(no subject)
So, it's been rather strange as I have not had human interaction except via online or the telephone with another person in exactly a week. I went to a meeting at BRCC last Tuesday but haven't been out since.
I've been highly emotional as well. I wouldn't say emo. Lovely things have made me cry as of late. Sweet and endearing things. Girlie things.
I'm trying to do my best with the being alone thing. Even after she left I was hanging out with X almost everyday except on days that I just needed my space. Well we're both being stubborn right now. He refuses to apologize and I refuse to be the one groveling yet again when I was not in the wrong. It's not that I haven't forgiven him. I forgave him several weeks ago. The forgiveness came from my heart, however that does not mean that I am going to allow someone to continually hurt me. X has a pattern. He never admits when he is wrong and never says that he's sorry. What he does is buy me something or give me something shiny and new to make up for his transgressions. I'm tired of it.
So, it looks like it's just Hoggle, Pandemonium, myself and God for the next few weeks until R moves in. I cannot wait until she moves in. I adore her with and MK with all my heart. He's been like a knight since we were young. Always chivalrous. Always kind, courteous, polite, overall a total gentleman. I think it will be good to have R here. I need some Christian, poly, kinky people in my life. I feel lost without people who share the same spiritual beliefs that I do. Yes a lot of my nonchristian friends share the same morals that I do but not the same religious beliefs, then there are those that claim to be christians that share the same religious beliefs but their morals are not my cup of tea. I wish I would have realized that about her when we first met. I wish I would have known that her morality was in extreme conflict with mine.
Some days I just sit here feeling so lost and alone. Some days I still have a lot of pain in my hips and back and then there are days that I have no pain and want to go out and do something. Get out and just be free for a little bit. Then I start moving around a lot and end up stiff, sore, and stuck in bed the next few days from pain. Some days I want to scream at the top of my lungs that it's not fair... Other days I cry tears of joy and happiness because I'm still alive, the pain is minimal, and I am actually able to move around.
So many feelings, so little time...
I've been highly emotional as well. I wouldn't say emo. Lovely things have made me cry as of late. Sweet and endearing things. Girlie things.
I'm trying to do my best with the being alone thing. Even after she left I was hanging out with X almost everyday except on days that I just needed my space. Well we're both being stubborn right now. He refuses to apologize and I refuse to be the one groveling yet again when I was not in the wrong. It's not that I haven't forgiven him. I forgave him several weeks ago. The forgiveness came from my heart, however that does not mean that I am going to allow someone to continually hurt me. X has a pattern. He never admits when he is wrong and never says that he's sorry. What he does is buy me something or give me something shiny and new to make up for his transgressions. I'm tired of it.
So, it looks like it's just Hoggle, Pandemonium, myself and God for the next few weeks until R moves in. I cannot wait until she moves in. I adore her with and MK with all my heart. He's been like a knight since we were young. Always chivalrous. Always kind, courteous, polite, overall a total gentleman. I think it will be good to have R here. I need some Christian, poly, kinky people in my life. I feel lost without people who share the same spiritual beliefs that I do. Yes a lot of my nonchristian friends share the same morals that I do but not the same religious beliefs, then there are those that claim to be christians that share the same religious beliefs but their morals are not my cup of tea. I wish I would have realized that about her when we first met. I wish I would have known that her morality was in extreme conflict with mine.
Some days I just sit here feeling so lost and alone. Some days I still have a lot of pain in my hips and back and then there are days that I have no pain and want to go out and do something. Get out and just be free for a little bit. Then I start moving around a lot and end up stiff, sore, and stuck in bed the next few days from pain. Some days I want to scream at the top of my lungs that it's not fair... Other days I cry tears of joy and happiness because I'm still alive, the pain is minimal, and I am actually able to move around.
So many feelings, so little time...