(no subject)
Well I'm back after a couple days. Yesterday was a good day. Me and my kids went out to lunch with a friend and her daughter and granddaughters. My oldest daughter got to finaly meet her niece. She was happy about that and so was I. I think it's important for them to meet as much family as they can since most of mine are gone. Everything went well with that. I went to doctor today. Well that was a mixed bag. For now all I will say is she is hoping it's my thyroid and we can take it from there. If my thyroid levels are normal, then there could be trouble. I have always been one to think about the worst case scenario. I thought well ok, if I were dying what would I do fight it or leave it and let nature do it's thing? What would I do with the time I had left? When it's all over how would want to be put away? I would leave it I think. I've learned when your time is up, there's no fighting it most of the time. If I had time, I would leave here alone for a few weeks and finish some things I started a very long time ago. When I'm dying I want to do it very privately. I will have no curious people that I don't really care about looking at me in my last days. Just immediate family and friends I like only. I don't want to be embalmed. I want to fucking rot the way nature intended it. Just put a t shirt and jeans on me. Nothing fancy. Second thought, just put me in the casket naked. I don't want a funeral, but if kids want they can have a guy say a few words and put me in the ground. If all thats too expensive, just cremate me. I just dont want to know about it. Throw my ashes in the Rappahannock River so eventually I will end up in the ocean and then I will travel the world. Ok got all that out. I feel better. Now I will go back to hoping its my thyroid and everything will be ok for a while anyway. Still no word on Jesse. :(