all.”
“And why would this be better than staying away altogether?”
“Isn’t that obvious? Because then neither of you would be pining. And besides, it hurts for mates-” he notices my flinch at his word choice but continues as though he hasn’t seen a thing “-to be separated for significant lengths of time.”
“Dean is not my… my mate.”
He laughs. “That’s exactly what he is. You bonded, didn’t you? That means you two love each other, or are destined to. Bonds don’t form unless that’s true. And you know it, Castiel. We all do.”
He’s right. But that doesn’t mean I must acknowledge it. Besides, Dean’s human-that must alter the true meaning of the bond in some way. I look pointedly at the door to Sam and Dean’s motel room and then back at Gabriel as if to say, “well?”
Gabriel shrugs and uncloaks himself before rapping on the door. He changes his appearance, and I realize as he’s knocking that he’s taken Balthazar’s likeness. I reach out and grip his wing, squeezing once in warning. He gives me an exasperated sigh in response and jerks his wing out of my hand.
Then the door swings open, and Dean appears. “Balthazar. What’re you doing here?”
“Cas sent me,” Gabriel says. “Let me in.”
Dean lifts a hand toward a spot on the wall near the door, but Sam appears, stopping him with a hand on his wrist.
“Don’t,” he says. “That’s not him.”
“What are you talking about?” Gabriel says, spreading his hands out, palms facing up.
“Balthazar’s with me,” Sam says to Dean. “That isn’t him.”
The brothers look at Gabriel distrustfully.
“All right, that didn’t quite go according to plan,” Gabriel says. Then he sighs. “Leave it to Sam to ruin all the fun. You always were a killjoy, weren’t you?”
Sam’s eyes widen, but they’re not focused on Gabriel. “No-you’re wrong.”
I’m confused by the outburst, but Dean’s response clears it up for me.
“Sam, if the angel’s in your head, talk to him… in your head. Got that? I don’t need you spewing crazy to remind me.”
“He says that that’s Gabriel, Dean,” Sam says.
“What?” Dean blurts out. “But he’s dead.”
Gabriel’s just watching with amusement now, but I don’t see how any of this is funny. My brother has a strange sense of humor, one that I’ll probably never understand.
“Well, Cas was dead too, and so was Balthazar, and now they’re both back. It’s totally possible for Michael to have brought Gabriel back, too,” Sam reasons.
Dean nods. “So Gabriel, huh? Is it really you?”
“Yep! The one and only,” Gabriel says, taking his old shape again. “It’s nice to see you boys again. And hey, looks like I was wrong. Can’t believe you mooks actually made it happen.”
“Made what happen?” Dean asks.
“Lucifer! You actually got him back into the cage-Horseman’s rings and all. Can’t say I wasn’t surprised to hear that. But right, I forgot. It’s been a few years since I died, hasn’t it?”
Instead of answering, Sam asks his own question. “What are you doing here, now?”
“Me? Oh, I’m here to help. Talked to Cas, had to get his permission to even see you two because he’s so damn overprotective. Gosh, from the way he acts, you’d think I’d done terrible things to you two, in the past.”
Dean clears his throat. “Uh, yeah. Maybe that’s because you did, you asshole.”
Gabriel laughs. “Oh right, right, Mystery Spot! I’d forgotten. Good times, huh, Sammy?”
“Yeah, not really,” Sam says tightly. “So uh, you’re really back.”
“Yessir, that I am. Back in action.”
It’s quiet for a moment.
“So… are you two gonna let me in, or should I just hang out here?”
“Are you… when you say you’re here to help us, are you saying you’re planning on traveling with us, too?” Dean asks.
Gabriel shrugs. “Why not? Should make your hunts a lot easier, shouldn’t it?”
“You’re kidding me,” Sam says. “You wouldn’t just help us like this.”
“All right, fine. I’m doing this so you’ll trust me.”
“And you need our trust because…?” Dean asks.
Gabriel sighs, and one of his wings flares out toward me. I bat it away. “Because I need Castiel to trust me,” he says to the Winchesters. “All jokes aside, I do legitimately care about you guys now, and I’ve died once to prove it. I just want to be trusted by my own side. Is that too much to ask?”
Sam and Dean seem to consider it for a moment. I step closer, reaching out and pressing a hand to the back of the wing that I just pushed away. He can’t ignore the pulse of approval I give him.
“Balthazar says he doesn’t trust Gabriel if Cas doesn’t,” Sam says.
Dean sighs. “Balthazar, if you can hear us, can you just get out here and speak for yourself? I don’t exactly like the idea of you messing with my brother’s head.”
Balthazar appears inside the room. “You should be more grateful, Dean. I’m doing your brother a favor.”
Gabriel shakes his head. “Balthazar, how can you be sure Castiel doesn’t trust me?”
Balthazar only tilts his head to the side slightly, but I see from his expression that he knows of my presence and has deduced that I’m here to watch over Gabriel.
“Are you two communicating in silent angel-speak or something?” Dean asks. “Because if you are, you can take it somewhere else. I’m not interested in watching your staring contest.”
“I can go. Sam, you’ll be all right for the time being, won’t you?” Balthazar says.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” Sam replies. “It’s gotten a lot better-thanks.”
Dean bristles a bit at the exchange but steps aside to let Balthazar pass by him. When my brother just looks at him pointedly, Dean huffs exasperatedly and lifts his arm to scrape at some of the marks on the wall.
As soon as he’s finished, Gabriel vanishes, shifting back into existence inside the room. Balthazar instantly spins around and throws his wings up as though to shield the Winchesters, and I feel a burst of… pride?-no, that isn’t quite right-more like approval, gratefulness, or happiness, or a combination of all three, at Balthazar’s instinctive reaction.
But I do need to step in to prevent the situation from escalating. I shift into the room between Gabriel and Balthazar. “It’s fine,” I say.
“Cas,” Balthazar says as he pulls his wings back to his sides. “I wasn’t sure you’d show yourself.”
“Wait… has he been here this whole time?” Dean asks.
“Only since Gabriel appeared,” Balthazar replies.
“You could have said something,” Sam says.
“So, what do you think, Cas?” Gabriel asks.
“Sam and Dean can decide for themselves how much they want to trust you,” I say. “As for me, I believe that you will not allow too much harm to befall them.”
“Too much?” Sam says, eyebrows raised.
“Yes, too much. Because you and Dean inevitably get into trouble. It is impossible to keep you from getting hurt at all. I’ve found myself incapable of doing so in the past, despite my best efforts.”
“Since when did you ever give your best effort to ensure our safety?” Dean asks, and the question stings me. Does he not remember the times that I hurried to them in order to save them? I have considered myself as the Winchesters’ guardian for a long time now, and it wounds me that he doesn’t realize it.
“Uh, Dean? I don’t know what you’re smoking, but Cas has saved our asses tons of times,” Sam says.
Dean grumbles something and looks away.
“Cas, don’t take it to heart,” Gabriel says, smirking at Dean. “He’s just cranky because he has to put so much effort into not putting his hands all over you.”
“Shut up, you son of a bitch,” Dean growls. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Gabriel’s smirk widens. “Oh, I know exactly what I’m talking about. You can’t stop thinking about it, can you? Wanna feel the heat again, that rush-”
Dean’s face is turning red, and his hands have clenched into fists, and I clip Gabriel on the back of the head with one of my wings to stop him midsentence.
“That’s enough,” I say firmly.
“Out,” Dean says, pointing at the door. “Get out, now.”
“Dean, it’s fine,” Sam says in an attempt to calm his brother. “We all know about the bond-”
“I don’t care that he knows, Sam! I don’t want him in here, mocking me!” Dean snaps. “Now, out!”
“I’m an archangel. You can’t just kick me out,” Gabriel says coolly.
Balthazar steps forward. “Maybe he can’t, but Cas and I can.”
I wonder when Balthazar became so protective over the brothers-he’s reminded me several times that he doesn’t care for Dean at all. It dawns on me that he may very well be doing this, all of this, for me. I owe him so much.
“Oh, you guys are no fun at all,” Gabriel says, mock-pouting for a moment. Then he smiles widely. “I guess I’ll just have to drop in later. See you then!”
He spreads his cloaked wings out fully, as though to remind Balthazar and me of his superiority, before taking off. I trace his ascent back to Heaven and wonder if-or rather, when-he’ll be back. He seems to be interested in the battle this time.
“Dean, is it really that bad?” Sam asks.
“Don’t listen to a goddamn word that son of a bitch says. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”
Sam’s brow furrows. “Don’t lie to me, Dean. I’m not stupid. And I’m not blind, either. You haven’t stopped staring at Cas for longer than a few seconds at a time ever since he showed up.”
I blink and glance at Dean, surprised. I’d been so focused on the archangel in the room that I hadn’t really noticed Dean’s gaze on me. I’m becoming accustomed to fighting the pull of his soul on my Grace, so it doesn’t seem as severe as before. But I doubt that Dean can match my level of restraint.
“I received a suggestion that may be helpful,” I say, remembering what Gabriel told me before approaching the Winchesters. “I’ll stay with you-specifically Dean-as much as possible, but we can have no physical contact.”
“You mean you’re just going to stick around here and force me to resist temptation for the rest of my life?” Dean blurts out.
“Not the rest of your life,” I respond.
“Isn’t it a relief to at least have Cas in the same room?” Balthazar asks Dean. “Try to be satisfied with that.”
Dean glares at my brother. “I can’t,” he says through gritted teeth, and out of the corner of my eye, I see Sam wince. It must be difficult for him to see his brother struggling with the situation.
“I am sorry, Dean,” I say. “If you would prefer to have me stay away-”
“No, don’t do that,” he interrupts, as I expected him to. “Just… fuck.”
Without another word, he stomps into the bathroom and slams the door shut.
“I suppose we can allow him a bit of privacy,” Balthazar says. “Sam, I think it’s a good time for us to see if you can overcome the hallucinations on your own.”
Sam nods, looking around the room. “Yeah, we can try that. I actually don’t see Lucifer anywhere right now, so… so yeah, that’s a good sign.”
“Indeed,” Balthazar agrees. He glances at me. “If you’re going to be staying here, I’m sure you’ll watch the boys yourself. Is there anything you’d like me to do?”
“No,” I decide. “Take the time to do something you enjoy. I know there are many activities that you like on Earth.”
He smiles. “Until next time, then, Cas. And you, Sam.”
“Bye,” Sam says.
I only brush my wing against his shoulder in farewell. And then he shifts out of our dimension.
The shower goes on in the bathroom, and Sam and I look at each other.
“How long are you sticking around?”
“I don’t know yet,” I say. “This is something we should discuss with Dean when he has finished his shower. I am going to assess whether or not it is safe for me to be within his reach. If the bond has grown to the point that he cannot control himself around me, then it will be safer if I stay away, even if it puts him in more pain.”
“Pain? He’s actually in pain when you’re not around?” Sam asks, eyes widening a bit.
“Close to it. His soul is restless. It tugs and tears at itself when I’m not nearby because it feels incomplete. It is searching for its ‘missing piece,’ so to speak.”
Sam moves to one of the beds and sits down with a sigh. “Pain or death. That’s just…” he lets his voice fade away, and then he sighs again. “Will it continue for his soul even after he dies? Will it still be so difficult for him?”
“I am not sure. This pain is partly tied to his human body. I don’t know what will happen when his body perishes and his soul is taken to Heaven.”
Sam shakes his head. “God, this sucks.”
I can’t help but agree.
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Word Count: 4800 (Running Total: 62600)
Summary: After escaping from Death's clutches yet again, Cas jumps right into the fight against the Leviathans. Post-7x10. "I am an angel of the Lord. Let me tell you my story. Let me tell you everything."
Chapter 17 - A Flower Glowing in the Dark
A door opens.
“No-it’s too soon. Far too soon,” a familiar female voice protests. I identify it as belonging to Eleanor Visyak.
“What do you mean, too soon?” a deep voice rasps. “We’ve been waiting for billions of years. The Spider has weaved it into her web. If we move now, we will get our freedom.”
“I thought the Spider had already stopped her work.”
“She couldn’t. Said she couldn’t just leave things unwoven. Said it was the hardest thing she’d ever done. I don’t think she’ll be stopping again anytime soon.”
The creature that just emerged from the door is in human shape, and I recognize him from 1995 as Richard Griech. Except that this is taking place in late November of 1940, and it appears that he has not aged a day. So he is definitely from Purgatory.
Visyak sighs. “Tell me, then. How do we start?”
“Locate the Winchester bloodline. Some years from now, we will need them.”
“You won’t give me anything else to work with?”
Griech shakes his head. “The Spider advised me to tell you only what is necessary for each individual task. Find them, and report back to me.”
Visyak nods and leaves the room. Griech then turns and looks directly at me, even though I’m cloaked.
“I know you’re there, angel,” he says. “You might as well show yourself.”
I shift into the plane, and he smiles.
“Wow, it’s an honor. Which archangel are you? And what year are you from?”
I ignore his first question and answer, “2012.”
His eyes widen. “Then it’s true. We’ve succeeded.”
I watch him warily. “Succeeded in what?”
“Winning our freedom,” he says gleefully. “They wouldn’t have sent you back here to find me if we hadn’t gotten free. Now, which are you? Gabriel?”
“Who is the Spider?” I ask.
“Sorry, can’t tell you that. It’s confidential.”
I can’t tell what type of creature Griech is, only that he’s from Purgatory. And that he is far older than me. Possibly even older than Michael. He could very well be a Leviathan.
“So, how are the angels doing now? Losing miserably? Or are you still ostriches, sticking your heads in the sand and hoping we’ll just go away?”
In one flap of wings, I’m across the room, hand wrapped around his throat. He resists, but he’s surprisingly weak. Not a Leviathan, then.
“Kill me if you want to,” he says. “But before you do it, think about what the consequences could be to your future.”
I narrow my eyes. “What kind of consequences?”
“Ones that will keep the righteous man from being born.” He smirks. “I may not be able to identify you specifically, but I can see you clear enough to know you’re in love.” When I don’t respond, he continues, “It was foretold that our freedom would be brought about by an angel in love. In love with the righteous man.”
“The Spider said this?”
Griech smiles. “Is it true, then? I suppose I owe thanks to you, then.”
“Not too fast,” I say. “I will make sure I am also the one to shut you back in.”
Griech grins. “Our freedom will be eternal. It will last until the end of time, the Spider says.”
“Well I live to break prophecies. Did the Spider tell you that, too?”
“The Spider is never wrong. All that she spins comes true.”
I fix him with a hard stare. “I don’t care what you believe,” I say. “But know this, for it is fact. You will not live to see the freedom of your people. In my present you’re already dead.”
His expression tightens considerably, and he says, “You’re bluffing.”
“Oh, did the Spider neglect to mention that unfortunate detail?”
Griech glares at me. “If you’re finished, angel, let me go. I know that you won’t kill me. You wouldn’t risk losing your beloved human.”
“You’re right. I won’t kill you. Because you’re already dead.”
Before Griech can say anything else, I take off for the present.
Who is this Spider? A psychic in Purgatory? They referred to it as a “she.” I wonder whether or not she’s still around now. She made an apt prediction about seventy years into her future-this would require great power. I must investigate. It can’t be right that we’ve never even heard of this creature before.
Today the autistic man sits on a lawn chair, looking up at the sky. I follow his line of sight and wonder what it’d be like to be unaware of everything around me, unconcerned by anything outside of math, and the color of the sky. I imagine time would pass slowly.
I wonder if there’s another way to get into Purgatory. But if I’m going to do anything this time, it’ll have to pass through the Winchesters first. I’ll have to search carefully before bringing this to them…
****************************************
“Aw, ain’t he a little angel?”
I sense that someone is speaking about me, and I realize with a jolt that I am awakening again. The sensation of rising awareness is still foreign to me, something to which I have not grown accustomed.
“Angels don’t sleep,” Sam responds to Dean.
We’re still in the car. When did I drift off? I dislike the need for sleep that has started recently. I feel tired, too tired to even open my eyes. But if I keep them closed, unconsciousness could sneak in again. I find that thought extremely disconcerting.
“Sam, I got a bad feeling about this,” Dean says, and the tone of his voice makes me wonder if I should stay “asleep,” to give him a chance to talk. It seems wrong to eavesdrop on their conversation like this, but we do not have much time left, and the world is ending anyway. It is more important to allow them to have their last words, share all that’s left to be said in at least the illusion of privacy.
“Well, you’d be nuts to have a good feeling about it,” is Sam’s reply.
“You know what I mean. Detroit. He always said he’d jump your bones in Detroit. Here we are. Maybe this is him rolling out the red carpet, you know? Maybe he knows something that we don’t.”
“Dean, I’m sure he knows a buttload we don’t,” Sam says-and he’s right, of course. Lucifer’s older than all creations of this realm, excluding Michael. “We just gotta hope he doesn’t know about the rings.” There’s a short pause, and then Sam speaks again. “Hey-um… on the subject, there’s something I gotta talk to you about.”
“What?”
“This thing goes our way and I… Triple Lindy into that box… you know I’m not coming back.”
“Yeah, I’m aware,” Dean says calmly, but I can feel the undercurrent of pain in him, around him, emanating from his soul in waves. I wish for a way to soothe it.
“So you gotta promise me something.”
“Okay, yeah. Anything.”
“You gotta promise not to try to bring me back.”
“What? No, I didn’t sign up for that.”
“Dean-”
“Your Hell is gonna make my tour look like Graceland,” Dean interrupts heatedly. “Y-you want me to just sit by and do nothing?”
“Once the cage is shut, you can’t go poking at it, Dean. It’s too risky.”
“No, no, no, no, no. As if I’m just gonna let you rot in there.”
“Yeah, you are,” Sam says firmly. “You don’t have a choice.”
“You can’t ask me to do this.”
“I’m sorry, Dean. You have to.”
Silence.
I suppose it was a good idea for me not to interrupt. They needed to have this conversation, even though it would have been better for them had I not been present to overhear it.
And then Dean asks, “So then what am I supposed to do?”
“You go find Lisa,” Sam says. Dean scoffs, but Sam continues, “You pray to God she’s dumb enough to take you in, and you… you have barbecues, and go to football games. You go live some normal, apple-pie life, Dean.”
I barely manage to stop myself from wincing at the pain in my chest. I don’t know what exactly this “apple-pie life” entails, but I’m sure it won’t include angels dropping in.
“Promise me.”
Dean’s silent, but it’s already decided, even if Dean hasn’t admitted it to himself yet. He won’t deny Sam this-he can’t. And Sam knows this-that’s why he’s doing it.
In all likelihood, we won’t make it out of this alive. But if we do… I’ll miss Dean.
****************************************
The flapping of wings alerts me to a brother’s arrival, and when I realize that I recognize his wing beats, I feel disbelief. It’s hardly been two weeks since my resurrection. How could Michael have finished that quickly?
“Hey, bro.”
He sounds just like he did the last time we spoke.
“That’s a fancy set of wings you got there. I hear Michael was feeling generous when he raised you. Although I figure he was just lonely.”
I turn around. “Hello, Gabriel.”
He smiles. “I’m still trying to decide whether or not I should be jealous that he brought you back first, before me.”
I don’t know what to say. But Gabriel continues to speak, so my input becomes unnecessary.
“His excuse is that he needed to make sure that he could even make an archangel successfully before trying to revive me, that you were basically just an experiment.” He eyes me for a moment, but I just watch him, waiting for him to make up his mind. “That isn’t quite the truth though, is it?” he asks.
I only hesitate for a moment before responding. “No,” I say. “At least, that wasn’t the way I heard it.”
Gabriel tilts his head to the side. “And what did he tell you?”
“That he wanted me back to get rid of the Leviathans, and that he wanted to thank me for giving him the opportunity to escape from the cage.”
“The cage? Oh right, he was in the cage with Lucifer. He did tell me that much.” Gabriel then mulls over the possibilities that I’ve listed. He shrugs. “Okay, not jealous. So, how are the two muttonheads?”
“Well.”
“Oh Castiel, you’re so boring all the time, aren’t you?”
“I don’t know how to be any other way. This is me.”
Gabriel laughs at this. I fail to see any humor in the situation, or in my words.
“You take everything so seriously,” Gabriel says. “Lighten up, eh?”
I just stare at him and wait for him to tell me the reason for his arrival.
“All right then, we’ll get straight to business,” he says with a sigh. “Just know that all work and no play makes Cas a very dull boy.”
I frown. “What do you want, Gabriel?”
“What do I want? Oh no, today is much more about what you want. One-time offer. You want my help? You’ve got it.”
“But… why?”
“Because I’ve been dead for too long and I wanna kill something that needs killing. And really, you’re asking me why? Just accept already.”
I regard him seriously before nodding. “Very well. You saved my life right before you went and got yourself killed. And you protected Sam and Dean. That is enough for me.”
“Aw Cas, you’re making me blush.”
“That was not my intention.”
Gabriel nearly rolls his eyes. “Now, how can I help you?”
“I… Have you heard of a creature called ‘the Spider’?”
“No.”
I frown at the rapidity of his response. “You don’t need to think about that at all?”
“Nope. Never heard of it. What about it?”
I shake my head. “If you don’t know anything about it, I don’t see how it’ll help to give you extra information. I will contact you when I need your help.”
“Castiel, wait.”
I watch him closely. “You know the Spider,” I say. He doesn’t deny it. “You lied. I don’t know why you did it, only that you did. I will not force you to give up your secret, but if you are unwilling to help, just tell me. Do not lie.”
“Ah, no nonsense with you, I see,” Gabriel says. “All right, so I might have met her before. What do you want with her?”
“I just want to speak with her.”
“I don’t know how to find her.”
I can’t tell whether or not he’s being honest. “Fine,” I say. “I have no favors to ask from you at present, then.”
“Excellent,” Gabriel says. “I’m going to drop in on the Winchesters now, if you’ll clue me in on their location at the moment.”
“I don’t trust you enough yet, I’m afraid.”
“Now that’s not really fair, is it?”
“I’m accepting your help. That is already a stretch,” I say.
“I wanted to drop by, surprise them.”
“Trick them, you mean.”
Gabriel smirks. “I was a Trickster, for a very long time.”
“Very well. I will take you to them and stay out of their sight, but I will not leave you alone with them.”
He rolls his eyes. “You’re such an over-protective mother hen, aren’t you?”
“Insult me again, and I’ll do everything in my power to ensure that you never see the Winchesters again,” I threaten.
Gabriel’s on the verge of speaking but seems to think better of it. “Let’s go, then. I can’t wait to see the look on their faces,” he says, instead of whatever mutinous thoughts were turning within him.
I shut my eyes and focus on thoughts of Dean.
“What are you doing?” Gabriel asks.
“Testing a theory,” I answer.
Sure enough, after an extra moment of concentration, Dean’s location is revealed to me-he hasn’t left the motel. So our bond has grown strong enough to overcome the protective sigils I placed on his ribs. I tap Gabriel’s wing with one of my own before taking off, and he follows me down to Earth. The trip passes quickly, and it feels refreshing to be shadowed by one whose wings are slightly larger than mine.
We land outside the warded motel room, and Gabriel frowns.
“Those sigils-”
“Crowley,” I say. “It’s a long story.”
“Hmm. How did you know the boys were here, if this place is so heavily warded?” Gabriel asks.
“I was here before.”
“And you knew they were still here because…?” he prods, squinting at me.
“Just go to the door. Don’t you wish to speak to them?”
“You’ve activated a bond recently, brother,” Gabriel says, and I hate the fact that he can read that from my Grace-there’s nothing I can do about it. He’s an archangel, slightly more powerful than I, and I can’t hide this from him. “No,” he breathes. “Is it possible? With a human?”
“There’s a reason why it hasn’t been completed,” I say shortly. “Now go. Or I’ll fight you before I let you near them.”
“Well hey, there’s no reason to be so defensive. I can try to help.”
“What can you do to help? Michael said there was nothing to be done. Even Death had nothing to offer.”
“Hmm, let’s see. Well, it’s true that there’s nothing that’ll fix this permanently. But if you and Dean are bonded… I’d advise staying in the same area as much as possible, but avoiding all direct physical contact. This means no touching, at all.”
“And why would this be better than staying away altogether?”
“Isn’t that obvious? Because then neither of you would be pining. And besides, it hurts for mates-” he notices my flinch at his word choice but continues as though he hasn’t seen a thing “-to be separated for significant lengths of time.”
“Dean is not my… my mate.”
He laughs. “That’s exactly what he is. You bonded, didn’t you? That means you two love each other, or are destined to. Bonds don’t form unless that’s true. And you know it, Castiel. We all do.”
He’s right. But that doesn’t mean I must acknowledge it. Besides, Dean’s human-that must alter the true meaning of the bond in some way. I look pointedly at the door to Sam and Dean’s motel room and then back at Gabriel as if to say, “well?”
Gabriel shrugs and uncloaks himself before rapping on the door. He changes his appearance, and I realize as he’s knocking that he’s taken Balthazar’s likeness. I reach out and grip his wing, squeezing once in warning. He gives me an exasperated sigh in response and jerks his wing out of my hand.
Then the door swings open, and Dean appears. “Balthazar. What’re you doing here?”
“Cas sent me,” Gabriel says. “Let me in.”
Dean lifts a hand toward a spot on the wall near the door, but Sam appears, stopping him with a hand on his wrist.
“Don’t,” he says. “That’s not him.”
“What are you talking about?” Gabriel says, spreading his hands out, palms facing up.
“Balthazar’s with me,” Sam says to Dean. “That isn’t him.”
The brothers look at Gabriel distrustfully.
“All right, that didn’t quite go according to plan,” Gabriel says. Then he sighs. “Leave it to Sam to ruin all the fun. You always were a killjoy, weren’t you?”
Sam’s eyes widen, but they’re not focused on Gabriel. “No-you’re wrong.”
I’m confused by the outburst, but Dean’s response clears it up for me.
“Sam, if the angel’s in your head, talk to him… in your head. Got that? I don’t need you spewing crazy to remind me.”
“He says that that’s Gabriel, Dean,” Sam says.
“What?” Dean blurts out. “But he’s dead.”
Gabriel’s just watching with amusement now, but I don’t see how any of this is funny. My brother has a strange sense of humor, one that I’ll probably never understand.
“Well, Cas was dead too, and so was Balthazar, and now they’re both back. It’s totally possible for Michael to have brought Gabriel back, too,” Sam reasons.
Dean nods. “So Gabriel, huh? Is it really you?”
“Yep! The one and only,” Gabriel says, taking his old shape again. “It’s nice to see you boys again. And hey, looks like I was wrong. Can’t believe you mooks actually made it happen.”
“Made what happen?” Dean asks.
“Lucifer! You actually got him back into the cage-Horseman’s rings and all. Can’t say I wasn’t surprised to hear that. But right, I forgot. It’s been a few years since I died, hasn’t it?”
Instead of answering, Sam asks his own question. “What are you doing here, now?”
“Me? Oh, I’m here to help. Talked to Cas, had to get his permission to even see you two because he’s so damn overprotective. Gosh, from the way he acts, you’d think I’d done terrible things to you two, in the past.”
Dean clears his throat. “Uh, yeah. Maybe that’s because you did, you asshole.”
Gabriel laughs. “Oh right, right, Mystery Spot! I’d forgotten. Good times, huh, Sammy?”
“Yeah, not really,” Sam says tightly. “So uh, you’re really back.”
“Yessir, that I am. Back in action.”
It’s quiet for a moment.
“So… are you two gonna let me in, or should I just hang out here?”
“Are you… when you say you’re here to help us, are you saying you’re planning on traveling with us, too?” Dean asks.
Gabriel shrugs. “Why not? Should make your hunts a lot easier, shouldn’t it?”
“You’re kidding me,” Sam says. “You wouldn’t just help us like this.”
“All right, fine. I’m doing this so you’ll trust me.”
“And you need our trust because…?” Dean asks.
Gabriel sighs, and one of his wings flares out toward me. I bat it away. “Because I need Castiel to trust me,” he says to the Winchesters. “All jokes aside, I do legitimately care about you guys now, and I’ve died once to prove it. I just want to be trusted by my own side. Is that too much to ask?”
Sam and Dean seem to consider it for a moment. I step closer, reaching out and pressing a hand to the back of the wing that I just pushed away. He can’t ignore the pulse of approval I give him.
“Balthazar says he doesn’t trust Gabriel if Cas doesn’t,” Sam says.
Dean sighs. “Balthazar, if you can hear us, can you just get out here and speak for yourself? I don’t exactly like the idea of you messing with my brother’s head.”
Balthazar appears inside the room. “You should be more grateful, Dean. I’m doing your brother a favor.”
Gabriel shakes his head. “Balthazar, how can you be sure Castiel doesn’t trust me?”
Balthazar only tilts his head to the side slightly, but I see from his expression that he knows of my presence and has deduced that I’m here to watch over Gabriel.
“Are you two communicating in silent angel-speak or something?” Dean asks. “Because if you are, you can take it somewhere else. I’m not interested in watching your staring contest.”
“I can go. Sam, you’ll be all right for the time being, won’t you?” Balthazar says.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” Sam replies. “It’s gotten a lot better-thanks.”
Dean bristles a bit at the exchange but steps aside to let Balthazar pass by him. When my brother just looks at him pointedly, Dean huffs exasperatedly and lifts his arm to scrape at some of the marks on the wall.
As soon as he’s finished, Gabriel vanishes, shifting back into existence inside the room. Balthazar instantly spins around and throws his wings up as though to shield the Winchesters, and I feel a burst of… pride?-no, that isn’t quite right-more like approval, gratefulness, or happiness, or a combination of all three, at Balthazar’s instinctive reaction.
But I do need to step in to prevent the situation from escalating. I shift into the room between Gabriel and Balthazar. “It’s fine,” I say.
“Cas,” Balthazar says as he pulls his wings back to his sides. “I wasn’t sure you’d show yourself.”
“Wait… has he been here this whole time?” Dean asks.
“Only since Gabriel appeared,” Balthazar replies.
“You could have said something,” Sam says.
“So, what do you think, Cas?” Gabriel asks.
“Sam and Dean can decide for themselves how much they want to trust you,” I say. “As for me, I believe that you will not allow too much harm to befall them.”
“Too much?” Sam says, eyebrows raised.
“Yes, too much. Because you and Dean inevitably get into trouble. It is impossible to keep you from getting hurt at all. I’ve found myself incapable of doing so in the past, despite my best efforts.”
“Since when did you ever give your best effort to ensure our safety?” Dean asks, and the question stings me. Does he not remember the times that I hurried to them in order to save them? I have considered myself as the Winchesters’ guardian for a long time now, and it wounds me that he doesn’t realize it.
“Uh, Dean? I don’t know what you’re smoking, but Cas has saved our asses tons of times,” Sam says.
Dean grumbles something and looks away.
“Cas, don’t take it to heart,” Gabriel says, smirking at Dean. “He’s just cranky because he has to put so much effort into not putting his hands all over you.”
“Shut up, you son of a bitch,” Dean growls. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Gabriel’s smirk widens. “Oh, I know exactly what I’m talking about. You can’t stop thinking about it, can you? Wanna feel the heat again, that rush-”
Dean’s face is turning red, and his hands have clenched into fists, and I clip Gabriel on the back of the head with one of my wings to stop him midsentence.
“That’s enough,” I say firmly.
“Out,” Dean says, pointing at the door. “Get out, now.”
“Dean, it’s fine,” Sam says in an attempt to calm his brother. “We all know about the bond-”
“I don’t care that he knows, Sam! I don’t want him in here, mocking me!” Dean snaps. “Now, out!”
“I’m an archangel. You can’t just kick me out,” Gabriel says coolly.
Balthazar steps forward. “Maybe he can’t, but Cas and I can.”
I wonder when Balthazar became so protective over the brothers-he’s reminded me several times that he doesn’t care for Dean at all. It dawns on me that he may very well be doing this, all of this, for me. I owe him so much.
“Oh, you guys are no fun at all,” Gabriel says, mock-pouting for a moment. Then he smiles widely. “I guess I’ll just have to drop in later. See you then!”
He spreads his cloaked wings out fully, as though to remind Balthazar and me of his superiority, before taking off. I trace his ascent back to Heaven and wonder if-or rather, when-he’ll be back. He seems to be interested in the battle this time.
“Dean, is it really that bad?” Sam asks.
“Don’t listen to a goddamn word that son of a bitch says. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”
Sam’s brow furrows. “Don’t lie to me, Dean. I’m not stupid. And I’m not blind, either. You haven’t stopped staring at Cas for longer than a few seconds at a time ever since he showed up.”
I blink and glance at Dean, surprised. I’d been so focused on the archangel in the room that I hadn’t really noticed Dean’s gaze on me. I’m becoming accustomed to fighting the pull of his soul on my Grace, so it doesn’t seem as severe as before. But I doubt that Dean can match my level of restraint.
“I received a suggestion that may be helpful,” I say, remembering what Gabriel told me before approaching the Winchesters. “I’ll stay with you-specifically Dean-as much as possible, but we can have no physical contact.”
“You mean you’re just going to stick around here and force me to resist temptation for the rest of my life?” Dean blurts out.
“Not the rest of your life,” I respond.
“Isn’t it a relief to at least have Cas in the same room?” Balthazar asks Dean. “Try to be satisfied with that.”
Dean glares at my brother. “I can’t,” he says through gritted teeth, and out of the corner of my eye, I see Sam wince. It must be difficult for him to see his brother struggling with the situation.
“I am sorry, Dean,” I say. “If you would prefer to have me stay away-”
“No, don’t do that,” he interrupts, as I expected him to. “Just… fuck.”
Without another word, he stomps into the bathroom and slams the door shut.
“I suppose we can allow him a bit of privacy,” Balthazar says. “Sam, I think it’s a good time for us to see if you can overcome the hallucinations on your own.”
Sam nods, looking around the room. “Yeah, we can try that. I actually don’t see Lucifer anywhere right now, so… so yeah, that’s a good sign.”
“Indeed,” Balthazar agrees. He glances at me. “If you’re going to be staying here, I’m sure you’ll watch the boys yourself. Is there anything you’d like me to do?”
“No,” I decide. “Take the time to do something you enjoy. I know there are many activities that you like on Earth.”
He smiles. “Until next time, then, Cas. And you, Sam.”
“Bye,” Sam says.
I only brush my wing against his shoulder in farewell. And then he shifts out of our dimension.
The shower goes on in the bathroom, and Sam and I look at each other.
“How long are you sticking around?”
“I don’t know yet,” I say. “This is something we should discuss with Dean when he has finished his shower. I am going to assess whether or not it is safe for me to be within his reach. If the bond has grown to the point that he cannot control himself around me, then it will be safer if I stay away, even if it puts him in more pain.”
“Pain? He’s actually in pain when you’re not around?” Sam asks, eyes widening a bit.
“Close to it. His soul is restless. It tugs and tears at itself when I’m not nearby because it feels incomplete. It is searching for its ‘missing piece,’ so to speak.”
Sam moves to one of the beds and sits down with a sigh. “Pain or death. That’s just…” he lets his voice fade away, and then he sighs again. “Will it continue for his soul even after he dies? Will it still be so difficult for him?”
“I am not sure. This pain is partly tied to his human body. I don’t know what will happen when his body perishes and his soul is taken to Heaven.”
Sam shakes his head. “God, this sucks.”
I can’t help but agree.