birthday
I'm 43. To be honest I'm anything but happy. I let my daughter go out tonight (shes almost 16). I trusted her to be home by 11. Like everything else by the end of the night I had to hear a bunch of shit and I ended up having to go pick her up because I didn't want her staying at some peoples house I don't know. Why am I doing this? She's just like her dad. He's been drinking again and he lies about it all the time. Why do I try? I'm really getting to the point I just want to go. Everything in my life always has been fucked up and dysfunctional. Always. Im really tired. I have been told my family is "cursed". Well whatever it is that has haunted us should be happy it's just about done me in to. Whatever this thing is I have shouted out to it a great big Fuck You and go to Hell. I don't know where my spirit is headed. I just hope God knows for the most part I did the best I could. I'm not going to keep fighting katie. She's wants to fail school dammit I can't stop her. If charlie wants to be a drunk again I can't stop him. I wish at this point that I wanted to stay drunk, stoned, pilled up, snorted up or all at the same damn time. I just don't want it. Once in my life I felt very close to 100% peace. It was short lived but it was so nice. I wish to God I could feel that one more time before I die. I don't see that ever happening to me again but at least I felt it once. Maybe in a few days I'll be better. I hope anyway. It would be nice to write about something good.