I quit my job today...
I decided this morning before I went to school that I was going to go ahead and quit my job today. Why? Because I barely had the strength to carry my ass to school much less to class and work. I have cried a lot. Even though it was my choice I feel horrible about making the decision. I am so tired. I'm more than tired. I'm drained. I had one class today, spent the few hours after it doing homework instead of being stressed out at work. I came home and passed out for over 4 hours. I woke up and guess what? I'm still exhausted and still have some studying to do, notes to take, and a paper to write before I go to class tomorrow. If I had went to work I wouldn't have been able to take the nap that I desperately needed. Today was the first day since August 15th that I came home and took a nap during the day. I have pushed myself to the point of missing entire days. It's doing me no good to miss class.
I work about 12 hours a week. That's 24 hours a pay period. $175.00 every two weeks if I'm lucky. I do get my disability. $9.00 a month. Today I had to stop and think. Is $350.00 more a month worth this exhaustion? Is $350.00 a month worth being on the edge of tears constantly?
I feel rotten because I thought I would be able to handle everything and I cannot. I thought that I would be able to stay on top of my grades enough to bring up the 3.08 back to at least a 3.5, work my 12-15 hours a week, handle PTK and SGA, keep up with my apartment, and my furballs. I was wrong. Admitting defeat has never been easy for me. I feel like a worthless bum. I feel so discouraged right now. I want to be able to take care of myself again desperately. I don't want to sit around on the govt. dime.
I was able to treat myself to some new things when my grant came in. I haven't had new clothes in a long time. I needed some desperately. I purchased new clothes because no, I haven't gone out and enjoyed time with my friends (except one party) in months. Now I feel foolish for purchasing the items.
I just want to scream from the top of my lungs.
I haven't cut since November and it's so tempting right now.
I need to feel something other than this overwhelming feeling that I'm being pulled under.
I'm not depressed. I'm happy to be alive.
I'm overwhelmed.
Now I feel like shit for being unemployed.
I work about 12 hours a week. That's 24 hours a pay period. $175.00 every two weeks if I'm lucky. I do get my disability. $9.00 a month. Today I had to stop and think. Is $350.00 more a month worth this exhaustion? Is $350.00 a month worth being on the edge of tears constantly?
I feel rotten because I thought I would be able to handle everything and I cannot. I thought that I would be able to stay on top of my grades enough to bring up the 3.08 back to at least a 3.5, work my 12-15 hours a week, handle PTK and SGA, keep up with my apartment, and my furballs. I was wrong. Admitting defeat has never been easy for me. I feel like a worthless bum. I feel so discouraged right now. I want to be able to take care of myself again desperately. I don't want to sit around on the govt. dime.
I was able to treat myself to some new things when my grant came in. I haven't had new clothes in a long time. I needed some desperately. I purchased new clothes because no, I haven't gone out and enjoyed time with my friends (except one party) in months. Now I feel foolish for purchasing the items.
I just want to scream from the top of my lungs.
I haven't cut since November and it's so tempting right now.
I need to feel something other than this overwhelming feeling that I'm being pulled under.
I'm not depressed. I'm happy to be alive.
I'm overwhelmed.
Now I feel like shit for being unemployed.